Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 91: The Center Cannot Holdfast

“Taking bets now,” Wits said, hoof on the throne room door. “Do you think all three of them will be in here? Just one? And if so, which one? I’m betting Just Duty’s looking forward to some intimate moments with a certain pegasus.”

“Why would Just Duty want to meet with me?” Rainbow Dash asked. Wits End turned, giving the rainbow-maned pegasus a blank stare. “What?”

“I think Rainbow’s trying to muscle in on your waifu,” Purple Heart whispered, elbowing Light Patch, leaving the pegasus colt to mutter quietly about it not being too late to throw them both out a window.

“I still haven’t found out what a waifu is,” Fluttershy said, her face creasing into an irritated frown.

“Now I’m curious,” Twilight hummed, looking at the colts. “What is a waifu?”

The rest of the mares all looked expectantly at the three stallions, waiting for a definition. Purple Heart and Light Patch immediately looked at Wits End.

“Well?” Purple Heart prompted. “Care to explain, Mister Waifu Aficionado?”

Wits End’s mouth formed a thin line. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Fluttershy blinked, turning to Pinkie Pie. “Do you know what a waifu is?”

The pink party pony grinned. “Yep!”

“And I’m a year older than you…”

“HEY, LOOK! A BOSS FIGHT!” Wits shouted, his voice breaking as he swung the throne room doors open. “Traverse the nightmare fog, start up the boss music! Here we go!”

“Next time,” Purple Heart growled, “I’ll tell them! He’s skirted that question enough!”

“Unless there is the strongest dragon that we’ve ever seen, I’m not going to be impressed,” Light Patch said.

The door opened into a throne room of massive size. The walls on either side lined with stained glass windows depicting the greatest moments in the kingdom’s history. Towering marble columns were placed at regular intervals on either side of the silken red carpet running down the middle of the room. At the end of the carpet was a raised dais, a throne of antique greatwood and ornate wrought iron seated at the top. Light filtered through the colored windows, making colored patterns on the path ahead.

Wits End whistled. “I confess, I’ll admit, I’m impressed.”

“I should hope so,” Holdfast said from his place on the throne. “The last two kings had this room designed to intimidate anypony who entered.” He grinned, more empty suits of armor entering from entryways hidden behind the dais to line the walls. “Somehow, I expected the lot of you to be more… menacing when you finally arrived.”

“Hey, being disappointed by boss fights is my thing,” Wits snapped back, taking a step toward the throne. “Where’re your friends Green Man Group and the Crusader Lover?”

“Ask them yourself, why don’t you?” Holdfast gestured to his villainous compatriots.

“Green Man Group?” Bael cocked his head to one side. He caught Purple Heart’s gaze and frowned. “Do you know what he’s talking about?”

Purple Heart shrugged. “He’s said weirder,” he admitted. “How’re you?”

Bael made his own shrug. “Eh, could be better,” he replied. “Shoulders are a little sore.”

The mares just stared at Purple Heart’s wince. “Owch, not fun.”

“What?” Twilight whispered.

“This is so surreal,” Applejack shivered. “When have the heroes ever had conversations with the villains?”

“Hey, at least he isn’t monologuing,” Pinkie pointed out.

“Would you rather I did?” Bael asked.

“NO.” The Mane Six declined.

Just Duty’s hammer thudded into the ground. “Today we settle this,” he snorted and glared towards Light Patch. “Your lies and false heroism end here and now. Make your peace while you still have a chance, for you shall soon be seeing just how real this world is.”

“I think we got the full gambit of reactions there,” Wits said, taking another step toward the throne. “So, is this the part where we beat the ever-loving crap outta you three with our superior powers of friendship and jolly cooperation?”

“We could do that,” Holdfast mused, “Or…” He tapped a hoof on the arm of the throne. The Armoroids moved forward, forming a wall of steel behind the mint-colored unicorn, between him and the rest of his party. “I think this way is much better.”

“Wits!” Twilight moved forward, her horn glowing as she prepared a spell.

“Wait!” Wits held out a hoof. He looked back over his shoulder and grinned. “I know the rules of boss fights. Health scales with the number of combatants. If I start losing, you can jump in, but for now…” his grin widened, “this is something the captain’s gotta do for himself.”

Twilight was silent for a moment. Finally, she sighed and dispelled what she was preparing. “He’s gonna get beat up,” she muttered.

“I heard that!”

“Good luck, sah!” Purple Heart called. “Crack on and all that tosh!”

“Can I still heal him afterwards?” Fluttershy inquired.

“Only if ah get to say, ‘told ya so’,” Applejack replied.

“Me too!” Pinkie chirped.

“If you thought a double boss battle was bad, this is gonna be much worse,” Light Patch shouted, pulling out a bag of nuts he had stashed away in his gear.

“Yeah, he’s gonna get mobbed,” Rainbow said.

“You aren’t very confident in your friend, are you?” Amber mused.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Rarity sniffed. “Maybe.”

Wits End turned back to the group, holding out a forehoof. “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” He turned back to the trio of villains, leaving Twilight to be confused by the other two colts pretending to choke. “Alright, which one of you is gonna be first?”

“First?” Holdfast asked, almost innocently. “Unlike your little band, we plan to fight together. Isn’t that right?”

Bael waved a hand dismissively and sprawled across the steps leading to the throne. He frowned, shifting off the steps and stood, thinking better of his seating. “Have at them,” he said. “I only have to fight Purple Heart.”

The ex-chancellor blinked and opened his mouth to speaking. “Bu-”

“Not my job,” Bael interrupted, folding his arms across his chest as he sat cross legged on the top step of the dais.

Holdfast growled, then tsked. “Fine. I’m sure the paladin has more honor than you anyway. Isn’t that right?”

Just Duty glanced at Bael before seemingly deciding to come to a conclusion as he locked his cold gaze on Holdfast. “I do, and that is why I won’t be throwing it away for scum like you. He has bravely opted to fight all three of us alone. Even without Bael and I, you should still have the numerical advantage. So please, allow me the honor of observing how honorless curs like you fight.”

Wits End’s grin widened further as he watched the barely controlled rage work it way across the snow-white stallion’s face. “Some nice friends you’ve got there, Holdfast.”

“Enough!” Holdfast pounded his forehoof on the throne. He shot a glare at the two other villains. “I’ll deal with you two later. After all, I do have more than enough to deal with him.” He waved a hoof, setting a dozen Armoroids on the lone unicorn.

Wits watched as the suits of armor surrounded him. “Do you know what a callback is?” he asked no-pony in particular. His horn glowed a pale blue speckled with pink, the same color surrounding the suits of armor that still lined the walls. “Powers Combined: Manipulate + Party Cannon!” The glowing suits flung themselves forward, piling on top of the ones advancing on the unicorn. A glow built up from the center of the pile, culminating in an explosion of light and confetti. Once the flurry of motion had passed, Wits End stood on top of a pile of pieces of armor; each one crushed and mangled. “That’s what it is.”

Rarity smiled. “I taught him that.”

“No you didn’t,” Pinkie corrected. “That was the ability he just got.”

“I did the first part back at the beginning of our little adventure, therefore he learned it from me. Don’t ruin the moment, darling.”

“I suppose that would’ve been too easy,” Holdfast grumbled. “Fine! Maybe these two will be more of a challenge for you!”

A pair of larger suits of armor stepped forward, each one twice the size even of Purple Heart. One drew a sword as big as Wits End, a pair of steel-clad wings unfolding from its back. The other readied a great bow, nocking an arrow that was more like a lance.

Wits End whistled. “Well, a double boss fight. It’s fine. I’ve beaten Ornstallion and Smo-”

The lance-like projectile slammed into the unicorn stallion’s chest, sending him flying through one of the stained glass windows. Holdfast raised an eyebrow. “That’s was easier than I expected. The fall should take care of him for good.”

Rainbow Dash leaned over to Twilight. “Do you think he’ll remember?”

“He won’t remember,” Twilight muttered. “I just hope he can survive the fall damage. But he’s definitely not going to remember-”

With a flurry of wings, a second Rainbow Dash flew through a second window, sending glass flying toward the side of the room the villains were in. The faux-speedster landed and transformed back into Wits End, who brushed himself off. “I remembered I can fly.”

“Told ya,” Rainbow Dash said with a grin.

“How?” Holdfast demanded.

“What, the Rod from Celestia to the face? Little bit of Oaken Shield, little bit of copied Aegis.” Wits shrugged. “I’ve had worse. Speaking of worse, I had an idea on the way down.” His horn glowed purple and blue, arcs of electricity jumping about his body. “Powers Combined: Focus + Lighting Bolt!”

The lightning bolt blasted the bow-wielding suit of armor, turning it temporarily into a light bulb. It collapsed to one side, smoke rising from between the joints. “Well, if that’s all it takes to bring one down,” Twilight said, “then this will be an easy fight.”

The remaining suit raised its sword, running a forehoof along the flat of the blade. A red light passed from it into the other suit of armor. After a moment, the fallen armor stood again, picking up its bow once again.

Wits End blanched. “Oh sugar honey iced tea, it’s the end of Dark Souls 2 all over again. Which one is watching the throne and which one is defending it?”

“You still sure you don’t want help?” Light Patch chimed in from the edge. “I mean, I’ve got an instant army skill and everything.”

“Nah, I’ve got thi-” the rest of Wits’ reply was cut off as he had to dodge-roll for his life.

“We should really just step in and help him.” Twilight finally spoke up after watching the swirling battle.

“Nah, he’s got this,” Light Patch replied with a dismissive hoof wave, “I’m sure he’s got some brilliant plan on how to win this.”

“Of the three of us, he’s the best at brilliant planning,” Purple Heart added. “I will admit that I am slightly concerned.”

“Only slightly?” Applejack snorted.

“I believe he’s perfectly capable of winning,” Purple Heart said. “I just think that he’ll be a little bit more bruised afterwards. I mean, I’m the bulwark, the meat shield. I’m supposed to stand there taking hits while Light and Wits hit the mobs from far away.”

“And yet you whine about getting hit,” Light Patch snarked.

“Hey, at least I learned how to stand still when you heal and can now refrain from running ahead to find carptonnes of mobs,” Purple Heart defended.

“I have a feeling that this is a long running argument,” Twilight whispered to the other mares.

“Indeed,” Amber agreed.

“Do you think he has a plan?” Pinkie asked excitedly, completely changing the subject.

“Yes,” Fluttershy answered resolutely.

The mares and two colts looked at the yellow pegasus, surprised at her determination. Purple Heart turned back to the fighting colt and yelled.

“Wits! Your waifu believes in you! You are filled with determination!”

The mint-colored colt rolled away from a swinging blade, sucking in his stomach to avoid an incoming arrow. “I’m glad one of us believes in me,” he muttered under his breath, bending backwards to avoid a horizontal swipe at his face by the sword-wielder. “I could really use a plan right now. Or a distraction. Heck, I’d take a jump-cut to a completely unrelated scene. Maybe that’d be enough time to come up with something.”

* * *

Wits dodged backwards away from another sword blow. “Nope! Scene change didn’t work!” He looked up in time to see the bow-wielding armor loose another arrow, this one aimed right at his face. “Powers Combined: Oaken Shield + Vines!” A cone of thick green vines surrounded the unicorn, catching the arrow an inch away from his face and obscuring him from view. “Come on!” he raged, batting uselessly at the arrowhead. “Give me something to work with here!”

“How about a minor villain?”

“Yeah, that would work.” Wits blinked. “What, what?”

“Oh, how quickly they forget,” the voice in Wits’ head tisked. “I told you I’d be back if you messed up.”

“Palm Tree?”

“And I thought Keen Palm was a lazy name for me. Why couldn’t you have chosen something better to call me? Like ‘Bad End’? That would be more interesting thematically.”

Wits watched as the point of a sword stabbed through his viney shield. “You know, this might not be the best time to complain about my naming sense.”

“Are you saying that you’re at your…Wits End?”

The unicorn’s face went blank. “Really? This whole adventure, just to lead up to that pun?”

“Believe me, Discord’s been trying to make it happen ever since the scorpion.”

A second sword narrowly avoided Wits’ spine, forcing him to twist out of the way. “Not to cut this short of anything, but I’m kinda wrapped up in the most deadly game of pop-up pirate known to ponykind. Is there a point to this call?”

“Think about it. What else happened last time we were in the same body together?”

“I don’t think seducing the suits of armor is gonna be the answer here.” He tilted his head, avoiding a third blade. “Where is it getting all of these swords?”

“You’re questioning the rules of an RPG world now? Regardless, use that brain of yours for something other than filling space in your skull. We had all of one fight during that time. What happened in it?”

A fourth sword, this one between Wits’ hind legs. “Can we skip the 20 questions portion?”

“No.”

“Fine! Uh… It was the Team Rocket-alikes, wasn’t it? I kept you from turning our little story TV-MA.”

The voice seemed to clap its metaphorical hooves. “Well done, you have a memory. What happened to them instead?”

“I dunno? You sent them to some random village to the…south?”

“North.”

“I was close.”

“Not even slightly.”

“Is there a point somewhere in this? It’s getting a little hard to-” Wits sucked his stomach in again to avoid yet another sword blade jabbed into his sanctuary. “-breathe.”

“Fine. I’ll make this quick.”

“NOW you’re making it quick?”

“Shh, quiet time. What if I said the village I sent them too was the same one those three scoundrels were in when they stole Discord’s power?”

“I’d say I think I’m blacking out from lack of oxygen. Then again, I think I’d say that in response to anything at this point.”

“Fair enough. Short version then. I sent those two to the same village that the villains stole their power in. Holdfast gained the power to put the souls of ponies into suits of armor. Where do you think he got those souls?”

“Souls ‘R’ Us?”

“I can see this is going nowhere. I’ll wrap up then, since you seem to be turning more blue than green now. Those two bandits owe me a favor, and you should really think about where you’ve seen a pair of ponies fighting with a sword-wielding pegasus and bow-wielding unicorn before. Ta-ra.”

With that, the voice was gone. Wits looked around at his sword situation, and how he was running out of ways to dodge. He stopped, a sudden thought hitting him. “Oh. Oh! Ohhhhhh. Okay. Got it.” Outside of the viney barrier, he heard the rasp of another sword being drawn. “That’s my cue, then.”

The swordspony armor advanced on the green, leafy cocoon, holding one of the swords belonging to a smaller suit of armor. It raised the blade, ready to bring the point straight down through the cone of vines.

“Powers Combined: Needle Storm + Jan Ken…” In a burst of light, the cocoon exploded, sending thorns and needles in all directions. The sword-bearing armor stumbled backwards, a massive dent in its chestplate. Wits was standing in the center of the explosion, one smoking forehoof raised to the ceiling. “...Hufu. I think chipped my hoof with that one.”

“Quite impressive,” Holdfast mused. “But pointless.” The bowpony armor glowed, healing the damage done to its partner. “They can keep fighting forever. You, not so much.”

Wits grinned. “You’re forgetting something. Something I have, and you don’t.”

Holdfast raised an eyebrow. “What? The power of friendship?”

“Better.” Wits’ horn glowed yellow and a pale light.

“And what’s that?”

“The power of waifus.” He turned on the two giant suits of armor, his eyes glowing with the same light as his horn. “Powers Combined: Guiding Sunlight + The Stare.”

The two suits of armor froze, as if transfixed by Wits’ gaze. Holdfast chuckled to himself. “What? A weak suggestion spell and the look of a coward? And what do you plan on doing with that? I hold total control over these suits of armor. What can you do with that to defeat me?”

“Oh, I can’t do anything with this,” Wits said. “I’m a pony. Just a pony who can’t even save one little colt. Just a pony who’s an adventurer for fun. Just a pony who can’t say no- Wait, that’s not the one.” He shook his head. “The point is I can’t do a dang thing.”

A light passed over Wits’ body. His mint-colored fur turned a sickly, artichoke green; his mane a raven black; his limbs elongating and thinning. “But this guy,” Wits said, fully transformed into Keen Palm. “This guy can do something a little like this.” He glared at the two suits. “You two owe me, so…remember who you are.”

The suits of armor shuddered; the sword-wielder dropping to one set of knees while the bowpony took a step back. Holdfast was silent for a moment, then shook his head. “You see? You can’t do anything to them.”

“Actually,” Discord said, descending from the ceiling, “he can.”

“Where the flying frack have you been?” Wits shouted, turning back to the short mint-colored colt he was before.

“Watching. Always watching. From a safe distance of course.” Discord flipped over, landing next to the gathering of ponies. “See, when I made the rules of this game, I maaaay have been a bit biased. Just a touch. No-pony would have even noticed, really, except that you,” he leveled a clawed finger at Holdfast, “went and made the the short little mint angry in a way that both he and I can agree on.”

To his credit, Holdfast maintained a poker face while facing down what had been the literal god of the world. “And what’s that?”

“You don’t insult Fluttershy on our watch,” Wits stated. “Bugsy, Mugsy, go fetch.”

The sword-bearing suit of armor turned its helmet to look at the colt. “You do not control us,” it said, voice echoing in the hollow armor. For a moment, Holdfast grinned.

Wits End smiled wide. “No?” He reached into his cloak, producing a small cloth bag that jingled slightly. Reaching in, he held a small metal coin in his hoof. “I have bits.”

The pair of armors turned to each other for a second, then turned back to Wits End and the coin, back to each other, and then to Holdfast on the throne. “Ya heard th’ boss,” Mugsy, the bow-wielding armor, said, drawing an arrow and aiming at the former chancellor.

“You can’t do this!” Holdfast shouted.

“Actually, we can,” the swordspony, the one with the soul of Bugsy, said. He level his blade at the stallion on the throne. “And, if you watch carefully,” he dashed forward, grabbing Holdfast by his cloak, “you will see that we are.”

“You-” Holdfast squirmed against the steel grip of his former minion as it dragged him off the throne and over to where the mint-colored pony was standing. “You-”

“Can’t do this, I know,” Wits said, shaking his head. “I’ve heard it before. And yet, some how, blah blah blah, there’s a lot of monologuing I could do about friendship and love and all those other things that helped me through this journey. But, honestly, the most important thing is this.” Wits End poked Holdfast in the chest with his hoof. “I. Win. And you. Lose.”

Holdfast grit his teeth and growled. “And what are you going to do now? Kill me and get it over with?”

“Kill you?” Wits sounded shocked. “Why would I kill you? You were the greatest help of all in your eventual downfall! I should be thanking you as my greatest ally. Possibly even as a good friend.” He grinned at the look of pure rage on Holdfast’s face. “But no, I’m not gonna kill you. I’m gonna let you stay just as you are, and have you watch as we completely and utterly destroy all of that work you’ve put into taking over. You’re gonna watch us win, and rebuild the kingdom, and then? Then the nine of us are going back to our world, and you can live for however long you can knowing that there’s no way for you to get that revenge you want so much.”
Wits patted Holdfast’s cheek and turned, tossing the pouch of bits to Mugsy. “Keep him still while we watch the rest of the show, will you?” With that, he turned away.

“You haven’t won yet!” Holdfast shouted. “I’ll find you, no matter where you go! I’m the rightful king of this land, and nothing is going to stop me from getting my revenge! No-pony stops me from getting my revenge!”

Wits rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I suppose that’s right. Buuuuut…” He spun around, punching the snow-white stallion square in the jaw. “Doesn’t mean I have to listen to you whine about it.” He walked back to the rest of the group, a smug smile on his face. “And that,” he said, addressing the other 8 ponies, “is how a real villain handles things.”

“Bravo, Bravo!” Light Patch shouted, stomping his fore hooves, “Bad Horse would surely be impressed. So, what do you have planned for the encore?”

“I’m slightly surprised you’re not mad at him stealing your alleged thunder, what with the whole slightly evil thing you have,” Rarity noted.

“I would, but it was expertly done,” the pegasus colt replied.

“Well done,” Purple Heart congratulated. “What’s your next trick?”

“Give him a break,” Amber chided. “He just had the fight of his life. He needs to rest now.”

“I concur,” Twilight agreed. “Why don’t you go next?”

Purple Heart looked over his shoulder at Bael and sighed. “Might as well.”

“I’M FINE, THANKS,” Wits half-shouted. “Thanks for letting me answer those questions you’ve asked. I somehow managed to hold my own against Throne Defender and Throne Watcher by myself. Nice to know my friends are so concerned about my physical health after almost dying like twenty-seven times.”

“Are you alright?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Wits’ eye twitched. “Just a lot of adrenaline right now. I’m gonna go over here for a while and try not to freak out.”

Purple Heart waved a hoof. “Eh, I’m sure you’ll be fine,” he said. “Especially if you’re in Fluttershy’s tender care. Though, she might not be pleased with how much you hurt yourself.”

“Which could’ve been avoided had you assisted him!” Applejack snapped.

“He said he could handle it,” the purple earth pony pointed out. “Contrary to popular belief, we are rather independent and only really need help if we face cheating AI.”

“In any case, we still have two more to deal with,” Rarity noted.

“One actually. Just Duty slipped out once the Armoroids turned on my fallen companion,” Bael said as he started to walk away. “I’d suggest you go deal with him first. I’ll be waiting for you elsewhere, Purple Heart. Do try to not waste your power elsewhere.”

“I guess we know which one we’re going after next,” Twilight said with a sigh. “Now we’ve just gotta find him in an entire castle.”

“At least the villains armies are all basically taken care of now,” Rainbow replied. “That should speed things up decently. This castle can’t be that big.”

“There are about four hundred and fifty known rooms in the main castle,” Amber shot back.

“Oh,” The pegasus replied dropping to the ground in defeat.

“Check the records room.” The group turned to Holdfast. “He’s been down there repeatedly since we took the castle.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at the stallion. “And why should we trust you?”

“Because you saw how he betrayed me before our fight,” Holdfast growled.

“I say we believe him,” Wits said.

Fluttershy’s eyebrows shot up. “Why would you say that?”

“Because it’s in his character.” Wits looked over at Holdfast. “He wants revenge. If he can’t get it on his enemies, he might as well get it on his allies, right?”

Holdfast smiled. “We’re more alike than you thought, it seems.”

Slowly, Wits crossed over to the stallion and patted him on the cheek again. “Nah, we’re not. But it’s cute that you think we are. Sorry, but the hero-villain love interest is reserved for Patchy and Duty.”

Light Patch looked over at Holdfast with a disgruntled look. “How many bits will you give me if I hit him?” he asked, nodding his head at Wits End.

“To be fair, you’d do it for free,” Wits said. He looked up at the two nandits-turned-armoroids. “Take him down to the dungeon. I hear there’s a prisoner who’d have some words for him.” With that, he trotted back to the group. “So, to the record room?”

“Yeah,” Light Patch replied simply, a nervous smile on his face.

Author's Note:

Authors: Wits End, Purple Heart, Light Patch

Comments

[Mix-up]

great to e an other chapter again I can't wait to see the next chapter

[Seeking Dusk]

Huh. Wasn't expecting that.