Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 90: The Beginning of the End

“How could you let this happen?” Holdfast growled at Bael, pacing about the throne room. “The point of all of this was that those three would be exhausted by the time they got here. Instead, your pseudo-ponies have practically invited them in with champonyage and horse d'oeuvres!”

“They’re still fighting out there,” Bael retorted, rolling his eyes as the ex-chancellor roamed back and forth in front of him. “Our forces are slowing them down and thus, wearing them down. They’ll be suitably tired by the time they get through to us. Except for Purple Heart, of course.”

“That is assuming they are fighting at the front of their armies. It might be more logical to assume they are letting the armies grind each other to dust and saving their strength for dealing with us,” Just Duty said while looking through a selection of scrolls. “And as much power as we stole from that being of discord, he still retains much more strength than I thought he would.”

Holdfast scoffed. “As if those three would take the logical course of action. It’s more likely the purple one is charging through, using the other two as flails.” He looked back at the empty throne. “As for Discord, I’d be more worried if his greatest weapon thus far wasn’t a cream pie.” He smirked at Bael. “Do you think you’ll recover, daemon?”

Bael’s face twisted into a snarl at the barb, but he didn’t react beyond that. Instead he looked at the door to the throne room. “You worry that they won’t be exhausted by the time they get here,” he clipped out, looking aside at Holdfast. “I would prefer to fight Purple Heart at full strength. And unfortunately, he hasn’t achieved such a level of development. So, to ease your conscience, I’ll prepare one last obstacle.” Bael flicked a hand at the door, sending tendrils of green energy from his fingertips. A pulse of power jerked the threads and the armored husk of Grim Hammer appeared only to spring to life as flames coughed into existence. The construct shouldered its hammer and left the throne room to stand guard outside.

Bael turned, looking fully at Holdfast. “Satisfied?”

“Oh, good,” Holdfast muttered. “The one he beat twice before you decided to get serious. How many phases do you plan on having this green lantern go through this time?” He turned to Just Duty, ignoring Bael’s muttered ‘Grim Hammer is so much better than Green Lantern’. “And what about you? Would you rather fight your one true love at his best or his worst?”Just Duty scowled as he looked up from the scrolls.

“It doesn't matter when or how I’ll fight him. He will not win and his lies will be exposed for what they are,” he growled, “I suppose you would rather wait for us to once again do the dirty work of fighting them for you?” he said, glaring back at Holdfast.

“I would not say no.” The snow-white stallion shrugged. “I know my limitations, and one of them is that I’m no fighter.” He smirked. “I can’t help but notice the lack of a denial about your love.”

“That is because it is not a thing and needed no comment, but apparently I gave your intelligence too much credit if you’d believe the truth of your own joke,” Just Duty retorted, sweeping away the scrolls he had and pulling out a few more from throne room’s hidden shelves.

“Are we all quite finished flinging barbs at each other?” Bael interjected irritably, flicking his fingers to control Grim Hammer on the other side of the door. “They’re here. I don’t know about you two, but we should probably work together. For now at least.”

Just Duty grunted. “I believe I can agree to that,” he said, giving an angry glance towards Holdfast.

Holdfast shrugged. “Fine. And here I thought we were bonding before the final battle, like real heroes.” He motioned with a forehoof, summoning a dozen suits of armor at join Grim Hammer in guarding the door. “So, are we going to be intelligent and hit them all at once?”

“I have no opinion on the matter,” Bael shrugged. “I only have to fight Purple Heart, though I will engage any who get in my way.”

“It would be our best chance of winning,” Just Duty said, dropping the scrolls and hefting his hammer.

Holdfast nodded in agreement and looked to Bael. “So, are we in this together?” he inquired, eyebrow arching questioningly. Bael sighed and inclined his head in agreement.

“Very well,” he agreed. “I want to fight Purple Heart alone.”

“Fine by me,” Holdfast said.

* * *

“Has anyone even considered the potential for secret bosses?” Purple Heart inquired as he drove a hoof through a contingent of armoroids.

“Secret bosses?” Rainbow Dash asked curiously. “What are secret bosses?”

“Presumably,” Rarity said, “bosses that aren’t expected.”

“Or they aren-” Light Patch cut off as he was engaged by two enemies.
“Plot essential,” Wits End finished for him.

“OH~!” Pinkie cried, firing her party cannon at a knot of legionnaires. “Sneaky bosses that come out of the woodwork! I get it!”

“What’s an example of a ‘secret boss’?” Amber asked.
“If I know anything about Discord, I’ll bet he was gonna be one himself,” Light Patch chimed in.

“Amber Glitter, for one,” Purple Heart said. He grinned at her surprised gaping. “I’m not saying it’s gonna happen, but it’s possible.”

Amber glared at him and her anger resulted in a very unfortunate Armoroid getting cast out a window with an overpowered blast of magic. “Anything else?” she growled.

Purple Heart gulped and took the hint. “Well, Boros is a possibility, along with Bob the Killer Goldfish. Of course, if Boros appears, we’re all completely screwed.” The other party members blinked and looked at each other in confusion.

“Those are Super Secret and Ultra Secret Bosses respectively,” Wits End interjected. “Clippy is the ‘new game plus end game dungeon super secret boss.’”

“Followed by the guest bosses, Ornstein and Smough, and Artorias,” Purple Heart added. A duo of legionnaires screamed in pain and horror as Wits End smacked them three feet into a wall, a terrifying glint in his eyes. The mares blinked and looked to Light Patch and Purple Heart for explanation as the unfortunate ponies were then flung out a window, following the Armoroid that Amber had sent flying.

“Ehm,” Purple Heart cleared his throat. “Bad memories.”

“Moon-banished dash spear lunge carp, freakin’ butt stomps and lightning shootin’ every whichaway!”

“Moving on!” Purple Heart called. “We also have the potential for special appearances by Jagdpanzer 38(t) Hetzer, Darth Vader, Don Quixote Doflamingo, Grik, Duck Game-”

“Zolf J. Kimblee, Great Grey Wolf Sif, Jeff from Accounting, the entire Karling dynasty, Supermarine Spitfire Mk VIII-” Wits End continued.

“Handsome Jack, Allen O’Neil, Einhänder, La-Mulana, TOG II, C-Consciousness-” Light Patch added

“Grim Hammer,” Twilight interrupted, pointing at the familiar suit of blazing armor. The enemy forces were moving out of its way as it plodded towards the group.

“Um...okay, didn’t see that one coming,” Purple Heart mumbled.

“Oh really?” Grim Hammer asked, his voice hollow. “How could you have not?”

“Honestly? I completely forgot about you,” the Purple Barbarian replied. Grim Hammer’s helmet drooped forward several degrees.

“That’s just rude,” the armor grumbled.

Purple Heart shrugged noncommittally. “So, I’m guessing you’re the last line of defense for the Big Three, eh?”

“Indeed,” Grim Hammer confirmed. “I’m the final obstacle.”

Rainbow Dash stepped forward and grinned triumphantly. “Ha! Let’s get going then! There’s ten of us and-”

“SHHHHHH~!” the rest of the ponies hissed, trying to prevent the blue mare from jinxing their luck.

“-one of you,” Rainbow finished.

“Great,” Purple Heart moaned.

“It begins,” Wits sighed.

“Way to break it, hero.” Light Patch muttered.

“Here we go again,” Applejack said.

“I thought we were trying to win,” Rarity sniffed.

“I’m not sure about this,” Fluttershy whimpered.

“I’m gonna punch Purple Heart,” Amber frowned.

“This is taking too long,” Twilight mumbled.

“YAYS~! More ponies to shoot!” Pinkie cheered.

“If you insist,” Grim Hammer spoke, amusement clear in his voice. Strings pulled themselves off of the flaming suit of armor and coalesced into and additional nine versions of Grim Hammer, each one made of a different color of flame.

“I knew it!” Purple Heart cried. “Bael DID eat the Ito Ito no Mi!”

“The what?” Twilight asked.

“String String Fruit,” Purple Heart replied, charging forward to meet the original Grim Hammer head on. The rest of the clones moved as well, pairing themselves off with each of the party members.

“Well at least he brought enough to share,” Light Patch said, readying a hammer. “So, what? Do we all just pick one an-” He was cut off as he was slammed into a wall by the Grim Hammer clone nearest to him; one colored grey. “Never mind, they appear to have chosen for us,” he said, falling out of the pegasus shaped dent in the wall. “Are you sure we can’t tal-” Light Patch barely dodged under a second swing. “Can someone trade Grim Hammer clones with me? I don’t think this one likes me!” Light Patch said as he summoned his bramble thorns to try and trap or slow down his attacker.

“Um, we can trade, if you really want. But, I’m not so sure this one will like you any more than it likes me,” Fluttershy said, constantly falling back from the Yellow Clone attacking her.

“I’m sensing a lot of unchecked rage and aggression,” Wits End said cheekily as he wove around his White Clone’s attack, having used his Transformation Ability to mimic Pinkie Pie. Unfortunately, he misjudged how quick his opponent was and suffered for it with a strike to the shoulder that knocked him back to normal. “OWCH! RUDE!”

“Quit talking and focus!” Twilight snapped from her airborne position above her Violet Clone. She cast spell after spell at the advancing foe in an attempt to slow his progress towards her. Little to no damage was being done.

“I am focus!” Wits returned, clambering to his hooves.

“Then how come you’re getting your tail hoofed to you?” Applejack asked, tightening her lasso around one of her Orange Clone’s legs and yanking it. The clone collapsed to the ground, but jerked its lassoed leg, pulling the orange mare to meet its swinging hammer. The two collided and Applejack grunted in pain, yet she fought on doggedly.

“For the record, I’m fighting fine! No tails being handed around here, no siree,” Wits called.

“I have a question,” Amber asked, flinging crushed mortar and stone at her opponent with her magic.

“And we have an answer,” the three colts replied.

“NOT THE TIME, BOYS!” the Mane Six snapped.

“Sorry, what's the question?” Light Patch asked as he switched to fighting fire with fire as he ignited the oil pods on his bramble thorns.

Amber glowered at the colts for a brief moment then returned her attention to her battle. “Why, pray tell, are we fighting individually instead of together?”

“But we are fighting together,” Rainbow Dash replied, diving again at her Blue Clone. Her arrows struck the armor but did no damage. Twisting to avoid the return attack from the hammer, she returned to the air, firing more arrows as she flew.

“We may be fighting together, but we’re not fighting together!” Amber reiterated.

“I can just hear the italics,” Purple Heart mumbled. “Can you elaborate please? There’s only so much emphasis you can put on a word. And any subtly you’re inferring is lost on me. Multitasking is not as easy as it sounds.”

“Multitasking is impossible; stop listening to your corporate overlords!” Light Patch shouted, fleeing from the Grey Clone chasing him as it dragged the burning brambles with it.

Amber growled in irritation as she finally struck the Red Clone with a lucky boulder shot. “I’m ASKING, why aren’t we working together to fight each clone one by one?”

“Oh. That is a good question,” Wits piped up, dodging a strike from his White Clone.

“Maybe we just like to suffer,” Rarity sniffed sarcastically as she tried to take control of the Purple Clone she fought with her Puppeteer ability.

“I think it’s fun!” Pinkie cheered, bouncing around her Pink Clone.

“I haven’t had much of a chance,” Light Patch said, trying to hold his clone under the water of a fountain. “This one at least has been working to keep me from teaming up with anyone else. Also, the clones could team up if we tried to team up as well. What we’d really need is for someone to beat their clone and then move onto helping the others,” the pegasus stallion finished before the clone dragged him under as well.

“Has anypony told you that's kind of a dumb place for a fountain?” Rainbow asked, circling the blue clone.

Amber sighed and her head drooped, only for her attention to be commanded once more by the fight. “I was a little stressed with all my queenly duties and may have let the re-modelers run a little rampant in their work. I swear, they put that there just so I could hate it and pay them more to remove it.”

“How very… mercenary of them,” Rarity replied.

“Aesthetic angst aside,” Purple Heart said, “what you’re saying is that we should take out the clones one by one?”

“Yes!” Amber snapped, ducking under the swinging hammer of her Red Clone.

“Well, why didn’t you say so?” Wits asked.

Amber’s face became blank and she blinked once at the minty colt. She very nearly got hit in the head and was only saved by Purple Heart colliding with the Red Clone, knocking it aside to be crushed under the purple stallion’s weight.

“Ignore him,” Twilight called. “The filter that keeps stupid from being said is broken, I’m sure.”

“I resent that. It’s not broken. I sold it to buy some manga.” Wits End replied, “So, which one do we try to take down first?”

“How about Light Patch’s?” Rainbow Dash chimed in as she dodged around the blue clone. The others turned to look for Light Patch only to find him clinging to a chandelier as the grey clone stood under it trying to get to the pegasus. “I swear, my respect for the guy is like a pendulum; first he does something kind of cool, and then he does something like this,” Rainbow muttered.

“Idea!” Rarity called out, “Silk Trap, could you cut that rope right there?” she called out to the Arachcolsid queen, who replied with haste before returning to fighting the general enemy forces. Before any could question Rarity, the chandelier fell from the ceiling and crushed the Grim Hammer clone bellow it.

“That was all a part of my plan,” Light Patch said as he stumbled away from the crashed chandelier.

“I do believe that is two down.” Rarity replied happily.

“Cool,” Purple Heart groaned as he clambered off the Red Clone he’d crushed. “Eight more to go.”

“Mine next please!” Wits cried out as he scampered away from the pursuing White Clone. The rest of the group just watched the chase play out, completely unwilling to assist the smart alek.

“I’m not happy, P.H.,” Grim Hammer the Original sneered as he lunged to attack the Purple Barbarian. “Not. Happy. Ask me why.”

Purple Heart blinked as he avoided the attack and set about dodging. “Why?”

“Why what? Be specific now.”

With a roll of his eyes, the purple earth pony sighed. “Why are you unhappy?”

“Your rudeness makes me unhappy.”

“What, are you complaining?”

“Complaining. Feh, I don’t complain. I can handle that. What I can’t handle is your team’s inexplicable knowledge of how not to work together!”

The Mane Six and Amber frowned at the insult but remained silent as Grim Hammer continued his rant.

“You’re clueless. Clueless, P.H.! You aren’t exploiting every loophole or dodging the obstacles! You haven’t penetrated our defenses!”

If this continues in the manner that I think it will, Grim Hammer’s gonna get tossed through a wall, Purple Heart mused thoughtfully.

“Should we do something?” Rainbow Dash asked, stomping on Twilight’s clone and thus removing it from the battle.

“Nah,” Wits said, sighing in relief as Light Patch struck a hefty blow to his clone. Four down.

“Are you saying we shouldn’t help our friend?” Pinkie asked.

“Caution dictates that I answer, ‘nah’ once again.” Wits shrugged. “He can handle himself. And he didn’t help me.”

“You’re supposed to help your friends!” Grim Hammer snapped. “Starting with your immediate comrades, P.H.! Who’s helping them out, huh?”

A crunch echoed through the fight as Light Patch crushed the purple Grim Hammer clone by dropping on it with his hammer like it was a pogo stick. “I think we’ve got this pretty well handled Mr Mighty Morphing.” the pegasus stallion said, “By the way, I do hope you didn’t mind me dropping in like that Rarity.”

“Don’t make me kick you again,” the unicorn mare muttered.

“What if I’d said one good drop deserves ano-” Light Patch’s sentence was cut short by Rarity’s kick.

“I warned you,” Rarity sniffed.

“A party group is like-”

“Is like an enormous clock, yes, I’ve heard this before!” Purple Heart snapped, interrupting Grim Hammer.

“So it only works if all the little cogs mesh together,” Grim Hammer continued, ignoring the interruption. “Now-”

“WE GET IT!” Purple Heart roared, slamming a hoof into Grim Hammer’s chestplate.

“Oh,” Grim Hammer hummed, looking down at his dented chestplate. “Ow.” The strings connecting all the Clones to the original dissipated, leaving them empty husks that promptly fell apart.

Wits End looked up from the pile that used to be the yellow clone he had been mauling. “Wait, what? Did we accidentally win?”

“I think we accidentally won,” Twilight said. “I’ll admit, I expected a bit more… drama and difficulty.”

“Dark Souls, this was not,” Wits muttered. “So, what’s next? Does Solaire-pony come back for a rematch of the most disappointing boss fight?”

“I believe now it is time for a little rematch between Purple Heart and Grim Hammer.” Light Patch guessed.

“A rematch it shall be, then.” Grim Hammer said, assuming a defensive stance.

“I think not,” the purple stallion said before turning to his friends. “Mentalgen?” he asked, prompting the other two colts to move to his side.

“Of course,” Light Patch replied.

“I don’t suppose I could reverse my views on team work now, could I?” Grim Hammer asked nervously.

“I’m sorry but time isn’t that wibbily wobbly,” Wits End replied.

“Here’s a question, Purple Heart: how many hits does it take to get to the center of a Grim Hammer?” Light Patch asked.

“I’m not sure. Let's find out.” the purple stallion replied.

Light Patch bolted forward using his wings for added speed and bashed Grim Hammer towards Wits End. “One.”

“T-hoo,” Wits End said, swinging the extended handle of his sword-spear like a bat and slicing Grim Hammer’s titular hammer’s head off.

“Three,” Purple heart said as he punched Grim Hammer’s helmet, shattering it. “The world may never know.” The flames within Grim Hammer were doused as the armor fell to pieces.

“Welp, that’s done,” Purple Heart stated, dusting off his hooves. “Little anticlimactic, but it’s done nonetheless.” He turned to the rest of the group. “Onwards?”

Twilight stood still staring at the three colts. “What?” the three asked at once.

“Sorry, I just, forgot you three could actually work together,” she replied.

Wits End blinked. “We were working together?”

“It’s news to me,” Light Patch replied.

“Regardless, yes, I do believe we shal-” she was interrupted as Discord suddenly appeared in a cloud of cotton.

“Congratulations,” Discord began with a flourish, “You have all leveled up.”

“Yay?” Rainbow Dash said. “Quick question, though. WHERE WERE YOU DURING THAT FIGHT?”

“I was busy leading the army you’ve all assembled to keep the villains’ armies from overwhelming you as they supported Grim Hammer.” Discord replied, laying on a couple of conveniently placed sconces. “I’m beginning to feel that this little game has gone on long enough, so hurry and level so we get get this all over with,” he said, examining his talons.

Wits raised an eyebrow. “Now it’s gone on long enough? How long have we been here? Like, 2 years?”

Pinkie Pie placed a forehoof on the mint-colored unicorn’s shoulder. “Leave the meta commentary to me, Minty.”

“Look, I’ve missed launch day of Dark Souls 3 in here. This is a dire situation and I’m going into withdrawals.”

“I can help with that!” Pinkie pulled out the party cannon, aiming it directly at Wits’ face.

Wits blanched. “You know what? Let’s just level up!”

“Well, this is a really hard decision. I mean there are so many things I could choose. I just don’t kno-” Light Patch was cut off as Discord announced what he’d chosen for his new skill.

“Huh, you chose the Blooming Skeletons skill. I figured you’d have gone for the Lishorrs. Anyway, have fun with your hordes of Puppeteer Vine controlled skeletons.”

“Ye gods,” Wits muttered.

“Is that bad?” Twilight asked.

“I mean… It’s not good.”

“Hey,” Applejack cut in, “why ain’t we levelin’ up too?”

Discord looked down his snout at the cowpony. “Did you land the last hits on the mini-boss?”

“Well… naw, but-”

“Look, I didn’t make the rules.” He held up a finger to cut off Twilight, Wits, Pinkie, and Fluttershy, all ready to correct him. “Technically, I did, but I can’t control them now. Sorry, but only those three got the experience.”

“Boy, we’re gonna get some comments about that,” Wits muttered.

“What did I say about the meta commentary?” Pinkie shot back. Literally, as the party cannon went off in the unicorn’s face. A small victory chime rang from where Discord was.

Wits spat out a mouthful of confetti. “She just leveled up on me, didn’t she.”

“Little bit,” Discord mumbled. “Just level up so we can get this over with.”

“Fiiine.” Wits thought for a moment. “Powers Combined have a nice and menacing name. I’ll take that.”

“You just picked that cuz it sounds cool?” Purple Heart asked. “Snrk. Welp, I guess I’ll choose-”

“No choosing for you,” Discord interrupted. “You, o’ Bruise, get Magic.” The ten ponies blinked and stared at the draconequus.

“Care to explain that please?” Purple Heart asked.

Wits End put his forelegs over his head, opening them in a rainbow shape and using a low-level version of Lightning Bolt to form a small light show between his hooves. “Maaaaaaagic~”

Purple Heart glared at the minty colt. “Har har. In case you all haven’t noticed, I’m a barbarian. I am not wizard material in the least. No green spells of death or flaming elephants for me. No sir.”

Twilight’s frown shifted to recognition and she gaped at Discord. “Are you telling me that he’s been getting by on physical strength alone?!” The rest of the Mane Six jerked in surprise while Discord nodded solemnly.

“Our Purple Bruise hasn’t even tapped into his inherent earth pony magic and has only been using his physical prowess to skate through the game,” Discord explained. “Mister Bael is suitably annoyed that his nemesis is ‘wimpy.’”

“Hey!” Purple Heart squawked irritably.

“So, what you’re saying,” Twilight mused, ignoring the insulted purple earth pony, “is that Purple Heart might not be a purple bruise if he just used his magic?” She snorted in amusement at Discord’s nod. “So many problems would’ve been solved had that happened earlier.”

“Meh,” Purple Heart sniffed. “Welp, we colts leveled up, we defeated the mini-boss, won some things. So, now what?”

“So now, we beat the stuffing outta a trio of villains and get ourselves back home,” Wits said, tapping the ground with a forehoof. “Speaking of which, we should get started before they have time to prepare.”

“I’m sure it’s a bit late for that,” Twilight said with a sigh, “but you're right. Let's hurry up and get this over with.” Several heads nodded in agreement. The group was about to start moving towards the next room when Light Patch noticed Rarity staring at him while swinging a leg.

“Why are you staring at me like that? And what's with the leg? Does it hurt or are you practicing somethi-” He froze in mid sentence as his eyes shrank to pin pricks. “No, no, no. Don’t even think about it,” the grey pegasus said, backing away before turning to rush to the other side of the group and towards the next room.

“Um, Rarity, what were you thinking of?” Fluttershy quiety asked as the group moved to catch up.

“Oh, just a passing idea,” the white mare replied.

Author's Note:

Authors: Wits End, Purple Heart, Light Patch

Comments

[Seeking Dusk]

... when did it reach two years? Crackers and cheese I need to get back to writing my own stories

I really hate puppets that don't grant XP. That's just plain dumb. Discord! Why didn't you patch that! *shakes an angry hoof*

[Mix-up]

This was a great chapter one again.

[Starlight Nova]

“Why are you staring at me like that? And what's with the leg? Does it hurt or are you practicing somethi-” He froze in mid sentence as his eyes shrank to pin pricks. “No, no, no. Don’t even think about it,” the grey pegasus said, backing away before turning to rush to the other side of the group and towards the next room.

“Um, Rarity, what were you thinking of?” Fluttershy quiety asked as the group moved to catch up.

“Oh, just a passing idea,” the white mare replied.

[TheColtTrio]

7925228 What does Rarity like to do to Light Patch? *hint hint* [PH]