Chapter 41: Witty Title Here
“Thank you for your time, Lord Red Mane.” Rarity bowed to the crimson-haired noble, giving the older stallion a subtle smile.
Red Mane smiled back. “The pleasure is all mine, Miss Rarity,” he said, returning the bow. “Anything for such a lovely young mare.”
Rarity chuckled, hiding her smile behind a hoof. “Your flattery won’t make me stay longer, dear. I’m afraid I have other matters to attend to.” As she started walking, she ran the tip of her tail along his chin. “Of course, I shall remember your offer in the future. Farewell, my lord.”
Wits End watched the almost dumbstruck stallion trot away as the purple-maned unicorn drew near. “Was that a pony, or a fiddle?” he asked with a low whistle. “You certainly played him well enough.”
“It’s always nice to see my skills appreciated, darling,” Rarity said with a flip of her mane.
Twilight seemed unsure as to what to make of the situation. “Just out of, I dunno, morbid curiosity? What’s the difference between how you two get ponies to do what you want?”
“It’s simple, deary,” Rarity said. “When I do it, it’s subtle. When our friend Wits End here does it, it’s over the top and cheesy.”
Wits End frowned. “Hey, I can be subtle!”
Rarity narrowed her eyes at the mint-colored unicorn. “Spell ‘subtle’.”
“... H. A. M. M-”
“That’s what I thought.”
Twilight sighed. “In any case,” she interrupted; the oncoming conversation seemed very familiar to her… “At least we’ve got some idea of how the nobility will react if Bastion declares war. We should head back to the inn and let the others know what we’ve learned.”
“Right.” Wits started to turn to head out of the castle, but stopped when he spotted a certain portly stallion making his way through the gardens. “Actually, you two go on ahead. I’m gonna make sure Fluttershy knows we’re leaving.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Why not just let me contact her telepathically? It’d be easier and quicker than going all the way back to the library.”
“Because she might freak out if you suddenly pop into her head?”
Rarity put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder, guiding away. “Let’s leave the two of them alone for a while, darling. It’s obvious that our friend Wits wants to be alone with Fluttershy for a while.”
“...I don’t get it.”
“I’ll explain on the way back to the inn. Tootle-loo, darling!”
Wits End smiled and waved as the mares walked down the hallway, only stopping once they turned a corner. “I get the feeling I’ll be hearing more about that later,” he muttered. He shook his head, putting on his friendliest smile as he stepped into the garden to cut the heavy-set stallion off. “My lord! A moment, if you could?”
The lord turned around, a look of annoyance evident on his flabby face, his jowls shivering from the motion of turning. “What do you want? I’m a busy stallion. Well? Spit it out!”
Wits maintained his smile. “Lord Heavy Wait. You might not remember me. I’m a friend of Purple Heart, one of the stallions fighting in the coliseum. I was wondering if I could speak to you about him.” His voice took on a conspiratorial tone. “Specifically, how you and I could benefit from his time in the arena.” Lord Heavy Wait arched an eyebrow as he looked down at the small pinto unicorn, his dark eyes alight with greed.
“A pony with questionable morals hoping to profit from his friend’s suffering?” he mused. “Interesting. You have my attention. What do you have in mind?”
“I prefer to think of myself as a salespony of others’ skills.” Wits End hadn’t expected his bait to be taken so quickly, so he found himself throwing out several minutes of idle chatter and kissing-up. “I’m sure a stallion with an keen eye like yours has been keeping track of Purple Heart’s fights so far. Each of his three battles, he’s walked away the victor.” He smirked. “Perhaps a little roughed up, but his victories speak for themselves.” He leaned in, lowering his voice so that only the overweight stallion would hear him. “How would you like to profit from his skills well after he finishes his final fight?”
Heavy Wait’s eyes flashed and a smirk curved his lips. “I wouldn’t say no to a little mad money.” His smirk slid off his face as a thought passed through his mind. “Although, this sounds like an attempt at bribery.”
Wits End’s smile widened. “My lord’s ears are certainly as keen as his eyes. After all, some wheels must be greased to keep everything moving smoothly. Some wheels more than others.”
“You truly know what to say, little friend,” Heavy Wait complimented, his greedy smirk returning. “A silver tongue such as yours would be a great influence amongst the ruling class here in Gallopilli. That aside, tell me your plan.”
“Its brilliance is in its simplicity.” Wits End made a note to take a very long bath after finishing this deal. “Purple Heart will win his freedom. That is a given. Now, under normal circumstances, he would take than freedom and leave this city, never to return. However,” he paused for a moment for dramatic effect, “I can convince him to teach a few choice gladiators his secrets. The patron of those gladiators would be able to make a pretty penny from betting on them.” He turned, holding his hoof out as if displaying a beautiful sight. “Those fighters could teach others, raising the skill level of the coliseum.” The mint-colored unicorn cast a sidelong glance at Heavy Wait. “Or, a clever lord could keep those skills to himself, and reap the resulting profits.”
Heavy Wait stroked his triple chin with a hoof, causing the bangles and jewelry on his fore-leg. A contemplative frown creased his brow as he thought over the plan. “An interesting scheme,” he mused. “The gladiators he trains will have to be unknowns. That will stack the odds against them and increase profits. I do have one concern however.”
Wits End paused, imperceptibly holding his breath. “What’s that?” he asked, keeping his voice smooth.
“If what you say is true regarding your friend’s abilities,” Heavy Wait said. “and the gladiators he trains became as powerful and undefeatable as you say...then what happens when the odds are all for those gladiators? Bets are made of odds. You can’t make a profit when everypony bets on a pony they KNOW will win.”
“Great fighters don’t have to win all the time. It’s a simple matter of explaining the situation to them. I’m sure a clever patron could arrange a profitable situation without arousing suspicion.” Wits End took a few steps away, looking over his shoulder. “Of course, I can always find another lord better suited to these sort of dealings…”
“NO!” Heavy squeaked nervously. He coughed, clearing his throat in an attempt to lower his tone again. “No, that will not be necessary. I see your point. Perhaps you could collaborate with me to find exotic fighters who have at least some kind of chance? I agree that things can be arranged regarding your Neo-Gladiators, but it doesn’t hurt to be safe.”
Wits End hid his smile. “Absolutely. I’d be more than willing to help.” He turned. “Of course, there is something I need in return.” He made a dismissive gesture with his forehoof. “Greasing wheels and all, after all.”
“Oh?” the lord grunted. “And what might that be? My daughter? A note of ownership of one of the gladiators? A cut of the profits?”
What a morally bankrupt son of a-. The mint-colored stallion cut of his thoughts before they showed on his face. “Nothing so dramatic; although I wouldn’t say no to any sort of gratuity you’d care to pass my way.” He turned to face Heavy Wait. “I’d like you to put your wei- your support behind Princess Amber Glitter. Do that, and I will uphold my end of the deal.” The massively overweight earth pony narrowed his eyes at the small unicorn’s slip but waved it off. He inclined his head to Wits End and held out a hoof.
“I will provide support for the Princess in whatever she endeavors,” he agreed.
Wits End reached out toward the offered hoof, but hesitated before making contact. “I hope that my lord wouldn’t be insulted if I asked for that promise in writing?” He gave another small smile. “Words alone only go so far. You understand, of course.” An irritated expression darkened Heavy Wait’s face, as if he was disappointed. Then the expression passed to be replaced by an amused smirk.
“You are certainly a knowledgeable unicorn, Mr. End,” he chuckled. “Why don’t we go write up that contract?”
Got him. Wits shook the offered hoof. “Then we have an accord.”
* * *
“So,” Rainbow started, looking over the top of hoof of cards, “you seem to have adapted to those new shoes of yours.” She finished her amusement over the whole situation still heavily evident in her voice.
“Yes, yes I got horseshoes put on, get over it” the pegasus stallion said while reorganizing his cards, “Now show me those nines Rainbow.” The rainbow maned pegasus scowled as she handed over three nines. “Whoo! I’ve gotten another group.”
“Book.”
“Wha?” the stallion responded.
“They’re called books not groups,” Pinkie responded, staring at her cards intently, “Oh by the way, Applejack I’ll have any threes you have,”
“Shoot,” the orange mare said tossing the threes she had to Pinkie, “I was hopin’ no pony’d guess I had any three's”
“We all knew you had three’s,” Light Patch said, his head propped up by a hoof, the other two mares nodded in affirmation of his statement.
“An’ just how do you know? I know Pinkie wouldn’t cheat and she’d keep the rest’o us honest too,” Applejack said looking at her friends sharing the table.
“You have, the worst poker face I’ve ever seen,” Light Patch said. “I could note just about every time you took interest in what cards were being asked for,” the grey pegasus finished. “Might be because you’re the element of honesty or something,” Light Patch postulated.
“Or maybe you’re just terrible at hiding your tells,” Rainbow noted, “I’ll have whatever fives you’ve got Applejack.” With a low mutter the orange mare handed her two fives over.
“Well ya’ll got any two’s Rainbow,”
“Nope, go fish Applejack.” The pegasus mare responded.
Applejack drew a card and her face lit up, “I’ll have your two’s Applejack,” Pinkie said breaking the cowpony out of her glee. “Sorry Applejack but it’s the one suit you’ve never asked about.” The country mare sighed deciding to not draw any more cards to replace her empty hand.
“I think I’ll sit the rest of this game out,” the farm pony mentioned before she turned towards the pegasus stallion, “You know Ah’ve got this question wot’s been knocking around my head for a while Light Patch.”
“Fire when ready Gaitly.” The stallion frowned. “Really Discord, you ponify Gaitly but not Murphy?” he shouted towards the sky before turning back to the farm pony. “Sorry. Ask away.”
“I’ve been wondering why Discord might have grabbed you and yer friends. Ah can see why he’d pick me an the rest’o the girls, but...” the orange mare trailed off.
“Why me and my two friends, we’re not the elements of harmony, or superheroes or anything like that far as you know.”
“Thats actually a fairly good question,” Rainbow noted.
“Shame the answers probably just because he could,” The stallion gave a grin that the three mares recognized. “Doesn't mean he should,” The pony began singing, “just because he could it doesn’t make him good~”
“Should what?” Twilight stepped into the room, followed by Rarity. “Who are we talking about?”
“Discord, and why he chose Light Patch and his friends to be a part of this,” Rainbow said looking over her cards.
“You totally song blocked me Twilight, not cool.” Light Patch said poking the purple allicorn with a shod hoof.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I’m… sorry?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Wits End said, coming through the door behind the two mares; Fluttershy a few steps behind. “He chose us because we’re the funniest ones to mess with.” He stopped, look the grey pegasus over. “Something is… different about you. Did you get a manecut?”
“Nope,” the pegasus responded rearranging his cards and ignoring the burst of snickering from Rainbow Dash. “Go fish Witty.”
“I- Mmm.” Wits narrowed his eyes. “New glasses?”
“Nope same pair I’ve had since I fell from the sky, and yes ladies it did hurt… a lot.”
“...I got nothing.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Anyway, what did you find out about the the military getting built up?”
“Well there is a couple of towns near the borders of the two fightin’ countries that have been getting more than their fair share of food.” Applejack noted.
“I heard a rumor that a pegasus merchant spotted a large camp near one of those towns, it was at night though so he didn’t see who’s camp but there was one.” Rainbow threw in as she picked up the cards she asked for.
“And the militia’s been called up to head off somewhere that’s not close,” Pinkie chimed in.
“And the kingdom has everypony busy with some kind of royal project, not busy enough if you ask me though,” Light Patch finished in a mutter, before turning to his friend. “What about you find any juicy casus belli for wars?” the grey pegasus asked.
“Unfortunately, yes.” Twilight sat down at the table. “According to the history books, Roania lost several provinces. Bastion has all the reason he needs to start a war to reclaim them.”
“And,” Rarity added, “the nobles we talked to said they’d support a war to do exactly that. We have the makings of quite the drama on our hooves, girls. And Light Patch.”
“Congratulations Witty, you’re one of the girls now, what are you going to do next?” The grey pegasus asked while doing his best commercial voice.
Wits End’s face was screwed up in concentration. “Are you wearing a slightly different shade of pink?”
Light Patch made a buzzer noise, “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said transitioning to his best game show host impression, “but you’ve answered incorrectly! But don’t worry you’ll still get something on the way out. Pinkie if you’d show our contestant his prize.” The party pony quickly began to ruffle through her hair trying to find something.
“Oooh here how about this cupcake,” She said pulling one from her mane, she froze upon seeing it’s frostingless state however. “huh I wonder what happened to the frosting, I guess I’ll have to make you a fresh one, OOoh I know I’ll go see if Amber will let me use the castle’s kitchen I bet they’d have everything I’d need.” Before anypony could stop the pink mare she was gone in a hop skip and jump.
Twilight thought for a moment. “Well, if nothing else, we have a good reason to take Bastion down. Putting what Boomer said aside, we’ll be saving a lot of ponies by keeping Bastion from causing any trouble.”
“Maybe we don’t have to depose him?” Fluttershy asked in a whisper. “I mean, what if we just ask him to not start be bad?”
“We can try but I highly doubt it will work,” Light Patch said looking at Fluttershy, “Though if it does I’ll eat my hat, er helmet.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “As if! If we tell him, we’ll be in the same position as Daring Do in the Caves of Ahtalakalaka.” She watched the uncomprehending looks on the faces of everypony but Twilight. “She asks the cult leader not to sacrifice Lady Go-ga and gets put on the altar herself?”
“Lady… Go-ga?” Light Patch asked looking between Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Twilight gave a quick nod but her explanation was cut off by the sudden sparkle in Light Patch’s eyes. “Please tell me for the love of everything good, that whatever Go-ga does she does for the applause.”
“My point,” Rainbow Dash continued with a pointed look at the grey stallion, “is that if we tell Bastion that we know what he’s up to, we’ll get thrown in the arena right next to Purple Heart!” She punctuated her statement with a hoof on the table. “We need to take him down, and fast.”
“Rainbow’s right about if we tell him we’re in on his plans, I’m still not totally sold we need to oust him quite yet,” Light Patch said ignoring the looks from the mares, “But still how would we do it if we were to?”
Twilight sighed. “Wits, do you have any-” She saw the intense look on concentration on the mint-colored stallion’s face. “Never mind. We might not have proof that would stand up in an Equestrian court, but we’re not exactly in Equestria anymore.” She frowned, as if unhappy about where her logic had led to. “If we implicate him with what we know, we might be able to get the nobility to turn on him.”
“Like sharks on a… a… Like uhm, pigeons at a um… like a… I got nothing carry on.” Light Patch said turning back to the card game.
“In any case,” Rarity said with a toss of her mane, “we should wait to discuss with Purple Heart and Princess Amber Glitter. Until then, I’m going to go wash up. Enjoy your game of car-”
“THE HORSESHOES!” Wits End’s exclamation echoed off the walls as he pointed a triumphant hoof at Light Patch. “You got shod!”
“It took you long enough,” Light Patch grumbled while looking at Rainbow’s cards as she rolled around on the floor laughing.
Stats
Page generated in 0.024 seconds
Total duration
1,091 users online
2,030,815 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
HORSESHOES.
To be fair, I don't look at people's shoes or gloves that often either XD
And now I'm caught up
Before anypony could stop the pink mare she was gone in a hop skip and jump.
Hmm... well that's a nice blast from season #1
So, they want to depose the king because he's (probably) planning to fight a war to recover lost territory? Because that sounds like being a king to me. That's just a thing people do, fighting over land. Even in a fairly industrialized world that has nukes, that's a thing people do. In a bunch of agrarian, feudal countries? Yeah, it's going to happen. A lot. Land is power, wealth, and security. The more land you have, the more food you can grow, the more resources you have, the more people you can support. And at the end of the day? Most of that land will be held by those people who are willing to fight for it, unless they've all got a really damn good reason not to. Swapping out leaders isn't really going to change anything significant.
Like sharks on a cheeseburger?