Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 64: Just talking to myself

“You’re enjoying ticking Twilight off, aren’t you?”

The raven-maned pony chuckled at Wits End’s comment, having once again cut the Princess of Friendship off with a, for lack of a better term, mental disconnect. “Imagining such a perfectionist being so irked amuses me. You understand, of course.”

No response for a moment. Then, a mental cough. “Well, uh, yeah. But that’s besides the point! I think by now you owe me an explanation for all of the ooga-booga mystery time.”

With a sigh, the pony shook its head, still trotting down the dirt road. “But we’re so close to the village of Mistakwe,” it said in a mock whine. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather wait until we’re there?”

“Oh, yes, by all means. Sorry to inconvenience you… NOT!” The unicorn’s body jerked to a sudden halt. “I want some answers, you little sh-”

“Ah ah ah!” The pony covered its surprise at its mental counterpart regaining partial control with a smug tone. “Remember, My Little Pony has a TV-Y rating~”

“-ssssugar honey iced tea. That still raises questions.”

“Fine.” The raven-maned pony wrested control of its limbs back and took a seat on a nearby rock. “Let’s bring this mystery to a close, shall we? Ask away.”

Wits End took a moment to gather his thoughts. “Okay then,” he thought-said, “let’s start with an easy one. You said that you were me. But I’m reasonably sure that I’m me. So if you’re me, and I’m me, then who’s flying this pony? Or, more to the point, who-slash-what are you, exactly?”

The pony chuckled again. “Like I said, I’m yo-”

“Stop right there. If you’re me, you should know that we really don’t have the patience for that kind of smug misdirection in this kind of situation.” Wits took control of a foreleg and tapped the hoof against the rock impatiently. “Give me a straight answer, or the next question is gonna be ‘why are you hitting yourself’.”

“...Fine.” The raven-maned unicorn sighed. “I suppose saying that I’m you is a gross misrepresentation. What would be more accurate would be to say that I’m a hybrid that is heavily influenced by you.”

“Hybrid? What is this, Doctor Whooves? Am I supposed to go around with sunglasses and an electric guitar now?”

The unicorn made a shushing sound. “Quiet. This is about to get more complicated, so keep quiet and pay attention. I’m sure you’ll enjoy this.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Shh, quiet time. Do you remember the scroll you got from Holdfast?”

“...”

“...Well?”

“You told me to be quiet.”

The raven-maned pony shook its head. “I’m beginning to regret this.”

“I have that effect on people. Yes, I do remember the scroll that I had to betray my friends’ trust to get and also keep them safe. It’s a little difficult to forget something like that.”

“Do you remember why Holdfast intended to give it to you?”

“Payment for murdering Amber Glitter? A bonus for a job well done?”

“That was what he said, yes. But you’ve seen enough of Holdfast to know that was never his original plan.” The pony pulled at the collar of its cloak as if it were a dog’s collar. “A pony with the ability to take on the appearance of anypony? One that was unable to resist any order he gave? He was never going to let you go. Or rather, let us go.”

Wits End was silent. “You’re his contingency plan,” he replied slowly. “A bit of More Than Mind Control. An agent on the inside of my brain to make sure I didn’t turn on him afterwards.”

“Which, incidentally, was exactly what you did.” The unicorn shifted to get more comfortable on the rock. “The spell that would become me was already written into the scroll long before you came along. Holdfast was prepared for the eventuality of coming across a Mimic. But, since you cut your ties to him before reading the scroll-”

“Quite literally.”

“I am talking. Since you cut your ties, it left what would be me without a ‘master’ to tie you to. So, the spell that would be me had to find something else to tie you to.”

“Hang on a tick,” Wits interrupted. “You keep saying ‘the spell that would be you’, but you’re clearly more than just a spell. Right? Are you trying to imply that there’s something else at work?”

The pony clapped its forehooves together. “Very good! I was worried you weren’t as clever as we think we are.”

A pause. “Thhhhanks?”

“Now, put that brain of ours to work. Holdfast is out of the picture The spell that would become me is designed to tie whoever is under it to a ‘master’; something that already has some sort of control over them. Something that’s already manipulating them for their own goals. Sound familiar?”

Silence again. Then, the pony’s hoof tapped one over the other; a gesture that would have been a fist tapping the palm of the lower hand, if hands had been involved at all. “Discord.”

“Well done indeed! Yes, the so-called Spirit of Chaos. Naturally, with him involved, the magic went a bit… well, the result is obvious, is it not?”

“So a spell that Discord indirectly set up targeted him directly, and it made you happen. That’s how you knew about the trick weapon shenanigans and the village you sent those two Team Rocket wannabes to. Because Discord knows they’ll be important later.” Wits End thought for a moment. “That seems… almost too straightforward for him. Am I missing something?” The mysterious pony remained silent. “That sounds an awful lot like a ‘yes’ to me. Drop the legumes, buddy.”

With a sigh, the pony shook his head. “Your actions concerning Holdfast-”

“I take it back. Secure the legumes again. Restrict legume loss.”

The pony continued regardless. “Your actions concerning Holdfast went against certain moral tenets held by the ponies of Equestria, and thus Discord in his redeemed state.”

“What are you, a equidroid? You wanna tell me about the state of the neutron flow through the corbomite reactor?”

“I’m trying to explain-”

“Wibbly wobbly technobabbly.”

“Fine.” The unicorn tapped one forehoof against the rock. “You screwed up big-time like. You lied to your friends, kept things from them, and almost ruined what trust the mares had for you.”

“To protect-”

“Don’t even try it,” the unicorn snorted in a biting tone. “I’m you, remember? Do you really think you can’t be honest with yourself?” Wits End’s thoughts went silent. “What, no response?” the raven-maned pony asked. “No snappy comeback or witty redirection? Maybe you should consider a little something called ‘the truth’.”

“Shut up, would ya?” Wits’ thoughts held an edge to them, and the mysterious pony could feel its jaw tensing. “I did it because I could, alright? I could’ve gotten everypony together to kick Holdfast’s flank into dust. But, I saw the opportunity to be sneaky—to really set up Holdfast for a fall—and I took it, regardless the cost.”

“And why was that, exactly?”

“Don’t you know already?”

The unicorn smirked. “Let’s say I like hearing myself squirm.”

“...Fine. Because, despite all of the emotional connections I can make to it, this is still a game. Games like this are where I get to be who-and-whatever I want. And because Holdfast was an acceptable target. He wanted to cause me as much pain as possible, and I decided to repay him in kind. Because I can. And you can let Discord know that no, I don’t regret it. The only thing I regret in that whole scenario was how it effected my friends. That’s it. Happy now?”

“And would you do it again?”

“No.” The answer was immediate. “I did it because I thought, since this is a game, that it’d be fun to play the anti-hero for once. It wasn’t, so I won’t do it again.”

“An excuse because you were caught?”

“Not an excuse. A promise.”

The pony broke out into laughter. “Well, that was certainly more soul-searching than I expected.” It wiped a tear from its eye. “Honestly, I originally meant to say that Discord didn’t like you wrapping Fluttershy up in your drama. He wanted to punish you for making his friend uncomfortable.”

“...Oh.” Wits went silent for several seconds. “I’ll fight him for her.”

“He’d cheat.”

“I’d still win.”

“I don’t doubt it.” The pony sighed contentedly. “Is there anything else you want to know?”

“Yes, actually. What about that Sunbrony from before? He was looking for Rarity after I imitated her. You could’ve just said that you hadn’t seen her and went on your way. What makes him important?”

The pony chuckled. “You’ll have to ask your mare friends about that.”

“Assuming I still have any by the time I see them again.” Wits fell silent again. For a moment, the raven-maned pony wondered if it was going to have to comfort itself. “Different topic: the Alter Self ability. Are you gonna pop up everytime I use it?”

“Don’t worry. You can cosplay your precious Fluttershy without me interrupting you. I simply borrowed the ability to create this form when you left it open.”

“You mean when I tried to create my Oh-see Donut Steel? So then… can I use Alter Self to look like you?”

A smile crossed the pony’s lips. “If you want to look like somepony other than one of your friends, I’m afraid you’ll have to. Alter Self only gives you one form you can imitate aside from your companions.”

“Aaaand you spent it. So cool of you.” Wits fell silent again for several seconds. “Alright, so is this the part where you talk about how you just want to exist after being created by accident, right? And then we share a body and get into wacky hijinks where one of us does something and the other has to deal with the resulting fallout?”

Now it was the pony’s turn to be silent. “What would you do?” it asked. “If you were in my position, where your existence was, as you put it, an accident?”

Wits End laughed, almost startling the raven-maned unicorn. “Are you serious?” he asked between mental breaths. “Geez, I guess we’re not so alike after all. As long as I could survive without hurting anypony, I’d absolutely do it. No questions asked.”

“Survival is enough for you, then?”

“Survival is the baseline of everything we do, friendo. Once you’ve got that, you figure out where to go from there. Move forward.” Wits chuckled. “We’ve got two strong pairs of legs. We should get up and use them.”

A smile passed over the pony’s face. “You couldn’t resist another Foalmetal Alchemist reference, could you?”

“You’re me. You should know it’s my go-to for references. Now come on, we’re burning daylight.”

“You would share your body and mind with me, after everything that’s happened so far?”

“Oh please. I’m a writer. Not a day goes by without my imaginary friends telling me to do stuff. I bet we can find you a suit of armor and a blood rune in Mistakwe. Come on, I’ll let you drive. I gotta come up with a punny name for you anyway.”

The pony shook its head as it stood. “No thanks. This world isn’t ready for two of us. Besides, my job is over for now. I’m on borrowed time as it is. There’s just one thing left to do. It’ll require breaking the rules a bit.”

“Huh? What’re you talking about?”

The raven-maned unicorn gathered its focus, its horn glowing as it channeled its magic. “Imitate Skill: Telepathy.” A twinge of pain shot through the pony as it tapped into Discord’s influence to copy Twilight’s ability without her nearby. A moment later, it felt the connection open. “Hello, Fluttershy.”

“Eep! Wits End?” Fluttershy’s confusion was obvious in her tone. “How are you doing this? I thought Twilight was the only one who could-”

“Hold that thought. I don’t have a lot of time to do this.” The pony took a deep breath, wiping the sweat off its brow. “I know you and the other mares have some questions for me. Probably a lot of questions, actually. I wanted to let you know that when we meet up again, I’ll answer any questions you six have.” It chuckled. “And that’s a Pinkie Promise.”

“What are you talking ab-”

Another jolt pain ran through the raven-maned pony; this one stronger than before. It looked down to see a light forming around its hooves. “Whoops. That’s my time up. Sorry, Fluttershy, gonna have to cut this short. See you soon, okay?”

“Wits End, are you-”

The connection closed. The pony chuckled as the light moved up its body. “Well, there we go,” it said. “My job is done.”

“Keeping me straight, huh? Or is it throwing me under the bus?” Wits End’s tone lacked its usual light-heartedness. “You’re gonna make me tear up.”

“Relax. This isn’t goodbye forever.” The light was covering the unicorn’s torso now. “I’ll be back if you mess up again. But for now, I’m passing this off to you again. Keep going down this road and you’ll arrive in Mistakwe soon enough. Keep an eye out for old friends.” It sighed as the light moved up its neck. “Oh and before I go, I just want to say one thing.” It grinned. “I’ll always remember when Wits End was me.”

Light flared from the pony’s body, lighting the area around it for a moment. When the light faded, the pony had been replaced by a short, mint-colored stallion.

Wits End was silent for a long time, staring down at his hooves. Eventually, he took a deep breath, holding it for a second before letting it out again. “Three days with somepony else in my brain,” he muttered. “Seems awful empty now.” He blinked. “I think I just zinged myself.” With a chuckle, he closed his eyes, a familiar light enveloping his body.

When the light faded, the raven-maned unicorn stood in his place. Wits End looked down at his longer, artichoke-green limbs. “Despite everything,” he muttered, his voice just as androgynous as the mysterious pony’s. “It’s still me.” He transformed back into his shorter, mint-colored form. “Alright then,” he said, putting a smirk on his face. “Onward to Mistakwe.”

Author's Note:

Author: Wits End

Comments

[Dravkwn]

Alter self into and be at Mistakwe in 10 seconds flat.

[bluemoon1996]

Well, this makes things more... intrestibg