Caverns & Cutie Marks

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 43: What could possibly go wrong, right, Murphy? Want some popcorn?

“So, that’s where we stand,” Wits End finished, having recapped their findings for the assembled ponies. “Not only is King Bastion setting up to go to war, but as it stands now, he’ll have the support of the nobility when he does it.”

Twilight nodded in agreement. “It looks like the best we can do is to try and implicate him to weaken his position; try to delay until we can get some real proof.”

Amber furrowed her brow, considering the facts set before her. “How would we go about implicating him short of telling the entire ruling class of what he intends? If anything, I’d think they’d agree with his intent to gather more land. It’d give them reason to want more for themselves.”

“Only if they can profit from it.” Wits End shook his head. “If it looks like the nobility is going to war for selfish reasons, it opens the peasantry up to revolution. If we can make it look like siding with Bastion is more costly than it’s worth, the nobility will flip like a pancake.” The mint-colored stallion’s stomach growled. “Oh, shush, you.” Amber’s lips quirked at the sound.

“And how do you propose going about doing that?” she asked. “Without eliciting attention from Bastion?”

“A scathing news report?” Light Patch asked.

“We’ll have ta be subtle,” Applejack mused.

Twilight smirked. “Funny coming from you.”

“Hey!”

“We’ll think of a way,” Wits said. “Worst case scenario, we make something up to tie things up for a while. After all, rumor are always a good way to spread confidential information.”

“Speaking of rumors,” Twilight interjected, “I heard through the grapevine that you and Purple Heart were-”

“Kiss kiss, fall in love!” Light Patch started to sing before Rainbow Dash quickly cut him off.

“No singing,” the mare said, glaring at the stallion while holding his mouth shut.

Amber Glitter blushed at the lyrics and nodded to Twilight in affirmation. “Yes. We are attempting at a romantic relationship. I asked him after his last bout.”

Wits End simply smiled. “Well, I wish the two of you the very best.”

“That’s surprisingly mature of you,” Twilight said, her tone one of suspision.

“Oh, I’m absolutely gonna mock P.H. mercilessly. But mocking Amber is no fun without a common history.”

“I should’ve figured… Speaking of surprise,” Twilight turned to Pinkie Pie, “I’m surprised you haven’t jumped on this yet, Pinkie.” The party mare spasmed and started cramming a bunch of papers into her hair before turning around.

“Jumped on what?” she asked innocently.

“Purple Heart and Amber… Never mind.” Twilight sighed. “It’s probably safer this way.” She turned back to arena below them. “Purple Heart’s fight should be starting soon. If he wins this one, he’ll be free again.”

Amber nodded. “I just hope that he doesn’t get too banged up this time.”

Wits stared at the princess. “...Really? Have you not watched the last four fights?”

“We’ve been too busy asking questions and chewing gum, or stuff like that,” Light Patch deadpanned. With a roll of her eyes, the Princess nodded.

“He’s probably gone in underestimating his opponent,” she mused, raising a hoof to forestall any retorts. “I’m not saying he’s doing it on purpose, I do truly care for him. But he is stubborn. I realized that when I first met him.”

“Yep, he usually does take bullheaded as a trait.” The grey pegasus paused for a moment. “Bullheaded is a DnD trait right?”

“Um…” Wits frowned. “I don’t… know...”

Twilight sighed. “This fight can’t start soon enough…”

* * *

Purple Heart rolled his shoulders, trying to loosen his taut muscles in an attempt to ready himself for the coming fight. For perhaps the billionth time, he cursed Wits End. It was the irritating unicorn’s fault that Purple Heart was saddled with Amber as her bodyguard until further notice. Course, the golden princess herself had had a hoof in his predicament. While Wits End had seconded her request for the purple earth pony to become her bodyguard, it was King Bastion who had made the position official.

“Welcome, ladies and gentlecolts!” the game announcer boomed. “You may know of the Purple Barbarian who protects the Princess! His astonishing defeat of the Braek Brothers was surprising to say the least and his handy beating of Big Ban was the stuff of legend! I’m sure you were all impressed at how well he defeated the Gallopilli Lancers! But now, he must face a new foe!” Purple Heart frowned as the crowd outside roared. The announcer was certainly pumping the audience up for some blood.

“A new stallion from the East has traveled far and wide looking for a worthy opponent!” the game announcer continued. “Nopony knows his face as he has never been seen without his flaming helm! Ladies and gentlecolts! Allow me to introduce to you for the first time and hopefully for many more to come, Grim Hammer!” The crowed roared again, obviously at the appearance of Purple Heart’s opponent. The reaction was always the same. Always the same bloodlust. It disgusted the purple earth pony to no end. Every time he came to do battle for his freedom, the crowd always supported the other pony. Mostly. Specifically, the ponies in the ruling class.

“And now!” the game announcer bellowed. “The Purple Barbarian!” Sighing contemptuously, Purple Heart trotted out of the Pits, met by a mixture of booing from the royals and cheers from the common-ponies and lower members of Gallopilli’s society.

“Go get ‘em lad,” one of the gladiators behind him grunted.

“Good luck,” another said. Purple Heart smiled grimly and nodded. He respected the gladiators. They were simple, humble folk with no delusions of grandeur apart from the small chance that they could win their freedom. Sure, twice during his stay in Gallopilli, a fighter had come to the Coliseum with hopes of bringing wealth and glory to his name.

The noises of the crowd became infinitely more apparent now that he was surrounded by them. Looking instinctively, Purple Heart saw the Princess sitting in her royal box with the Mane Six and two colts. The surrounded boxes were filled with foreign dignitaries and local royals, all eager to witness the combat they desired. Several bones cracked as Purple Heart rolled his head and turned to face his opponent as he walked deeper into the arena. He froze. And then he blanched. Fear pulsed through him as he took in his opponent’s appearance.

“Oh Emperor,” he whispered, his eyes wide. “Why do you hate me so?” Standing opposite him was something that could only be found in the deepest, most vague and chaotic parts of his imagination. A large pony covered in black armor that was riddled with cracks like a volcano stood passively near his gate. Verdant green flames erupted intermittently from the cracks, matching in time with the pony’s breathing. A massive hammer stood near the pony, flames licking up from its head just like the cracks in his armor. Calling this pony a flaming hot mess was no great stretch. Then again, it would be dangerous to call this being as such.

Appearance-wise, the other pony was something to definitely be wary of. But there was more. The aura that the pony radiated was one of pure, unadulterated rage. Rage that could bring forth a being to carry and host it wherever it need go. What’s more, Purple Heart had the niggling feeling that he knew this pony. It seemed...familiar...like he had some kind of relation to it.

Purple Heart’s thoughts were interrupted by the gong sounding, signalling the begin of combat. He blinked in surprise as Grim Hammer rocketed forward, leaving its weapon standing still in the dust. Early in his battles, Purple Heart had learned that the combat in the arena followed no rules or structure. The best term to give such combat would be ‘Free-Formed.’ No lists, no grid, no turns, just two ponies duking it out until one was bashed beyond recognition. A small thought shivered at the back of the purple earth pony’s mind as he crouched to receive his opponent’s attack.

I won’t win this.

The impact was earthshaking. While Purple Heart had experienced the adrenaline rush of sports before, he had never felt so alive as he was now. With a grunt of exertion, he uncrossed his forelegs from in front of his face and pushed the Hammer back. The large black pony flipped away before darting back in to attack.

“Time to move,” Purple Heart murmured. He clenched his teeth and flexed his haunches, waiting for the opportune moment. When it came, he wasted no time. The Hammer landed, creating a small crater where Purple Heart had once been and turned its helmeted head skywards, tracking its adversary. High above, silhouetted against the mid-morning sun, was the purple earth pony. When he landed, a cloud of sand erupted up from where he stood. Air hissed through Purple Heart’s teeth as he inhaled and exhaled, sweat dripping from his forehead as he waited for some kind of sign from his adversary that would herald an attack.

Hammer turned and stared mutely at the purple earth pony, as if planning its next course of action. Purple Heart gave a tight smile and charged forward, intent on interrupting the pony’s planning phase. When he was within ten feet of his opponent, the purple earth pony leapt up and fell towards the black pony, his elbow cocked at its face. Clenching his torso for the coming impact that would certainly jar his entire frame, Purple Heart fell hard and fast. The hit came...

And Grim Hammer crumbled.

Purple Heart’s eyes grew in surprise as the black armor disintegrated beneath his elbow into a pile of fine black dust with a helm resting crookedly upon it like some molten crown reminiscent of a fallen dark lord.

Grim Hammer was defeated.

And yet...it seemed too easy...

* * *

Wits End lept to his hooves, leaning halfway out of the box to point at what had appeared to be a fight to the death. “Ash nazg durbatulûk! Ash nazg gimbatul!”

The Mane Six plus Amber looked at the pinto colt in confusion, wary of the darkening cloud sitting almost directly above Wits End.

“What was that?” Amber asked, her attention drawn from Purple Heart’s apparent victory.

“Black magic,” Wits explained as Fluttershy pulled him back from the edge. “Black magical shenanigans of the highest order. Hopefully I still have my mortal soul after that bit.”

“Ah’m sorry,” Applejack said slowly, “but did Purple Heart just vaporize a flaming warrior from Tartarus?”

“It was more of a disintegration, but yes, yes he did,” Light Patch said, throwing another hoof-full of popcorn in his mouth.

“How though?” Twilight queried. “He just fell to pieces; quite literally! All his other fights went on for at least twenty minutes. Was this one a dud?”

Light Patch was about to take more popcorn when his many years of gaming caught up to him. With a startled gasp, he jumped towards the railing, “Watch for his second form!” the stallion shouted at the top of his lungs. “Final bosses never end with only one stage!”

“Don’t breath him in!” Wits added. “He might be planning to take you out from the inside!”

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow at the stallions. “You guys are nuts.”

“But he’s right,” Amber whispered, pointing at the pile of ash as a tongue of emerald flame sprang forth. “Something is happening. What is happening?” She turned to look at Wits End, her face a mask of concern.

“Uh…” Wits stared down at the arena. “Black magical shenanigans.”

* * *

With an expression of horror and fear etched into his features, Purple Heart watched as Grim Hammer re-integrated itself into its original burning form. Of course it had multiple stages. Apparently, it was a mini-boss of some sort. There was no way this...being was a final boss. The purple earth pony’s thoughts were interrupted when a voice sighed in contentment. Looking up, Purple Heart saw a fully formed earth pony, complete with flaming armor and blazing emerald eyes. Its helm had remained on the ground, forgotten by the regenerating earth pony. Remarkably, there were no nostrils on its face, nor was the nose pronounced as it should have been.

“Aaaah,” the earth pony sighed. “Much better.” It looked up, its eyes bright against its darkened face. “Bael sends his regards.” Purple Heart frowned at the name. He thought it was familiar. It sounded like...

“Who?” he asked. Grim Hammer sighed and ran a hoof through its mane of flickering flames.

“Your progeny,” the burning pony said, raising its right hoof towards Purple Heart. “He can’t wait to meet you.” Purple Heart cocked his head to the right in confusion, a frown creasing his brow. That singular motion of angling his head unintentionally saved him from a mushy fate. The hammer that had been standing straight up since the beginning of the fight whipped past Purple Heart’s head, ruffling his mane in its passing. The purple earth pony went stock still, his eyes wide with fear as the gravity of the situation hit him.

He was right.

He couldn’t win this.

Not without a miracle.

Two tense seconds passed during which the two earth ponies stared at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. Ironically, they moved at the same time, both charging forward in an attempt to catch the other off guard. They clashed, hooves on hammer, sending sparks flying and embers sailing. Purple Heart pummeled Grim Hammer with a flurry of blows. Every so often, one of the strikes would clip the burnt earth pony, rocking him off balance. All the while, the crowd roared in excitement, egging the two combatants on. No insults were being thrown about now. Mare and stallion alike merely wanted to see what these two paragons of combat could do to each other.

Grim Hammer grinned when one of of his hammer blows struck Purple Heart on a flank, sending the purple earth pony back several yards. Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Purple Heart leapt up, twisting his body so that his hindlegs were aimed at his adversary.

“Nail Kick!” he barked, firing off his shotgun-type attack. He landed, facing away from Grim Hammer. Torquing his midsection, he turned and darted towards his opponent, intent on catching the other earth pony off guard. To his luck, the burnt pony was reeling back, his flaming eyes wide in a semblance of surprise. Purple Heart allowed a tight smirk to curve his lips as he punched his enemy right in the chops. Purple Heart blinked as Grim Hammer’s face unexpectedly caved in on itself, puffing out everything that was on fire. A second of silence passed as the entire Coliseum stared at the doused earth pony. Then his face reformed, his muzzle mere inches from Purple Heart’s hoof. Hammer furrowed his brow and reached up to rub the crown of his head.

“Whoa, is my hair out?”

* * *

“This is getting interesting,” Wits End muttered, leaning forward in his seat. “It looks like P.H. and the Hammer are evenly matched. It might come down to whoever gets lucky first.”

“Isn’t there some way for Purple Heart to get the upper hoof?” Twilight asked.

“There’s plenty of ways,” Wits said, “but the arena removes the environmental effects he could use in this case.” He watched the two fighters clash. “He might have to pull a shōnen protagonist and use sheer willpower.”

“Is that possible?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Winning out of sheer willpower? I mean, magic I could understand, but using hooves alone with just a little moral help? Even I can’t do that.”

Wits End shook his head. “You’re underestimating him. Purple Heart’s a barbarian. Willpower is his bread, butter, jam, and nutella.” The unicorn’s stomach growled again. “Oh, stop it, you.”

Fluttershy cocked her head. “Nutella?”

“It’s a- hmm.” Wits frowned. “I’ll explain after the match. Just watch. Something’ll happen. Probably a good thing. Maybe.”

“You don’t exactly seem confident,” Amber Glitter muttered.

“Well, there’s two ways this can go down.” Wits End tapped the arm of his seat. “One is that Purple Heart harnesses his chi, aligns his chakras, and believes in the heart of the cards, and that’s enough to give him the edge he needs to win.”

Twilight frowned. “None of those things you said made any sense. What’s the other option?”

The mint-colored unicorn bit his lower lip. “That this is a supposed-to-lose fight, and P.H. never had a chance to begin with.”

Fluttershy swallowed nervously. “What happens then?’

“Then?” Wits End’s expression turned sour. “Then we see if the janitor will help us scrape up what’s left of our barbarian.”

* * *

With a sigh, Grim Hammer placed a hoof over his nose and blew. Flames blossomed to life upon the earth pony’s head, covering the once bald pate with a mane of crackling flames. A grin tugged at the corners of his mouth as he looked at Purple Heart. “Now, where were we?”

Purple Heart just stared and he soon regretted his inaction. Another sigh passed Hammer’s lips and his hammer shot forward, catching the Purple Barbarian square in the chest. Neither stopped as the hammer carried its unfortunate target across the Coliseum sand to where they both stopped against the arena wall. A spiderweb of cracks radiated outwards at the point of impact. The crowd roared in approval and cheers rocked the stands. One royal in particular grinned gleefully at the attack. Surely, the Purple Barbarian couldn’t last much longer against such a powerful opponent. Unfortunately for Heavy Wait, he thought too soon.

The cloud of dust that had been kicked up by the flying weapon and pony settled, revealing a kneeling purple earth pony, his hoof resting on the hammer beside him. A grunt of pain could be heard as Purple Heart clambered to his hooves, taking the hammer with him. He didn’t notice the look of interest flash across Hammer’s face at his action. Panting heavily, Purple Heart looked up, narrowing his eyes at his adversary.

The purple earth pony opened his mouth to make a snippy retort but was forestalled by a stab of pain that shot through his flank. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he sucked a breath of air and exhaled it in a whoosh, sending the sweat covered sand dancing about his hooves.

“Activate ‘Fury’ skill,” Purple Heart gasped. Energy flooded through him in a massive wave. Several more pulses rocked his body, nearly sending him to his knees, but he bit his lip and stood strong in indignation. Little did he know that he was proving his friend right: willpower was a thing and it certainly kept him standing, despite that irrationality and questionable mechanics of the theory.

Grim Hammer cocked his head to one side, impressed by how the purple earth pony had regained much of his spent strength. Perhaps Bael one was right in sending him to learn more of this purple earth pony. The burnt pony’s thoughts were interrupted by a violent rush of air whip past his face, sending his flaming mane billowing from the draft.

He turned to see Purple Heart rushing towards him. He sighed again and clucked in disapproval. “Now that was rude,” he chided. “That was a near miss.”

“A near miss?!” the purple earth pony snapped, kicking out with a foreleg. “A hit is a near miss! If anything, that was a near hit! Geez!” While he ranted, he continued to rain a flurry of blows down on the burnt pony, only to have each blocked with relative ease.

“And stay still!” the Purple Barbarian growled. “I have to win this!”

“What if you can’t?” Grim Hammer asked innocently. “We both know the outcome. It just has to happen.” Purple Heart smiled, his expression tight with concentration.

“I have several points in ‘Stubborn’,” he quipped. “I don’t give up easily.”

“So I’ve noticed,” the blackened earth pony mused, blocking a dangerously close strike to his shoulder. Slowly but surely, he was slowing down. Loath as he was to admit it, the Purple Barbarian was a tough opponent. This was further proven when he felt more than saw that blinding yellow light that slammed into his chest.

Huh, Hammer mused. I didn’t see that coming. That was his last thought before blackness overtook him as he rammed forcibly into the arena wall behind him.

Purple Heart panted from the exertion of using the Jan, Ken, Hufu, watching as his stamina bar emptied completely. If Grim Hammer got back up from that attack, Purple Heart would have to continue without the benefit of high power attacks. As he watched the burnt pony slump to the arena sand, he prayed that this was the last form.

* * *

“So,” Rainbow Dash flopped back in her seat, “now is it over?”

“Maaaaaaybe?” Wits End thought for a moment. “We’ve had the Lord of Darkness, the Lord of the Dead… What could be next?”

“Lord of the Flies?” Pinkie Pie offered. “Lord of Lies? Lord of Pies? Or Spies? Or Surprise?”

Amber looked down at the coliseum floor, ignoring the conversation going on beside her. She sincerely hoped that Purple Heart’s fight was over. If only that blackened pony stayed down.

“Is it truly over?” she whispered, loudly enough for only Wits End and Twilight to hear her. Her voice trembled with the fear that hoping it was would be in vain. “Has he won?” She wanted to be assured that it was, but she didn’t want to hope.

“Unlikely, Dash. If he’s a boss battle worth his weight in salt, he’s gotta come back at least once more,” Light Patch noted, addressing the cyan pegasus. “You know, rule of three or something like that.” The Princess swallowed upon hearing Light Patch, looking to Wits End, a silent plea on her face.

Wits sighed. “Until he stops getting up, there’s no way to tell. Patchy’s right; lots of game tropes use the rule of three, so we might be seeing another stage here.” He turned back to the arena. “Only one way to find out…” Amber followed his example and looked down at the purple earth pony. What she saw made her freeze in horror.

* * *

Incredible… Simply incredible…

What is incredible?

This ‘Purple Heart’ you told me of. He is truly a fascinating creature. A most powerful opponent. I’m very grateful that you sent me to I find him.

Really? Does he know of me yet?

I gave him a hint of a sort. I’m sure he’ll know of you soon.

Good. I cannot wait to meet him.

What should I do? He’s beaten me into unconsciousness twice now. And he blew out my hair.

Teach him a lesson then. But do not kill him. Put some fear into him. But do. Not. Kill. Him.

Understood. Actually, I also found a rather interesting pony here aside from Purple Heart.

Really? Do tell…

* * *

Fear and panic raced through Purple Heart’s body as he watched the pony he had beaten twice in a row stand up with no difficulty. He didn’t know why he was surprised. This was as much of a boss battle as any he had seen. Why he was scared and shocked was beyond him.

Maybe it was the roaring flames of emerald that had sparked to life around the burnt pony.

Maybe it was the heavy presence that permeated the air, brought on by some undeniably powerful will.

Maybe it was the relaxed, non-aggressive posture of his opponent as it stalked forward.

As it turned out, all reasons were true. Purple Heart looked up at the once again newly formed Grim Hammer with blatant horror.

“Well,” the towering blackened pony rumbled. “This is unusual. I didn’t think this would work.” Had Purple Heart not been scared out of his mind, he would have made a retort. He would have gone on a rant about how this was a fairly serious situation and defusing it was pointless. He would have berated his opponent for such a blatant disregard for the situation.

But he couldn’t.

He was trapped in his own mind, cursing a particular draconequus for his games. Weakly, the purple earth pony walked slowly forward, hoping that this one last ditch effort would be sufficient. But he knew it wouldn’t. He had spent too much energy. Further, the backlash from using the ‘Fury’ skill was taking its toll.

“Jan, ken, hufu!” Purple Heart roared with as much grit and energy as he could muster. The light grew, enveloping his hoof. Hammer looked on with interest and simply raised a hoof, placing it directly in the glowing hoof’s path. Purple Heart torqued his body and snapped his foreleg around. The two hooves made contact…

And Purple Heart crumpled, completely void of energy while the glowing attack merely poofed away, rendered harmless.

The crowd stared, struck dumb.

The massive burnt pony clicked his tongue. “Tch. Pitiful.” To the horror of the audience and the gleeful happiness of the royals, Grim Hammer walked around to stand beside the unconscious Purple Barbarian. For several tense seconds, he looked down at the defeated gladiator. Then he raised his hammer high above his head.

“Fore!” he boomed, whirling the hammer around to slam into Purple Heart’s slumped form. A sickening crunch echoed around the arena as the purple earth pony was hurled across the arena to land hard against the wall. A smear of blood appeared as Purple Heart slid down the arena wall to fall into a hole leading to the gladiator cages.

Stunned silence reigned around the Gallopilli Coliseum.

Then, a mare screamed.

Author's Note:

Authors: Wits End, Light Patch, Purple Heart

Comments

[Seeking Dusk]

Wait, wait, wait... Progeny? You sure that shouldn't be progenitor? 'Cause that's some messed up shenanigans if it's progeny OR Purple has some serious explaining to do about what he's been spending his free time doing OR Discord been using their old character ideas or something along those lines.

[bluemoon1996]

just

Ash nazg durbatulûk! Ash nazg gimbatul!

As much as the black speech of mordor is terrifying I prefer the old ones myself
ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

[BlueDraken]

Soooo, is Bael who makes cookies, or Bael Lord of Murder?