• Member Since 16th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen April 9th

Aedina


E

One of the human elites has taken his luxury yacht on a Farewell Tour of Earth before it's swallowed up by the emerging Equestria. His guests and crew reflect on their lives and on the choices that have led them to the decision to bid farewell to Terra before embracing ponydom.

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 45 )

looks like this will be a short story... unless of course you use the flashback procedure

and does that mean that from your point of view, the last area of Earth to be covered will be in the ocean? (I guess I can see how it's the case with 70% water, 30% landmasses...)

i'm going out on a limb here and say i will like

Thank you, this is my first attempt at a story, so please be both patient and forgiving. The flashback approach will be used, and also the conversation approach. I'm actually going to take a tradition used by a group I belong to for Ren Faires, and expand on it, in toasts that have our characters discussing their memories. I'm still working on things, as I go, and am open to suggestions.

I'm very interested to see where this goes :twilightsmile:

This is excellent, and a story that needs to be told. Fantastic. I want to read the rest. If you don't continue and finish this I will... be very, very sad.

This has my attention, but please do go back through and sort out speech. It's always a new line when a new pony is speaking, and you have mangled that in the second half.

516074 I had asked Chatoyance on her opinion of the format, and was awaiting her response. Part of this is formatting error, but I'll do what I can, thanks.

There corrections made, or at least attempted. I'll figure out this format, eventually.

516442 Trust me, when two different people are talking on the same paragraph (especially when on the same line) then it's not a style, it is wrong. You seem to have fixed things, which is good, but now you have random indents. remove them, or switch to the "indented new line" style completely. like the story so far!

Finally, second chapter done!

how come the HLF still exists, shouldnt they all have been pushed back if the Barrier is reaching the end of its deployment

541078 Probably some remnants trying to hold to their beliefs.

Loving this still Aedina, keep em coming :twilightsmile:

541078 These are the ones determined to go out fighting, as it were.

Minor errors in punctuation, grammar, typing, etc. have now been corrected. Also any tendency on my part for redundant terminology or expressions, wherever I caught them.

Frazer? that picture looks awfully like a sickbay from what looks like the original Star Trek show......

I got a feeling you watched a lot of sci-fi in yo life.....

and I know Frazer is not from Star Trek..... she was primary medic in STargate SG-1 until.... season 8 I think?

Janet Fraiser was the name of the doctor on SG-1, and my doctor is named for her. The picture is an altered one of the Star Trek sickbay, yes. I was trying for something futuristic looking. I do not claim the artwork in these as my own work. Most are taken from web images and played with a little bit. Unlike my beloved Chatoyance, I am not an artist. Oh, she's taught me how to draw, as best I can, and sometimes it might actually look good, but I can't just whip out a pic for the hell of it, and especially not to the level that she can.

Lots of Sci-Fi, & lots of fantasy are influences in my reading and watching choices. Any references are meant to be a loving homage, and not a rip off - though of course there will be some small changes to avoid copyright difficulties.

What a wonderful new chapter! I am really liking the characters, and I am eager to see more of this situation. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Well, I think I've finally made all the necessary corrections. Why I can't seem to iron them all out BEFORE I hit the Publish button is beyond me. Fortunately my audience is wonderfully compassionate and forgiving. Not to mention patient. Sorry this took so long, writer's block decided to come and visit me for an overly lengthy stay. It finally fled this morning, much to my relief. I'm hoping the next chapter will prove a little easier.

Another excellent chapter, really enjoying this story so far :twilightsmile:

This one confused me a bit, where we bounce between the boy and the pegasus... and I didn't understand whether the trap he avoided was there or not? Loving the story though!

hope there arent many humans left on board.... it might be a good idea to cross early...

oh and bad ponies for generating AND maintaining a wall against Greater Ape species.....

656318

I agree in theory, but the reason for it is that ape brains are only a tiny percentage different from human brains - with all of the violent potential- indeed they aren't above murder. While it's a shame that such magnificent animals are exterminated, I can only imagine that there wouldn't have been many of them left, anyway, in this particular reality. The ruination and encroachment of their natural habitats, along with the pollution and radiation in the environment would probably have killed them off. There's also the fact that humans might have used the few remaining apes as a food source, unless the production of nano-based proteins pre-dated the necessity to do so.

656318

Sorry, Shadow, apparently I didn't do the flashback as well as I'd hoped. Chatoyance was confused by it, as well. Yes, the boy avoided the trap, and the boy is who Greenwind was, when he was human. Seeing the sign on the ship made him go back to that memory, in his thoughts. I'll try to be more clear about those lines. Thank you for constructive comments such as this.

656920

hum.... you do realize that by Greater Apes, I primarily meant humans seeing as how most TCB stories have around 70% of all animal species extinct....
it would also include Gorillas and Chimps (not sure their true full name) but basically the "intelligent" apes, those t
hat can actually learn, thus making me feel like any animal who is notdriven only by instinct and as such can develop sentience would be unable to go through.....


oh and you double-replied to me.....

658104

Sorry about that double reply. It's not so much about a species that could possibly learn and grow being out. After all, dogs and horses (and yes, even cats and some birds) can learn things, and can even learn to do things that conflict with their instinctual responses, over time. It's more about any species with a predilection towards violence being unwelcome in Equestria. The last thing Celestia needs is for war and murder to find their way into Her realm. Also remember that in THIS particular universe of the C.B. it's been indicated that humans don't actually possess any form of eternal soul - even though they Think they do. (read Chatoyance's http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8056/The-Conversion-Bureau%3A-The-800-Year-Promise). So, by giving humans a chance to convert to ponies, Celestia isn't just offering an idyllic life in Equestria, but the opportunity to possess an eternal soul that can exist after the pony body dies.

aieee, the comma abuse, it burns! Buuurrrnnnssss!

Other than that, neat little chapter!

735691 Sorry, I tried as much as I could to decrease them. Sometimes it's hard to determine. I'll make greater effort. Thank you.

Great story.............so happy cause ponies yet.................so sad..........:ajsleepy:

Another nice chapter, and a good look into the psychological mindset of newfoals.

A wonderful look at self-observed differences between pony and human. Short and sweet, and I thank you for updating this! One minor niggle, and that is that thoughts aren't put into speech-marks. They don't even have to be italicized, but I usually do :pinkiehappy:

1101739 Not even if the thoughts are something someone else said? Like the memory of Hiromi's Sensei? Okay. But I always figured it was like talking to oneself.

1102737
If the thoughts are a quote from another person... then you would need to make the quotes italic, I guess? They could also be prefaced with something like 'as so-and-so used to say' which wouldn't be in quotes. You could also use single quotes to denote 'things that someone else said', even if they're being thought by someone else.

...if I haven't confused you, I hope I helped. I think I confused myself. :derpyderp2:

Shouldn't there be an OC tag, for the humans?

Glad to see this one come back, I really did miss it.

This was a wonderful, action-packed chapter. I really loved the references to my story Human In Equestria, and the Good Families. I also enjoyed some of the bits of alliteration... I enjoy alliteration. I also liked that you clearly did your research, as evidenced by the footnotes. Wonderful!

This would be good as an appendix to the completed story, I think!

Sounds like a legit idea

Oh - and there was one more thing. Ponies were now Immortal.

...well that came out of nowhere.

Does this story have more slice of life elements then it does adventure elements?

Comment posted by Aedina deleted March 30th

It's based on Chatoyance's story Fiddler's Green

3853485
Thank you so very much. I wish I could explain why it took so long - beyond writer's block.

515625
Well, that didn't happen, sorry.

11195293
It's pretty even, IMHO, what with the long chase and the impending bubble-closure.

Login or register to comment