Razor Slice is not your typical male pony, he hangs out with the mares, he cares for them, helps them with their problems, but he has his own secret ones, can anypony help him?
Chapters (16)
Broneyofnoel
Joined 23rd Oct, 2011 ·
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Oh boy.
Alright, let's go into your technicality first. You've got some easy to fix spelling errors littered throughout here, though you can fix those with some quick editing, no problem. However, your prose is much too simplistic and straightforward for this type of story.
If you're going to do a story about a pony with mental problems, that's fine! Have at it! But you can't justify the protagonist's actions by his reasoning of 'life sucks'. The way you're portraying him here makes him look very, well, cliche. I can see somepony doing a story about an OC with a cutting problem that has the ability to completely heal himself. In fact, I think that's a great concept! However, doing so is going to require not only a substantial amount of research on the psychology of self-harm, but a more intrinsic approach to your writing style as well. With a lack of research, you might come off as being unintentionally offensive to people that do actually suffer from a similar mental disorder.
One other thing I'd like to point out, Unless Ray's bedsheets are of a dark red; there is no way in Hell that a single rinse cycle in a washer would be able to take out a gigantic blood stain. If you've ever tried to get stained blood out of clothes, it's near impossible unless you use some kind of hardcore cleaning fluid.
Also, the nickname "GayRay" bothers me a bit. Why would ponies use a similar slur that we've just recently adopted ourselves? It's very jarring and detrimental to the world you're building if you use modern slang with an environment as timeless as Equestria seems to be.
And finally, if Ray already knows and is aware of his special talent being healing, then why doesn't he have his cutie mark?
Overall, this has potential, but it's in need of some serious fleshing out. You got this though, and I wish you luck for continuing chapters!
I would criticize the premise, but I try to avoid such cutting remarks.
Also digging the slice of life tag. I might keep reading just because of that.
Ill track this to see where this goes.
Um what GingerNutGin said but ill watch it thumbs it up too
502321
Thank you, I'll go over the chapter and fix the errors.
502332
*badum tish*
Wow! The plot *snort snort* of this story looks interesting! Sure there are a few minor spelling errors, but that's not much. Looking forward to this!
when is the next chapter?
hmm a cutter fic? weird but i will favorite it keep writing.
and was it only me who thought of harry potter at the first lines about the book before it said leave it at the library?
504231 I did sorta
fic is odd, but interesting. add to list
ahhh man short chapter
It ids a good chapter though.
better then last chapter thought
Boom alt ending (lets see if people do notice that little last line)
509311
It's my little develish scheme
Ehhhh, the romance felt a bit rushed.
HOWEVER, my story, is nothing, if not rushed.
Oh, and I'm planning on using razor in my story. Y/N?
yay new chapter, not rushed its fine really
I hate OX characters with a passion!! But this one is alright... can't wait to c y he has zebra written under him in blood
* OC *
...a little rushed but.....but.....ME GUSTA!!!!......you might want to work on your typing a bit.....your putting spaces were they don't belong and not finshing words in places
Well u definitly need an editor!! But the story is of great concept
but 10 bits says that he's dreaming cuz there's no way the romance went that fast!! I do find razor to be an awesome character, and the pick showing him is even more so... but am I the only 1 who has noticed that it says ZEBRA under him in blood??
509908>>509783
Zebra is foreshadowing a future event
I do like the story quite a bit, but the conventions need work. There's spaces where there shouldn't be, half-finished words, and a few capitalization errors. Still, 8/10 mustaches for you. Bravo.
You should put somewhere in story of Sweetie Belle learning of Razor's self-harming habit and his strange rapid healing power or magic that he possess. Like you displayed in first chapter.
509970
O have already planned to do that, but thank you for the idea
my thoughts.... its a good story but its rushed and a bit confusing at times to short storyline needs more explaining same with situations need more deetail aside from that its ok but please try to fix these problems
Nice chapter, I actually liked it, didn't feel too rushed.
I do have to say though, try to make the chapters just a little bigger...
I mean, if you want to... Well, if you don't mind that is...
lol THE HEALING POWERS
amazing
heheheh :D
513077
You're a good problem solver...shhhhh
As soon as I saw the picture I heard this song right away: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqjGNacXL9U
Jack Off Jill "Strawberry Gashes"
514119
Listening to it, it's awesome
514149
One of my favorite Jack Off Jill songs, along with "Vivica." And it seemed appropriate for the situation.
Both actually, should find Scootaloo somepony
515012 I've been looking around
another good chapter i for one think your improving a little
515144
Thank you!
critical condition for 3 days
wakes up and starts walking
...
cant wait for ponies reactions when he goes to school hehehehehhe
515246
Exactly
Interesting story, love the idea...
Would like to see slightly longer chapters thought, these seen pretty short... Or a quicker update between...
But then again, do whatever you want, only giving advice.
First!!!
man, good music choice. Keep up the good work.
oh shit fluttershy to the rescue?
518112
Maybe....
518112
we'll see soon enough pardner
518142
fixed!
Is Razor's dad one of those cool dads? Ya know, like those ones who are like "hell yeah" to something their kid isn't supposed to do.
518267 No, he's just a dad who embarrasses his son
good one
517829 you sick twisted person WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING
SHE FELL 
