Twilight and Pinkie have gone around in circles trying to admit their feelings to each other. Will a day of baking cupcakes finally change things between them for the better?
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 26th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Sep 10th, 2012
goldenmoonpony
I just like to write, so these are just my fun ideas I like to put down on pape-... er... screens. I hope I write them well, and that you like 'em!
goldenmoonpony
Joined 26th Apr, 2012 ·
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mm I like it. the chapter was a little short but most first chapter are. I really like how you got Pinkie with a little doubt in her mind. makes her feel more real LOL
This seems interesting. Sure didn't expect Red Bull in Equestria, but I guess Pinkie needs to get that energy from somewhere.
I'll track it, see how it turns out. Good job so far.
Thanks guys. I'm currently trying to write a horror/romance Rarity/Big Mac story, and I'm taking into consideration tips I've gotten. Expect a nice, long story!
Im liking this story
Did Twi mean to do that? if so, that was really really really smooth!
507731
i dont think so
her tail accidentally swung into her saddlebags
and
In her rush, Twilight took no notice
Hooray! More Twinkie deliciousness.
my like was a rocky road before you.
like -> life?
I'm liking the way they relate, so far.
The chapters could stand to be about 20%-30% longer; the current length only takes 2-4 minutes / chapter to read, and IMO 5-6 minutes is a 'satisfying' length.
509259
I'm working on the length. The two next chapters are going to be longer. These were just the less eventful chapters.
And then Twilight comes back, catches Pinkie reading her letter, goes all "How could you!?" And then drama.
509378
Nooooo
*must find new storyline....*
Finnaly, a memory of cupcakes that doesn't make me think of "that" fic.
This is becoming more and more entertaining! BRING ON THE DRAMA!
Maybe this is just me, but shouldn't 'magick' be 'magic'? the spelling kinda dragged me out of the story a bit, but otherwise this is a great fic. Looking forward to the upcoming conversation.
507864
I want some twinkies now.
Jesus god, this story has more views on 2 chapters then my other one with 5
You bronies love you Twinkies.
589988
Yes, yes we do.
When is the next chapter?
597266
Oh, by tomorrow I hope! I've been busy with schoolwork, and I'm going on a trip so I've been making up stuff
But, I have a great idea given to me by Fox-sama, so I'll run with it!
The [arty pony
Random bracket from nowhere.
Yes, I like this version of the chapter much better. Only thing that I would criticize now is, Sugarcube Corner burning is presented in such a way that makes it obvious that it's a plot device.
603713
Any suggestions on how to fix it?
603722
A real simple one is to slow down the plot. Let the 'burning kitchen' be dealt with next chapter. It's partly the fact that you have Pinkie confessing love, and Pinkie conveniently acquiring a reason to move in with Twilight, in the same chapter, that makes it so obvious.
The other part is how abruptly it happens. Don't the Cakes have some positive feeling for Pinkie? Maybe even considering her somewhere between friend and family? It would help to comment on this (either through what the Cakes say, or their internal dialogue). Even if she's just "that employee who's alternately endearing and alarming", there's some reason for internal conflict, right?
I said you did not have to thank me, I just like helping is all.
Much better, still needs some work, but a lot better. send me a message latter and we can go over a few things.
A vast improvement. The "adulterous Mrs. Cake" is a thing that wears on, but it's such a minor element that I can be happy with all the good things, including Twilight and Pinkie growing closer
A hopeful look and tone was used by the unicorn.
It was very effective ^^
Hoof-fulls and hoof-fulls of flour flew through the air, covering each from head to toe in a blanket of cream. A blanket of cream?
Anyway, a few grammar mistakes here and there but I enjoyed it.
is this still alive?
1187808
Heh. ya. I've just been busy with school and other things. Plus. I'm writing all the chapters before I release them, so I'm just going to finish the story and then publish one chapter at a time.
1228361
good to know, any guess how long it's gonna take? a few months? a few years?
NOTE: i said GUESS, because i know you can't give an exact time and any time you give is most likely wrong
This fine story is: Awesome, Cool, Random, and lots of funny! its really good fic me like keep up the good job!
)
(oh and it need a bit moar romance thats what Twi says
MOAR!! Um... If that's not to much trouble...
First of all, massive red flag for the mrs.cake cheating thing. Second, I never got to read the first edition of this chapter, and the fact that this one was an edit was very clear. This chapter was very different in terms of word choice and overall tone. I realize that pinkie was telling of a sad experience, but it honestly sounded much different than your other two (which i enjoyed). other than that, i like it. i would never try to write romantic pinkie dialogue because I know i would fail, but yours was good.
Holy shit that was totally not what I was expecting...
Upvoted and favorited...