• Member Since 11th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2019

Twilicorn


I'm a lazy writer who loves what I do, but is too lazy to write half the time. If you have an idea for a story, shoot it at me though. I just might take it♥

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A one-shot Romance with Pinkie and Twilight, I think you'll like the ending :D Crit is welcome!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 19 )

Author's Note:: I got the idea for this after Chickensmoothie played the joke of becoming SquiddySmoothie. I don't know how they relate. I may write an Epilogue with a happier ending, but only if I get some happy feedback. Please, crit to your heart's content, but try not to murder me when you do. Thanks for reading! I'll try to reply to your comments quickly, by the way.

Awwww :raritydespair: Why~ hope you'll do a sequel or something, tho :twilightsmile:

:fluttercry: why? She was so sincere and, gah!
Feedback wise, it's a good story. I personally think there should be more of a build up to the confession. That felt just a tad rushed to me. Otherwise, I did not notice any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I'm very happy you remembered to say hoof instead of hand.
-Skull025

Wow.

This just makes the first chapter feel even more depressing.

Are you trying to crush my heart?

It's totally true. This just makes the ending of the first part even more horrible. It's like being punched in the stomach, in the heart. :raritycry::fluttershbad::pinkiesad2::raritydespair:

heh heh, that's how pinkie breaks anypony else's hearts:pinkiehappy:

Horrible as in bad writing, or as in gutwrenching sadness? Anyways, I'm writing an "After The Gift" as well, so stay tuned :heart:

I'm currently working on a 'The Confession' which should be done by tomorrow. My goal is to finish this by Easter, so I can go back to my Bridal Nervousy and make it more as a sequel to this.

417705 Wat reaction mostly due to Rainbow's reaction and tear/saltwater filled pool.

Yeah, I wanted to add a twist of randomness to the end xD If it's too strange, I can take it out...

wow, your on overtime

heh, classic RD:rainbowwild:

I don't log off, but I have been on for just over 4 hours xD

First three chapters were great, but the fourth is kinda bad. I feel That not enough detail was put into the emotions and actions of each character. It felt rushed and thrown together. Every encounter was too quick, and some of the characters acted in weird ways. Fluttershy didn't feel quiet enough, and I think if RD was really that prejudice, applejack would've warned the pair on the spot rather than preparing a Wagon of apples. And why was RD so mean? Is she suppressing secret feelings for mares, or were her parents homophobic? What justifies RD breaking away entirely from her element? I honestly think you should sit down and think about why each character did what they did, instead of just having most of them act accepting and one act all meanie like. Why was mostly everypony fine with it? And please don't Just say "because they are".
Started off good, ended poorly.
-Skull025

Because they are.

Okay, just kidding. I was just trying to get the ideas out there, it's really just a place holder while I work on the other chapter. I've also written a sequel-The Hope. If somebody could proof it, I'd love that. Rainbow Dash's anger's source is explained there, but I'll try to make this chapter better.

Okay realistic dialoug check!:pinkiehappy:
Cute story check:pinkiehappy:
Good pace:applejackunsure: ok moving on
Realistic character actions:twilightangry2:
50%
Butter luck next book

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