• Member Since 14th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 18th, 2018

jim150454


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Comments ( 21 )

Upvoted and favorited. Lovable little one-shot, and any grammar errors I noticed are already out of my memory except for the fact that they existed, meaning they were incredibly minor and infrequent. Good job. Two mustaches and a smily Twily for you. :moustache::moustache::twilightsmile:

As much as I really, really despise Pinkie Pie, she is not that brainless or stupid. Love is an instinct and a crush is perfectly natural. There's zero reason for her to not know what that is. She's a grown mare and I refuse to believe she's never had a crush or a love interest before.

Downvoted. :ajbemused:

1435528 AEGIS! HOW COULD YOU! :flutterrage: DOWNVOTE SOMETHING LIKE CUPCAKES! :pinkiesick:

Okay, I noticed some minor problems with tone, but that's minor. The biggest problem is this: So Twilight's long time friend, Pinkie Pie, just suddenly falls in love with Twilight out of nowhere? It's not like they just met that day! Emotions don't drop like a ton of bricks!

1435528

I have to concur. While it's true that people don't know what love is until they've felt it. Once you have felt love, it's unmistakable. The only way this would make sense is if Pinkie had never even heard of love before...and I doubt that, especially given her reaction at the end.

Also, I'm pretty sure telling someone you love them wouldn't get them to love you just like that. It doesn't work that way.

Actually, that's not entirely true. I think it worked on me once.

I even made a cupcake with purple stripes on it and a little piece of chocolate for a horn! I would show you it, but, I ate it

I see what you did there.:pinkiehappy:

i.imgur.com/MmuDy.gif

This was confusing but overall you succeeded in imitating Pinkie Pie's nonchalant attitude in this kinda situation. Buuuuut as they where walking upstairs, eeeh, this will explain it :pinkiecrazy:

While I have to agree with Aegis and Black, if you take it for what it is then it's a nice little shipping story. Nothing more, nothing less, and packed in a box full of sugar.

Than you to everyone who took the time to comment on this story, especially Aegis Shield, who actually explained why he down voted it instead of not giving any criticism at all.

I myself wasn't very happy with this story in terms of its character development and such, but I felt that it was, like Equestrian Deadpool said, a nice little shipping story.

1435528
While I'd tend to agree with your interpretation of Pinkie, this alternate take on her fixed a huge problem that most Pinkie shipfics outright ignore: Pinkie's lack of credibility. I mean, Pinkie has a habit for exaggeration and general craziness, so she's rarely taken seriously by even the most credulous of ponies. Twilight is almost as emotionally oblivious as Rainbow Dash and is a born skeptic who is intelligent enough to know that Pinkie is.. Pinkie. This scenario uses Pinkie's forthrightness to give Twilight an opportunity to work things out using her own logic rather than Pinkie outright telling her that it is so.

Besides, Pinkie didn't say that she never felt this way before. Pinkie likes everyone, and one whole week of being unable to think of anything but one particular pony is a very, very long time for a pony as distractible as Pinkie Pie.

I don't like any portrayal of Pinkie Pie that plays her off as stupid, though that's just because it runs against my own interpretation of her. You typed "regained" twice, it's a bit strange that this story has been up for sooo long and something like that was never corrected. I'm not at all put off by that Pinkie would just now be showing signs of love for Twilight after being friends with her for so long. Love is never instant. Lust can be, but sometimes I think people don't seem to know the difference, and unfortunatly that's reflected in a lot of stories I read. It's very possible that she's been slowly falling in love with Twilight more and more as time goes by. As for not realizing it? It's in my personal headcanon that while Pinkie Pie is much more intelligent than people give her credit for, that her impulsiveness leaves little time to think, as well as an underlying lonliness makes introspection scary...so I believe she wouldn't even bother trying to think about what her own feelings mean.[continued]

Furthermore, in real life, people are often in denial, or are so distracted by other things that they aren't completly aware of underlying feelings. This is something that would easily afflict Pinkie Pie. I thought it was a pretty interesting changeup that the target of someone's love realized a person's feelings before the one feeling it did. Still, Twilight falling for Pinkie Pie only after the confession was ridiculous. But you know what? Most shipfics tend to come across as that happening anyway. It doesn't make it right, It just irks me that I find myself often the only one complaining about it in other fics >_> Anyway, the makeout was adorable. I think Spike would have reacted with a bit more...exasperation, though. I'm going to upvote this because it's a better read than shipfics I didn't vote on at all and much better than ones I've downvoted, but I'm not going to favorite it.

Oops. I must have read this before and forgot, because it's already upvoted and favorited. Huh.

2477454 Thank you for your very in depth analysis, especially since this story has been up for quite a while now.

I never intended for this story to be anything more than a short little love story between two ponies who I personally think should be paired together more often. If I'd been going for a longer story, I probably wouldn't have had them get together at the end anyway.

I also agree with you about the whole instant love cliché, but would you really want a short story like this to end with a rejection?

2478226

Why would writing a longer fic lead to ya not bringing them together as a couple? That confuses me. And, no, I wouldn't want a story to end in rejection. When I click the romance tag, I want to see ponies gettin' together :pinkiehappy:

I much prefer the outcome that Twilight didn't reject Pinkie. In any case it isn't the length of the fic that's a problem. There's really no need to to have this long and drawn out romantic tension where they grow to like each other slowly over time....because they're already close friends, and it's already plausible. In fact, any combination of two ponies out of the mane six (that's fifteen combinations, if you don't feel like doing the math) can easily be written to already have underlying romantic feelings toward each other.

But I tend to prefer some indication that the one answering such a confession had already had some feelings toward the one doing the confessing, even if she didn't realize it before. It could be something as simple as the narration describing how they felt emotionally when the other was around, or simply describing physical aspects like curves and scents, so you know the character noticed, even if she hasn't really put two and two together that they're ogling their friend. I think it's ok to focus on the physical in this, since they're already close friends so the emotional aspect is still there (though, for the emotional aspect, perhaps a feeling of an electrical spark while being near someone would help), any mention of curves or scent would get it over and done with right quick. ...but this story actually comes out and says that Twilight started to like Pinkie like that because of the confession. Just makes me groan a bit, in what otherwise is a really sweet story.

I have that beef with the vast majority of stories I read, and I tend to enjoy most of them as well. It's just a little more blatant in this one due to coming out and saying that Twilight started liking Pinkie after the confession.

Ironically, you did that "subtle, unnoticed" attraction to an insanely extreme level, which is HILARIOUS!...but of course it's Pinkie Pie, the bearer of the element of laughter :pinkiehappy:

-----this part is going to be a bit long, and deviates a bit from critique of the story--
I want to reiterate that I seriously disagree with anyone saying that Pinkie Pie should have known she was in love with Twilight. My headcanon of the characters isn't really a legitimate argument to the point, but I thought I'd mention anyway that I see all of the characters as, potentially, nearly as socially stunted as Twilight for their own reasons: Applejack, workoholic that refuses to leave any time for herself due to responsibility. Rainbow Dash, an insensitive narcissist that fangirls over herself. Fluttershy, a mare with a ridiculously exhaustive list of phobias and social anxieties (and repressed anger issues..). Rarity, a vain, materialistic mare concerned with trends and popularity...off-putting traits for most and wouldn't fit in with those who share the same traits due to her lack of cruelty and selfishness usually attributed to the personality type. (not that she can't be Selfish. But this is a weakness that gives way to isolated incidents, rather than a trait she embraces proudly) Not to mention, being born in raised in a small town while acting like a snob. Not exactly the best traits, any of them, for having much of a social life. With Pinkie, I kind of see her as "everyone's acquaintance, no one's friend" The episode "Party of One" tells me that there is a very lonely pony under all that happiness, and her close friends are the only thing keeping her from falling apart.

That's my take on the characters, a possibility...though it makes it very possible that one or all of them have never been in love. To say that her being an adult should mean she had to have been in love before seems a bit wrong to me, especially since I've seen real life cases of people well into their late twenties who've never dated.

Even if Pinkie Pie had been in love before, that doesn't mean she can't continue to be confused about how she feels about somepony, and feelings can always hide in the subconscious. We can also be too distracted by other things to notice these feelings.
---end digression-----

Anyway, this story doesn't deserve the two down-votes it got.

2479766 I just think that Pinkie and Twilight are two very different ponies with different personalities that wouldn't mesh well in a long-term relationship. They are good friends now, but I think that if they were together Pinkie would want to spend even more time with Twilight, which would probably end up wearing the unicorn down. I'm not saying it definitely couldn't work, but I personally would picture it as a short-term or experimental relationship.

I think you're right that some level of subconscious attraction beforehand would have made the story more plausible, and it's definitely something that I would remember to include in other stories. Still, I'm glad I uploaded the story like it is, because it means I can get constructive criticism on my writing, which is always a plus.

I don't mind the down-votes. The thumbs system is there for people to say whether or not they liked the story, so it would be a little weird for the story to get all thumbs-up when there are clearly some issues. Of course, that's if people are actually using it properly and not just down-voting because they don't like the pairing or something.

2481945
(Warning: Major TL;DRing in this post)
"Of course, that's if people are actually using it properly and not just down-voting because they don't like the pairing or something."
I guess I took a jab at the downvotes because one of the down-voters is clearly a passionate Pinkie hater.
And that means war. Oops, er... I mean, that means bias. :twilightblush: *puts the party cannon away* In any case it makes one of the downvotes highly suspect. Good thing reasoning was explained, if everyone did that when they downvoted then you could form your own opinions and take it with a grain of salt. It's too bad that they tend to be silent most of the time.

"Twilight and Pinkie are two very different ponies with different personalities that wouldn't mesh well in a long-term relationship. They are good friends now, but I think that if they were together Pinkie would want to spend even more time with Twilight, which would probably end up wearing the unicorn down. I'm not saying it definitely couldn't work, but I personally would picture it as a short-term or experimental relationship."

^--Now this is the kind of conversation I can't resist.
I can see it being an "experimental relationship"...though in an entirely different way than what you mean. I mean Twilight's probably going to have electrodes hooked up all over Pinkie Pie. With charts. Lots, and lots, of charts lol.

:twilightsmile: Subject's status appears normal.
:pinkiehappy: sooo when do we kissykiss?
:twilightsmile: After you drink this radiocontrast agent so I can monitor your inner workings.
:pinkiehappy: Ooooh does it taste like snozberries?
:twilightsmile: No.

Twilight Sparkle is exasperatingly ignorant in all things social, started out as an introverted shut-in that didn't have the slightest interest in interacting with others, and for some reason Princess Celestia saw fit to ensure that she would become the bearer of the element of friendship. Her introverted, shut-in nature never truly died and probably never will. Still, one change that did happen was that she came to highly value friendship.

This presents a problem. Twilight's very nature runs against her fascination with the magic of friendship.
She's new (at this), you see.
She's the last pony that anyone would expect to try to understand it let alone immerse herself into the subject full-force, and with good reason. What better influence on her can there be than a pony that wants to be everypony's friend?

Pinkie Pie would most certainly annoy Twilight, often breaking her concentration when she's trying to read or practice a spell. But Twilight would be all work and no play otherwise. She would be immersed in her studies twenty-four/seven with no life. This isn't healthy.

I don't think she's OCD, not literally. We don't see her washing her hands twenty times in an hour. But she's a perfectionist, obsessed with proving herself in her studies. There must be some self-esteem issues here because of how badly she reacts to the possibility of the slightest bit of failure. She gets tunnel vision on the subject and ends up overlooking the consequences of her actions. She invites a great deal of stress upon herself. When she reaches the breaking point, her judgment is gone, her thought processes are erratic, and her actions are extreme. This would already make her a detriment to everypony around her. This is made alarming by the fact that she is also the most powerful unicorn Princess Celestia claims to've ever met. Hoofston, we have a problem.

Somepony needs to be around her to get her to lighten up. Before she causes an apocalypse. Somepony to get her to stop and smell the roses. Or the birthday cake.

I don't think Pinkie Pie would take interrupting Twilight's studies too far. Being the bearer of the element of laughter isn't just about throwing parties and making jokes and setting up pranks. It's about putting smiles on people's faces, and that's not going to happen with going too far in distracting Twilight from what she loves to do most. I think she would realize this, just as she realized that even the most innocent of pranks shouldn't be pulled on Fluttershy because it would hurt her feelings.

Besides distracting Twilight from her experiments, her Pinkie sense itself is a temptation for Twilight's inquisitive mind. Even if Twilight's willing to believe in Pinkie Sense without understanding it, that doesn't mean she isn't going to be interested in understanding it anymore. And Pinkie Pie herself is the ultimate enigma, the ultimate puzzle to solve.

She could also be a great help to Twilight. She normally doesn't make a good detective, she's too inclined to instantly rush to conclusions and say the first thing off the top of her head, than actually work out clues.

But Twilight's shown that she can keep Pinkie on the right course in that area. In Party of One, we see a depressed Pinkie Pie's eyes rapidly darting from clue to clue, causing her to turn a one-eighty in her assumptions (which also happened to be conclusions she hurriedly jumped to in the first place :P) So we know she has the capacity to work things out, and since TV time can be slowed down we have no idea how long or how briefly it took for her to work all that out. What I saw was that her depression caused her to think about things a bit more than she normally does. It's too bad we didn't get to see that side of her for very long, as it stands the episode only provides fuel for conjecture.
Pinkie Pie tends to be right a lot though, imparting wisdom that's dismissed by her friends because she's so "random". But she's often so right. In the episode "A friend in deed", we see that Pinkie Pie is extraordinarily adept at remembering things like people's birthdays, as well as details in a scrap book she had accidentally burned much earlier. This supports some fan depictions of her having an eidetic memory.
This makes her an ideal lab assistant to Twilight, so long as Twilight can get her to think that it would be fun. (Twilight could try the fact that it would make Twilight happy, but that would be a bit too manipulative)In other words, I see Pinkie Pie as an intelligent pony, probably second to Twilight in the mane six. The way she approaches logic and the lack of thinking before she speaks or acts makes this hard to realize. Just as Twilight isn't a a model of peak mental health, Pinkie pie has her own insecurities and mental quirks. She earned her cutie mark when she decided she wanted to spend her life making people happy. But in deciding this, she's made sacrifices. One being that embracing logic and introspection and thinking before she speaks and acts are enemies to her cause, thus avoided. Another being that in by being everyone's friend, she's never really been close to anypony. In the first two episodes of the series, I think it was the second, the group that would become the bearers of the elements came off as being mostly acquaintances, with a only a few already being close friends. It seemed like Applejack knew Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie well as she handled them efficiently, but Rainbow Dash didn't really become close to Pinkie until Griffin the Brush off.

That could very well mean that Applejack wasn't very close to her either, even though AJ seemed closer to Pinkie than other ponies did. That paints a bleak picture of Pinkie Pie's social life before bearing the elements of harmony.

This comes to a head in Party of One, when we clearly see that the idea that her friends don't love her anymore causes her to become unhinged. Though for different reasons, she shares Twilight's level of insecurity, and her depression gives way to psychotic hallucinations. Unlike Twilight, however, and much unlike many depictions of "Pinkamena", I don't think she's a danger to anypony in this state.

Pinkie Pie needs her friends or she'll fall apart, and what better influence on her than the bearer of the element of friendship?

In "Too Many Pinkie Pies", when even the real Pinkie Pie can't tell who the real Pinkie Pie is, it's Twilight that comes up with the plan to weed out the fakes, knowing the real Pinkie well. Twilight also provides a challenge for Pinkie Pie, as she'd be the hardest among her friends to persuade into kicking back and having fun. I also like the ideal of Pinkie Pie teaching Twilight how to bake, because of the (at least slight) similarities between baking and performing chemical experiments. Twilight would also serve to help keep Pinkie Pie's insanity in check, keep her balanced and bring out the thinker in her. It wouldn't be perfect, but no relationship is. They would drive each other absolutely crazy, and sometimes it would become too much to handle. But love isn't about finding the absolute perfect person that doesn't push one's buttons, it's about accepting someone flaws and all, and being able to make up after every conflict in the relationship. It would take daily effort on both their parts, but the same is true for every relationship. No relationship is guaranteed to last, in fact the vast majority don't. But I can easily see that this one could, in fact I feel very optimistic about a Pinkie/Twilight relationship. I don't believe in "One True Pairings" for FiM, except for those that are in a relationship in canon, but I love this paring for the amount of sense it makes to me, and how promising it seems to me.

Wow... you've clearly put a lot more thought into this than I have. You do make a good point that they would balance each other out in a sort of yin & yang type deal.

However, I think that Pinkie could quite conceivably pester Twilight to breaking point without even realising it. In A Friend In Deed, we get to see Pinkie Pie bug Cranky for the entire episode because he wanted to be left alone. In doing this, she doesn't appear to be even the slightest bit fazed when he yells at her or tries to hide from her. He was clearly unhappy, but Pinkie Pie kept annoying him.

Working all the time isn't healthy, but some days need to be like that so you can relax more in the long run. It would be good for her to have somepony around who can snap her out of it occasionally, but I think Pinkie would take it too far. Since Pinkie is extremely friend-centric, it would make sense that she would want to spend all her free time with her special somepony and in doing so she would be always in her way, distracting her from doing things that she obviously holds to be extremely important.

Another thing that you talked about is Pinkie's sense of loneliness. While I think having Twilight there to act as an anchor would keep them close, Pinkie has shown in Party Of One that she can be desperately clingy, falling into the 'needy girlfriend' stereotype. As Twilight is introverted, spending a lot of time with such an opposing character like Pinkie would take a lot out of her, and she'd most likely need a break. Telling Pinkie to back off or just straight up ignoring her (not that I think Twilight would do something like that) would send her straight to Pinkamena land.:pinkiecrazy: Someone that volatile would not pair well with a collected pony like Twilight.:twilightsmile:

Essentially, I think that a Twi/Pie relationship would go like this: The couple have a great honeymoon period, learning new things and having lots of fun, then Twilight would start to get irritated by Pinkie constantly interrupting her work and would eventually tell her to calm down, which Pinkie would take as rejection. After seeing how much Pinkie Pie would be affected by rejection, Twilight would probably apologise, but the cycle would continue and they would eventually have to break up.

I like Pinkie Pie, but I've seen people with her kind of personality and they don't really lend themselves to being in a relationship. In fact, I'm hard pressed to think of any of the characters in the show that I would confidently pair her with in a long-term relationship, except maybe Discord.

A little late on the review, but whatever; it can't hurt to put together another one. I'll try to make it short and simple as I really don't want to get in depth with what I read in both the story and the comments. Time to begin:

You have a lot of minor grammar and punctuational errors splattered throughout the story. I have seen a lot of names not capitalized, which tends to bother me quite so since it is the basics of grammar. Comma errors, split dialogue (by this I mean you have one person talking in two paragraphs that are next to each other, and they should just be one paragraph), etc. That's my shortened rant about punctuation and grammar.

Characterization; it was... okay, I guess. I wasn't definitely a fan of the Pinkie Pie. You have the quirks somewhat right aside from her inability to comprehend love, which is a very natural feeling. If anything, I see Twilight as being more incapable of understanding it. She would be aware of that it is love that she is feeling, but she would quite grasp "how?" and "why?". Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, going hand with just her personality, would understand that love is just love. There is nothing complicated or in-depth about it; it's just love. This was definitely a big upsetting discovery in the story, but it did come with some nice benefits. I got to experience how a unaware Pinkie Pie might act, and the way she reacted was definitely funny.

I'm not going to even try going into my rant. I'll just say I disagree with both you and Pigeons in several parts of your comments between one another. You both have very generic and generalized opinions about the characters and relationships, despite the amount of words that where written. I simply say a babble of nonsense, which simply repeated the same idea throughout the whole comment. This made what was long and unnecessary for my taste into about something I can sum up in one sentence.

When it comes to Twilight and Pinkie Pie's relationship, I would have to agree with Pigeons. Though your opinion does seem logical, the idea of 'breaking points' is far too excessive for Twilight when it comes to simply Pinkie's behavior. The way Pinkie acts wouldn't be a reason Twilight is driven to a breaking point. As provided throughout many episodes (A Keen Pinkie, Swarm of the Century, and Lesson Zero), what really leads Twilight into a breaking point is her being incapable of solving or understanding a problem or idea. Twilight is very much loves to understand everything and wants to be able to solve any situation that is thrown at her. Being this way, to find something that she cannot figure out will cause her to break. Pinkie Pie just talking a lot and being random would annoy Twilight, yes, but it would not drive her to a breaking point without there being an underlying reason to her words being a catalyst to said point.

That's all I'm going to say because this was posted long ago, and I don't feel like writing my opinion on the ship. It will just cause another long and drawn conversation in which I get far in depth with characters and psychology... so yeah... 6/10 for the story. I will like it because it was good, and it made me laugh.

Only for you and nothing more,
Fort Impression

I even made a cupcake with purple stripes on it and a little piece of chocolate for a horn! I would show you it, but, I ate it...

quickmeme.com/img/94/940fb882a1259624cd7945237897c2d0213a393da90fce89c96c67e868e1e111.jpg

6425290
There was a cupcake here.

It's gone now.

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