- Member Since 20th Jul, 2014
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
NerfedFalcon
I haven't written anything in a long time and I don't know when I'm going to start, so don't get your hopes up for new chapters. Sorry.
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Sounds very promising. I shall expect a lot more in the next chapter, Mr. NerfedFalcon.
Seriously though, this was awesome.
Twilight wants her payday, too...
5235197 Next chapter is likely to not be a raid, but it should be a bit longer anyway.
It is spelled organized not organised.
5239656 I do not live in America. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, it is spelled 'organised'.
Awesome story. I have no complaints other than to tell you to update but, that's not a complaint.
I hate this universe you created for the Payday crew.... MLP only lasted one season D:
5240784 I'm pretty sure the British spell it that way too.
5242199 Nnnnnnnnno, they don't.
5242190 Do you really think any of them are likely to be the kind of people who would watch a show like that in the first place, even if it did run as long as it did in reality?
5242241 prove it. Send a photo within the next 5 minutes proving it. It has to be from a dictionary or thesarus. Time starts now.
THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN EQUESTRIA?!
5242249
i.gyazo.com/bc1170b58c5c7d20440296410da5e260.png
5242362
Smooooooooth.
~Skeeter The Lurker
5242362 Thanks. Obvious troll is obvious (or at least he was after the third one), but it's still nice to see him get smacked down.
keep making these chapters. i like them.
5242244 In the case of Wolf?...Probably....He's kinda fucking nuts....Hox might also do it just to sorta pass time (Real hox,Not Houston)
...In other news,What point in the payday timeline is this? (Payday 1,Payday 2 pre-hox bust,Or post hox bust?)
5242993 Payday 2, before the Hoxton bust. Houston is still Hoxton at this point, though Dallas will reminisce about Old Hox at some point before Hotline Miami and the breakout.
5243003 ...Damnit...I'ma miss the British bugger.
5243014 I'll be sure to PM you as soon as he first shows up.
Damn this is a neat setup. I like the way that you linked Human and Pony worlds. Something tells me that the show's cancellation has something to do with the invasion of equestria.
5242395 actually I just didn't know that. If you knew me personally you'd know I dont believe anything without evidence.
5243793 Your insistence on "you have five minutes, starting now" suggested very strongly otherwise.
Hmm wonder what might happen next?
This was a good chapter but it felt like some unshown stuff happened with RD in Dallas's house in between chapters.
5245162 What's to tell? They hung out. Not everything has to be significant.
5242302 Apparently.
5245384 True, but you should probably have at least one small scene that shows what went on, it makes the flow of the story a bit smoother and can help you to make easy transitions from time frame to time frame. Just some tips, the story is still great.
PAYDAY!!!!! I GOTTA READ THIS!!
5245750 uboachan.net/seccom/src/1329835971654.jpg
Look Like Bain got the upper hand in this round.
How is she going to die? The only things that happened to her were being captured and injected with horse tranquilizers. Unless I missed something.
"Why can't we get a better drill with all that money?"
...did you just?
This was an excellent chapter. A nice change of pace from the action, and I like how you got the crew to explain themselves to RD.
Man, somehow you made an entertaining chapter, while teaching me the basics of poker. Good show.
Hope you don't mind a bit of a critique. I like to pull stories apart, hopefully it'll help when I try to write something...
Not sold on the whole "MLP:FiM is both a TV show and real" angle. That's hard to pull off. Best approach I've seen to that was where Discord made the TV show for lulz. That works, not sure if any other approach would.
I should probably play some Payday 2 one of these days. Only really played a little of the first game a while back.
Twilight's character doesn't really fit the Xanthos Chessmaster archetype she is playing in your fic I think. Especially since she would need to know a lot about Earth (she knows the exchange rate of gold to dollars somehow, plus how to propose a business deal with Bain!) and it doesn't make sense how she would, But I guess staying in a perpetually frozen world is a bit dull so she's peeking into ours constantly?
You've left things open-ended regarding the other Elements of Harmony being kidnapped. Bit ambitious. Gives you room, I guess, to decide if those stories should be untold, or if they fit into this one somehow, or whatever. Just as long as you don't end up juggling 5 different stories at once it's cool.
It seems Rainbow Dash ends up spotting for the group a bit too easily. I think more effort should have been made to mention they had trained her a bit (it's mentioned once, briefly) and I think she should have to argue for the position (the group should be hesitant to have someone spot with no real experience, as their lives could depend on the spotter).
Dash didn't even end up calling out when the cops arrived! At least I didn't see it. Someone should end up calling her out on this afterwards, though her meltdown would probably defuse that out of sympathy. But still, one could argue that her failure as a spotter increased police casualties since the gang didn't pull out sooner. Could have been an interesting angle to play.
Dash also seems to accept too easily that Earth is a violent place. Granted, she doesn't have too many sources of info at her disposal here, but still... she should be aware of their bias.
Interesting poker bit.
As for the drill... I think the explanation is simple... obviously nobody is going to make a drill that's made specifically for drilling through bank vaults, so the gang would have to experiment with different types of drills to find one that works... and it seems they've found one that's "good enough". Maybe they have a good supplier and can't find a better drill they can get discreetly.
5250355
We have heard very little about the "invaders", why they want the Elements, why they didn't kill the Elements outright instead of kidnapping them when they did, why Dash was stuffed inside a bank vault where anyone who could legitimately open it could have found her... lots of unanswered questions I hope the author hasn't overlooked!
5250355 "You'll be reunited with your friends soon enough."
5250451 I wish we buy a better drill in the actual game. The drill breaks down too much.
....As much as I hate the Chicago idiot...He /does/ have a point.
5250533 Thanks for the long comment. Sorry I can't reply to everything, but I'll try to reply to at least the spotter bit in the next chapter.
5251371 Whoops, forgot to mention that overall I am liking the story. Keep up the good work. :)
The bit with Bain and the camera is actually surprisingly heartwarming. He's their friend, and they won't let distance get in the way of him being able to play with them.
So I take it that Rainbow Dash will be beating people up in this story? Will she reach Unstoppable Rage levels of anger? Will she be giving any No Holds Barred Beatdowns?
I just have this one problem with the line:
Wouldn't Dallas know the name of New Hoxton (Houston) since Hoxton is Dallas' younger brother?
5254246 True, but that's just a specific case. In general, they're anonymous.
Fuckin cloakers, we just HAD to ask for them didn't we?
(The payday 2 community was mad when the game didn't have cloakers when the game came out, so they added them in a free update.....why)
5255396
I never played Pay Day but I understand the meaning of having an invisible enemy.....damn annoying.
5255851 They're not invisible, but they jump out at you from vents and such and kill you in one hit. Then they insult you while beating on your prone ass.
(Maybe an idea for later, though: actually invisible Cloakers...)
5254411 Gotcha.
Who was that person that attacked Rainbow Dash?