Light colonel Jerzy Grobicki command officer of The First Independent Reconnaissance Battalion in a darkest dreams never imagine that instead in Afganistan in year 2012 he ended in the magical realm of technicolor sentient ponies during Changlings invasion of Canterlot, but are Changlings a real thread?
Forced to confront the threat beyond human imagine. Grobicki must take a side in the conflict with which he has nothing to do.
It is beginning of fascinating game of war. Few of NATO troops, armored with deadly weapons must fight with something they never faced before. - The Darkness itself. Grobicki is aware that by defending this world he deprives it innocence. In this task help him his great officers and soldiers and beautiful Captain Nancy Sanchez from U.S Army.
Crossover with book "www.1939.com.pl" (Yeah it is a title)
Ok It is NOT my first fanfiction, but first in English. So I search for corrector. English is NOT my native language. So I am sorry for mistakes.
Teen for strong language from time to time.
www.1939.com.pl belong to Marcin Ciszewski and "warbook" publishing house.
MLP belong to Hasbro and Lauren Faust.
You know, at some point I had a similar idea for a Marcin Ciszewski-styled fic, and even started writing it down, but I've gotten lazy and didn't continue. So seeing something like this is quite refreshing. I'm curious how you're gonna portray "Johnny" Wieteska and his reaction to RD. No, scratch that, I'm curious how you're going to get the whole team's reaction to Technicolor Magical Ponies, especially considering their... laid back attitude (NOTE: as of the moment of this comment I didn't read the fic due to the ungodly hour where I'm right now; gonna comment on the actual story on a later date, for now to the Read Later list).
One thing about the tags though: if it's a crossover you don't have to add the "Human" tag. Just saying.
I see potential in this, even though English is not your first language the grammar in this is killing me
. I will keep my this and in the hopes of improvement in the future, this will be in my read later list.
Ok, now that I'm through with this here story I can safely say one thing: you seriously need a corrector. I mean good God that was painful to read. Not the story itself, the story's fine, it's just your grammar that kills it. I would even go as far as to say that most of the dislikes you got are just because of that. Seriously, find someone to read this through and correct it.
Now to the story proper: it's not half bad. Of course I could complain about all the exposition that you had in the first chapter, but seeing as you started from about one-third of the original book it's to be expected; you had to compensate for the lack of buildup and organic exposition. It would probably work out better if you had started from a bit earlier in the original and presented everything up to the pony-related stuff upon submission (dunno, parts of the first chapter and this but without the bar fight scene and the briefing). What I did like was that you picked the changeling invasion as the point in time when the team appears in Equestria. As I stated before, I had an idea for a similar story way back and this was the same place I wanted them to appear (though not as their first destination [aka by the end of the book]). I guess great minds think alike
Oh, and the links to pictures was a nice touch. Just wanted you to know that.
Now I want to give you some advice concerning some aspects of the story, mainly the way you write surnames. Normally I would fully fully support the use of the original way to write them, but bear in mind that most people on this site don't use Polish, and as such have no idea how to pronounce them. Try to write them down in the following way: all Polish signs should be changed to standard Latin ones (ś to s, ć to c etc.), things like -ski, -cki should be written in a more phonetic way (-sky, -cky), and if it's not a problem then try to write the characters' names in their English equivalent. No need to make this more difficult on the readers than it already is.
Lastly, as a fellow member of a group we're both a part of I am willing to offer my humble help with this fic.
"Shut up Rainbow, I don't need you to remind me!"
Eh, yeah, well the thing is I may be willing to help out with this as an editor (better grasp of the language and whatnot, just saying). But treat this as a last resort kind of thing, ok? I'm kinda working on my own thing and it's taking me way too long as it is. Nonetheless, if you can't find anyone else willing to help out with this than holler at me, I'll see what I can do.
It's a great idea. I can proof read for you.