Life is unfair. The world is a cold and unforgiving place. Even the most deserving and hard-working ponies may not get want they have earned. Applejack believes there is nothing for her when it comes to love. Can one cyan pegasus change that?
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TLDR
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!
But extremely well written.
I . . . I cried. Beautiful, heartbreaking job you did here.
Poor Applejack . . .
Excellent, you made one of my happiest songs seem like a funeral dirge. That scares the hell out of me. Well done.
This is one of the best stories I've read anywhere about any kind of subject. Applejack's inner monologue truly shows that while she may appear to be a happy pony on the outside, she longs for someone to fill her loneliness on the inside. The story is also very relate-able. It's shows that sometimes people (much like Applejack) are hopelessly in love with someone who they know will never love them back. That's where the real sorrow of the story comes from; Applejack's obsession and Rainbow Dash's uninterest. I also liked the Big Mac and Fluttershy romance. It gave more detail about Applejack's sorrow. It showed that lonely people may have friends that are with other people and happy and that the lonely people may come to resent them for their happiness while they themselves have none. It's all the more heartbreaking. But the main point of interest is the ending. I, as I'm sure many others were, was expecting the ending to resolve everything and make everyone happy. But it surprised me. It showed that no matter how much the two ponies respect each other, Rainbow Dash will never love Applejack and Applejack will never lose her feelings for Rainbow Dash.The ending is also uncertain, unexpected, and very depressing. It says that Applejack might never be happy again and the two ponies may never be friends again. It is simply heartbreaking. This story brings out a flood of emotions, is magnificently written, and is truly one of the very best.
Well-written. RATHER introspective. I realize that not every story needs a happy ending, but damn if that wasn't sad.
The story is incredibly well written. So you get a thumbs-up!
However, I'm not a huge fan of the theme of the story. Not going to point anything out, though, because I don't want to start a war.
Wow...
That's some powerful stuff. I'm pretty much speechless.
Bravo, good man. Bravo.
Also: inb4 featured
Beautifully written, Wonderful plot, Wonderful everything.
That was most excellent. I guess the proof of it was how empty it left me feeling.
Well off to read some Appledash where they make out.
Very good and different given the large numbers of lesbian Rainbow Dash stories.
I don’t really know what to say or if this sounds right, but here it goes.
That was just beautiful in a tragic sort of way. It was downright gut wrenching and left me feeling kind of empty. I knew this would be sad, but I didn’t think you would go all the way. The ending is especially wonderful. You left it open to interpretation of what would happen. That maybe there could be a brighter future for Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
Their friendship with each other, at least.
But it also says that things could get worse before they get better, if they ever did.
All I can really say is that this was epic. It was a roller coaster of emotions that kept me guessing till the very end. 
I also loved the part involving Fluttershy and Big Mac, particularly Applejack’s jealousy and resentment of their relationship with one another.
All around, this was a great fanfic and I thank you for giving everyone who read it such a wonderful experience. Although I don’t think the ending is what anyone truly wanted, it was still some great food for thought.
I’ll just leave it at that. Once again, great job.
OUCH. I MEAN OUCH.
I could feel the tension and awkwardness as you took us through AJ's stream of consciousness. I really like how nothing felt forced and the dialogue came off as very believable and in-character (whatever that may mean). It's not very often you see a fic focusing on the negative outcome of confronting a crush without coming off as a blatant attempt at ship sinking. Well done.
The lyrics to the song I was listening to while reading this:
The tree of life is a burdensome thing
To those who live a lie
A man without love is no man at all
But a cold bitter wind passing by
With heart and soul torn from my breast
I drift through life all alone
Seeking shelter from the bitter wind
I drift like a shadow unknown
I repeat. Well done.
It's difficult to write about heartbreak without becoming maudlin. It might be more so when writing about AJ, since every unrequited love requires a measure of self-deception - how else can you persuade yourself that your beloved will eventually come around? - and that sort of thing wounds AJ to her very soul. There's no way to force a happy ending here; I am grateful that you left it open.
Even in fictional universes, some things are Not Meant To Be. A romance that accepts that premise is uncommon, and likely uncommonly sad as well. This one, fortunately, is also uncommonly good.
OMG I cried SO much when I finished this
. Very beautifully and well written.
982050 Maybe you'd like something more visual?
i.imgur.com/EJsf2.gif
This is for everyone who's feeling down because of the fic
Thank you all for your criticism and comments. Glad you enjoyed the story and were thoroughly heart broken by it. If this fic left you feeling empty and saddened, then I did my job well.
Also, who added a Tv Tropes page for this? Cuz that's freaking awesome!
I hate your fic...
...and this is a huge compliment. Really.
I read it all, i will never read it again in my life, but I will reccomend it to everyone. It is incredibly good.
...and I hate it for making me feel depressed and angry. To be able to stirr such basic feelings of anger and mix them up with depression on a whole new level takes true skill at crafting words and sentences.
Brilliant work! Keep it up!
...just don't tell me about it...
998491
I’m the one who made the Tv Tropes page. I thought this story was too much of a masterpiece to let it go to waste. This fanfic is probably the most emotionally driven one I’ve ever read, even beating my now second favorite, “Like Fine Wine.”
Overall, I fully believe your story is among one the best on site and I thought it deserved some extra attention. So I've kind of placed links and summaries wherever I thought it appropriate to spread the word.
great story, but wish it would have had a happy ending
This is a truly beautiful fic. It really sucks you in by showing how fragile Applejack is despite the gruff exterior and the anxiety a one-sided love can have on someone. Where I think the fic shines (besides the amazing writing and inner-monologues) is in the final scene. Despite not having a happy ending you leave the hope that these two can still be friends even after their entire relationship had shifted. I can't say anymore about how amazing this fic is and how amazing you are writing it. 5/5 you deserve it!
I made an account specifically to tell you how incredible this writing is. This is single-handedly the best inner monologue that I have read on Fimfiction. Tears are streaming down my face, the heartbreak and broken friendship that you have crafted here left me reminiscent of my own heartbreaks in the past. You have shown that no matter how tough and independent both RD and AJ are they themselves are incredibly fragile. AJ has the such incredibly deep and personal thoughts that you convey in a way that complete engrossed me in this story; RD's reaction was not something that I expected even seeing the "SAD" marker on this fic. I commend you on an incredibly well written piece that will surely attract attention and commendation around he internet.
Congratulations on an impressive story.
-Applejack
I knew it was coming. I saw it from the start.
Did that help? No, it didn't. You've done an incredible job portraying the unfortunate one-sided-ness of love and rejection between friends. It really, really hurt to read this (that's a good thing). I can't say I'll ever want to read it again, but damn was it good. Very well done and I look forward to seeing what you write next.
Sweet, poor, beautiful Applejack. I just want to give her a hug! I could feel that ending was coming and it was so sad to keep on reading, to read about Applejack desperately clinging to the last piece of hope and get completely crushed like that. Not every love story can have a happy ending, and I salute you for having the guts to go there, even if this is my favorite pony we're taliking about
The story itself was very well written. It was long, but not too long. You really gave a lot of care and attention to Applejacks feelings, I like that. This deserves a lot more likes. Well done!
Being someone that loves stories similar to this, and have been looking for motivation to write my own (As well as reading to find things to make my writing better) this is probably the best one I've read yet. The inner monologues are FANTASTIC. The way you brought a Big Mac and Fluttershy romance into it to emphasize her feelings made it all the better.
If I was half as good at writing as you, I would feel good about myself. I hated the story only because it was pretty sad at the end, but I'm still going to like and favorite this, and most likely read this at least once more.
I'm not sure how to feel about this. It was amazingly well written, and it really took me with it, you really touched me. Your artistic skills are outstanding.
I guess the most probable reason of why I was so... moved by it, was because of the last lines. I know them perfectly, cause that is how I live my daily life. Happy on the outside but sad and lonely on the inside. I know who was "my rainbow" and just as AJ did, I fucked it up. Big time. She hasn't talked to me for over a year now, and since I'm finishing highschool, I'll probably never see her again.
That... closeness I had with the story you've written, and the fact that today I was really depressed... I gues this help just help to make everything worse. But I know good art when I see it, and even if I feel amazingly hurt right now, your story deserves to be much more than this, your story is amazing, you are a great writter and a great guy, I hope you have a good day, and a good life.
1165758
Sorry to hear that mate. I know how you feel. For a year, I had a big crush on a girl I worked it. It was unlike anything I've ever felt before. I thought I could just live with it and pretend everything was normal, but the feelings kept getting deeper and deeper. It came to a boiling point where I had to tell her or go completely insane. I told her, and I got rejected. At first I was like "Oh well, cool, at least I did it, now I know, all is well", then my whole world came crashing down. Being in love is an amazing feeling. Having that feeling taken from you in an instant hurts, a lot. It feels like you'll never be capable to feel the same way about another human being again. But it's better to feel that way than to live in a dream where all we keep thinking of is what could've been. It means we can let go, move on. For quite some time, I felt like a zombie. Cold and empty. That was a couple of years ago. I can't remember the last time I've seen her and I never think about her anymore. There's no reason to. I can look back and smile at the whole ordeal, and I never have reason to ask myself "what if....?". Now I don't know about your situation but I hope that it gets easier for you and that one day you too will be able to look back without regrets .
Dunno why I responded to this, emotional after too may sad fics XD
1240892
You responded to this because you've felt that way before, I guess you just unconsciously had to get that out. Besides, we are bronies, we see one of us down, and we all try to get him up, don't we? That's why I love this fandom.
Excellent in its own sad way. This story doesn't give you that warm feeling, but something darker; something that speaks the truth of life. Bravo.
Damn. That story hits me especially hard, for personal reasons. You did an amazing job on this, it made me cry. I rate this story 5 moustaches!
I could practically feel the sadness dripping out of AJ's heart.
Good job.
Man that was depressing.
Poor Applejack. But that's what she gets for failing to think about it from Dash's point of view.
Probably how such a confession would actually go down, too.
I have a few issues with this fanfic.
First: A little division in chapters would be helpful, since it's very long. Try to cut it on parts that don't interrupt actions (I know, it's obvious, but sometimes people are not very experienced and make these "beginner's mistakes"),
Second: I know that, as you said it, "sometimes there are no happy endings". It seems that you want to take a jab at the generic fanfics. You clearly summed it up pretty well: they confess, have a few trials and ultimately love prevails. But aren't most stories like that one way or another? Which brings me to point number...
Three: Rainbow Dash's attitude seemed way out of character (or at least that's how I felt it). I know she's selfish. Heck, many of the Elements of Harmony have a bit of selfishness in them. One could even say that Rainbow has that same selfishness but it's more accentuated or shows it off more than the rest of her friends. Any member of the Elements of Harmony can be a selfish bastard and be excused of it if the writer does it very well. For example: "Ribbons and Lace" drives the reader into Rarity's mind and her inner struggle of trying to tell Fluttershy she loves her but not finding the courage to do so. Before we realize it, Rarity hurts Fluttershy in the process and we see the selfishness we couldn't otherwise see from her perspective. However, Rainbow here took selfishness into a whole new level. Applejack struggles to find the courage to even ask her on a date, let alone tell her she loves her. However, when she does, Rainbow snaps at her and severs the relationship. Sure, she then locks herself for a week and starts to see Applejack's ordeal once she "calmed down". She realizes that AJ had to have a lot of guts to confess her love and tries to ammend the hurt she caused. However, it seems she has an erroneous definiton of selfishness.
When AJ confesses, she goes on and on about what she feels. Yet Rainbow call her selfish because she only talked about her and "did not take her into consideration". Seriously? Then which is the "correct" way of telling someone you love them? Simply saying "I love you" isn't enough. One may as well just shrugg it off and say "I love you too". You need to talk about your feelings and what happens when you're near to make that person understand what you mean: it's not just any love, it's the real real hand-down love. That way, even if they say no, you can convince them that you meant every word you said. So is that being selfish? In my point of view, it isn't. But let's say it is. Rainbow had a lot of time to think things over, yet it seems she didn't. She goes to tell AJ she's sorry and all of that, and yet she still talks about herself. She tells AJ that maybe "she got confused because of her mane" and all of that. But the worst part is that AJ just nods along like "yeah, it's true". Really?! Couldn't she just say something like "hey, the color of your mane had nothing to do with it"? Heck, even in her confession she never mentioned Rainbow's rainbow being a key factor in her liking her. It's like saying "yeah, maybe you saw my blue eyes and that got you confused I was gay". No! The color of your beautiful eyes is just a factor in why I like you, but it's not important nor determinant. There's a fuckton of other reasons why I like you and the eyes are one part of everything. It's the same thing. And yet at the end AJ accepts everything and keeps blaming herself like it's her fault. Her fault for what? She only fell in love with Rainbow and confessed her feelings. There was not a single thing she did wrong.
Rainbow on the other hand is the one who snapped at her and just says that "maybe" she can still be friends with her. Does she realize the damage she has cast? Because I don't think she does. And the reason she has to snap at AJ, I feel was too forced. She starts talking about a stallion that challenged her but wasn't quite up to her standards. That I can take: a casual conversation about an incident. However, when they're in the picnic, Rainbow gets mad because she went to the picnic to forget about a certain mare that also confessed her feelings. I felt it was like a Deus Ex Machina. We don't see that mare and we don't know the context. We just see Rainbow snap for no apparent reason and her friend who was just trying to be nice. Seems she didn't appreciate her efforts. Sure, she doesn't get all the details, like the blanket, but she seems to also forget the pie that Applejack carefully baked for her. She just explodes into this sort of "beast" because another pony who we don't see tells her she loves her and she can't stand being confused by being gay. Sure, she might have been called names before and might even be traumatised, but the reader doesn't see that. We just see her get angry but lack the context of her rage, which makes (at least) me doubt of her reasoning (if any) at all.
I don't mean to say that this is what makes this a bad writing. Hell, it's wonderfully written, but it's mistakes like these that make the whole structure that the writer has been working on to just fall flat. I hope you take these points into account on your next works so as to avoid repeating them. I did not mean anything bad from this critique, just pointing out the things that didn't go right with me (sometimes I ask myself "is it just me or did anyone else notice them?"). I hope you take my comments well and I wish you luck on the next story you write.
s23.postimg.org/vydnjlbiz/mlfw2604luna_saw_what_you_did_there_display.jpg
Kidding aside, that was quite a good story, dark but too much so.
Dammit! I hate it when they end up making RD not a lesbian in a story like this and ripping AJ's heart like that. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
2621338
You took the words right out of my mouth and turned them into a book...
This is actually the first MLP fanfic I ever read (although I read it on Fanfiction.net on my phone and I didn't see it was a tragedy at the time). So to the author, I have you to thank for my being on this site... jerk.
I thought you did an amazing job calling forth emotions with your writing, even if Rainbow's characterization can be extremely distracting. Eliciting emotions from the reader is the most powerful tool a storyteller has, but it should be used when serving a good purpose, like emphasizing the theme of the story. Getting that issue out of the way, I have little doubt you make a great writer and I hope to read more of your work.
This is the first ever MLP fanfiction I have read where the two main characters don't get together
I love it <3
... I've got a building sense of schadenfreude. I think I may be a terrible person.
Ah, the best worst feeling. Yep. Definitely a terrible person.
2621338 Love doesn't work like that. The reality of it all is that you can't force people to love you, and that they don't always reciprocate a person's feelings just because said person does feel that way. Please stop looking at this fic like a shipper. This story was specifically designed to show how unlikely it would be in real life for the common shipping clichés if they were ever played out straight, and that people don't always get together for the common reasons.
Hate to break it to you, but people are naturally selfish. If someone confessed to you their love, would you be capable of bringing yourself to love that person back, if only to spare their feelings? That is so incredibly shallow, even today. You're not loving them to make yourself happy, but to make them; and only them, happy. Love is a two way street, and for people to be mutually happy in a relationship for the purest reason of just being in love and nothing else is where it's healthy and proper. You also have to understand that in this story, Rainbow was bullied under the presumption that she was a lesbian. I would think that anyone who would go through that won't exactly be an amiable ball of sunshine.
This is brilliant. Brilliant, because it's real. I just love realistic stories that don't beat around the bush and waste time on petty wish fulfillments and selfish fantasies. I love the occasional fantasy every now and then, but a sense of realism is where I find the most joy out of. Bravo!
7301731
I could tell right away that this story was not meant to have a happy ending. My problem is that it doesn't really explain things thoroughly. I'm not looking at this as a shipper, I'm looking at this as a reader who had not enough information beforehand. In a story you have to make things relatable enough to keep the reader interested and empathetic with your characters, understand their motivations and their flaws to make them more realistic, while also being logical according to them (be it a human logic or one that operates in the universe's mechanics that you set beforehand).
Second, people are not "naturally selfish" (which, btw, is a bit of a contradiction when you say a couple of lines later that "love is about making them and only them happy"), please put Thomas Hobbes's body back in his grave. There is no natural absolute human morality, people simply are. I never stated that people were selfish or not, I was talking specifically about Rainbow. She is selfish, she is brash, she likes to be in the spotlight, draw everyone's attention and highlight her successes. The show has already established a canon that fans like us either have to follow or not (in which case, we'd need to explain why exactly this universe we've developed does not follow the rules that have already been established), and in this case, Rainbow's personality has been set as somewhat obnoxious, boastful girl. Nothing in this story indicates why that isn't the case, I read that assuming that everything was normal.
My problem is that, when it came to AJ confessing her love, Rainbow's response, as valid as it could be with someone who was bullied for looking like a butch (or whatever), was completely irrational and jumped to conclusions (her hair? Srsly? When did AJ ever say she was in love with her because of her hair?), while also introducing elements that came out of nowhere (the filly who previously confessed her love) and that took away any seriousness it could have. I mean, really, don't you think these are issues that Rainbow could have mentioned one way or another to her best friends of all people? Or at the very least not try to push the blame entirely on AJ and explain the situation better instead of singling her out for something she did not (entirely?) know? Nobody is forcing Rainbow to love AJ back (I never said that), but I think she did not fully appreciate the effort her friend went through to tell her her feelings. This is exactly what I meant with my previous comment: when you're confessing your love for someone, whether reciprocated or not, you don't just blurt "I love you" and that's it, you need to have arguments that prove what you mean, and these elements were brushed off by Rainbow, and only now is that we, the readers, learn of the backstory that, as it turns out, is a very important part that changes the course of the plot.
When you're writing a story, you need to focus on key issues so that the reader can understand the whole context or introduce these variables in such a way that it does not affect negatively the story. Rainbow's past issues could have been introduced better and not affect the flow (and resolution) of the story, but as it were, they look more like a deus ex machina that makes the whole thing that AJ worked for crumble down with things we do not see and thus have no way in relating (and maybe even understanding) the context in which Rainbow's outburst came from. It's a very well-written story, don't get me wrong. The author did a very good job in introducing us to AJ's mindset and her train of thought to keep us on the edge of our seats to see how her efforts were received by Rainbow, but as I said, it's Dash's reactions that seem completely off, bordering in OOC, and for me it kills the story. It looks more like they tried to force the sad scenario rather than let it flow naturally. I've read other AppleDash fics before where they don't get together or don't have a happy ending, I don't mind a share of sad resolutions every once in a while, but this ending seemed too forced for me for the reasons I previously explained, and hey, a little constructive criticism never killed anyone. I hope this guy took a read of this and tried to avoid these issues in their next fic.
7302840 When I said that people are naturally selfish, I meant that just because they happen to be doing something selfless, that doesn't automatically mean that they'll like it or it'll make them feel better.
There are genuinely selfless people in the world, which is all well and good, but can you honestly say the same for the entirety of the human race? Also, just because you can be selfless, it doesn't necessarily mean that you should neglect your own needs, which is pretty much standard common sense (emotionally, physically, etc).
I think the author has enough credit and entitlement to write their story in their own way with liberties, but yes, constructive criticism is indeed part and parcel of what a writer is about.
7303206 First, humans aren't selfish or selfless, that reasoning belongs in the 1600s. Humans naturally tend to form groups; what they do from that point on is their own choice, which can be influenced by internal and external factors because what molds a person is the social relations it makes. Does that mean it should prioritize other people's need all the time? Of course not. Second, nobody is saying that when someone does a selfless thing for you they have to like it or make them feel better. One thing is arguing that Dash should have fallen in love with AJ because of all the things she did and another entirely different thing is saying that she could have at least appreciated the effort (which doesn't mean she shouldn't have rejected her) her friend went through. As I said, her outburst, as valid as it may be for someone that was bullied for her appearance, has no logical reasoning and keeps putting the blame on Applejack, like she should have known that another filly confessed to Rainbow just a while ago, or introducing elements that had no relation whatsoever with her friend's confession (again, her hair?! When did AJ ever say she was in love with her because of her hair? Or when did the story say "Rainbows = gay here too"?). Key elements that were never mentioned before and that suddenly had a big impact on the story. A writer may have a style that is unique to them and they can make the story they way they like, but that does not mean leaving aside important elements that change the way the plot goes. If maybe the story had taken place a couple of days after a sort of "gay pride parade" and Rainbow had taken part of it (or something like that), then Dash's outburst would have made more sense and Applejack's efforts wouldn't have been as innocent, since she would have jumped to a conclussion that was not correct from the start. And also, shouldn't Rainbow have reacted better being that Applejack is her best friend? Seems a bit harsh to treat someone you have been in lots of adventures before. If my friend came to me and told me s/he loved me, even if I had a bad day, I would not treat them like they're the worst person ever, I wouldn't blame them entirely for their feelings (something people have no control) nor brush off their efforts to woo me. Far from being a realistic representation of how a person reacts, Rainbow's reaction to AJ's feelings seems too unreal and irrational for me to believe it. The resolution seemed too forced, and it was too bad for a story that had built itself so good from the start.
7306793 Sociopathy and psychopathy contradict your reasoning, but they're the exception, not the rule (high functioning ones can still pass themselves off as 'normal'). Second, yeah, the hair thing was inappropriate and that a rainbow doesn't automatically mean gay. It's just that, the LGBT community have taken it as their symbol, which was probably misinterpreted by the author to mean that Rainbow Dash (under the common misconception) is a lesbian. It's actually refreshing to see someone who logically does not believe in that rainbow=gay concept. I'm a bisexual man, and even I know that it's partly political in nature. In regards to how Rainbow reacted to the confession; people react differently to different things. You say that you wouldn't have reacted that way, but who's to say that I would've, or somebody else? People are different, like you said.
Lastly, you have to understand that someone is under no obligation to reciprocate another's love just because they happen to confess or sustain such feelings, which is a common romance cliché. They still could have reconciled and remained friends (which the author hints will eventually happen), because in this fic, Rainbow's straight, and it never would have worked out between them. The author was obviously going for a more dramatic tone, but considering the majority of positive votes, I say he did a modestly good job. He also has room to improve, like you said, so cut him some slack.
7307559 Yeah, I didn't say he writes horribly, as I said, he did a very good job in immersing us in AJ's mindset. Just maybe he could have put more emphasis in the elements surrounding his characters to make Rainbow's reaction much more organic. Also, appreciating an effort like AJ doesn't mean liking her. It means saying "hey, I like what you did, but I'm sorry to say that I'm not like that". Dash seemed too angry and self-centered (even for herself) to at least commend Applejack for the picnic or something.
THE FEELS
I BROKE DOWN IN 0.0000000000001 SEC FLAT
Welp... This goes as the number one in "zapapple" my feels collection
A beautiful story...
It hurt in all the right ways. I wish that there was a sequel or something, some epilogue that leaves us on a happier note... But that's the point, isn't it?
Like AJ, the reader wants a firm conclusion on the eventual status of AJ and RD's friendship, but we're left in the same cloying uncertainty that Applejack experiences by the end of this story.
Bittersweet beyond bittersweet, and leaves me with a mix of sadness in empathy for AJ and happiness at having experienced this fic.
Excellent. Genuinely excellent
for sad AJ
for introspective and well-characterised story.