- Member Since 6th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
Seth Typofather
All bow before my horrible chatroom grammar!
Seth Typofather
Joined 6th Sep, 2013 ·
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not bad, but if I were spike, I'd react VERY differently... but that's because I HATE infidelity a LOT more than most people...
5031121 Let's be honest here, she had a lot of stress and needed bills to pay. She did not actually sleep with any patrons as it described in the story but I understand. I abhor infidelity too.
Good story. Quite a twist when Spike figured out Rarity's secret
5031146 Thank you!
Spike was way too forgiving. I don't care if she didn't slut around with various patrons. If it was me her ass would have been grass.
5031294 Let's be a little more realistic here, she would have been grass if she had no reason to do so. Did you look into the reason enough?
I really don't know what to think of this. I don't ever see Rarity just having constant sex with other males, especially since she's been engaged. If she was just a stipper and not some hooker, okay, I could buy it then. But her being a slut? No thanks. And I feel that Spike was just a little too forgiving about this whole thing. I know he loves Rarity a lot, but I have a hard time accepting Spike would be so quick to forgive what Rarity did, even if it was for the best intentions. There was some potential here, but it got messed up with some poor choices in terms of how the story played out.
At least the clop was decent.
5031465 Thank you for your honest opinion!
5031338 Yes I did. Stand by my statement.
5031500 Alright, thank you for commenting nonetheless.
Huh, interesting. I wonder why the boutique was going out of business.
5031465
Perhaps you should have read it a little better since it states:
As such, getting upset over her for something she did not do is kind of pointless. Although that last part is a little unclear. If the private dance part was removed it would read like
I was not really a fan of this story. I agree with the prior statement about Spike being too forgiving too quickly. Even if he had been told the fact mentioned above, there is still the issue of trust and lying about what she had been doing. It is nice that he loves her enough to want to stay with her, despite what he believed, but there is going to have to be some conversation about it later. Admittedly, not what is really necessary here since it is a clop-fic but still.
Structurally, the opening portion of having Rarity come home and talking to Spike about his bachelor party seemed unnecessary. Most of the relevant information can be gathered from the rest of the story. There is also several points where what should be -- and reads as -- separate sentences are run together, but separated by commas.
So, basically, the concept is interesting, but the execution could use some work.
5031739 Thank you for your opinion! It was much appreciated.
as soon as i saw dash watching the cameras in the security room i was wait for a "dum dum dum diddliy doo doo doo diddliy doo" aka the five nights at freddy's theme
“No way, I’m gonna keep on fucking you there until you couldn’t walk.” can't not couldn't.
Anyways, it wasn't bad. Areas where you could have improved is that you had the foreplay basically be they got in the shower and he grabbed her breast, Spike was way too forgiving when he believed she had been sleeping around, Rarity definitely should of had told him it wasn't the case afterwards, it's a lot easier to believe he'd forgive her just for stripping if he knew, you didn't really describe the feeling of the orgasms which is a huge loss of immersion, and basically it felt a little short largely because of the things I pointed out above. I did like Spike's reasoning that fucking her ass was a punishment since she thought it was unrefined, but I would have liked to hear him say something along the lines of not getting a say she was being punished when she was like, no, not there, etc.There really feels like there's something here, which is good, just needs some more fleshing out.
5040126 Thank you for your honest opinion, it was much appreciated. What about the extra chapter?
5031136 The problem with this statement is that your story DOES NOT say this. It indeed heavily suggests that she HAS been sleeping with patrons, by the fact that Spike accuses her of it and she never says otherwise. It's one thing to make money by taking off your clothes. Nothing wrong with it IMO. Nothing wrong with making money via sex IMO either, assuming both are willing participants. But this issue isn't about either one of those things. It's about deception. She has been doing this for how long now, without saying anything to the drake she is going to marry? That crosses the line. Spike flat out accuses Rarity in this of sleeping around for bits, and she admits to doing it/never says she didn't. So Spike is definitely being WAY too forgiving. What makes it worse is that you state Rarity never slept with any of the patrons, and yet she never counters Spike's accusation that she did. Leaving a very plot crucial detail like that out for no reason looks pretty bad.
There are a spattering of errors here and there, but mostly forgivable. The sex is fairly bland, and the dialog for reads like a generic porn script once you reach that point. I didn't see the usual tell tale signs that you've never actually had sex from the writing, but it doesn't quite have enough to really draw me in/get me going. (Though in this case I read over it rather late/early and I'm notoriously hard to please in that category, so take that with a grain of salt.) All in all the concept is rather interesting. 'Spike and Rares are together, but Spike finds out Rares is stripping/hooking to make ends meat without telling him' is something I can't say I've seen before. If that aspect of it had been handled right/explored more, I probably would have given it an upvote. If that part hadn't been there at all, I wouldn't have even bothered to vote/review. But as it stands that's the part of the story that got me most interested in it, and that's where it failed the hardest for me. So I'm going to give it a downvote.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/338/f/6/cool_story_kaiba_meme_generator_now_thats_what_by_fox_fire_vash-d6ws8pt.jpg
5049012 I see your putting your multi-billion dollar company internet to good use, Kaiba?
5040251 Odd, your reply didn't show up on my notifications. I was honestly expecting Dash to be masturbating to what was going on, so mildly let down there but that's no fault of yours. That being said, there is something fun about Rainbow Dash and gryphons
Otherwise, the sudden jump into the sort of relationship type thing was a bit jarring, but it was enjoyable.
5051699 Indeed, I kinda liked playing around the whole quick sex thing by making the gryphon question her by stating if she's technically a slut.
5051722 That did make me laugh.
5051780 Glad you enjoyed it.
This is one of THOSE stories. Those stories which have a rather interesting concept but fall completely flat in execution.
Let me start with the thing that really gets to me: The club.
That place makes no sense.
It is stated that its a strip club. Well, then you don't get sex there. Brothels deliver sex. Strip clubs are for strip tease. Putting that aside: They have cameras in the rooms, where the sex happens? That is like the one huge NoNo in this business. Patrons would never let that fly. This is an extortion scheme waiting to happen. This place is... well... badly researched and rather contrived.
Now for the characters: NO!
There is so much unexplained or plain wrong!
Why doesn't Spike notice his FUTURE WIFE of the stage? Did Rarity change her facial features, size and so on too? Why was she on the list for private visits, when you state that she never had sex with the patrons? Why is she getting minimum wage, when she is so popular? Why does she not tell him that she never had sex with the patrons? DID RAINBOW WATCH THE TWO THE WHOLE TIME?
Sorry, but it just raises too many questions
Are you taking requests now?
5298380 Nah, just wanted to add that extra in.
5298385 I mean another story.
5298421 Oh, no. I simply write for the purpose of writing, no requests or such.