Chapter 1
F*** You, Pinkie Pie!
An Attempt to Write a Fanfic about a Pony who knows how to break the Fourth Wall
Once upon a time, in the magical land of HEY!
Goddamn it, will you stop?
Hey, that’s some pretty bad language, mister!
Pinkie, this is like the fourteenth time I’ve tried to start this story. When are you gonna stop butting in?
I’m just saying, so many of these stories start out like that. You need a different angle.
Since when did you become a literary critic?
I’m not.
Wait, I’m confused now. Are you Pinkie Pie?
No, I’m Pinkie Pie!
The fuck?!
Language, mister!
My name is Brex, and could you please start using quotation marks around what you say?
“Oh, sorry. Yeah, I guess that was pretty confusing. By the way, what kind of a name is Brex?”
It’s short for BaroqueNexus, which is my pen name. My real name is Br
“DON’T TELL THEM!”
Right, fine. Can I please get on with the story?
“I guess because the word is all slanted now means you really mean it?”
Yes, Pinkie. Generally, italics mean to place emphasis on a specific word.
“I’m a party pony, Brexie, not an egghead like Twilight.”
If Twilight were here she’d be a lot more complacent.
“Come place what?”
Never mind. Now, can I get on with the story?
“Okey-dokey-lokey!”
Right. Ahem…
Once upon a time, er…I mean, In Equestria, there was a magical fountain that could bring about youth and vigor in the oldest of ponies “COUGH” and creatures from “COUGH” all around the world “COUGH” do you have bronchitis or something?!
“Nope, just trying to get your attention.”
Why?
“When you say magic fountain, do you mean the Fountain of Youth?”
No, I’m talking about the Art vs. Science song.
“Huh?!”
It’s sarcasm, Pinkie. Of course I’m talking about the fountain of youth.
“And let me guess. You send Pi…me to this fountain and something comes out of that, right?”
How’d you know?
“It’s so predictable, Brexie. By the way, what’s a baroque nexus anyway?”
It’s…well, it’s nothing.
“Your name is nothing?”
No, I…for the love of God, can I get on with this?
“Who’s God? Don’t you mean Celestia?”
Yes. Fine. Celestia. Okay. Now will you get out of my motherf****ing way and WHAT?!
“I don’t like your language, so I blocked it!”
How’d the f*** you get into my formatting?!
“Ooh, a question mark and an exclamation point. Bet you’re mad!”
Oh my f***ing God. You can’t be serious.
“Oh, but I am. Go ahead and try some dirty words.”
F***. B****. C***. N****r. Sh**. A**hole? B***ard? F****t?! D***head?!
“Ah, so many asterisks.”
YOU SON OF A B****!
“Teehee.”
F*** YOU, PINKIE PIE!
“It’s for your own good.”
Alright, fine. You wanna play that way? I’ll hit Control and F and I’ll get rid of WHAT THE SH*T?!
“I thought of everything, didn’t I?”
YOU HACKED MY D*MN COMPUTER? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!
“And now, for being naughty, you need some lessons in manners, Pinkie Pie style!”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“Who’s SanityLost?”
HUH?!
“SanityLost, Bloodwing, Howitzer. Are these friends of yours?”
Uhh…well…
“They are, aren’t they?”
Once upon a time
“You can’t get rid of me that easily!”
In the magical land of Hey I’m in your story now and I’m not using quotation marks! PINKIE PIE!!!!!yes?
You were never this annoying in the show.
“You were never this irritable on your FurAf…”
DON’T MENTION THAT!!!
Why? So you’re afraid of what they’ll think of you?! Y oou’re parents an d frie nnn dds must b e so proud h ey st o p that t ! !
It’s the only way I can get rid of you, Pinkie Pie.
“but withouttw m e the rr e is noo s t o rrr y! !”
We’ll see about that.
“ggrrr” gerrrr…
Don’t resist. I’m just sending you to the recycle bin.
“B R QUE NEXXX USS RE A L NAME IS BR
Hah! Can’t stop me now!
HE LL IV S IN A TGA 5 2 W CRK
Almost got you, you bitc*!
H S 1 7 HS A FRY H IS A HMSE
M*****FUCKER!
Qtr 02 j2 – ws- hgf stop s0t94 j4ws- 9jt you can’t sdoif wso do t iths soyu fcna’ t canot yuwrs 2a= 8y2=5ty824gikz 3a0wn 5we[ y5e[ g9h 3a=85 2a4 the ztd hd zS zszS RT$W _($ U@_($ U!#+ (T%U$+%T *$T $T$ T!
…
Eh?
She’s gone?!
Thank fuckin’ Christ.
Now I can finally write.
…about stuff…
…about My Little Pony…
…
Shit. I miss her.
What? Did I write that? Oh, goddamn it. She broke the backspace button on her way out. Now I can’t delete anything I say.
Or she says.
Holy shit. If she comes back…then everything I am…
Ha, ha. Not that, well, not like I don’t want you guys to know…I mean, not that…oh, for the love of…
“Trying to deny the obvious?”
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE?!
“You can’t get rid of me, Brexie. Or should I say, Br…”
Please, Pinkie, don’t do this! I’m sorry!
“You’re what?”
I’m sorry! Really! I wasn’t thinking right! You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I was coming about it the wrong way. But please, this place…this fandom…I can be whatever I want to be. This is a place where people of different gender, age, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, and subculture can come together with similar interests! Please don’t do this!
“Why shouldn’t I?”
Because if you do…
“Yes?”
…I can’t take another whisteblower, Pinkie.
“What do you mean?”
It’s only been a year and my parents have found out three very controversial things about me that I wouldn’t normally be sharing with anyone other than myself and…well, people like me. You don’t know what it’s like, to live in secret, Pinkie, to have such a profound interest in something and having to have to hide it from your friends, your parents, everybody around you…and when they find out…
“Kinda like Big Macintosh and Smarty Pants?”
Exactly. Do you wanna know how many times in the past five years I’ve come close to killing myself? Huh?
“No, not particularly.”
Eight, Pinkie. Eight fucking times.
“I said not particularly.”
I don’t give a shit.
“You’re getting angry again.”
And why shouldn’t I be angry? You’ve just been here silent while I blather on away about shit that I don’t wanna tell the world and I can’t go back on it because you broke my goddamn backspace bar!
“Why not just cut it or use the onscreen keyboard?”
Actually, that’s not a bad id
“TOO LATE!”
I knew that was gonna happen.
“HA! Silly Brexie, only I can know when things are about to happen. For example…”
Yes?
“I know that very soon, you’re going to write a story, not about me, but about you, Brexie.”
What do you mean?
“You’re already writing it. Right now. And soon people on the Internet will read it, and they’ll know about you. They’ll know everything.”
Unless?
“Unless you write the story the way I want it.”
Okay. Deal. Fine. How do you want it?
“Ahem…once upon a time there was a pony named Pinkie Pie and she liked to party and one day the evil griffon named Gilda showed up but Pinkie saved the day and threw a rock at her. The end.”
…
“Well, what do you think?”
That’s it?
“Uh-huh.”
You know FIMFiction requires a minimum of 1,000 words per story?
“So make every letter a new word.”
That only makes it 152 words. Without spaces.
“Oh, c’mon, Brexie. You’re a writer. You wrote a book!”
Writing a book. A book that has yet to be fully published as I am still in the process of editing. But, when it does come out I hope that anyone reading this will go to
“You’re gonna promote something you haven’t even done yet?”
Pinkie, people in my world have been doing exactly that for centuries.
“Yeah, I know how you feel.”
I don’t think you do.
“Nope. I don’t. I just wanted to make you feel better.”
Really?
“Uh-huh. You see Brexie, or should I say…I was kidding, get your fingers away from the keyboard! I don’t hate anypony. I even like Gilda, though she kinda annoys me. It’s impossible for me, or for anypony in Equestria, to hate.”
But I hate so many people…Hitler, bin Laden, Snooki, Kim Kardashian, all those kids that were on the ‘teens react to My Little Pony’ video, Fred Phelps, Armando Osorio, my brother…
“You don’t hate your brother.”
But he pisses me off so much!
“Brex, you keep this up knighty and Poultron are never gonna let you put this online.”
How do you…oh, forget it.
“You see? We’re making progress!”
Progress of what?
“Progress of friendship!”
Weren’t we already friends?
“We are now?”
You’re trippier than Donnie Darko, Pinkie.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Heh…
Once upon a time, in the magical land of the human mind, a young writer by the name of Br---- found out that, in order to write a story that really speaks for itself, sometimes it actually had to speak for itself. He learned that it doesn’t matter if you’re different. He learned that friendship really is magic.
How’s that?
“BOOORRRING! No chance of getting featured! Poultron will laugh at you and all of your friends will post unhappy pony faces!”
In other words?
“It’ll do.”
I love you, Pinkie Pie.
“Go soak your head, Brexie.”
:)
o_0
/) ?
|\| [].
Okay, Pinkie. I’m gonna go watch Mishka the Talking Husky now.
“BYYYEEEEEE!”
…
And…
She’s gone.
Well, I hope you all enjoyed that spectacle as much as I didn’t enjoy it.
Stay classy, bronies.
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- brandsca123 · 1k words · 23 1 · 1.3k views
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No flavor text of any kind? It's kind of just a script of dialogue don't you think?
I'm sorry. But you need to rely on more than just rapidly spoken lines for a story. It is choppy, confusing, and the lack of punctuation is painful. Words are fine, don't get me wrong. But there has to be some (The pink pony did X) lines. All conversation with absolutely no thought or charector action makes a terrible story.
I'd like to be the nice guy and say it's good but I can't do that. I'm sorry, but it's terrible. Maybe not the idea. But the way it is put together makes me cringe. Maybe if you went back and added a lot of movement and explaination in between the parenthese, it could be much better.
I love how Mist made a disbelieving type of comment as Celestia is snickering on the avatar. It looks really appropriate for this situation.
460740 While Discord naunchelauntly drinks his milk glass.
460745
Like a Sir.
460726>>460739 its the whole point of the story is that no actual story was written due to pinkie pie interrupting. and many scifi short stories are nothing but dialogue exchanges and you have to figure out on your own what the characters are doing. sometimes it's email, sometimes it's a chat feed, and in this case it's a constant series of interruptions
460740 Oh God, funny story about my avatar: my account got stolen and someone put that there to fuck with me, and I haven't changed it back yet.
None the less I always try and give honest critiques to stories to give authors stuff to build off of. That is why I formed the group High Quality Fictions.
460817 Well in my book just because others have done it doesn't mean it was good or successful.
460819
Funny story indeed, you just made me literally LOL.
Nice group you have there, once I reach the level of literacy where my grammar isn't plain awful, I might even dare trying to submit something.
Oh look, it's this again. This idea isn't overdone at all.
Well i think it is really excellent for a story just maybe a short story but it was pretty good.
That is why I have not mentioned her name in my fiction yet. I am to afraid that she will pop out of the screen as fast as I write down her name or atleast more of her excistenc in the past.
PS: Only description readen.
Not sure if dislike, or downright love... Either way, have a mustache.
Been done before, not that this makes it bad. I'll give it a like.
Overused formula is so overused, it's now boring.
I got a few laughs from reading this story.
Though I wonder why you didn't double space the story? It would've been a lot easier to read this story if you could take care of some formatting, especially to tell the difference between who's talking
Good job though
Funny. Made me smile
So... why was he fighting it? If pinkie started typing on my computer I would fanboy squee.
Also I wana guess your name is Bryan, Brian, or Bryant
500249 Actually, none of the above.
My name does begin with Br. It's a Gaelic name. It's also a type of shoe.
That's all I'm saying.
500257 Aha I figured ur name out. BrClogs. or wait. BrNike, BrSneakers, BrPennyLoafers.
Am I close?
460739 I love how you don't notice that that's the whole point of the story.
504745 It does not matter if it is the point. I know what it's supposed to be. I just don't like it one bit. It isnt hard to write like that. It's unclear. Overall it just makes for a bad read.
504755 You still don't get it. The whole point of the story is that the author (me) is so distracted and fed up with Pinkie Pie interfering with the story that his writing ability diminishes. I didn't write this story to be a story, but rather a story about me trying to write a story while being constantly sidetracked by Pinkie.
However, you are entitled to your opinion. I'd just like to say that next time you write a fic, if you have a pet, have it cavort around in front of you while you're trying to write, while simultaneously blasting loud music in your room, and see how well your writing is then.
504772 I did that, I got Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic.
504786 weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/watch-out-we-got-a-badass-over-here-meme.png
504793
i.imgur.com/mmbqU.jpg
504800fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/077/c/3/The_Sarcasm_Misunderstanding_by_ThePlotThinnens.jpg
504806
i.imgur.com/ehSoN.gif
I know right?
Oh, but nice big bang theory reference.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/196/606/6004515698_95885f1a81.jpg
504830 Does that mean I win?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwf8bvxWUK1r1niyv.jpg
But seriously,
28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzts2coiq31qz8da8o1_400.jpg
How about we agree to disagree, rather than fight all night?
For Pinkie's sake?
Fuck that shit.
OPEN FIRE!
i.imgur.com/FumBr.gif
504869chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-haters-gonna-hate.gif
504869 Oh, and for added measure chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-fire-the-twilight-gun1.gif
504892
i.imgur.com/kDE7K.gif
Look, i have the same one, just without the stamp on the bottom.
But, you better look out, your hatemail box is full.
i.imgur.com/SLytY.gif
Quick! use dancing kids as a deflector shield!
i.imgur.com/UmgQl.gif
504910media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj52xxMjY51qzvqde.gif
My face now.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lh28dktIrd1qbk0zj.gif
My face later.
504919
i.imgur.com/Dt2tm.jpg
504930fc04.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/081/9/6/deal_with_it_pony_by_ileeuu-d3c7tqu.gif
i.neoseeker.com/mgv/60953-Shadow%20of%20Death/953/93/130645385443_display.jpg 504944
504960s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/4db77_ORIG-look_at_all_the_fucks_i_give.jpg
i.qkme.me/357cdl.jpg 504966
theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/130588395195_display_display.gif 504974
504978
Topic change
img.ponibooru.org/images/c7/c777c3d4bcc42b8ed7132b3cc0c133ea
theuniblog.evilspacerobot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/33kes20.gif
504983
Well-fought, sir.
504991
fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/358/0/2/hurt_twilight_sparkle_vector_by_masterrottweiler-d4k4m7z.png
and to you the same.
openclipart.org/people/Tavin/like_a_sir.svg 505006
505013
Heh, yo're all right kid.
SO MUCH MEME.
*brain melts*