• Member Since 6th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Banana Prince


I used to write exclusively about dragons and thought unicorns were lame. Now I write about ponies. Life can be funny sometimes.

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Ponyville, also known as ground zero... at least from the words of Queen Chrysalis. The ponies seem like they're keeping to themselves a lot lately. They must be planning something... They're ponies! They have to be! They're allowing changelings in, too! Traitors...
Soon enough, they'll know about everything in the changeling empire. The changeling empire is in danger! It is!...Should be...Probably is?
The best course of action Queen Chrysalis can come up with to send one of her most trusted agents to check out Ponyville and get ahead of the ponies - a mission which is definitely not stupid and influenced by paranoia.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 4 )

“Uh… Yes! I’m from… west! …And I was hoping for someone to show me everything about this town, Ponyville and all of its weaknesses if possible. I’m working on… a paper… for school…”

“Sure, thing! I’m not really doing anything! My name’s Minty! What’s yours?”

“Hello. I am Red Banner, unicorn, citizen. Nice to … uhhh… meet you, fellow pony.”

One of Chrysalis's best agents?
She must be really desperate...


An ordinary story.

But I think his revelation was a bit too rushed. Really. I mean, he is there for merely a few hours at most and he already betrayals his mission by showing himself. Not very believable.

Also, I would use a few blank lines for the paragraphs. Would look much better. Same goes for the description.
Additionally I would put the letter in an <quote> box. (I think it looks simply better)

I liked it. And it seems like Chryssie might be swayed to be less paranoid, which is good.

Just one thing, should be your, not you're at the end.

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I tried making Chrysalis and Red Banner a balance of their comedic stereotypes of goofy aliens and the season 2's depiction. It seems I did "okay", but I need to remember common sense (don't we all?).
I'm too comfortable doing stories of this length and no multi-chapter stories because of my schedule. It used to be that High School and ordeals of homework got in the way. Now I have to type up the stories at home with an off-line computer at certain times then go to another town to a library to publish it and add a cover. Since I don't have a car, it's not easy going. I can comment and read on a phone, but that's about it. I don't want to make an excuse, but I'd like for people to understand my limits.
It's for this reason I REALLY don't like doing multi-chapter stories. I feel like they take a lot of dedication and time, so if I do a big project, I'd like to colab with an editor (which I can't) to make sure I don't waste too much time. Although with the time on my hands, I'm considering a multi-chapter story, but the chances I get it up is about the same as Derpy (I mean Bubbles, ITunes) getting her own episode.

very adorable, despite the rushed-ness of the storyline (like what ponydragon mentioned)

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