Celeritas
Alone in the depths of the royal palace of Canterlot, the princess of the sun quietly went about her reading. It had been a normal day with her usual routine. Get up, raise the sun, and then lounge around the rest of the day while she waited for the time when she needed to lower it again. It was a boring job, but somepony had to do it.
It was the perfect atmosphere for reading. Everything was completely silent except for the occasional sound of hooves clopping across the floor above her. There was nopony constantly asking her what they should do or little meddlesome sister nagging her to do something.
Oh how she cherished these moments alone.
The white alicorn let out a content sigh as she flipped through her book to see how many pages she had left. Forty-six. Not bad considering it was a two thousand page book. Hopefully she would get the chance to finish it before she had to lower the sun. She read on through the adventures of the white mare and the angelic black stallion that kept showing up to save her when a faint buzzing interrupted her fantasy. Celestia turned to look down the hallway as the faint buzzing steadily grew louder. She waited and waited but the culprit never appeared. “Hmph,” snorted the princess before returning to her book.
The buzzing continued through the hallway, slowly ebbing away before returning again even louder. If it weren’t for the constant changing in volume she could have ignored it. Celestia groaned as she tried to focus on her book, beginning to hum in an attempt to drown out the buzzing.
“The red mare chased the figure through the depths of the tunnel… bzzt… The walls were as cold as ice… bzzt… bzzt… It was only a matter of time before… bzzt… before the… bzzt… before the figure would… BZZT… before the figure would find… BZZT… before… BZZT… before the… BZZT… be… BZZT”
Finally the princess had enough, slamming her book against the ground with a thunderous slap that reverberated off the walls. She turned her full attention to the hallway just in time to see a tiny speck float up from the corner and enter the room. A fly. Of course it was a fly, the most annoying things on the planet that never listened to reason and never seemed to do the logical thing. It’s almost as if their sole purpose in life was to annoy. They lived to interrupt everything you ever tried to do.
She watched for several minutes as it circumnavigated the room, bouncing off the ceiling methodically as if it were looking for a way out. At least the buzzing was constant now. Maybe she could just tune it out. “Now where was I?” she reopened the book to the page she had been on and began reading again.
“It was only a matter of time before the figure would find her alone and helpless in the dark. Her bright white coat had to be the worst camouflage in the world. If only… bzzt… she could… bzzt...”
Celestia stopped to glare up at the fly that was still bouncing off the ceiling.
“If only she could… bzzt… If only she could cover herself in something that would hide her. The red mare gazed down at the muddy puddles beneath her hooves. It would have to do.”
Celestia stopped again to glance up at the fly that had now landed upside down on the ceiling. It crawled around for several minutes as the princess waited patiently for it to begin buzzing around again. She knew it would. As soon as she started reading it would start up again. Seconds dragged on to minutes and finally the alicorn gave an annoyed grunt before returning to her book.
“The mud slid across her hide easily, running down her mane in streaks. The feeling of slime gushing through her fur disgusted her beyond belief and she gagged more than once as she applied a thin film to her coat. It was what she needed to do to survive. Nopony ever said it would be easy.”
She paused, looking up at the ceiling expectantly for the fly to begin buzzing again. It wanted to. She could feel it. The anticipation of waiting for it was worse than the actual buzzing. She watched it crawl across the ceiling for another few seconds before once again returning to her story. Maybe it had finally given up.
“The red mare was covered from nose to tail in the grimy substance, every step releasing a mucky squelch. Well she certainly wasn’t very sneaky. The crunch of a rock echoed through the tunnel behind her and she slapped her body against the cold brick wall. She watched as the menacing shadow of the figure grew larger on the opposite wall. It was getting closer. Taking a deep breath, the red mare closed her eyes and tried with every fiber of her being not to cry out as… BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT… as… BZZZZZZZZZZZZT… as the figure let loose a bloodcurdling scream and lunged towards… BZZZZZZZZZZZZT”
“I knew you’d start that again,” the princess scowled up at the fly that was now periodically flying a short distance before landing. She tried to begin reading again but the buzzing interrupted her even before she could begin. “Do you want out, is that it?” Celestia focused her yellow magic around the window across the room and forced it open with a gentle creak. “There you go. Outside. Freedom. You can go fly around and be happy now.” The fly continued to buzz around the ceiling oblivious to the now open window. A gentle breeze rolled about the room, fluttering the pages of her book as she once again tried to read.
“Taking a deep breath, the red mare closed her eyes and tried with every fiber of her being not to cry out as the figure let loose a bloodcurdling scream and lunged towards her. The figure slammed up against her, pinning her to the wall. ‘Quiet my love,’ came the heavy voice of somepony very familiar to her. BZZZZZZZZZT”
“Window is over there,” Celestia glared up at the fly before pointing her hoof at the open window. “Stupid fly.” She muttered to herself looking down at her book again.
“’Oh William! I knew you’d come back for me!’ the red mare cried. ‘And I always will. Now let’s get out of this place.’ The two lovers made their way through the –“
“Ack!” Celestia cried out as a gust of wind suddenly ripped the pages from her grasp. “I’m almost done! Just let me finish this!” She frantically began tearing through the pages to where she was.
“BZZZZZZZZZZZZZT”
“Well it’s obvious you don’t want to go outside anyway,” said the white alicorn closing the window with her magic. “I’ll deal with you later.”
“BZZZZZZZZZT BZZZZZZT BZZZZZZZT BZZT” The fly had managed to make it over to the closed window and was now repeatedly slamming itself against the clear glass.
“Here you go,” she said opening the window again. The fly flew about the open window and continued to slam into the wall and clear glass around it for several minutes. “I hate you.” hissed the alicorn through her teeth. She closed the window again and reopened her book.
“The two lovers made their way through the dark tunnel until they saw the light of the outside world ahead. ‘Oh William! If we leave now they’ll arrest us and we’ll never get to see each other again!’ ‘Don’t worry my dear, I would never let that happen! Nothing could ever separate our love!’ ‘Oh William! We have these moments together, just you and I.’ the red mare grinned devilishly at the stallion.”
“What the…” Celestia shooed away the fly that had landed on her nose. “Well you’re a brave one, I’ll give you that. Not many would land on the nose of the princess of the sun. Very brave or very stupid… Very stupid indeed.”
The fly circled her several times before landing on her back and then her hoof and then her eyebrow. Each time the princess swatted it away it managed to return a few seconds later. “I’m not one to hurt another living creature but you’re not giving me much of a choice,” Celestia growled. The fly continued to land randomly on her until the white alicorn finally lashed out, flailing her hooves around as she tried to swat the flying menace out of the air. Her legs grew tired as she desperately struck out to no avail until eventually collapsing onto the ground and heaving for air. The fly came down and landed delicately on the tip of her horn. “So that’s how you want to play,” Celestia snickered as her horn began to glow a bright yellow. The fly took off again, buzzing around the room as the alicorn tried to grasp it with her magic. She reached out again and again but somehow couldn’t focus her magic in on the fly.
“What matter of demon are you?! Some kind of supernatural fly that’s immune to magic!” Celestia cried out sending bolts of lightning hurdling through the room in every direction. Fragments of the ceiling peeled off and fell to the scorched floor in the aftermath, but the fly was still there - buzzing around as if nothing had happened.
“I WILL END YOU.” the princess of the sun snarled at the speck that was still buzzing around and mindlessly bumping into the ceiling. The earth began to rumble and shake. The mountains shuddered and the ocean began to ripple as Celestia focused all of her magic. The sky grew red with fire as trees suddenly began to burst into flames and all manner of creatures cried out. “Really…” Luna sighed and rolled her eyes as she strolled into the room. The next instant the earth was engulfed in fire and vanished in a puff of smoke within the depths of the sun.
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Immediate answer: Moon. After reading: Well, that works just fine.
>Bothered by fly
>Shoot the sun at it
No kill like overkill. M-M-M-M-M-MONSTER KILL!
After seeing the summary and picture, I sort of had to read it.
Win and just so much of it. Definately needed this, thank you.
Read because of the picture. Was not disappoint. Good job sir.
Knee-jerk Answer: Send it to the moon
Actual Answer: Or that...
423132>>423241, exactly what I thought. Also, WHY DID THEY ALL HAVE TO DIE!?!
I see nothing wrong with the solution.
Hilarious. Apart from a few grammar and spelling mistakes, everything was flawless from beginning to end. But I think it would've been funnier if she summoned the Mane 6 to deal with this pest.
itsfanart.com/gallery/var/albums/misc/gwalla/album11/afm.jpg?m=1309298075
That's just awesome. Excellent story
I thought this story wouldn't entertain me... then you proved me oh so wrong.
Here, have a free happy sparkle face.
You earned it.
Something Similar once happen to me However to my dismay When it landed on My ear I discovered it was a wasp
I believe I've had an encounter with that very fly once and it was the most annoying 3 weeks of my life
The pic made me come here.
OVER-ULTRA-SLASH-HADOUKEN-ATOMIC-MONSTER-KILL !!!!!!
423325
Amen.
Glorious. Simply glorious.
FATALITY
Got an annoying fly? No problem! Just shoot the sun at it!
coo story bro. also celestia i kno that feel, aaaand nice picture lol
Fix your spacing and check the grammar in the dialog and you'll have a sleek one-shot that is pure unadulterated fun.
oh-my-gosh it's so zany!
mmmmm not what i had expected, but hilarious none the less!!!!
Thinking of GLaDOS sending the cooperative testing initiates to kill the bird.
Judging by her memes, Molest the hell out of it.
KILL IT WITH A SOLAR FLARE
423833 Now I want a Celestia × Random Fly clopfic
Killing flies> The integrity of the earth and all living things
Celestia's got the right idea.
424193
im wondering how that would work.... would certainly be interesting 
424193 Interesting concept
... so interesting that I may just have to try it 
426026 a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/w/awwyeahplz.png
What's the Earth go to do with Equestria?
426853 Well they are "earth" ponies
427259
The Earth symbolizes the ground, I guess?
Best ending ever. Now I know the only foolproof way to get rid of a fly...
Unless there were to be some sort of sequel with demonic fly spawn...
427465
"The remains of the wasteland of the barren planet housed creatures no longer. All life-forms from trees to ponies were all gone. Nothing was left of Equestria. From the depths of this hellish place, a seemingly-regular housefly rose from the dead planet. It fluttered about for a moment before making its descent on the ruins of the formerly-grand Canterlot Library. For about ten minutes, it wandered about on the debris, as if looking for something.
"The next day, an entire colony of vicious, demon flies were building civilizations all over the planet. With the planet no longer hosting any other life forms, the demonic fly spawns were freely able to advance. It would only take three years until they took over the entire universe by using nuclear weaponry and deadly bio-weapons.
"The terrible army continued its relentless assaults, even after everything was under their control. It wasn't long until they realized that there really is 'the other side', where all of their conquered enemies would rest for eternity. Refusing to let even the dead rest in peace, the demon flies focused all of their resources and fly-power into building a transporter of sorts to take them to 'the other side' so they can torment all of the dead forever.
"Unknown to these flies, however, Princess Celestia was calling together every deceased creature in 'the other side'. While the flies had control over the mortal realm, they would not let them attack the immortal one as well. So they all prepared themselves and trained for war, ready to fight for their heaven.
"One day, the demon flies had done it. They had built their transporter, and it was working flawlessly. They sent troops by the billions into 'the other side', but the spirits were ready. They fought back violently, and soon the demon flies were repelled. But it wasn't over yet.
"The one demon fly, who was now the Monarch Queen, that had tormented Princess Celestia all those years ago came to the battlefield. Upon seeing the Monarch Queen again, Princess Celestia's anger boiled. She couldn't believe her mortal enemy had done this to all of them. So with a desperate cry, she attacked the Monarch Queen, but was overpowered by her combat abilities. The spirits, now without a leader, scattered in the heavens, leaving the demon flies to forever rule with an iron fist over all of the lands..."
... The End.
430399 ^ This. ^
430399
I
you.
I knew it, the moon was much too tame for that fly.
Excellent story. Only issue was when it randomly went to another line after a couple of words.
435559 Alright I got it all fixed.
Thanks to those of you who brought it up because the breaks from Word don't transfer over and I normally just run down the side and add them in again real quick. Plus the cursor and some breaks don't appear on the editing screen for whatever reason. 
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt
K.O. !!
For those of you wondering...
*cough* 426051 *cough* 425111
I did manage to bring myself to write a clopfic about Celestia and the fly. Check it out here. If you dare...
517502 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
The Living Library Player Society did a reading of this story. Listen and enjoy!
The sound effects are the best part.