Twilight wakes up one morning in her Castle after having the weirdest dream. What happens when Rainbow Dash comes over and makes Twilight realize that her dream is starting to come true. Will she embrace it, go crazy, or share the dream with Rainbow. Let's hope none of the above.
This is my first ever story. I've proofread and read quite a few, but I've been inspired by the works of Cyber Clash, Maxxxxxx and Diamond Dead to make my own. I've picked up my keyboard, smashed it against the wall for a couple of hours to make words and then sorted through these words to make this. Hopefully, you'll like it. Hopefully.
Chapters (1)
I'd say it's pretty good for a first fic. Though you might want to change the incomplete tag to complete. And it seems kinda rushed through the entire thing, just a little more so at the end. (I'm in the same boat with pacing) And I'd be curious to see where you're thinking of taking this for a sequel.
4471017 Thank you! Regarding pacing, i just wanted to get it out of my head before I forgot it. I was thinking that I might get a better idea sooner or later that I could write without forgetting it very quickly. Also, I was thinking about how people react to them becoming a couple or their actual date as a sequel
Adaaaw<3 ^^
Sequel plz ^^
How do you know that you made me feel like I didn't care?
4471138 I shall get started on it shortly
Pacing was a bit fast throughout, and there were quite a few grammatical mistakes, though for the most part they were small and could easily be taken care of with an extra editing pass. Plot was interesting enough, though I think this is over reacting even for Twilight, without previous events from her dream mirrored in her life at least. She doesn't go nuts at the drop of a hat; it takes time to progress. The characters were... alright, some of the dialogue was a bit off, and most of it felt forced. You had a lot of run-on sentences, especially in speech, and this caused a very unnatural feeling in the dialogue.
All in all, very well done for your first story.
4471474 YAY
4471641 Yeah, it was rather forced. I re-read it now and realized it really is. I'll put a note of my reflection on it somewhere (authors notes, new chapter, that kind of thing). Hopefully, I won't make the same mistake next time!
This was adorable and quite humorous. It was...no, I'm not going to combine those words together. Adorable and humorous just aren't meant to be. Twilight and Rainbow are though. I liked this little idea of yours.
LOVED IT
Make a sequel!
4478742 I'll get started on it shortly, but my GCSE exams re-start tomorrow, so I don't know when I'll get time to work on it. Hopefully, Tuesday, as I have nothing on then (I've got one on Monday and one on Wednesday)
>>Twilight_Scratch You take all the time u need. I've got finals coming up. Ugh why do we even need them?!
4480180 You take all the time you need. I've got finals coming up as well.
4480186 Finally! I've been able to set a date that I can get back to working on it! That'll be tomorrow, and hopefully I can push the story for the end of this week.
4570031 AWESOME
4570031 WRITING A NEW STORY
4471641 Also: Just read your stories and realized just how good you are. First thought:
OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh A legend posted on my story!!!!!
4570420
Whoa... that's.... that's a new reaction to my comment...
I wouldn't call myself a legend though, just some guy who kept writing until he had some semblance of skill to show for it.
Still, I'm flattered you think that.
4570376 ...And my family came down and I've been told to 'Spend time with them'. Damn. I've been able to have FiMFiction open, but whenever I start writing, I get called down for being 'antisocial', hence the reason I wrote most of it on my mobile. Dear lord, it's horrible! Now to spend some time making it make coherent sense!
4579591
Thanks for reading!
4583666 yw hi lol
How'd this manage to slip through the cracks? Eh, it matters not, time to read.
Hmm, not a bad attempt for your first fic. You can tell that the writing's more than a little green, but if you keep on working at it, it will improve over time. My first piece of advice would be to find yourself a prereader and/or editor. They're great at helping spot any grammatical errors (which I won't point out here for sake of time and because lazy) and for helping you make sure that your pacing, flow, and characterizations are all smooth and coherent.
Firstly, while the initial premise is over-done (Rainbow loves Twilight but is scared to tell her and Twilight more than likely reciprocates these feelings but hasn't figured it out), I like the angle you tried to work it in. The recurrence of the dreams was a nice touch.
That being said, there's quite a bit of room for improvement here, and I'm confident that you can make said improvements over time. Like 4471641 said above, the pacing is one of the areas that I think needs the most work. It's not bad at the start (but even then looks a little rushed), but towards the second half of the story it spirals out of control, from Twilight's freak out to Rainbow bolting away to Twilight's realization to the get-together scene. A lot happens in so few words. Slow down and take the time to explain what's happening in each scene. What are the characters feeling? How does it show in their actions? How do they react? For example, in the Twilight-freak-out scene, you could have spent a fair bit of time (from Twi's perspective) showing how she broke down and started to enter manic-mode.
Also, remember to SHOW, not to TELL. It engages the reader more and makes for a better story overall.
These aren't really necessary. To the reader, this translates as sloppy work or perhaps conveys the idea that the fic wasn't entirely finished when it was uploaded. It's a small thing to fix, but it should probably be fixed all the same. Like I said above, take the time to expand on what's happening around the characters and in the situation.
All in all, this wasn't too bad for your first fic. You've got potential and a lot of room to improve (like all writers do). Best of luck with future fics, and I hope none of what I said was taken offensively, as it was not meant to be.
had some typos:
Great short story, I like it
That was some weird dream!
And some good story!