• Member Since 30th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Nov 7th, 2022

Jura


Comments ( 44 )

For the second time in my life, I got into bed with another pony.
I see what you did there.:rainbowdetermined2:

Man, you hardly ever see a clopfic, or a fanfic for that matter, with Fleur de Lis in it. It's obvious that she is very pretty and could possibly bring any stallion, and mare, to their knees to kiss the ground she walks on.

Adding Rarity and shipping her with Fleur is rare, and shipping Fleur with anyone but Fancy Pants is hard, since Rarity is technically the only other important character to meet or see Fluer.

Oh, and clever with 'For the second time in my life, I got into bed with another pony.'. Took me almost 5 minutes to figure out what that meant.

Not gonna tell where it's from to those who don't know the answer.

*hoofclops* Bravissimo! Encore!

Or, as they say in the vernacular,

MOAR! :flutterrage::heart:

*tags to keep an eye on*

I like reading stories about non-popular pairings like this one. I've find them to be more interesting then the popular ships, with some exceptions of course.
I'll track this to see where it goes.

Let's see whare this goes...

>Fleur has no backstory

Make one, that's the beauty of background charecters, you can manipulate them to have whatever you want and need

Well damn. I gasped when it ended; I wanted it to continue. RarityxFleur is a rare couple and the wayyou brought them together was wonderful. Sad that it ended though. Would love to see more! Like another said, you could give Fleur a backstory, I doubt we will get a canon one anyways.

nice, pretty interesting and drawing you in for more... I will keep watching you :applejackunsure:

not really a fan of the first person, more of a 3rd person reader...

Ongoing plot, or did this wrap things up? *is curious*

426758

Ongoing, I think four parts.

I squee'd when I saw another chapter to this was posted. Awesome.

426993

I'm really glad you enjoy it :D I don't clop but this is my way of giving back to the brony community :3

I made the right choice to track you as an author; I was overjoyed to see you had posted a new story. And one not only with Rarity, but with Fluer as well! It's great seeing more Rarity stories, but combining the two of them... :rainbowwild::heart: I can't wait to see how this'll wrap up. Great job, keep on writing!:raritywink::heart::heart:

"multi-part with a bit of plot" you say? Consider me interested. And good job so far, I'm quite enjoying your work.

am i first for this chapter? huh.....never had first before......but anyway, nice chapter, needless to say, i got a little exited over it....

Why are there so few comments.

Really liked this chapter, really good for clop but unfortunately i don't have any contructive criticism

450970

Glad you enjoyed it, and I'm not sure, maybe Fleur isn't a very popular character. She isn't all that well known.

Well I love the way you made Fleur out to be. More people should be bold like you and write about background ponies.
I'm not much for clopping myself, but I read em for the joy of reading.

Why is it still marked as "incomplete"?

Anyways, beautiful story, even with all the sex.

471795

Woops, sorry fixed!

471750

:D

Ohdamn. What an ending! I still think you wrote this beautifully. But that ending, it made me sad.. Still the story was great and I'm so glad I read it.

474893

Thank you so much for the kind words! Ponies like you make me want to keep writing :)

i liked it and the story was touching. now for the hard part, (this is just my opinion) the ending felt really weak, almost cliched and there was no foreshadowing at all. The way Fluer acted was classic depression, not terminal illness, and you got no sense that she was literally dieing. As cliched as it may seem adding some coughing w. blood (aka non-specific Victorian death sentence) a la La Boheme would have served to give readers a sense of the depressing nature of the story. It is after all a sort of Gothic romance so go all out.
I just wrote a serious literary criticism of a clop WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME:raritydespair:

oh sweet celestia......not fluer.....and after they found true love in each other..... i need to cry now :fluttercry:

476224

I can see what you mean, and I agree. Honestly, thank you so much for the criticism. I will seriously take this into consideration in further writing. This can only help to better my writing in the future. <3

477747
You are very welcome, I look forward to reading more of your work.

That ending...:fluttercry:

Beautifully written, no grammar mistakes...I think I found a new author to follow

Domme Rarity = Win :raritywink:

I... no. That was great until the ending. :raritycry: :flutterrage:

816189

I know! I disappoint myself :facehoof:

I'm trying to take my time with them now though!

816808
I have to give you some merit though, that ending has been stuck in my head for a while now. Tradgedy aside, it's at least memorable. :fluttershbad:

819856

Oh, I was talking more about the quality of the writing XD I feel that the end is weakly written.

...sniff...that ending...whaaaaaaaaaa!!!!:raritycry:

no words can describe what i am feeling right now...damn you, you glorious bastard damn you....

2230196

:D Glad you liked it!

the ending leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.
dont know to like or dislike.

3007945

Yeah, honestly, I don't particularly like the ending either... It was just rolling around my head for far too long at the time and I felt like it might be appropriate, but now I'm just not a fan of it myself. I don't blame you for not liking it.

Thanks for the comment though, a good reminder to keep working at it :)

Comment posted by Insane deleted Jun 25th, 2016

You should add tragedy if this involved a sad death.

“No!” My heart betrayed me, “I spend my whole life creating, giving away what I make, my time, my livelihood, everything! Where does it stop? Element of generosity... Why me? Answer me this: Who gives to me? What do I get back? Where does it end?” The sound of stone was jarring to her, she flinched each time I struck the ground.

Um, because it's the Element OF Generosity, not the Element of Greed. Generosity isn't supposed to give with the expectations of reciprocation by anybody. If such is the case, then it isn't generosity. Rather it is either misunderstood or improperly labeled as something it is not.

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