• Member Since 3rd Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 17th, 2017

maxxxxxx


T

The bow, the chariot, the hammer, the torch, the spear, the sword and the scythe. As prophesied by Star Swirl the Bearded ages ago, these seven powerful relics are being hunted by a malevolent force. It is foretold that the releasing the scythe, the symbol death, will end all life as it is known. Only the six remaining relics will be able stop the dark armies from unleashing it. Twilight and her friends must fight for their lives and each other to save their world from calamity.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 15 )

This is actually pretty good so far. I'll follow it.

This story has earned an explosive brohoof.
i.imgur.com/oeXuQzt.gif

4385500
4385387 Glad you enjoyed:twilightsmile: see you next chapter :rainbowdetermined2:

4385500
what is that gif from? I like it.

4385611 I would also like to know:pinkiehappy:

Um, did I really click on the first chapter? Or did your chapter 6-7 somehow get here instead? :rainbowderp:
No build-up at all, just Blam! Blam! Blam! Wow.
Are you going for the "chapter two is a flashback explaining what happened" thing? I hope so, because I have no clue what's going on.
Definitely an explosive scene, though. Let's see where this leads...

Minor thing. You have multiple uses of it's where there should be no apostrophe.

It's body only a thin metallic skeleton and it's face a spade shaped blank plate of reflective metal. It's long arms ended in five scythe like claws easily as long as a pony. She could feel the air pulling at every feather and hair on her body as she accelerated. Squinting her eyes against the sheering wind she frantically thrust her wings. Almost there! Time seemed to move in frames as she and the monster came within feet of their mutual target. Fluttershy curled helplessly into a ball, shielding her face with her forelegs as the monster swung it's long nails down towards her.

All of these actually don't need an apostrophe.

she ripped a boulder beside her from it's foundations

striking down it's claws on the rock only seconds before it would make impact, slashing through the solid stone almost effortlessly. It stared at Twilight, though it had no eyes she felt it staring almost into her, analyzing her like she were under a microscope. A frozen chill ran down her spine as she staggered back. It slowly spread it's arm out revealing it's hollow chest, thin rib like spikes angled down towards it's pelvis, protecting it's central column that ran the length of it's torso.

Again, none of these require the apostrophe. Here's an example to help you remember when to use it and when not to:

Rainbow wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy's body.
Rainbow delivered a punch into the monster's midsection
The monster chased after the pegasus, holding its claws high in front of it.
See, the word "it's" is a contraction of the words "it" and "is." You aren't trying to say "striking down it is claws on the rock" are you? No? Then no apostrophe required. Just think about that every time you go to use "it's." "It's" should never be used as a possessive pronoun. Always use "its" instead in those cases.

Some dialogue issues as well, the same ones I see in every one of your stories. Remember, if you're going to add a dialogue tag like "Rainbow said" or "Twilight called out," end your speech with a comma, not a period.

Apart from that, you seem mostly okay. I want to see where you go with this. Hoping for some form of explanation next chapter.
I'll keep checking up on you. :twilightsmile: Keep well.

4385611
4385643
It's from JanAnimations' promo of Galacon 2013 featuring Galacon's mascot.

Note that the original was lost when Jan was C&D'd by Hasbro recently, so this is someone else's re-upload.

4385727 damn, I keep messing that up:facehoof:. Thanks so much for pointing it out Cerulean. I don't know if i do the dialogue thing on instinct or what, I guess when i think of a comma, it mean a continuation so when a character is done speaking i always jump to a period. Also, I'm going to fix all those "It's", that's just embarrassing:twilightblush:. Thanks for reading, and no, this wasn't a flash back but the next chapter will explain things. Hope you like the action because there's a lot more of it where that came from! :rainbowdetermined2:

4385741 thanks for the vid! Was wondering where that was from:twilightsmile:

4385770 huh I guess I missed that sorry I do the same that's probably why I didn't catch it.

4385828 that's alright, you did a good job otherwise:twilightsmile:. As the writer I should keep myself from making mistakes like that

4385927 ya but as the editor I should have caught any mistakes small or big

I can tell that this will be an adventure for the record books! The only thing that would make this better is...
TwiDash

That last line, HA! The best, with all that tension perfect, Hahahaha

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