“Fluttershy!” Rainbow screamed as she rocketed forward towards her friend. As fast as she was, the monster that was barreling down towards her had much less ground to cover. A nightmarish thing that ran upright on two thin legs. It's body only a thin metallic skeleton and it's face a spade shaped blank plate of reflective metal. It's long arms ended in five scythe like claws easily as long as a pony. She could feel the air pulling at every feather and hair on her body as she accelerated. Squinting her eyes against the sheering wind she frantically thrust her wings. Almost there! Time seemed to move in frames as she and the monster came within feet of their mutual target. Fluttershy curled helplessly into a ball, shielding her face with her forelegs as the monster swung it's long nails down towards her.
“No!” With a fierce shout she stretched out her forelegs and gave one last desperate push of her wings. Shutting her eyes tight she could only hope for the best. Her hooves made contact with Fluttershy's soft fur. In a blur of movement Dash wrapped her legs around her friend and retracted her wings, her momentum pulling both of them tumbling along the ground. The two pegasai rolled to a stop, Dash's body curled around Fluttershy's, protecting her from the impact with the ground. Shakily, Rainbow stood and looked down at her friend with panicked eyes.
“Shy! Fluttershy, are you alright!? Come on, open your eyes please!” She pleaded as she stared at down her limp body. Dirt and debris littered her main and fur. No, no. Come on, you have to be alright. Wake up, wake up.. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open as she look up at her savior. Her eyes, at first filled with relief and gratitude, turned to fear and terror as a red drop splashed down on her cheek, staining her butter colored fur crimson.
“Y- you're bleeding.” She spoke, her voice quivering with guilt. She gave a repulsed squeak as more of her friend's blood dripped onto her staining her pale yellow fur, staining it a deep crimson. Tentatively raising a hoof, Rainbow traced the flow of her vital fluid up her cheek. The stream ran down her muzzle into her mouth, spreading the harsh, revolting iron taste across her tongue. Dash winced in pain as she touched what was left of her severed ear, less than half of which was still attached to her body.
“Rainbow Dash, look out! It's coming for you!” Twilight called out as she creature sped towards them. Her horn ignited into a violet light as she ripped a boulder beside her from it's foundations in the earth. Following through with a swing of her neck she sent the rock hurtling through the air towards it. The beast turned on a dime, striking down it's claws on the rock only seconds before it would make impact, slashing through the solid stone almost effortlessly. It stared at Twilight, though it had no eyes she felt it staring almost into her, analyzing her like she were under a microscope. A frozen chill ran down her spine as she staggered back. It slowly spread it's arm out revealing it's hollow chest, thin rib like spikes angled down towards it's pelvis, protecting it's central column that ran the length of it's torso. It placed one of it's small, steely feet feet forward. Twilight couldn't help but think by all rights such a thing shouldn't be able to run. Just as she thought thins it exploded into a rapid sprint right for Twilight, claws bared toward her.
“Twi! Fly away!” Dash called out as she and Fluttershy took to the air, supporting one another, her ear still leaking blood. Twilight's horn again lit up as she charged her spell. What is this thing?! Why can't my magic touch it?! What ever it is we have to keep it busy until the town is evacuated. Gritting her teeth she began to activate her teleportation spell. Suddenly, a high pitched whistle screeched from the monster, the sound painfully reverberating her her head. Shutting her eyes she tried to block out the pain to focus on her spell.
“No! It's not working!?” Her eyes shot open, terror filled her expression as the creature was only steps away from her. It's astonishing speed covering the distance between them much faster than Twilight thought possible. No time to fly away! No! No I don't want to die! She shut her eyes as the guillotine of it's claws swung down. Then, a loud metallic sound rang out close to her ear, slowly she opened her eyes as a light grey blur slammed into the monster's face.
“Get away from that thing sugar cube!” Applejack called as Rarity dropped a stone within perfect bucking range of her hind legs. With a powerful kick the farmpony sent the rock flying at Twilight's assailant.
“Come on!” Pinkie Pie said as she ran past, gabbing a hold of Twilight's hoof, pulling her away from the distracted attacker. The two came skidding to a halt by Applejack and Rarity as Fluttershy as Rainbow Dash descended beside them.
“What is this thing Twi?!” Dash grunted, separating herself from Fluttershy. Staggering to Twilight's side, sore from her tumble, she glared at the monster.
“I- I don't know... It shorted out my magic somehow. I've never seen anything like it.”
“Why is it destroying the town? Why is it coming after us?” Fluttershy said softly, still in shock from her near death experience.
“Ah don't know, but it's com'n back!” Applejack crouched, ready to charge.
“Everypony scatter! Keep it busy!” Twilight commanded as she glanced at the far end of Ponyville where the townsponies were evacuating. The next moment the six separated, running and flying in different directions. The monster came grinding to a halt, it's eyeless face moving back and forth between the running ponies. Twilight and Rainbow hovered closest just out of reach while the others fled further away. How intelligent is this thing? I hope not very. With a mechanical turn of it's head it locked on to it's next target. It's thin arms raised as it readied to sprint. Twilight could see it's joints were connected to thin, flexible tubes that protruded from it's metal bones.
“No.. Rarity!” Twilight warning came to late as the monster ran towards her at blistering speeds. No! It's not just attacking randomly, It's choosing the best target! I have to- Before she could finished her thought a rainbow blur zoomed by followed quickly by a powerful gust left in her wake.
“Help! Get this brute away from me!” Rarity screamed. She kept her head forward, too afraid to turn to see how close it was, but she could hear it's foot steps coming close. They pounded against the hard ground like pistons and she could even hear the air whistling around it's body as it approached. Her heart thundered in her chest and her muscles burned as she struggled to out run her pursuer. A blood chilling scraping sound came from right behind her, the sound of metal grinding against metal as it extended it's claws. Oh Celestia! This can't be it! No! It can't end like this!
“Get down!” A familiar voice hollered. Against her instincts to keep running, Rarity dropped to the ground only an instant before a powerful gust nearly picked her right back up. A loud crash followed as Rainbow slammed head first into the creatures chest knocking it back, but to everypony's amazement it remained standing, it's feet digging into the ground leaving a deep trail several meters long.
“Ah got ya partner!” Applejack said as she swung her lasso landing it perfectly around Dash's torso, whisking her away as the monster's claws slashed down in the space she vacated only a moment ago. Rarity bolted up and ran towards her friends. Rainbow was in a daze, the impact of her head on it's ribs leaving her only barely conscious and bleeding from her forehead. Twilight watched fearfully as it turned towards them with slow mechanical jerks. That didn't even leave a dent! What in Equestria is this thing? What does it want!?
“Applejack, take Rainbow and run. Fluttershy, you have to fly Rarity somewhere high up, keep in the air as long as you can!” Twilight stepped forward, staring down the monstrosity.
“Twilight, you can't mean you're going to try and fight that horror!?” Rarity exclaimed as she looked at it's claws glinting in the sunlight, one of it's blades stained with blood from Dash's severed ear.
“Rarity is right! Rainbow hit that thing with everything she got and it didn't leave so much as a scratch and look at what happened to her! With out yer magic ya just can't fight it!” Despite Applejack's protest she took her injured friend onto her back and readied herself to run.
“Twilight please! W-we should all run! T- that thing tried to kill us! We need to get out of here.” Fluttershy was already airborne and staying higher than it could reach. Her body was trembling and her wings were flapping on pure survival instinct.
“We can't all run! That thing takes the easiest targets and the town is still evacuating! If we run it'll just go after them! Somepony has to keep it busy!” Twilight growled as she steeled herself against her mortal fear, readying to hold her ground even at the cost of her life.
“Then I will stay as well.” Rarity stepped up. “I won't let my friend face that abomination alone.”
“I'm staying too...” Rainbow groaned as she slid off Applejack's back and on to her hooves. “I won't leave you alone to face that thing Twi.”
“I'm not leaving either! If y’all are staying then I'm staying.” Applejack lent Dash her shoulder for support.
“I..” Fluttershy squeaked as tears welled up in her eyes. “I- I can't-” Before she could mumble out her next words, a deafening, high pitch shriek echoed from the distant hills, ringing in their ears much the same as what the monster did to Twilight. It slowly rotated it's head like an owl, looking in the direction of the sound before turning it's body the same way.
“I- It's leaving...” Twilight said bemused. The six mares watched as the monster turned around, it's spine bending and it's leg's joints sickeningly twisting and reshaping until it stood on all fours, balancing it's weight on the tips it's ten claws before it broke into a rapid sprint, running faster than anything any of them had ever seen. It ran, ignoring the town and it's terrified residents. They stared as it sped into the distance, they almost dared not to breath for fear that one movement would entice it back. Gingerly, Fluttershy landed beside Rarity. All eyes were glued in the direction that the monster had vanished, leaving just as suddenly as it appeared. After minutes of petrified stillness, somepony spoke, breaking the tense silence.
“Has anypony seen my ear?”
This is actually pretty good so far. I'll follow it.
This story has earned an explosive brohoof.
i.imgur.com/oeXuQzt.gif
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4385387 Glad you enjoyed see you next chapter
4385500
what is that gif from? I like it.
4385611 I would also like to know
Um, did I really click on the first chapter? Or did your chapter 6-7 somehow get here instead?
No build-up at all, just Blam! Blam! Blam! Wow.
Are you going for the "chapter two is a flashback explaining what happened" thing? I hope so, because I have no clue what's going on.
Definitely an explosive scene, though. Let's see where this leads...
Minor thing. You have multiple uses of it's where there should be no apostrophe.
All of these actually don't need an apostrophe.
Again, none of these require the apostrophe. Here's an example to help you remember when to use it and when not to:
Rainbow wrapped her hooves around Fluttershy's body.
Rainbow delivered a punch into the monster's midsection
The monster chased after the pegasus, holding its claws high in front of it.
See, the word "it's" is a contraction of the words "it" and "is." You aren't trying to say "striking down it is claws on the rock" are you? No? Then no apostrophe required. Just think about that every time you go to use "it's." "It's" should never be used as a possessive pronoun. Always use "its" instead in those cases.
Some dialogue issues as well, the same ones I see in every one of your stories. Remember, if you're going to add a dialogue tag like "Rainbow said" or "Twilight called out," end your speech with a comma, not a period.
Apart from that, you seem mostly okay. I want to see where you go with this. Hoping for some form of explanation next chapter.
I'll keep checking up on you. Keep well.
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4385643
It's from JanAnimations' promo of Galacon 2013 featuring Galacon's mascot.
Note that the original was lost when Jan was C&D'd by Hasbro recently, so this is someone else's re-upload.
4385741
thanks.
4385727 damn, I keep messing that up. Thanks so much for pointing it out Cerulean. I don't know if i do the dialogue thing on instinct or what, I guess when i think of a comma, it mean a continuation so when a character is done speaking i always jump to a period. Also, I'm going to fix all those "It's", that's just embarrassing. Thanks for reading, and no, this wasn't a flash back but the next chapter will explain things. Hope you like the action because there's a lot more of it where that came from!
4385741 thanks for the vid! Was wondering where that was from
4385770 huh I guess I missed that sorry I do the same that's probably why I didn't catch it.
4385828 that's alright, you did a good job otherwise. As the writer I should keep myself from making mistakes like that
4385927 ya but as the editor I should have caught any mistakes small or big
That last line, HA! The best, with all that tension perfect, Hahahaha