Chemical Ex

by Majin Syeekoh

Too Far?

Twilight shivered in absolute rage, completely unaware of the scores of ponies that she had just temporarily deafened due to what was the first known instance of the Royal Ponyville Voice in recorded Equestrian History. Vinyl, however, due to the workplace hazards she subjected herself to, was physically unaffected. She did, however, stare at Twilight with her jaw dropped.

“Awesome!” Vinyl said, “can you do that again?”

“Not...sure…” Twilight rasped out.

“Hmmm,” Vinyl said as she stared back at the sky, “threw out your vocal cords. You gotta train that shit if you wanna keep screaming like that.”

“...noted,” Twilight replied, still shaking in torrential fury.

Vinyl winced and hit her barrel. “I think that scream was so awesome, it gave me heartburn…” she said. She breathed heavily and kept hitting her barrel. “I think it’s getting worse…”

She then let out an unearthly scream as her chest expanded and ripped open, splashing blood on Twilight as a very familiar draconequus popped out with his arms raised above his head. “Ta-daaaaa!”

Twilight’s gaze fixed upon Discord as she leapt towards his neck and gripped it tightly with her hooves. “I’ll kill you!” she rasped out.

Discord chuckled as he stepped out of Vinyl’s barrel and plucked Twilight off of him and kept her at arm’s length, her limbs flailing and wings flapping in vain as she tried to get her hooves back on her supposed victim. He lowered his face to meet Twilight eye-to-eye. “And why would you want to do that, Prin-cess Twi-light?”

Twilight spat in Discord’s face, which caused him to grimace. Twilight was seething in rage at this point. “Because you’re behind this! I just know it!”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “And what makes you think that I had anything to do with this turn of events?”

Twilight glared at Discord with the fury of a thousand suns glowing in her eyes. “Because it was you last time the sky fouled up! Where are the Princesses!?”

Discord raised his head and stared unconcernedly at the sky. “Hmmm...you do have a point,” he said while tapping him bottom lip with a talon, “this does seem like something I would do. But,” he said as he lowered his head back to Twilight’s, “you have to remember something.”

“What?” Twilight rasped out.

Discord giggled. “I never perform the same trick twice!”

Vinyl, whose barrel had fully reformed at this point, sat up on her haunches. “You know, he’s got a point.”

Twilight glared at Vinyl. “Not helping,” she rasped out.

Discord smiled. “Why don’t we talk about this over some tea? You sound like you could use it,” he said as he snapped his talon, summoning a table with three chairs. Discord snapped his talon a second time, summoning three cups and a freshly brewed pot of tea. “Now, why don’t you handle this like the acting Regent of Equestria you are as opposed playing the madmare?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine. Just let me go,” she rasped.

Discord nodded and dropped Twilight into a chair, him taking the opposite seat. Vinyl stood up and trotted over, taking the seat between them. Discord smiled and waved his talon around, pouring the three of them a cup. Rainbow Dash trotted outside at this point, rubbing her ears. “Jeez, Twi, tone it down a bit—” she started before she set her eyes on Discord, her eyes slitting in response. Discord turned his head to gaze on Rainbow Dash, a smile plastered on his face.

“Hello, my little Dashie! Would you like to join us for tea?”

Rainbow Dash kept glaring as Discord. “Never call me that again.”

Disord covered his mouth with a paw. “Oh, my, have I offended you somehow?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, that was just really creepy. Anyway, if you’re here, I’m out,” Rainbow Dash said as she took to the skies.

Discord shook his head. “I swear, that mare has no manners. I was just about to invite her to have tea with us.”

Twilight stared at the cup of tea.

“It’s chamomile,” Discord said with a wink, “very good for sore throats, from what I understand of pony physiology.” Twilight crossed her forelegs and stared at Discord as he levitated his cup to his lips and took a sip, then set the cup back down on the saucer. Discord raised an eyebrow. “You know, it’s rather rude to turn down hospitality from a friend.” Twilight kept glaring as Discord. Discord shrugged. “Hmm. Suit yourself.” Discord turned to Vinyl, who had the cup grasped in her magic and was sipping on it happily. “How do you like the tea, Miss Scratch?”

Vinyl set the cup down. “It’s great! Thank you!”

Discord hummed approvingly. “And what did you think of my entrance?”

Vinyl touched a hoof to her chin. “Hmmm...chestbursting is pretty cool, but what would’ve been radder is if you popped out of my brain!”

Discord tapped his chin with a talon while looking at Vinyl. “Yes, that would be interesting. But I was worried if your brain would return to normal after being ripped to shreds. You know, it’s a very delicate organ.”

Vinyl looked down. “Well...I’ve regenerated perfectly after every other injury, so I don’t see why my brain would be any different.”

Discord snickered. “I suppose so. I’ll have to remember that next time I want to make an entrance.” Discord then turned to Twilight, who had given in and was now sipping on her tea. Discord grinned. “Now that’s a good acting Regent!”

“Shut up, Discord,” Twilight rasped out as she continued sipping on her tea.

Discord raised an eyebrow as he levitated his teacup up to his lips and took a sip. “I thought we were going to have a chat…”

Twilight sipped on her tea. “Yes,” she rasped out, her voice getting clearer, “what did you do with the Princesses?”

Discord chuckled and set his cup back on the saucer. “Now, now, Twilight,” he said with a smirk, “what makes you think I’ve done something to harm our rulers?” Twilight glared at Discord and sipped again. Discord recoiled. “Alright, we may have had some history, but all that’s in the past.” Discord then leaned his head in to face Twilight. “What do you say as a show of good faith I summon them to you here, right now?”

Twilight nodded and sipped again. “That would be good,” she lightly rasped.

Discord grinned at Twilight. “Well, alright then,” he said as he snapped his talons. Twilight and Vinyl were now staring at Discord, who was staring at his talons in bemusement. “What the hell...” He snapped his talons again. He turned his head and looked sheepishly at Twilight. “I’m sorry, this hasn’t happened to me before…” he said while tittering. He turned to face his talons and started snapping in rapid succession, each talon snap proving as futile as the last. Discord’s mouth curved into a sneer as he glared as his snapping talons, which were picking up speed. “Work, god damn you!”

Vinyl turned to face Twilight. “What’s a god?”

Twilight shrugged and sipped on her tea. “I have no idea.” Twilight glared as Discord. “Now, will you stop messing around and summon them so that we can put this to rest?”

Discord glared at Twilight, his fingers snapping ever faster. “I’m not messing around, something seems to be blocking my magic!” Discord’s talons set aflame at this point, causing him to gasp and try to pat it out on the nearest object: Vinyl Scratch. Vinyl screamed in pain as she was set ablaze and fell off of her chair, rolling around in agony. Discord’s talon, however, was now free of flame as he put on a smile and faced Twilight. “Anything else I can help you with?”

Twilight facehooved. “And why exactly is you magic blocked?”

Discord sighed. “It appears that they have some sort of chaos shielding up,” he explained. He then smirked. “Heh.”

Twilight sipped on her tea. “What’s so funny?”

Discord leaned in to face Twilight as the sound of Vinyl’s screams filled the sky as ponies hid their foals’ eyes from Vinyl’s burning body and lead them away. “This appears to be another test, Princess.”

Twilight choked on her tea and spit it back into her cup. “What?” she asked, staring at Discord with a worried look on her face.

Discord snickered as he leaned back and levitated his cup up to his lips, taking a sip. “Yes, Twilight, a test. I know how much you love those, isn’t that right?”

Twilight gulped. “W-what kind of test?”

Discord chuckled as he took another sip of tea. “To see if you can run Equestria in the Princesses’ absence, of course!”

Rarity trotted up to the table at this point. “What’s with all the yelling?” she asked. She then looked at Vinyl’s immolating form. “Is Vinyl on fire?”

“Yes,” both Twilight and Discord said as they sipped on their tea.

Vinyl inhaled sharply due to all the screaming she was doing. “OH CELESTIA, I GOT IT IN MY LUNGS!”

Discord calmly sipped on his tea. “Well, that’s what you get for inhaling while on fire.”

Rarity sighed. “And why exactly is Vinyl on fire?”

Discord snickered. “I thought we could use a little mood lighting.”

Twilight snorted. “Discord here lit his talon on fire failing to summon the Princesses.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Well, could you put her out? She’s going to set the whole town ablaze, rolling around like that...”

Discord sighed and snapped his talons, summoning a bucket of water above Vinyl to douse her flames. She sat up, shook her head, and limped over to her chair, where she gingerly took her seat as the burns healed before their very eyes. Vinyl turned her head towards Discord as she sipped on her tea. “Dick move, dude.”

Discord smiled. “What? Can’t a draconequus have a little fun with his immortal friend?” Vinyl kept silent as she sipped on her tea. Discord shrugged and sipped on his tea.

“And what’s all this about him failing to summon the Princesses?” Rarity asked, glaring at Discord. “And why are the three of you having a tea party during a crisis?”

Discord snapped his talons, causing a chair to slide under Rarity and ferry her to the table, where a cup of tea was waiting for her. “Well,” Discord said, “I was simply trying to explain why I wouldn’t have been the one to cause this little incident.”

Rarity stared at the teacup. “A likely story.”

Twilight sipped on her tea. “Well, as acting Regent of Equestria, I kindly request that you fix the celestial bodies, Discord.”

Discord grinned from ear to ear. “Now that’s something I can do!” he said excitedly as he snapped his talons, causing the moon to drop under the horizon.

Twilight smiled. “Thank you, Discord,” she said as she sipped on her tea, “now you’ll just have to do that until the Princesses return.”

Discord spewed out an unusually large amount of tea all over Twilight, who blinked in response. “You mean like...on a schedule?” he asked as he tittered.

Twilight frowned. “Yes. On a schedule.”

Rarity sipped on her tea. “Will that be a problem?”

Discord looked around uneasily. “Well, the thing is, you see...is that I don’t exactly know the celestial schedule, to be honest.”

Twilight facehooved. “Great.”

Vinyl calmly sipped on her tea. “Maybe the Princesses have a schedule somewhere?”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”

Vinyl set her teacup down on the saucer. “Well, if this is a test, like Discord said, I don’t think they’d leave Twilight up shit creek without a paddle.”

Rarity wrinkled her nose as she sipped on her tea. “A vulgar, yet valid point. I mean, I have the next nine seasons of fashion in my shop, but I still keep notes on when to release them.”

Twilight rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Good point, girls. We should probably head to the castle to find it,” she said as she sipped on her tea. The three girls and Discord kept sipping on their tea for a few minutes, enjoying the sunlight dancing on their bodies. “Discord, that’s your cue.”

Discord looked at Twilight. “What?”

Twilight shook her head. “To take us to the castle.”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “And why should I take you to the castle? You can just fly there.”

Twilight rested her forehead in a hoof. “I can, but they can’t,” she said while motioning a hoof towards Rarity and Vinyl, “I’ll need all the help I can get finding whatever it is I’m looking for.”

Discord grinned. “Right, why didn’t you just say so?” he said as he snapped his talon, teleporting them out of Ponyville, leaving Twilight alone with the table.

Twilight facehooved. “Discord, I hate you so much right now,” she said as she set her teacup down, stood up, extended her powerful wings, and took off. At this point she blinked out, leaving the table alone and unattended to.
----

Twilight blinked back into existence careening straight into the ceiling of the throne room of Canterlot Castle, which her head made violent contact with and awkwardly spun to the floor, hitting it with a muffled thud. She sat up on her haunches and rubbed her head, hearing laughter emanating from behind her, spinning her head to see Discord and Vinyl stifling giggles as they quickly composed themselves, Rarity shaking her head in disgust. Twilight glared at Discord.

“What was that?” Twilight asked as she stood up.

Discord raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Twilight slitted her eyes. “You know exactly what I mean.”

Discord put a talon to his lips as he thought hard for a moment. A flash of realization hit his face as he pulled the talon away. “Ah, you mean teleporting you when you were what appeared to be apparently mid-flight!” Discord chuckled. “How was I supposed to know that you’d try and fly to Canterlot yourself? It’s not I can read your mind or anything...”

Twilight facehooved and shook her head. “Just...whatever. We’re splitting up into groups.” Twilight looked at Vinyl. “Vinyl, you come with me to Celestia’s room.” Vinyl nodded. Twilight nodded in response, then turned to face Rarity. “Rarity, you go with Discord to Luna’s room.”

Rarity gulped. “Um, alright, then…” Rarity shot a glare at Discord as they walked down a corridor. “If you try anything funny, I swear…”

Discord giggled. “Me? Funny? Now why would you think I’d try anything of the sort? The fate of Equestria is at stake!”

Rarity scoffed. “Like you give a damn…” she said as their voices trailed off.

Twilight sighed and shook her head. She then turned her head to Vinyl. “Well, Vinyl, let’s go to Celestia’s room and find ourselves a schedule!”

Vinyl groaned. “Yay,” she said uninterestedly as she followed Twilight to Celestia’s quarters.When they reached it, Twilight opened the engraved purple door.

Twilight smiled when she saw the inside of the room. It was exactly as she remembered it. The dark purple bedroll with attached yellow pillow, the light wisteria carpet(same color as me!), the banner with the rising star, and the—

“DIBS!” Vinyl yelled as she galloped past Twilight and sailed into the bedroll, rolling around in it when she landed. “Ooooh, this is comfy!”

Twilight facehooved. “Vinyl, we’re here to look for some kind of Solar Schedule, not test out the furniture.”

Vinyl rolled to her stomach. “But why? It’s soooo soft!”

Twilight giggled as she trotted over to the gold stand placed next to the bedroll, smelling the flowers as she passed them. She faced the stand and grasped the papers on top of it with her magic, leafing through them. None of them appeared to be a schedule of any sort. Sighing, she placed them back on the stand and trotted towards the vanity, which she peered upon trepidatiously. Twilight slowly pulled out one of the drawers, hearing the wood slide against itself. She looked inside, where she spotted a calendar book. Smiling, she grasped it with her magic and opened it. Her smile grew from ear to ear when she saw the notation at the top of the page. Celestia, you magnificent mare! You—

“SHITSHITSHITSHIT!”

Twilight spun her head to see that Vinyl had rolled into the fireplace and was now burning. Thinking quickly, she magicked a gust of wind in Vinyl’s direction, putting the flames out. Twilight shook her head while giggling. “Vinyl, you really have to be more careful.”

Vinyl chuckled as she rubbed and shook her head, her mane and coat growing back. “Yeah, I guess my survival instinct kinda went out the window a couple of weeks ago. But my body grows back and Celestia’s stuff doesn’t.”

Twilight chuckled. “I guess so,” she said as she turned her head back to the calendar book. She flipped through the pages to see that, indeed, notations signifying the raising and setting times of the sun were in place at the top of each day. “Now to see where she went to today,” Twilight said as she flipped back to June second, seeing an appointment at the ten A.M. spot, at Transpicuous Pharmaceuticals. Twilight raised an eyebrow in confusion. What business did they have with a pharmaceutical company? Twilight inhaled, exhaled, and put the book back in the drawer. “Vinyl?”

“Yo!” Vinyl said as she dusted the char off of her coat.

“We’re going to regroup with the others in Luna’s room.”

“Okay!”

Twilight’s horn glowed as she teleported the two of them into Luna’s bedroom. Luna’s bedroom was positively ostentatious compared to Celestia’s, with an upraised circular bed with three pillows supported by a body pillow at the head, a silk canopy draping the whole thing. But what drew Twilight’s attention the most were the white unicorn with Sombra’s horn and the draconequus floating next to her reading a book with a crescent moon on the cover, mouths agape and eyes widened in what she presumed to be shock.

Twilight and Vinyl looked at each other, then back at the duo. Twilight smiled nervously. “Hey, guys, did you find a calendar book?”

Discord nodded mutely and snapped his talon, summoning a book in front of Twilight which she caught in her magic. Twilight flipped it open, noting with glee that it, too, was marked with moonrises and moonsets. Twilight snapped the book shut. “This is great! The both of you have done great work!”

“Uh huh,” Rarity and Discord both said while nodding, not letting their eyes leave the book, as Rarity flipped a page.

Vinyl looked at Twilight. “Hey, what do you think is in that book?”

“I don’t know,” Twilight said as she glared at the book, “but I intend to find out.” With that, she pulled the book away from the two, eliciting groans from the both of them as Discord lamely reached out a paw. She and Vinyl examined the pages that the other two were previously staring at. “Hmmm...they appear to be couplets in iambic pentameter.”

“Plus they rhyme,” Vinyl added helpfully.

Twilight glared at Vinyl, then back at the page. “As I was saying...the content, however...’my shining star placed so high in the sky, with you I will always forever lie’...this would appear to be…” Twilight said as her eyes widened in realization.

Rarity beamed. “A love poem!”

Twilight looked at Rarity. “Well, I gathered as much...but to whom?”

Discord facepawed. “Isn’t it obvious?” Discord then floated down to meet Twilight at eye level. “Who else is a ‘shining star’, hmmm?”

Twilight shook her head, chuckling. “You’re not suggesting that…” she said as she looked up to see Discord’s face screwed up in a grin. “You’re not...actually suggesting...that…”

“Luna got the hots for her sister?”

Twilight frowned at Discord. “Yes, that.”

Discord raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

Twilight retched. “Because it’s gross!”

“But,” Rarity said, trotting towards Twilight, “Luna might not know that. After all, back in those times, it was not uncommon for relatives to marry each other.”

Twilight glared at Rarity. “But Celestia knows better than that!”

Rarity chuckled. “But that’s what makes this so romantically tragical!” she said as she raised a hoof to the ceiling, “a tale of unrequited, forbidden love between two sisters, one unknowing, one unsaid for fear of rejection! It truly makes my heart go all a-flutter!” she finished as she brought the hoof to her barrel.

Twilight blinked, then shook her head. “No, that’s insane! Luna would obviously know social mores by now—”

“—but the shame of it just drives her heart further into loving her knowing that it will never be returned!” Rarity said, mock-swooning when her sentence was finished, Discord catching her in a talon.

Discord wiped a tear away from his eye, the said “Isn’t it tragical?”

Twilight put the book down and facehooved. “First of all, how do you even know that word? It fell out of use five hundred years ago.”

“Discord taught me,” Rarity said, eyes still closed.

“And you,” Twilight flashed, pointing a hoof at Discord, “why are you planting these filthy thoughts into Rarity’s head?”

Discord looked at Twilight and stood up straight, letting Rarity flop on the floor. “What, me?”

Rarity sat up, rubbing the back of her head while wincing in pain. “Well, I never.”

Discord chuckled. “You must have the wrong idea, Princess. Rarity came up with the whole thing all by herself! I just helped out with the word.”

“Whatever…” Twilight said as she turned away, seeing Vinyl flip through the diary. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just reading through the princest.”

Twilight blinked. “Princest?”

Vinyl nodded. “Yes. Princess Incest. Princest.” Twilight retched again.

“Oooooh, good one, Vinyl!” Discord said.

Vinyl giggled. “Thank you!” Vinyl’s eyes lit up when she found a certain page. “Oh, shit! She actually wrote it all down!”

“Wrote what down?” Twilight asked.

“The stuff I did to her in the dream! Wanna read it?”

Twilight smiled. “Sure!” she said as she grasped the diary in her magic and brought it over to her, where she scanned the page with her eyes, them widening as she read the diary entry. “Oh, Celestia,” she said as she scanned each line. Her cheeks then bulged out as she dropped the book and pointed towards her muzzle. Discord rolled his eyes, sighed, and snapped his talons, causing a bucket to appear in front of Twilight. Twilight nodded in appreciation, grabbed the sides, and ejected the contents of her stomach into the bucket.

She lifted her head up and stared at Vinyl. “Vinyl, what the—” and was promptly cut off as she faced her muzzle back towards the bucket and spewed out more vomit. Twilight lifted her head from the bucket, breathing raggedly. “Viny—” and promptly shoved her muzzle back into the bucket as she expelled bile from her stomach. Finally, she lifted her head, wiped the trail of vomit off of her muzzle with her magic, and faced Vinyl, breathing heavily, her eyes slitted. “Vinyl, what in the hay is wrong with you!?”

Vinyl shrugged. “I was horny.”

Twilight shook her head. “Damnit, Vinyl!”

Rarity and Discord both raised eyebrows. “What did Vinyl do?” Rarity asked.

Twilight retched. “...things. Disgusting, depraved things.”

Discord’s eyes shot open. “Ooooh, I wanna read!” he said as he floated the book over to him and read the contents, grimacing at what he perused. He then glared at Vinyl. “My, you’ve been a very naughty girl, haven’t you?” Vinyl blushed in response.

“I would like to see the offending document,” Rarity huffed.

“Here, knock yourself out,” Discord said as he dropped the book, which Rarity greedily grasped in her magic.

Rarity’s face curved into a wicked grin as she started reading, her face quickly morphing into one of absolute shock and disgust; her jaw dropped and her eyes popped open. “Oh my…” she said, “oh my Celestia.” When she was finished with the passage, she gently put the book down on the vanity behind her.

Twilight’s eyes widened in shock. “You read all that!?”

Rarity nodded, her face screwed up in terror. “Yes I did.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “And you didn’t puke!?”

Rarity chuckled nervously. “Twilight, a lady never vomits around company.” With that, she held a hoof to her forehead and collapsed onto her back.

Discord snorted and crossed his arms. “She apparently faints.” Discord faced Twilight. “So, any leads?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes,” she said, clearing her throat afterwards. “The most recent appointment on Celestia’s schedule was at Transpicuous Pharmaceuticals at ten A.M.”

Discord chuckled. “Ah, Transpicuous,” he said as he looked into the air. “I’ve been trying to break through their chaos shielding for over a year.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Chaos shielding? Why would they need chaos shielding?”

Discord snickered. “The company line is some bullcrap about quality assurance or somesuch. I think the CEO really commissioned it to try and keep me out.”

Twilight looked confused. “Why would they want to try and keep you out?”

Discord leaned in to come face to face with Twilight, wearing a wicked grin. “Probably because I might try and pawn off their secrets to the highest bidder if I ever got my hands on them…”

Twilight facehooved. “You never did change, did you?”

Discord giggled as he popped into the air. “What? Me turn down the chance to sow a little chaos while earning a little extra pocket change?”

Twilight’s eyes slitted. “If I could turn you back to stone right now, I would.”

Discord wrapped around Twilight like a boa constrictor and laughed. “Oh, but you can’t, can you?” he whispered, “and you can’t tell Fluttershy, either, because she’s off with Trixie on one of her little business trips.” Twilight teleported to the other side of the room, leaving Discord wrapped up like a rattlesnake. “So, what do you say we keep this a secret between the three of us, eh?” he hissed, “you don’t even have to lie, because who would even think to ask such a ridiculous question about old, reformed Discord?”

Twilight snorted. “I might think of a few.”

“Hold on you two,” Vinyl said as she strode between the two of them, “everypony take a chill pill.” Vinyl turned to face Twilight. “Now Twilight, I know that look on your face. You’re cooking up a way to kill Discord, aren’t you?”

Twilight nodded. “I’ve run through several scenarios in my mind; most of them involve weaponizing the chaos shielding.”

Vinyl nodded. “Attagirl. But think this through: what would Discord even need the money for? I mean, he can create anything just by snapping his talons.”

“I actually just bring it from somewhere else,” he said, eyes locked on Twilight.

Vinyl grinned. “Which brings me to my exact point, strangely enough,” she said as she turned to face Discord. “What do you need the money for?”

Beads of sweat dripped from Discord’s brow. “I...uh...I...uh…” he stammered.

Twilight glared at Discord with the fury of an Alicorn Princess. “You better have a damn good explanation, or I’m frying you where you stand.”

Discord looked around shiftily, then popped up to his full height. “Goddamnit! I donate it to the Canterlot Foal’s Hospital!”

Vinyl grinned and turned to face Twilight. “See that wasn’t so hard, was—”

“—proof,” Twilight cut Vinyl off with through gritted teeth, “Give me proof,” she said, purple flames leaking from her eyes, “or things are about to get a lot more orderly in Equestria.”

Discord recoiled and snapped his talons, revealing several slips of paper. “Here, here! Receipt slips from my donations under an assumed name!” he shot out as he quickly floated the slips over to Twilight, whose eyes returned to normal as she grasped the slips in her magic and looked through them. “I g-guess Fluttershy’s rubbing off on me, heh heh…”

Twilight ignored Discord as she scanned the receipts. “Hmmm...Whirling Dervish...how apropos.” Twilight fixed her gaze on Discord as she floated the slips back to him, him grabbing them and shoving them behind him as he giggled nervously. “Why did you resort to espionage? Why didn’t you just pop the money out of some noblepony’s treasury?”

Discord crossed his arms and turned his head away. “Pardon me for actually wanting to earn it—”

“No,” Twilight said, “there has to be more.”

Vinyl looked at Twilight. “Why?”

Twilight barked out a laugh. “Because there’s always more with Discord.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Discord said.

The purple flames returned to Twilight’s eyes. “Listen here, you bastard,” she growled, “I am almost to my limit with your shit today. First, the sky fouls up and you have no idea what’s going on just like last time, where it was revealed your slimy pawprints were all over it. Then, you and Rarity come up with some cockamaimey story about Luna having incestuous feelings for Celestia—”

“—princestuous, not to mention you found out what I actually did to Princess Luna when she tried to help me—”

“—that too, Vinyl, but you’re already paying your penance for that. Finally, Discord, I find out that you’re involved in corporate espionage to supposedly earn money to donate to a Foal’s Hospital—”

“—the one you were born at, may I remind—”

“—SHUT UP, DISCORD!” Twilight roared, causing Vinyl’s and Discord’s mane and hair to blow back from the force, “you tell me what your master plan is. Now.”

“Now, Princess Twilight—”

“—don’t Princess Twilight me, scum. You tell me!”

Discord stared into Twilight’s flaming eyes, his breath caught up in his lungs. He finally released it, drooping down. “Fine, but you wouldn’t understand.”

Twilight fixed her flaming gaze on Discord. “Try me.”

Discord sighed. “I...only take jobs where the client has more to gain than the victim has to lose. I level the playing field, in a sense.”

“And how do you figure that out?” Twilight growled.

Discord snickered. “Market research, of course!”

“See?” Vinyl said, “he’s trying to do the right thing the best way he knows how!”

“But how do I know he won’t do it again?” Twilight asked, her gaze fixed on Discord.

“You don’t!” Vinyl said while facehooving. “Dude, let me put it this way. You found out that I sexually assaulted one of your best friends and you argued for my acceptance among your friends. Shit, I...uh...did things to your mentor’s sister and you just forgave me on the spot—”

“—after Princess Luna sentenced you to immortality—”

“—whatever. And now you’re going to fry Discord because of selling secrets?”

“It’s not that, it’s...it’s…” Twilight stammered as the flames died down in her eyes. Twilight then let out a long sigh. “Maybe you’re right, Vinyl. Today has been really stressful. I mean, waking up to having lost my virtue—”

“—you turned in your v-card? Sweet!”

Twilight shook her head. “No. Not sweet. I falsely accused the poor stallion of forcibly violating me after I drank an entire bottle of vodka and blacked out. It was only after I had Rarity cast a memory spell on me that I realized my mistake.”

Vinyl trotted over to Twilight and sat down. “Oh.”

Discord visibly relaxed and tapped hip lower lip with a talon. “Oh my…”

Twilight giggled nervously. “...yeah. And then when they sky screwed up, I blamed Discord based on a previous assumption.”

“One instance does not a pattern make, Princess Twilight,” Discord said, “you of all ponies should know that.”

Twilight fell to her haunches and smiled while Vinyl draped a foreleg around her shoulders. “Yeah, but I wasn’t thinking very clearly. And then everything piled up, what with Discord teleporting me mid-flight, finding that love poetry in Luna’s diary, finding out the...things you did to Luna...I guess Discord telling me about his corporate espionage was the straw that finally broke the camel’s back.” Twilight looked up at Discord. “Discord, I’m sorry that I threatened your life so flippantly. Can you forgive me?”

Discord crossed his arms and looked away. “...only if you remove the chaos shielding surrounding the room.”

Twilight nodded as she stood up. “Okay,” she said as her horn glowed, “but we’re talking about this later.”

Discord rolled his eyes as he sat down sharply. “Ugh, fine.”

Twilight smiled. “That sounds great! Now I’m heading over to Transpicuous,” she said as she faced Discord, “could you give me a lift?”

Discord touched his lower lip with a talon. “...I’ll get you as close as I can.”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “That sounds great! You two have fun!” she said as she blinked out of Luna’s room.

“So, what do we do now?” Discord asked Vinyl.

Vinyl grinned wickedly as she grasped two quills and an inkwell from Luna’s vanity, dipping them in the inkwell and floating one over to Discord, who grasped it in his talon.

Discord stared at the quill, then a Vinyl. “What’s this for?”

Vinyl snickered. “We’re going to draw on Rarity’s face while she’s passed out!”

Discord smiled. “Oh goodie!”

Comments

[KittyLover5]

We’re going to draw on Rarity’s face while she’s passed out!”

Yessssssssssssssssassssssaaaaa and nooooooooo because Rarity's gonna freak.

[ferret]

That'll teach Rarity to faint instead of vomiting.

[Brony God]

That was hilarious when Discord burst out of Vinyl Scratch's chest just like those parasites from those Aliens movies and that Princess Luna is one sick mare

[Majin Syeekoh]

4884903 Rarity having a curved, red, horn was established in the previous two stories of this series, and thank you for catching that error with Discord.

[Amm]

Aww. Incomplete. And it was building up to... something. This series is actually quite amazing. It started pretty in character and in cannon and just deviated little by little until we've arrived at this weird clusterfuck. Amazing story so far, I hope you continue it.

[Majin Syeekoh]

5284253 nope!

Thanks for catching that!

[Papa Dragon]

I have now finished all of your written works on fim.
Also any plans to finish this?
Rather enjoyed this one.

[Rhulain]

I do so hope you continue this. It's awesome.