Chemical Ex

by Majin Syeekoh

Party Planning 101: Party Favors

Applejack trotted in to Mayor Mare’s office in Town Hall. Mayor Mare was writing something with quill in mouth. Applejack cleared her throat.

Mayor Mare looked up. “Applejack?” she said with a grin on her face, “what brings you into my office?”

Applejack looked around. “I, uh, need an event license fer Sweet Apple Acres.”

Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

Applejack looked down, then looked at Mayor Mare. “We’re, uh, plannin’ a rave.”

Mayor Mare beamed at Applejack. “Oh, a rave! I haven’t been to one of those in years!” she said as she stood up and pulled out one of the drawers on her desk with her mouth. She then pulled out a sheet of lined paper and handed it to Applejack, who sat opposite of the Mayor. She put down the paper, grabbed a pencil in her mouth, and wrote out the specifics of the event. Applejack then handed the piece of paper to Mayor Mare, who placed it on her desk and read it.

“Hmmm,” Mayor Mare vocalized, “you say you’re expecting fifteen thousand ponies?”

Applejack nodded. “And other assorted races.”

“Huh,” she said, scratching her head, “and you’re having it a month from now?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I see,” Mayor Mare said, “well, as long as you supply proper facilities for such an event, I’ll sign off on it.” She grabbed a quill in her mouth and signed the piece of paper. She then looked up at Applejack, beaming. “Your license should arrive in three days.”

Applejack stood up and tipped her hat to the mayor. “Much obliged, ma’am.” Applejack trotted out of the office with her head held high.

----

Three days later, Twilight trotted over to Fluttershy’s to pick up Vinyl. Fluttershy and Twilight both agreed that some time getting to know each other would be beneficial. Twilight reached Fluttershy’s door and lightly rapped on it. The door opened to reveal Fluttershy with her eyes slitted and breathing long, slow breaths.

Twilight grinned. “So how was your play-date?”

Fluttershy looked down. “It...could have gone better.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Why? What happened?”

Fluttershy sighed. “Well...my order of ketamine came in today.”

Twilight laughed. “What’s wrong with that? It sounds like everything’s going great!”

Fluttershy snorted. “Vinyl wanted to test it out.”

Twilight stared at Fluttershy. “Why would she want to test it out?”

Fluttershy barked out a laugh. “She made up some cockamaimey story about how drug shipments were being infected by changeling magic and wanted to make sure that it was safe.”

Twilight giggled. “It just sounds like she was looking out for you. That sounds like a good friend to me.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “She brought her own syringe,” she said as she swung the door open, revealing Vinyl laying on the ground in a stupor next to a barely conscious Trixie. Angel appeared to be writing on their faces with marker.

Twilight’s eyes shot open. “What happened?”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “Vinyl happened. She managed to inject half of it into her muscle before falling to the ground, then Trixie somehow tripped over the syringe and accidentally injected herself with the other half.”

“The Intoxicated and Confused Trixie demands that you stop drawing on her face.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Huh.”

Vinyl rolled in Trixie’s direction and reached out a hoof. “The Dizzy and Unbalanced Trixie will rip that hoof off if any part of it touches her.” Vinyl rolled away from Trixie.

Twilight facehooved. “Well, I learned this new spell from Luna that should help out,” she said as her horn glowed a light purple. The glow absorbed into Vinyl and Trixie.

Vinyl shot up. “Hey! You harshed my mellow!”

Twilight shook her head, trotted over to Vinyl, and helped her up. Vinyl shook her head. “Remember, Vinyl?” Twilight said, “you’re supposed to help me with the thing today?”

Vinyl stared blankly at Twilight. “What thing?”

“You know, the…” Twilight began to say before she fell to the floor and burst out in laughter.

Vinyl raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?”

Twilight collected herself and stood up, still giggling. “You have erections drawn all over your face.”

“Erec—what?” Vinyl said, feeling her face.

“She means dicks,” Trixie said, sitting up. “you have dicks on your face.”

Twilight summoned a wet washcloth and cleaned Vinyl’s face off. “There, they’re all gone,” she said, tossing the washcloth to Trixie who rubbed off the markings on her face. Vinyl started giggling.

“You go, Angel!” she shouted.

Trixie groaned. “I swear, next time I get my hooves on that rabbit, I’ll skin him alive and cook him myself!”

“Trixie!” Fluttershy shouted, “be nice to Angel!”

“Why?” Trixie stated, dropping the washcloth, “he’s not nice to me.”

Fluttershy giggled. “Well, maybe you should try being nice to him first. A little kindness goes a long way, Trixie,” Fluttershy said while smiling, “you’d be surprised how animals react to kindness.”

Trixie stood up and dusted herself off. “Whatever,” she said as she walked away, “I’m going to my room and locking the door.” She trotted upstairs and slammed the door to her room.

Twilight sighed. “Well, Vinyl, you ready?”

Vinyl nodded. “I’m ready for whatever you’re ready for!”

Twilight smiled and nodded. “Good. Let’s head back to my place.” Fluttershy glared at Vinyl, then slammed the door when they trotted out.

“Jeez,” Vinyl said as she looked back at the door, “who pissed in her coffee?”

Twilight shook her head. “I suggested you go over there to solidify a friendship, not inject her drugs.”

Vinyl blushed as she grinned sheepishly. “Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

Twilight sighed. “You should try apologizing to her next time you see her.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Vinyl replied, “so what are we doing?”

Twilight giggled. “You’ll have to wait and see. It’s a surprise!”

Vinyl beamed. “Oooh! I like surprises!”

----

“I take it back,” Vinyl said, “I don’t like surprises anymore.”

“Why not?” Twilight asked, slipping on a hazmat suit, “we’re making drugs in my basement! I thought you were all about drugs! Now put your hazardous materials suit on.”

Vinyl groaned as she slipped into her hazmat suit. “I’m more of a drug user than a drug maker.”

Twilight giggled as she sat down at a table that had two trays of a clear liquid in them, several hundred sheets of blotting paper sitting between them. “Come on, isn’t this interesting? You’re participating in the dawn of a new chemical being unleashed upon Equestria! It has to be a little exciting, right?” she said as she lifted up a piece of blotter paper in her magic, soaked it in the tray in front of her, then put it to the side.

Vinyl shrugged as she lifted up a piece of paper and soaked it in the tray in front of her. “I guess when you put it that way, it is a little exciting,” she said as she put the soaked paper to the side, “I guess we’re kinda like harbingers of the apocalypse.”

Twilight shook her head. “Not exactly where I was going with that, but sure, you can use that analogy if it helps you to concentrate.”

Vinyl nodded as she dipped another sheet into the tray and added it to the pile, Twilight doing the same. “By the way,” Vinyl asked, “where did you get the idea to absorb the chemical into paper?”

Twilight giggled. “Well, Princess Celestia said that the dosage was measured in micrograms, so I figured what better way to measure out a microgram dose than in thin sheets of paper?”

“Uh...huh.”

When they were about halfway through, they heard the knob jiggling as if someone was trying to get in.

“Hey! What gives!?”

Twilight sighed as she dipped another sheet into the tray. “Rainbow Dash, you’re not allowed in my laboratory after the incident.”

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash said as she stopped jiggling the knob, “so you put ruins on the door or something?”

Twilight facehooved. “The word is runes, Rainbow Dash, not ruins,” she explained as she put the sheet with the rest of the dipped sheets.

Vinyl chortled as she dipped another sheet. “Yeah, even I knew that.”

More jiggling was heard at the door.

“I’ve also chaos-warded it!” she yelled.

“Drat,” Discord said. The door then opened and Spike came down the stairs holding a blender filled with lilies, ice cream, and ice. Twilight patted him on the head.

“Thank you, Spike!” she said as she applied magic to the plug, the machine coming to life. It reduced the lilies, ice cream, and ice to a fine mash. She lifted the hood off of her suit and chugged the whole thing down. “By the way, Discord, this was a great Hearth’s Warming present you gave me. Where did you get it?”

“...somewhere?” Discord replied tentatively.

Twilight laughed as she slipped her hood back on and dipped another sheet into her tray as Vinyl put her sheet on the stack. “That’s funny, that’s where all of Pinkie’s stuff comes from!” Spike nodded and walked upstairs. Twilight put the sheet on the stack and dipped another sheet.

When they were three quarters of the way through, Twilight was dancing in her seat as she stood up. “Excuse me, Vinyl, but I have to use the little filly’s room.” Twilight dashed upstairs. Vinyl dipped another sheet, pulled it out, started to put it on the stack, then stopped. She looked around for any surveillance. Satisfied to see that there was none, she slipped off her hood.

“Time to see what this stuff’s all about,” she said as she stuffed the entire sheet into her mouth, chewed it laboriously, then swallowed the whole thing. The door opened as she slipped her hood back on and Twilight trotted down the stairs.

“Okay, I’m back! Everything going fine, Vinyl?”

“Yup.”

Twilight grinned ear to ear. “That sounds great!” she said as she dipped another sheet into her tray.

----

Spike and Twilight Sparkle were staring at the barely conscious form of Vinyl Scratch, whose head had dropped into the tray of liquid. She had a ridiculous grin on her face and was humming a rather soothing melody.

“Code Dash?” Spike asked.

Twilight nodded. “Code Dash. You run upstairs and write the letter to Princess Luna. I’ll get Vinyl to sleep.” Twilight gently lifted Vinyl off of the table and removed her hood with her magic. Her horn then glowed as she sang.

Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to go to bed

Twilight stopped when she heard snoring, smiling at the snoozing form of her vivacious yet reckless friend. Princess Luna popped into the room and nodded to Twilight.

“Hello, Twilight. Have another one for me, do you?”

Twilight nodded as she grasped her huge syringe designed for possibly injecting dragons and sucked the liquid out of Vinyl’s tray, then injected it into the Night Princess. Princess Luna wobbled for a bit, then passed out, her eyes violently twitching. Spike walked down the stairs holding two juice boxes. He threw one to Twilight who caught it in her magic. They both removed the straw, stuck it into the box, sat down, and sipped the juice out of their boxes, watching the two unconscious ponies intently.

After about fifteen minutes of waiting, Vinyl opened her eyes and smiled, while Luna shot up and shivered, eyeing Vinyl down. Vinyl sat up and scratched the back of her neck and faced Luna. “So, was it as good for me as it was for you?”

Luna retched. “Good? Good!? That was the most depraved, despicable, and deranged thing I’ve ever been forced to take part in!” Luna said as she shook her head.

Vinyl waggled her eyebrows. “That fun, huh?”

Luna glared at Vinyl, her eyes leaking smoke and taking on a green hue. Purple magic collected on her horn, crackling with electricity. She then blasted Vinyl with the full force of the magic, lifting Vinyl off the ground. Twilight and Spike stared on with shock as Vinyl’s form was enveloped in purple. Finally, the magic died down and Vinyl rested back on her haunches.

Twilight and Spike stared at the scene in shock. Finally, Twilight spoke up. “What did you do, Princess Luna?”

Luna frowned. “I granted her the Bane of Perfect Immortality.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “Why is that a bane?”

Luna smirked. “This is why.” Luna fired up her horn and sliced Vinyl in two through the waist, Vinyl’s screams filling up the building. Twilight and Spike could do nothing but stare in horror.

“Yo, what’s going on down there?” Rainbow asked.

Vinyl lay there, breathing heavily. Then, the top part of her body and the bottom part of her body drew together and fused. Vinyl sat back up and patted her waist.

Twilight stared goggle-eyed at Luna. “What did you do that for!?”

Luna shivered. “She...did things to me.” Luna then stood up and brushed herself off. “Vile, detestable things.”

Vinyl snorted. “Just showing you how to have a good time…”

Luna snapped her head to Vinyl.”A good TIME!? You call that a good TIME!? Most of the things you did to me would have killed a normal pony! What kind of depraved mind would come up with—”

Vinyl quickly covered Luna’s mouth. “Dude, not in front of the kid!”

Luna looked around and noticed Spike, quaking in his claws. She then shook her head. “Very well. I must take my leave. Farewell, Twilight. Farewell, Spike.” She then turned her head to Vinyl. “Next time you overdose, you’re on your own,” she said as she popped out of the room.

Vinyl snorted. “Who pissed in her coffee this morning?”

Twilight glared at Vinyl. “Judging by what I know, I think you did.”

Vinyl gave Twilight a confused stare. “But how did you know—” Vinyl said before she quickly shut up to try and fend off the horrified glares she received from both Twilight and Spike. “Uh, yeah. Maybe,” she said as she blushed, grinning all the while.

----

Three days later, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were standing in front of a two-story cloud building in Cloudsdale, staring at the second floor window.

Rainbow Dash snorted. “I’m surprised that Twilight didn’t send Vinyl along with us.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Vinyl has to make a twelve-hour set. She needs a lot of creative time.”

“I kinda wanted to push her off the edge of Cloudsdale and watch her splat,” Rainbow Dash said as she giggled.

Fluttershy snapped her head towards Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow! How could you say such a thing!?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “I’unno. I just heard that she was invincible and wanted to see it for myself.” Rainbow Dash then turned her head to Fluttershy and raised an eyebrow. “Besides, aren’t you still kinda ticked off about her injecting your ketamine on you?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Maybe, but I’ve forgiven her for that. She came again yesterday and had a great time with Angel.”

Rainbow Dash shuddered. “I should’ve guessed those two would get along. They’re like peas in a pod.”

Fluttershy nodded and smiled. “I know, right? Besides, I’ve hidden my ketamine somewhere where Vinyl could never find it.”

Rainbow Dash looked at Fluttershy, eyebrow raised. “Where?”

Fluttershy looked around nervously. “...somewhere.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Discord.” The lights turned on in the second-story window. Rainbow Dash looked up excitedly and dragged Fluttershy upstairs.

The smell hit both of them upon entering. Inside were various pipes, shirts, and a dapper yellow pegasus with a blue mane standing behind the counter. Rainbow Dash trotted eagerly up to the counter, Fluttershy demurely following.

“Hello, mares,” the pegasus said with a smile, “Welcome to Cloudsdale Dispensary! My name is Lemon Diesel. What can I do you for?”

Rainbow Dash looked up. “We’d like to see your menu, please.” The yellow pegasus nodded and pulled out a menu, which Rainbow Dash grabbed in her hooves, looking over it intently. Rainbow Dash pored it over, Fluttershy standing there looking around nervously. Rainbow Dash playfully hit her shoulder and giggled.

“Come on, Flutters, this has been perfectly legal for three months! No need to be worried.” Rainbow Dash then looked up to Lemon Diesel. “Yeah, I’ll have a pound of—”

“—nothing,” Lemon Diesel said, “that would be wholesale, and wholesale is illegal.”

Rainbow Dash jostled Fluttershy, who jumped. “Give him the thing,” Rainbow Dash whispered. Fluttershy nodded and pulled a piece of paper out of her saddlebag and handed it to Lemon Diesel. He looked it over and read it quietly.

“This Royal Pardon absolves Cloudsdale Dispensary on any wrong-doing. Signed, Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Lemon Diesel looked it over again, then set the Pardon on the table and smiled at the two mares in front of him. “So, what can I get you?”

----

Rainbow Dash stared greedily at the three pounds of marijuana wrapped in plastic in front of her. The first was purple with a light smattering of crystals covering it, the second was bright green with orange hairs and heavily encased in crystals, and the third was various shades of green with bits of purple in it.

“Alright,” Lemon Diesel said, “This here is one pound of Purple Cotton, one pound of Trainwreck, and one pound of Gravity, which totals up to twelve thousand bits.”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes shot open as she stared at Lemon Diesel. “That’s highway robbery!”

Lemon Diesel shook his head. “My prices are non-negotiable. How will you be paying for your purchase?”

Rainbow Dash looked to the side. “Do you accept Equestrian Express?”

Lemon Diesel shook his head.

“Marecard?”

Lemon Diesel shook his head again.

“Visita?”

Lemon Diesel shook his head again and pointed to a sign that read No Credit Cards. Rainbow Dash looked down dejectedly. “Do you take cheques?”

Lemon Diesel nodded. “Yes, we accept cheques.”

Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy. “Fluttershy, hand me your chequebook!”

Fluttershy reached into her saddlebag and pulled out her chequebook. “Here you go, but don’t you need me to—”

Fluttershy was cut off by Rainbow Dash grabbing the chequebook out of Fluttershy’s hooves. Rainbow Dash nodded to Lemon Diese, who handed her a pen. She grabbed it in her mouth and started scribbling furiously, then ripped out the cheque and handed it to Lemon Diesel, Fluttershy staring on in shock.

Lemon Diesel smiled at the two mares. “Thank you for your patronage. Have a nice day.”

Rainbow Dash stuffed the pot into hers and Fluttershy’s saddlebags and trotted out, waving off-hoofedly to Lemon Diesel. When they were outside, Fluttershy turned to Rainbow Dash, her nostrils flaring.

“Did you just forge my signature in there?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Yeah,” she said as she walked away. Fluttershy grabbed her foreleg and spun her around.

“How long have you been able to do that?”

Rainbow Dash pondered that. “Pinkie taught me about six months ago.”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened in shock. “W-who else can forge my signature?”

Rainbow Dash giggled. “Eh, just me and Pinks.”

Fluttershy facehooved. “And why can you forge my signature?”

“In case of emergencies, remember?” Rainbow Dash said as she dove off the edge of Cloudsdale, catching a drift. Fluttershy followed behind Dash.

“Well, if it’s only for emergencies, I guess it’s okay,” she said.

Rainbow Dash slapped Fluttershy on the back. “That’s the spirit! Now what do you say we test this stuff out?”

Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash. “Test...it...out?”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Yeah!”

Fluttershy shook her head. “I’ve never smoked pot before.”

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Well, there’s a first time for everything. Come on!” she said as she dove in a beeline for Ponyville. Fluttershy shook her head and followed.

----

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Vinyl Scratch, Trixie Lulamoon, Pinkie Pie, and Angel Bunny were sitting outside by the chicken coop.Vinyl’s cheeks were bulged as she was holding a joint in her magic. She then coughed and blew out a thick cloud of smoke, passing to joint to Trixie who grasped it in her magic. Vinyl then looked to Rainbow Dash, her eyes slitted.

“Yo, Dash, this is some primo shit you got here!” she said.

Rainbow Dash, eyes bloodshot and head cocked off to the side, nodded and giggled. “I know, right?” she said as she turned her head to Trixie. “Told you Cloudsdale makes the best smoke!”

Trixie nodded as she gently inhaled and exhaled, passing the joint to Pinkie Pie. “Most definitely. The Buzzed and Baked Trixie hasn’t been this stoned since college.”

Pinkie Pie was sucking on the joint for all it was worth, looking down dejectedly when she was done, passing it to Angel, who smiled with glee. “This is no fair!” she while while she slammed her hooves on the grass, “why can’t I feel anything?” Angel sucked in, then blew out a thick O of smoke, and offered it to Fluttershy.

Vinyl giggled as she fell on her back, legs outstretched. “I don’t know. Maybe you just can’t get high.”

Trixie nodded. “I knew a stallion like that in college. He faced an ounce once.” She then looked up. “I can’t seem to recall his name, though,” she said while giggling, “I’m sure it’ll come to me.” Angel stared at Fluttershy, waving the joint at her. Fluttershy was unresponsive, staring into space. Angel shrugged and passed the joint to Rainbow Dash. She accepted it and inhaled, blowing out a thick cloud of smoke. They then heard hoofsteps.

“Celestia, it smells terrible back here,” a familiar voice said, revealing itself to be Princess Twilight Sparkle. She trotted into the yard, stopping when she saw the four ponies and one rabbit staring at her, Rainbow Dash with joint in hoof.

“What’s going on back here?” Twilight asked.

Trixie snorted. “What does it look like?”

Twilight shook her head. “I...don’t know. A ritual of some kind?”

Rainbow Dash chortled. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”

Twilight then noticed Fluttershy in the prone position. “What happened to Fluttershy?”

Vinyl chuckled. “I guess she couldn’t handle her shit.”

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What...stuff?”

Pinkie snorted. “I wish I couldn’t handle my stuff.”

Rainbow Dash offered the joint to Twilight. “This. Wanna try some?”

Twilight Sparkle examined the object the Rainbow Dash held in her hoof. It appeared to be cylindrical, one end burning, almost as if...Twilight reared when she realized what was going on.

“You’re smoking!?” Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “Don’t you know that smoking’s bad for you?”

“No shit, Sherclop,” Vinyl said.

Twilight glared at Vinyl. “And you need to watch your tongue!”

Trixie huffed. “What did you think you did with weed?”

Twilight shook her head. “I don’t know...eat it?”

Rainbow, Vinyl, Trixie, and Angel all shared a glance, then fell on their backs, laughing heartily at what Twilight just said. Pinkie giggled as well, not wanting to be left out of the fun.

Twilight facehooved. “Whatever. Just...don’t get that stuff near me. I have to count ticket sales,” she said as she trotted off.

While they were all laughing, Vinyl took the chance to fondle Trixie’s rump. Trixie’s eyes shot open as she grasped Vinyl’s hoof with her magic and ripped it off, Vinyl letting out a gut-wrenching scream in response. Satisfied, Trixie let go of the hoof, whereupon it flew back to Vinyl’s leg and reattached itself.

“Yo, what the hay was that for?” Vinyl asked.

“I told you I’d rip it off,” Trixie said with a smirk.

Comments

[Waterpear]

I see you're going for longer chapters this time around. Good! The last story was kind of choppy with the chapter breaks, but this flows much better.

[Majin Syeekoh]

4397820 Yeah, I'm trying something new. Here's to hoping it works out!