The long awaited Lunar Eclipse arrives, and as the red moon shines down on Earth, an unsuspecting man is sent to Equestria. He's unconscious when he arrives, but when he wakes up, he meets a couple talking horses.
This shall be my first fanfiction. Not sure how I feel about this, but there you go!
Advice for writing style would be appreciated. Thank you. (Especially since there isn't an editor..)
Next Chapter Progress: 15%
Edit #???: Okay, so typing up wasn't completely random. Frankly, I was eagerly awaiting the Total Lunar Eclipse and just thinking about it inspired me to write this story.
Just wanted to get the first chapter down on the day of an actual Lunar Eclipse (first one in 2014 by the way). When I first started, I had no idea where I wanted to go with the story. Since then, I've developed quite a bit of the main plot..and a bunch of backstories/subplots. I don't have a lot of time to write, but I keep my ideas safely buried under the big oak tree in front of my childhood house. (So, just a disclaimer on haphazard updates. But while this is so, I don't intend to ever give up completing this story.)
Edit about cover image: One day, I'll get a better picture of a lunar eclipse (got a neat one of the partial solar eclipse!) For now the image is going to be a crappy lunar eclipse photo I took with a so-so camera back in 2009/2010.
It's great! Love to see more and any other fanfics you may do....
P.S. I got the mollestia joke I'd admit I was worried for a minute there (shudder)
P.P.S. since the whole red moon thing I'm unable to sleep since its 2:.54 am where I'm at
4236519
Well, I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter! Gonna concentrate on this one 'til the finish though since it's my first an' all.
Molestia joke..? Ah..the banana. xD Meant it to be more of a random question, but okay...perhaps I shall
stick inadd some slight Molestia. (I'd have to change rating to Teen though.)1:58 am here. (So about an hour until the eclipse! Can't wait..but it's cloudy here. |: )
There should be four more total lunar eclipses within the next year and a half though.
Thanks for the comment!
It's charming, keep up the good work.
4237472
Thank you! Glad you approve. :)
They aren't in they're normal characters, but it's a pleasant change
You're doing really good with this story, and I look forward to reading the next chapter!
4243430
That is most welcome news! Thank you.
I was afraid that I was making the two princesses too OOC after imagining how they would act in front of someone who doesn't really look up to them as role models/royalty/goddesses.
4244256 Well, don't worry about it! Many people get huffy over characters being OOC, but to be perfectly honest, this is FICTION. Fiction OF fiction, even. It doesn't truely matter.
And to be perfectly honest, I like it better here than they normally are. You're doing good, keep it up
4244721
Seems one of those huffy people came by. xD
Though, I wish he/she would tell me what they disliked instead of downvoting the crap outta your and my comments and story. I mean..if I don't know, then I can't refute their arguments or use what they suggest to improve. |:
4245611 Don't let it discourage you! You're doing GREAT, and if you keep it up, a lot more people are going to come over and read it!
Keep him in the castle longer human meeting the mane six is everywhere but human hanging out with the princesses is more rare and fun.
4254061
Alrighty then. Postponing meeting with OCD purple pony. :)
(I still need to figure out whether I want her as a unicorn or alicorn anyway...)
Probably unicorn.
Glad you enjoyed reading this fic so far, and I appreciate your input.
And while I'm at it, thanks for adding this to favorites. :D
4254757
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You are not being to descriptive the hallmark of a good writer is making the mundane interesting which you are doing very well at. The point of view changes are fine it makes sense to see the story from the perspective of multiple characters better than having no idea what anyone else is thinking. As for your writing style it seems fine but then I suck at writing prose so I cant offer any advice. And finally yes im enjoying the story cause it is good. Well thats all of your questions I can answer.
I think you're being descriptive enough. I don't have any complaints about this chapter.
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Woah. You actually answered my questions. Thank you, Valen (Or Machina? Or both words?)!
Either way, I shall continue doing what I've been doing then. :D
4262611
Huzzah! :D
4263215 call me valen, machina is to formal
4263742
Alright, Valen.
If you don't mind me asking, what does your name mean?
(From Latin to English, it means "the value of the machine" according to Google Translate.)
4263913
Valens Machina means Strong Machine in Latin. I took the s off of Valens and made it my name. I chose it because when i was a child I loved Power Rangers and used to pretend my body was a giant robot and my mind was a team of rangers piloting it. It's kind of embarassing now to recall but I had alot of fun doing it when i was young so the name is kind of Nostalgic to me.
4265329
Ah..t'is a neat name.
No need to be embarrassed. I used to do similar..with Bionicles..and Teen Titans. :P
Man..I miss my childhood sometimes.
4265405
I loved bionicles until they replaced it with hero factory a shame that.
4265770
Glad I never heard about Hero Factory then. :D
I remember collecting all the original Bionicles, the ones with the funny head popping out thing, and the ones with their double-bladed spears.
Then there was this golden-masked one with a blade and an awesome ride.
Searched for him just now: img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20061015185741/bionicle/images/thumb/b/b2/Takanuva_and_Ussanui.jpg/200px-Takanuva_and_Ussanui.jpg
Good ol' days.
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Belevie me it was the most blatant of blatant ripoffs. I collected all of them between Toa and Glatorian. weenotions.co.uk/user/products/becausemawsomegirl.jpg
4266077
I believe you.
Also, grats with that achievement. -hands (or hoofs) you a medal- :P
You're still doing good! I'm still liking the story
4297013
That's good news.
'Fraid I can't reciprocate though.
(Finals week coming up = hold on the story for another week or so)
Edit: I couldn't resist.
Now you may hold on for another week or so. xD
1# humm
2# oooo
3# oooo
4# aww
Modern English, Luna
Is it too difficult for you or what
5301000
She'll get there..eventually. At this point, the Luna (and everyone else) portrayed in the story is in Season 2 Episode 6.
Frankly, I can hardly wait for her to learn Modern English. It'll make typing a lot easier.
WOW WOW WOW
Man are you still writing this story?
Sad face awwwww I wanted more
6439903
I can tell you for sure that I won't completely give up on it.
That being said, though, life has been pretty rough.
I'm actually pleasantly surprised that someone hasn't forgotten this story. :)
6563768 why would we
Its amazing
6563832 Thank you!
Your words are quite encouraging.
I am so shipping him and Beamy
Shipping with Beamy intensified.
I've seen enough of this pride thingy with taking free things from Rarity...
Just accept it you fucking idiot! You've got nothing and were shown generosity. Generosity that can be used to take off from the bottom that you are in.
By refusing it, you show how selfish you truly are, how prideful you can be and how insulting it is for those who wish for but don't have such generosity in their life. It is a sign that your EGO is too big and need to be reduced.
6822783
-applause-
I get tired of it, too. And yet..why is this so common? :)
*looks ar cover image *
Hmmmmm.... I 'might' have a better Image on my old camera .... Just need to find it.
As I said, I might have a better Picture.
6890769 I don't doubt that.
Tons of amazing pictures out there, but it feels more special to take your own. :)
With that being said, though, if it was from someone who has enjoyed what little I have out so far, I wouldn't say no.
6892635 Fair enough.
When he wakes up, he meets a couple *of talking horses
forget the of
7109349
That, I can do!
Is it because:
"a couple of horses" indicates just two?
and
"a couple horses" is more like "several"?
Edit:
Wait...you mean add the "of"?
I'm a bit confused.
Crap! Ran out of chapters.
7112588 You have no idea (or maybe you do) how happy this comment has made me. :D
I have so much stuff planned out...(mwahahahahaha).
Only wish I had more time to type the story.
i always enjoy the easy going Celestia like this. Seeing her character in the show to this point, this is how she comes off to me. I believe she would do all she can to make a human feel at ease, and not see one as a threat without legitimate reason.
Now Luna is my favorite, but I know she's rough around the edges. I don't think she would magically restrain a stranger against their will, but speaking sternly I can see. To us it would be her yelling, but it is just the traditional royal voice. Many could mistake it for anger or similar.
It surely is enough "in character" to me. Great stuff going on here so far.
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), so I'm glad that Celestia's characterization is still in line with more recent developments.
Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts! I'm by no means caught up in the show (paused around mid season 5
No worries about Luna. (She's been recently released from the Moon at this point and still needs time to adjust to the changes of 1000 years ago.)
Glad to see this story is back up and running.
My reaction: