A normal hunan, Brian Dragnov is recovering from a lightning strike that left him permanently scarred is left to watch a MLP marathon. Chaos ensues after Discord boots him into Equestria.
A possible Displaced story, if one chooses to see this as such.
All music and various references are copyright by their respective owners.
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Hoo boy. Where to begin.
The thinly veiled self-insert has the stench of Sue, Show Don't Tell is ignored, and your complete lack of editing is almost painful to see.
Hope to see more, could use a little more work on some parts but I like the idea
I'm not 100% sure but I think you meant to have Brian walk towards blueblood sorry if I'm wrong
No Blueblood walks towards Brian and gets hit in return
34 chapters within 27 days? You need to take your time and not rush..
8577065
IKR?!
Either these chapters are already written or this is going VERY fast
8577106
Combo of the two. I've written most of the chapters in advance and post them to my liking. Unfortunatly when time isn't shown, it is a little difficult to pace this, so I apologise if it feels rushed.
8577468
ah, that makes sense
That was funny but be warned once pinkie brakes the forth wall she will always be there ready to talk to you or us
also I do believe vinyl is a vampire
Side chapter. Rules (and fourth-wall breaks) go out the window. The main story doesn't focus on it
I am sorry, but WHERE DID CHRYSALIS COME FROM
Thought i might put her in the story. Honestly, just a background character with no importance
9059607
Anything is possible. I really wasn't paying attention to her in the background of the story.
10359586
Glad someone caught the reference
10360501
When?
Your story is confusing and i there is literally no build up to warrent a previous antisocial introvert like twilight to kiss this random stranger let alone everything that is happening. This has literal gary stu written all over it.
10447519
It could be thought of as motherly affection, more than anything else. Twilight wouldmore than likely kiss Spike good night and could do that with a guest out of habit
10447837
Its still too fast as spike and twilight had years to get to that point i read the chapters and every1 is too accepting and believes the mc cant do much wrong thats the very definition of a gary stu and a poorly done one at that
Dont get me wrong i enjoy an OP MC very much but this one is so rushed. Take some time and go back read what you wrote and maybe get some1 you trust to edit. The concept is good i only have issues with the high level of wtfhappened that permeates the story
Did you have anyone help you pre-read and proof-read this?
10523248
Just me
You realize cellos can play violin parts? You do not have to change much about this song for a cellist to play it.
No professional cellist just plays classical what? No musician just plays classical.
This music section make you look woefully ignorant. As a musician, it pisses me off that you have such misconceptions of professional musicians and music students.
There is no way Octavia would be the only cellist in a country. An orchestra usually has eight to twelve cellos while chamber groups have six to two cellos.
It takes hours to write an arrangement for an orchestra but this story makes it seem like the main character wrote it in six seconds.
This story is extremely rough, the characters are cardboard cutouts, the story is sometimes unclear, and some of the things in the story are very questionable.
He is still using electricity. Solar power is just another way of generation to make electricity.
10523267
I suggest you rewrite this story with some help.
1052331
These are the songs I used in the story. It's not too hard to write a piece of music when a section repeats itself. Hence why he finishes before anyone else.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R1pLBIWUqEc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Q9FKPc3CQ
10523665
Just in case you forgot, I am a musician.
Firstly, he is not using musescore, finale, etc ... which you can copy and paste.
secondly, this is handwriting the parts for an entire orchestra which takes much longer than you think. he has to spend time to make a legible score for the conductor and legible parts for the players (Players can not read condensed scores, he needs to write each part separately). You have sections with their own subsection in an orchestra: upper, middle, lower winds; pitched percussion and then drums; upper, middle, lower stings. I could give you the entire score but no, each section has its own purpose, and sometimes instruments double each in either rhythm, pitch, or both. But in arrangements, the bass line, percussion lines, and melodies are already made.
Thirdly, he still has to figure out what parts play which lines and what parts of the chords they play.
Fourthly, it is both stated and implied that he is doing this from memory which is even harder and takes longer to get right.
Lastly, my point was you never specified the time passed which is confusing. Not how easy it is to arrange these songs.
Here is one of my arrangements. This took me six hours to get how it is and the piece itself is repetitive. This is an example of how many parts he would need to write. This is not an orchestra and I do not compose or arrange pieces for orchestras.
Score:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Yt18Zco2UQOcSCrsuWkMIH0UDcHVOCOw/view?usp=sharing
WAV:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1UxaBlsMk19LzWx_PNEBvhc8IfUvGbIke/view?usp=sharing