> Lunar Eclipse
>  by Ephemeral Memory
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Chapter 01: Into the Pond
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Orion. Virgo. Mars. Gemini. Jupiter. 

Stars leapt in their magnificent timeless dance. Singing the forgotten tales of the past, present, future. Never stopping. Never waiting for the mortals below. Above. 

I smiled. Embraced by the grass and night’s cool air, I laid there, listening to the crickets chirp their ditties. Gazing upon the perpetual blazes above. Below. Nothing could bring me more peace than finding and tracing the familiar constellations. They always remained. Always constant. Juliet was quite wrong when she claimed the Moon was fickle. Despite all the phases, it remained. Sure, its appearance changed, but it’s still there, reassuring me that no matter what happens in life, it will stay. 

This particular evening, a full moon shone brightly, and the faithful rabbit continued its dessert-making.
A second moon, a perfect reflection, shone from the deep, calm pond. Only the occasional breeze disturbed the water’s surface. Above, below, the skies copied each other. 

I stood up in anticipation.

Ursa major. Cassiopeia. Ursa minor. Perseus. Charioteer. 

I waited, grateful for the cloudless window. After a rough day, the expectation of the lunar eclipse washed my grievances away. 
Soon enough, Earth’s shadow began to blanket the rabbit, turning the moon into a beautiful gem in the heavens, and likewise, the pond greedily held the ephemeral ruby upon its surfaces. I took a picture. With a mediocre camera, the image did not do the scene justice. Still, it recorded the memory. Sighing, I put the camera away in my backpack and walked to the edge of the pond, admiring the magical view. 

Lyre. Unicorn. Pegasus. Draco. Leo. 

Then, a particularly strong zephyr ripped across the land, and the pond rippled violently. After a moment, the water began to smooth out, but instead of the red gem, there was nothing. Surprised yet curious, I leaned over the edge for a better view. No. There wasn’t nothing. Rather, instead of crimson, a black shade covered the moon. I looked up. Above, the Moon was still red. I returned my gaze to the water. Below, still black. Frowning, I tilted ever closer. The black Moon seemed to be glowing slightly, and instead of the rabbit –

Before I had the chance to identify the new shape, I lost my balance. For some reason, I began blacking out even though nothing injured my head. Briefly, I felt the water’s grip before fading out. Above, below. Below, above. The skies blended. 




“What dost thou think this creature is, Celie?”

A new voice spoke, “Hmm..I’m not sure what to make of it. It appears to be some form of hairless ape that wears clothes.”

I heard voices from the right. My eyes were still shut, and a dull pain steadily thumped within my head. To the left, I heard the crackle of a fire and felt the warmth of its embers. I was laying stomach down upon some hard surface, and my backpack still clutched my shoulders. I heard hooves clop in place on the ground.

The first voice, sounding impatient, “Well, is the creature injured? How hath it come here? What purpose doth it have? Should we send it to the doctors or the dungeon?”

Chuckling slightly, the second voice replied, “No, no, Lulu. It doesn’t seem injured, and this being has yet to do anything wrong.”

"Some naked ape is wearing clothes?" I thought blearily.

As the headache continued beating, I released an involuntary groan. I heard gasps and some more hooves stumbling backwards. With my head still on the ground, I opened my eyes and noticed the room's color scheme. 

Purple. Everywhere. Mostly. 

I heard more hooves and saw four legs five feet away. 




Luna’s PoV

The creature before me made a sound, and Celie and I both backed away with astonishment upon our faces. It opened its gray eyes, which found my legs. Celie, from behind, slowly walked toward the creature. It heard the noise and stirred slightly, as its eyes tried to glance backwards toward my sister. 

“Stay thyself, creature!” I shouted in my Royal Canterlot voice. It cringed, and I grinned amusedly at its reaction.

Those colorless orbs whipped back toward my legs and slowly traced up to my face. We held eye contact, and its small eyes, along with its mouth, opened wide in surprise or fear. 

My sister’s soft yet commanding voice reprimanded, “Luna! Inside voice, please! There is no need to scare the poor thing.” 
I stuck my tongue out, eliciting a small laugh and a look of mock disapproval from Celie. 

After that exchange, the creature sat up slowly and its eyes found my sister. 

And what art thou plotting?

I unfurled my wings and began to stomp forward but was stopped by my sister’s gaze. 

I understood she wanted me to calm down, but what if the creature was evil? What if it was possessed? We knew not from where it came. 

I was sailing through the night skies when it suddenly fell from the Moon’s direction. It was three hours past midnight, and not knowing what it was at the time, I stopped its fall with levitation and brought it closer. I nearly dropped it out of surprise. It had a short brown mane on its head, clothing, and a bag. It was dripping wet and unconscious, and when I contacted Celie with magic, which took a while since she was asleep, she asked me to teleport the creature to her room. I questioned the sagacity of that decision, but she did not wish to cause any alarm within the castle. After a brief, telepathic debate, I conceded to her...as usual.

Celie continued walking toward the creature, and its head flipped back and forth from me to Celie. It began scooting backwards, and Celie stopped her advance. They stared at each other. Her in amusement. It in what I recognized as slowly progressing terror. 

“Can you understand me? If you can, then please give me the chance to speak with you. There is no need to panic. I only want to ask you a couple questions, and I’m sure you have several of your own,” she spoke in that soothing voice of hers. As soon as she began talking, the creature’s eyes seemed to widen even more, and it began to scramble backwards.

“Enough!” I shouted and stomped upon the ground to emphasize my point. I used magic to hold the creature in place. “Dost thou not see that my sister wishes upon thee no harm?” I opened my mouth to speak more to the foolish creature, but Celie cut off my magic.

“Luna! Don’t you understand that yelling only scares the poor thing even more?” 

She gave me a half disappointed and irritated glance, and my ears fell backwards in shame. I had not meant to terrify the creature. I only wanted it to stop staring at us as if we were monsters or freaks....as if we were Nightmare Moon. 

“Sister,” gently continued Celie, “Please give us some time alone. Perhaps it would be more willing to talk if there was only one pony.” 

That was a false reason, but I understood her point. 

“Yes, Celie,” I sighed and gloomily walked out of her chambers, closing her doors and sitting next to them..just in case. We knew not the capabilities of this creature after all. 




Celestia’s PoV

After Luna left, I glanced back at the ape-like being, which was now paralyzed in fright. Its pupils were mere pinpricks in its gray, wide eyes. 

Poor creature..

I raised a leg to walk toward the creature, but it backed away in fear. I put my leg down, and as it noticed my gesture, it warily looked up at me. Maintaining eye contact, I then slowly laid down on my stomach. 

“I must apologize for my sister’s behavior. Luna could never reign in her impulsiveness. Please forgive her. She did not wish to frighten you at all.” I paused, observing its countenance, which seemed to calm down. I felt a smile form on my lips, and I continued speaking to it.

“My name is Celestia, by the way. What is yours?” 

The creature opened its mouth as if to speak but paused. 

So it could understand us!

I was grinning now, and it was eyeing me curiously. Then it shook its head and seemingly mumbled to itself. I caught the words, “dreaming” and “talking horses.” I raised an eyebrow, and noticing this, it opened its mouth once more.

“You may call me Daniel,” quietly replied the creature in a masculine-sounding voice. 

What a strange name that was. It wasn't the strangest I've heard in my life. Speaking of strange names, I remember some stallion named Filthy Rich. Just the other day he had come to my Day Court demanding for tax returns for his business..and many other stipends. His reasons were quite silly, and I enjoyed referring to him as Filthy. His face was priceless! Of course, I pretended there was nothing wrong with his name by just casually mentioning it when talking to him. I mean, if he was going to bring up some trifling issue into my court, I might as well have some fun teasing him, right? Day Court is boring after all..I remember transforming into a painting for a whole day. Now that was interesting! But back to the task on hoof..

By the end of my recollection, I had a somewhat goofy grin on my face, and Daniel wore a confused expression on his face. 

Chuckling slightly, I asked, “Well, Daniel, since we probably have many questions for each other, why don’t we take turns asking and answering?”

“Sounds like a decent arrangement to me,” assented Daniel.

“May I begin?”

“Go ahead,” he murmured.

I thought of my first question.





Daniel's PoV

I was a nervous wreck on the inside. 

That dark blue mare earlier, Luna, was nuts! Send me to the dungeon? And what was with her Ye Olde Englishe styled speaking? I'm glad she's left. The whole thing could be a misunderstanding, but still, I'd rather stay away for now. Somehow, she stopped me from moving earlier! Her horn -yes, horn- was glowing, and did I mention that she had wings as well? And that funny mane! How did it even move like that? I admit that I enjoyed the color scheme though since it reminded me of the night sky. 

I thought for a brief moment that I could see Ursa Major sparkling in the strange mane. As for her sister in front of me, the white, majestic horse, who also had her own set of crazy hair (with streaks of brighter colors), horn, and wings, now had a strange grin on her face, which did little to set me at ease. 

And did she just laugh for no reason? What is wrong with her? No. That isn't the question I should be asking. How is she talking? What kind of joke is this? Where am I? Just..what's going on?! This must be a dream! But how would I ever dream something like this?! I don't even -

"Do you like bananas?" the white mare inquired.

I stared at her blankly with my mouth slightly open. 

Is she serious? 

In my utter confusion, I heard her laughing some more. 

Oh, she's just playing around. I see how it is.

Celestia opened her mouth after her giggles had ceased and continued, "I'm just ki-"

"Yes, I do like them. They're my favorite fruit. I get a question now, don't I?" I intercepted with my lips turning upward slightly. 

Celestia grinned widely. 

Don't her face muscles hurt yet?

"I see that we can get along quite well. And to answer your question. Yes. But..since you just asked your question, which I answered, it's my turn again!" spoke Celestia gleefully, clapping -or is it clopping?- her front hooves together.

I facepalmed. 

I tried to resist. Really.

The horse giggled at my antics and continued more seriously, "Well, foolishness aside, please don't be offended when I ask this..but what are you? I have not seen your kind before."

"I am a human. I mean no offense towards you as well when I ask the same."

Fall for it. Fall for it, please. 

I crossed my fingers. 

"Human..I do not recall hearing about any being named that...And I am an Alicorn. Now, I don't see any wings on you, and since you seemed very surprised when my sister used magic on you, I'm assuming that you don't have that ability either. So, how is it that you were free-falling from the sky when my sister saved you?"

Hahaha...she fell for it! What..falling from the sky? 

"Woah! Hold on there, I never asked you what you were. I only implied that I would do so in the near future," I replied. 

At this, her eyes widened slightly at the realization of being tricked. 

She huffed and, though the laughter in her eyes gave her away, had a serious face on when she said, "Oh, you! Mister Daniel, it isn't very nice to keep fooling people, you know?"

I just grinned and quipped, "I know. You're not very good at the question game. I believe I owe you two questions now."

She feigned some more surprise, and I laughed. 

She's such a silly horse. 




Celestia's PoV

I truly am glad that this human is opening up. Daniel seems to enjoy joking around. Perhaps he can teach Luna more about "fun." 

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes, as I recalled the time Luna came back bouncing with joy and blabbering about her time in Ponyville on Nightmare Night. I was happy for her when she returned like that, but when I heard the entire story, I was just facehoofing , smiling, and shaking my head at the same time. 

Oh, Luna. You and your Royal Canterlot voice. 

Now, as for Daniel, I was pleasantly surprised when he took my banana question positively and tried to play along. When he set up his implied-question trap, I noticed immediately. I figured he would be more friendly if I fell for that as well. I figured right, as usual. I chuckled to myself. He's such a silly human.
> Chapter 02: Night to Day
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luna’s PoV

When Celie gave me that stern look of hers, I realized that I had overreacted (slightly) toward the “human” (as it -nay- he had called himself). 

I shan’t ever admit it though. Royal ponies must maintain proper images for the citizens after all, and making mistakes was not included in them. But still! Is it not better to overreact than remain unprepared for the unknown? What if that creat- human had been dangerous? By suddenly asking me to teleport it to the castle -to  her personal chambers, no less!- Celie potentially endangered herself, which, by association, endangered Equestria as well! That human was unconscious at the time though. It could have been a ruse used to attack us while unguarded! It- He was falling to his doom. Perhaps some other enemy had used the cre- human as bait! Or a diversion! Or..! Oh, just cease thy foolish pondering, Luna. 

Thinking this, I shifted into a more comfortable position against Celie’s door and listened to the human speak of his origin. Celie was always skilled in the arts of talking. 

By the end of their conversation, I had unwittingly sat up and pressed my ear against the door. Some moments, the human’s voice became barely audible and seemed unwilling to expound more on the history of his kind -especially on the topic of war and technology. Celie did not push him for more details. The summary was enough. Mainly, millions dead. It was amazing to hear about humans and their achievements, horrific or not. His claims more often than not left me incredulous, but as he continued speaking of his history, I became convinced that the human was either completely truthful, brainwashed by his kin, or a deceiver of the highest level. I doubted the latter since there would be no advantage in letting Celie know that his kind was rather pugnacious and could pose a grave threat. The only other notable part of the conversation was when Celie explained to “Daniel” that she was one of the diarchs who ruled over Equestria. There was a slight pause, and I could only imagine the human’s face as he began stammering and apologizing for not “addressing and treating Your Majesty as fits Your Highness’s rank.” Celie burst out laughing, and even I could not resist the giggle escaping from my lips. After a bit, I heard my sister entreat, “Please, Daniel, no need for that. Just call me Celestia.” 

I had heard that line many times before, but most often, the subject would refuse, stating that it was quite uncouth to refer to Celie as anything but Princess Celestia or a title of similar meaning. Even Celie's current protégé, Twilight Sparkle, only addressed her as Princess, so it was a welcome surprise to hear the human assent to her request. 




Daniel’s PoV

Oh man. 

I thought I messed up when Celestia told me about Equestria...and how she, along with the Lunatic -I mean- Luna were the diarchs of this place. They very well could have tossed me into the dungeons as that dark blue mare had suggested. 

Guess it’s a good thing that Celestia’s pretty chill. 

When she started laughing uncontrollably at my attempt to make up for my earlier, lax behavior, I was peeved for a moment before realizing that my panicked expressions and actions looked silly. We shared a couple more minutes of gasping for air after that, and I swore I could hear some muffled giggles behind the door. When the lung-torturing moment ended, she went on with her abridged description of Equestria. Soon enough, we talked the night away, and though the both of us seemed exhausted (yet satisfied), Celestia maintained her composure hardened by millennia of rule. Of course, included in her countenance was that warm smile that was capable enough to end the Ice Age alone. 

“Well, Daniel, as much as I enjoyed chatting with you, I must go raise the Sun and..conduct our..royal..duties...” she trailed off. I vaguely noticed her staring at me strangely.

Celestia had began concluding our conversation, but I was back to gawking as soon as I heard those words. 

Geezus! Just what couldn’t she do? Wait a minute...Sure, she was one of the, if not the most, powerful beings on the planet, but how could it be possible to move that giant flaming ball of plasma? A giant flaming ball of plasma that was over a hundred million kilometers away to boot! Impossible! 

I recovered myself. 

“Pfft. Good one, Celestia. Almost pulled the wool over my eyes with that one!” I chuckled good-humoredly.

She raised an eyebrow.

“I wasn’t kidding, Daniel.” replied Celestia with an amused twinkle in her eyes. 

I must have had a rather doubtful face on as she smirked and continued, “I can show you -if you don’t mind me proving your doubts incorrect, that is.” 

“I’d love to see how you manage to move massive astronomical objects across the skies!” I returned sarcastically. 

With my remark, she then turned her head to the door, and as her horn began to glow in yellowish light, the door knob glowed and turned, revealing Luna lying down with her head right next to the door’s former position. She gave a start at being discovered, and a faint blush of embarrassment tinged her cheeks. I grinned at the sight. 

Well, well. Who do we have here?

The blue “alicorn”, as Celestia told me, stood up instantly and sputtered, “WE WER- I WAS NOT EAVESDROPPING. WE-I WAS JUST WALKING OVER TO BEGIN THE MOVING OF THE SUN AND MOON!” 

Both Celestia and I were cracking up to Luna’s chagrin. Annoyed, she huffed, reared up, and stomped both of her front hooves upon the ground. 

“ENOUGH! I DEMAND THEE TO CEASE THY LAUGHTER IMMEDIATELY!” shouted the flustered princess in vain, as her efforts, to her dismay, only added to our amusement. 

She was looking pretty glum now, and feeling a small twinge of guilt, with difficulty, I calmed myself, wiping a tear from my eye, and apologized, “Sorry for laughing at you, Princess. It’s just that the way you reacted was rather hilarious.”

Should probably try to get in Luna's good books anyway before she decides to toss me into the dungeons.

Her cyan eyes glared in return with a frown on her face. Since she was, like Celestia, a superpowered princess, I probably should have been worried right then, but I couldn’t help but think that her mad face was rather adorable in the way a child pouts at you after teasing her. Fortunately for me though, Luna’s attention had returned to Celestia, who was now on her back and giggling. Luna, with a mischievous glint in her eyes, snuck up toward her sister and attacked the white alicorn with her wings.

“EN GARDE, CELIE!” exclaimed Luna as she vigorously tickled the now-gasping mare. A tickle war quickly ensued between the two. 

Wish I had popcorn.

After more than ten minutes, with no victor in sight, I grew bored.

Let's break this stalemate, shall we?

I stood up for the first time in Equestria, taking care to stretch a bit before preparing my fingers for some action. Swiftly yet stealthily, I strode over, and began tickling Celestia’s stomach and was soon rewarded with more guffaws and wriggling. 

Woah. Soft fur.

“Hahaha! I -ha!- give! You -pfft- can stop -haha!- now!” surrendered Celestia. Calming down, she rolled back up to a sitting position and stared at me with mock disapproval and playfully chastised, “That wasn’t very fair of you.” 

I smirked in return, and noticed Luna watching me with mixed emotions that ranged from interest and annoyance….and regret? Maybe she felt bad about going nuts earlier. At least the suspicion written on her face earlier wasn’t there anymore.

Eventually, she conceded, “Noble Human, in joining me in the successful attempt to defeat the Ticklemare, thou hast gained my trust. Thus, I declare thee forgiven for thy previous wrongs!” 

My wrongs? For laughing at her?

She then concluded her short spiel with an extra snort and nod of approval with an amusingly serious expression on her face. 

Oh well. Might as well humor her.

“Why, thank thee. It is an honor to receive thy royal pardon, Princess Luna,” I said and bowed. 

“Luna,” she grunted. 

“I..what?” I uttered, dumbfounded. I had completely expected her to want to be addressed as royalty with the way she acted last night. 

“Thou mayest call me Luna, and I shall call thee Daniel. Is this arrangement agreeable to thee in such a way that allows us to be on better terms with one another?” mumbled the mare, who looked away, suddenly interested in the floor, while one of her hooves traced invisible patterns into the ground. 

Aww...I'm touched. Heheh. She touched me.

I mentally slapped myself.

But seriously, her attempt to make up is heart-warming...with a slight touch of awkwardness.

I smiled and replied, “This arrangement is more than agreeable.”

Luna looked back up with mild surprise and beamed.

"Huzzah!"

After Celestia had observed our exchange with mirth twinkling in her eyes, she rose and reminded Luna, “Sister, we must move the Sun and Moon now. We wouldn’t want our citizens to think that I overslept now, do we?”

Then, smirking and addressing me, Celestia said, “Daniel, we’re going to prove you wrong now. Come watch us from the balcony, if you dare.”

She and Luna then began walking to a large balcony that spanned at least fifteen feet wide before stretching outward in a semicircle. 

Before following them, I rolled my eyes and deadpanned, “Enlighten me, Highness.”

When I caught up to them with Celestia on my right and Luna on the left, my mouth dropped down. The view before me was nothing short of breathtaking. I had not realized that the giant castle perched upon an even more gargantuan mountain with all of Canterlot and beyond below. I saw a giant maze adroitly formed by well-maintained towering hedges. Numerous waterfalls rolled down the mountains and through and past the palace. In the distance, I spotted ponies traveling about as they waited for the break of dawn to start a fresh day, and even further, I noted several villages here and there across plains with even more majestic mountains in the background. The entire area was cast in the mystical purplish-bluish tinge of night, and just as I recovered my mouth from the ground, I felt two powerful gusts of air from either side of me. My mouth abandoned me yet again, as I watched the scene unfold. 
The stars began to fade away, with the Moon slowly stepping down from its throne in the sky. Above, I spotted the two sisters gliding gracefully through the brightening heavens. Both of their horns were glowing, and as they circled around as if dancing, the Sun rose from its slumber. The first of its golden rays struck the land, and the magical transformation of hues from night to day blessed my eyes. I had seen countless sunrises and sunsets back home, but the sight before me knocked away any expectations prepared by the view from the balcony. 

Oh my God. Where's my camera when I need it?..Oh right, back inside. Argh..

Only the luckiest of mortals could ever witness this moment.  

Too soon, the ephemeral scenery ended, and the sisters returned, alighting onto the balcony with elegance and folding their wings back to their places. I was still in awe when they began chuckling at my demeanor. 

“See something you like?” asked Celestia with a mildly suggestive tone. 

I snorted, “You wish.” 

At this, the white alicorn giggled and playfully replied, “Oh? Is my figure not good enough for you?” 

I paused and pretended to think for a moment before shrugging and nonchalantly saying, “Ehh....I’ve seen better.” 

“Hmph. And here I thought you were a gentlecolt. Hasn’t your mother ever told you to always compliment mares no matter what?” inquired Celestia with a false-annoyed face, as her wings fluttered slightly. 

“Well, she also taught me to be honest,” I returned with a smug grin. 

Luna, who had been listening with an disinterested face, didn’t seem to follow our remarks and interjected, “Daniel, what didst thou think of our display? Were we successful in disproving thy previous thoughts?”

I was a bit surprised that the night princess was willing to initiate a conversation with me and replied sincerely, “You two completely wiped away my disbelief, and I want the both of you to know that I am infinitely grateful for what you have shown me today. There is no doubt in my mind that what I have witnessed this day shall forever be engraved within my memories. Thank you.”

Both Luna and Celestia looked pleasantly astonished at my sudden earnestness. 

The former, with her tail swaying side to side, seemed ready to prance in place, as she lifted her head proudly and declared, “We are most pleased that thou hast enjoyed our performance!” 

Before she could say more, though, three stomachs made their presences known, making their owners twitch involuntarily out of embarrassment. 

Tittering, Celestia remarked, “Well, aren’t we all hungry? I believe Daniel and I could use some breakfast, and Sister, some dinner.”

With that, she walked back into the room from the balcony towards the exit and, with her signature warm smile, looked back, and patiently waited for us to follow.
> Chapter 03: Foood
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daniel’s PoV

As the princesses and I exited Celestia’s room, the white alicorn reminded me that none of the other castle’s inhabitants had seen me yet. Almost immediately, the guards and I caught sight of each other. They wore standard gold armor and looked eerily similar to each other. Blame magic, I guess. Furthermore, compared to the princesses, they were rather short. Maybe non-princess ponies were just three to four feet tall. Anyway, when they shifted their steady gazes toward their rulers, finding their new companion (me), their eyes widened. I figured that if I had been alone, it would have been a matter of time before they subdued me. They were guards, short or not, after all. 

One of them stumbled forward, kneeling and calling, “Your Majesties! We did not realize any thing had snuck into your room! Please forgive us for our blunder and punish us as you see fit!”

I felt my left eye twitch in annoyance. 

Here we go again with “creature this” and “thing that.” Then again, they’ve never seen a human before, so I can’t blame them.

“All of you, calm down,” rang out Celestia’s voice. “This,” she patted my back with a hoof, “is Daniel, a human, and as far as I have seen, he bears no ill will toward anypony. Furthermore, none of you deserve any disciplinary actions because it was I who asked Princess Luna to teleport him here.”

At this, another guard cried out, “But Princess! We should have-”

“Please, guards,” Celestia cut in, “don’t worry yourselves over this. You had no control over the situation. Also, Daniel has free passage throughout the castle in the unrestricted areas, so please spread the word to the others.”

“But-” stammered the first guard. He paused and seemed to understand that he wasn’t getting anywhere with the conversation. 

“Yes, Princess!” shouted the guard, saluting along with all the others. 

Celestia smiled at their display before replying, “Excellent. Now, my sister, Daniel, and I shall be off to the dining hall. Keep up the good work.”

With that, the three of us continued walking down the corridor. Apparently, the guards were pretty diligent and expedient when it came to their jobs since none of the other stone-faced ponies bothered us again. The couple of curious servants that we met, however, did stop to stare a bit before moving on with their jobs. All in all, I was expecting much louder and exaggerated reactions to the presence of some unknown creature wandering the halls with the princesses, but perhaps they’ve seen stranger. God knows what’s happened before with magic available. 

After a couple more minutes, the aroma of food greeted my nose and almost sent my starving stomach on another growling frenzy. Almost. What stopped that, unfortunately, was the sound of disgust coming from some white unicorn strutting towards us from the other end of the hall. 

“Ugh! Those dim-witted servants should know by now that I want my Royal Porridge at exactly 82.7 degrees Marenheit! I mean, I’m already lenient enough to allow for a 0.1 degree difference, but nooo, they actually had the gall to mess up by twice that amount this time! What if they had burned my royal tongue? How could they sleep at night knowing that they just performed such a blatant act of treason!” huffed the unicorn. 

I was less than a second from laughing -especially after I saw my companions wrinkle their noses in distaste after hearing the pony. During our all-nighter talk, Celestia had warned me about some “arrogant little nephew” of hers, advising me to keep as much distance from him as possible. Unfortunately, that was impossible now that the prince was gawking at me. 

“Aunty Celestia!” drawled whatshisface, “Did you obtain another pet without letting me know again? You know your fire chicken dislikes me for no reason. If you don’t mind me suggesting, I think it’s for the better if we find a pet that has proper manners. Or perhaps you were fortunate this time to find a decent creature. What is this thing anyway? It looks like a monkey, and -”

“Nephew,” called Celestia, ending the pony’s nonsense, “This is Daniel, a human, and he is not a pet. Also, yesterday, I believe you left your Royal Saddlebag in the lavatory next to the maids’ changing room.”

What. Oh, wow. I did hear some stories about this guy, courtesy of Celestia, but this, this pony was just Pathetic.

I hoped, for his sake, that my sleep-deprived brain was just being mean to him. As I continued to stifle my unbearable laughter, the prince blubbered some more nonsense before trotting toward wherever his royal bag was. When he was finally out of view, I let loose my guffaws, while Luna facepal-hoofed. It was funny how ponies did that, too. I figured it would hurt more with a hoof. Celestia only let out a resigned sigh and continued walking forward. Luna followed, and it took me a moment to regain my sanity before I, too, accompanied them. 





Celestia’s PoV

Oh..where did that little kind foal go? Never will I stop wondering what happened to change his personality so much. 

My ears heard Daniel’s uncontrollable sniggering.

“Well, at least a certain human seemed to enjoy that encounter,” I wryly thought, as we stepped into the dining hall. I took my usual spot at the center of the lengthy table, Luna sat on my right, and Daniel sat across from me. 

Before Nightmare Moon happened, Luna and I would usually take both ends of the table, but ever since my sister came back, it seemed as if the whole experience had driven us closer together. I had had enough of sitting alone at the head for a thousand years, and the day after she returned, without even a word about our seating arrangements, we just sat together in the middle. I smiled at the memory. 

“Um..excuse me, Princess Celestia,” began a maid, snapping me out of my thoughts, “Would you like the usual today?”

I recalled her name quickly and replied, “That would be wonderful, thank you, Beam Dancer.”

Beam Dancer, seeming overjoyed, turned to Luna.

“Princess Luna, is it the usual for you, too?” she inquired. 

Luna confirmed, "Yes! The usual meal is the most satisfying of all meals! 

Then, she faced Daniel and switched her eyes to me for a brief moment. 

Poor mare must be confused. 

“Uh...what do you want...um..” started Beam Dancer. 

“Name’s Daniel, and I’ll just have whatever Celestia got. Thanks... Beam Dancer, was it?” 

“Of course, sir! Yes, sir!” she replied hastily, and then called to all of us, “Your meals will be here shortly!”

“That was interesting,” commented Daniel when we were alone again. He went on, “By the way, is it true that you have a fire chicken for a pet?”

Luna got a giggle out of that one, and I facehoofed for the second time within five minutes. 

It seems today is just dedicated to facehoofs.

“Phoenix,” I corrected and felt a slight frown form on my face, as I explained, “Philomena is my pet phoenix, and she dislikes my..nephew because he is always bothering her by prodding her in an attempt to force her to spontaneously combust. Unfortunately, Prince Blueblood believes that Philomena doesn’t have to follow her natural rebirth cycle and can just burn at any moment for his entertainment.” 

“Oh. I’m sorry Philomena has to deal with that,” said Daniel with a conciliatory grin. 

After several more minutes of idle chatter, Beam Dancer and another maid scrambled back with our meals balanced precariously on their backs and wings. I levitated all the dishes and placed them in front of their respective diners. 

“Oh! Princess Celestia, you didn’t have to help us!” cried out Beam Dancer.

The other maid, Feather Shine, added, “But we appreciate your benevolence anyway and hope that the meal is satisfactory!”

Without waiting for a reply, the two rushed to their places along the sides for further orders. I gave them a smile, and the two grinned back sheepishly. Then, I turned to my breakfast, which consisted of my favorite chocolate cake with the right amount of strawberry icing on the sides, two layers of cream between the chocolate, regular icing slathered above, and the perfect cherry to top it all off. 

I’m ashamed to admit that my mouth watered at the thought…No, I’m not. Cake is one of the best inventions that I have had the luck to behold in my long life. 

The other parts of my meal were just regular items in a typical breakfast, namely: sunny-side up eggs, several slices of apples, and a stack of pancakes with maple syrup. The last of the list was another favorite, but the cake still outshined everything put together. And since the cake was the best, I always saved it for last. 





Daniel’s PoV

I looked at the breakfast before me. 

Cake? For breakfast? Really, Celestia? I realize that I’m in a completely new world, but I have a feeling that even this was unusual. I mean, just look at the size of that thing! It wouldn’t even look out of place in a wedding! Then again, Celestia did ask for “the usual.” I have no idea what to think. 

I gave a questioning stare to the white alicorn, but she seemed too preoccupied with the lord of all cakes. 

Dang..she’s drooling, too. 

I glanced back at my own pastry. 

There’s no way I’m going to finish this, but the other stuff looks decent. 

On the other hand, Luna’s breakfast, or dinner, included what looked like Caesar salad, some garlic bread, some type of soup, and a main course that had noodles and a sauce I wasn’t familiar with. Overall, it looked pretty delicious. All three of us, who were already hungry, began eating with gusto, and soon enough, our plates were mostly empty. I left the giant mother of all cakes untouched, and Celestia eyed the thing.

Just how much cake does she eat?

“You can have it if you want,” I told her. 

“Oh, I couldn’t. You should eat it,” replied Celestia.

“I would, but I can’t eat another bite.”

“In that case, I will alleviate you of your burden and take it upon myself to make sure that cake does not go to waste.”

The cake then glowed with a golden light and hovered to Celestia, who began going at it as quickly as she did the first time. I gave an impressed whistle that the princess ignored.

With a small smile on her face, Luna remarked, “Thou hast always enjoyed devouring thy pastries.”

Celestia stopped munching for a moment and blushed.

“It’s not my fault that they taste so heavenly.” 

The princess continued digging into the confectionery. 

“But doth it not worry thee that those sweets will accumulate upon thy figure?” asked Luna, giggling with a hoof over her mouth. 

Oh, you did not just go there.

Celestia looked up. 

“I exercise enough,” replied Celestia curtly.

“I am unsure if sitting around during thy Day Court is considered as exercise,” returned Luna.

Ouch. 

The older sister was starting to look annoyed now and ruffled her wings, a movement that seemed to match her expression. A brief flash of nostalgia went through my mind, as I remembered all those times my sis tried to get under my skin like that. I noticed Celestia grinning mischievously, and a not-so-small slab of the cake flew straight into Luna’s mouth. And around it. And kind of everywhere on her face.

“You only had to ask if you wanted a share, Luna. My little sister, of all ponies, should know that,” said the perpetrator smugly. 

A piece of the thrown cake slid down the night princess’s face, and anyone could see the fire in her eyes. A second later, all of the cake near Luna glowed blue and became airborne again, landing on Celestia’s face.

“Oh, no. Thou art mistaken, sister. I did not wish to partake in eating thy cake,” retorted Luna. 

The maids, who had gasped at the first throw, were beginning to panic, so I decided to throw in my two cents at this point. 

“Uh, Celestia, Luna, I know it really isn’t my business and all, but don’t you two, as princesses, have to, you know, run the country instead of starting a royal food fight? And if this is what you guys eat usually, then shouldn’t you be used to this and get along by now?” 

I saw both of their horns glow before cake blinded me. At least it tasted good. However, for some reason, as I heard their snickers, I felt as if they staged that argument to make me say something that would end up with a pastry-covered face. 

When we finally cleaned up, with some of the maids’ help, Luna excused herself and teleported to her room to catch some z’s. During this time, Celestia had talked briefly to the skittish maid named Beam Dancer. She was a light blue pegasus with bright yellow eyes and a short purple mane. The tattoo on her butt, or “cutie mark,” as Celestia had called it during our conversation, was a small sun (compared to the one on Celestia’s butt) that had yellow rays extending from it. 

Celestia then turned toward me and said, “Well, I must attend the Day Court and, as you so aptly put, ‘run the country.’ In the mean time, though, Beam Dancer will be your guide.”

“Sounds like a good plan. Guess I’ll talk to you later, Celestia” I answered. I still needed to ask her about getting back to Earth, after all. 

She nodded and exited the dining hall. 

I turned to Beam Dancer, who was looking at me with wide eyes. Well, wider than the normally large pony eyes anyway. 

Scared of me, are we? Idea time!

I grinned as evilly as I could and asked her in an intimidating voice, “Sooo. Where shall we go now, Beam Dancer?”

To my dismay, the maid started giggling. I was confused, to say the least. 

“You’re quite the actor, sir. I mean, did you see the look on your face? Even without the makeup, you could pass for a clown like that!” she chortled. 

“Huh. Guess I found a new occupation,” I flatly replied, dropping what I thought was a creepy grin, making her giggle even more. 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up! I’m gonna go explore the castle now. Hasta la vista, Beamy!” 

I had already made my way out of the dining hall before I heard her hooves clopping behind me.

“Wait up, sir! Princess Celestia told me to escort you!” 

Listening to my inner jerk, I just ignored her and kept walking..somewhere. She caught up soon enough though. I turned right at some random hall intersection.

“Um..this way leads to the maids’ changing room,” squeaked Beam Dancer.

I froze with a foot raised, pivoted 180 degrees with my other foot, and continued walking as if nothing happened. 

“Well, now I know where to find Bluebutt,” I thought idly. Now that I think about it though..why would the ponies even need - 

I shook my head. 





Luna’s PoV (Because Wynaut.)

I laid upon my bed for the longest time, staring at the ceiling, which was painted to mimic my glorious Night. 

	Alas! Nopony can ever match its perfection with but an easel and brush. I used to be content in knowing that only I could weave together the brightest of stars and the most distant of galaxies into one limitless masterpiece. But times have changed, and now I sleep peacefully, knowing that more citizens than...before...appreciate my art. Tonight, though, the sky and its admirers do not dwell in my mind. Nay! It was that..human. He hath proven to be of no harm thus far. He containeth no magical skill and doth contribute to the levels of fun. Nevertheless, I shall not be caught unawares by him!

This night hath been a most curious experience.

“Most..curious,” I murmured before shifting into a more comfortable position, letting sleep overtake me.
> Chapter 04: Hope
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Celestia’s PoV

Day Court versus Celestia. Round over nine thous-pardon me- three hundred sixty-five thousand and one. 

I groaned inwardly. Fortunately for me, by the ten thousandth round, I had become a master of composure, so all the ponies right now only see a passionate, powerful, philohippic, poised, and positive leader in front of them. 

Philohippic..That doesn’t fit. Let’s see..

“Princess Celestia,” muttered a royal guard on my side, “Everypony has settled down and is waiting for you to open court.”

I looked up, already seeing the endless line that stretched behind the large doors in front of me. 

“Wonderful,” I replied, “Court is now in session. Let the first pony in, please.”

On normal days, I would sit within the room from eight in the morning to half past noon, speaking to my little ponies and solving or alleviating whatever worries that plagued their minds. After all, it is important for a ruler to understand her subjects. As soon as the Day Court ended, I would cast many spells over Equestria to ensure my citizens’ safety. Occasionally, though, some minor dangers sneaked in, like lethargic dragons, or the major ones that ignored my magic, including terrorist dragons, aggressive rebel griffons with magic-resistant armor, Chrysalis, and, most recently, Discord. Minor ones usually solved themselves eventually, while either the Elements of Harmony, the royal army, or the princesses would take care of the major ones. Then, from one to half past five, my assistants would take over, sort the more serious issues into different categories, and let the other departments handle them. In the mean time, I would continue performing my royal duties, including supervising those departments, approving or vetoing laws, and meeting with foreign delegates, to name a few. 

Today was not a normal day. A previously unknown, sapient being arrived last night.

So as a caring ruler, I must show him around and make sure that
‘A,’ he is not dangerous (He seems alright so far.)
and ‘B,’ he is comfortable here. (Hospitality is important, after all.) And since it takes a while to completely make sure that somepony won’t hurt others, I must take care of the duties after my daily enchantments...later.

There was at least one troubling thing about Daniel though. 

How did he get here?

I mulled over numerous possibilities during Day Court (I’m unrivaled in multitasking!) and ended up with two explanations. The first was that it occurred randomly with no reason that I knew of, which was highly improbable. The second..I didn’t want to think about. 

A scroll from Spike appeared before me, and I unraveled it.



Dear Princess Celestia,
Waiting for what your heart desires can be really hard. So, you may try to take a shortcut. But this dishonesty never works, because you didn't earn what your heart desired. The only cure is being honest with yourself and others. And that's something every heart desires.



Huh. That’s a lot of “heart desire” for a letter. Don’t tell me they messed with that plant!

I giggled a bit before noticing the court ponies staring at me. I waved a hoof and gave a smug grin at the stallion before me. 

“Oh, do go on, Filthy.”





Daniel’s PoV

“That is one heck of a bird.”

Beam Dancer and I had just entered the Royal gardens when a huge raptor shrieked and flew right in front of my face before landing on a low tree branch and looking at me. The thing had a plumage of warm colors and a beak and talons that looked more than capable of shredding meat. 

“That is Philomena, Celestia’s pet phoenix,” informed the pegasus. 

“Oh, right! The fire chicken!” I exclaimed dumbly, earning a glare from the phoenix.

I stammered, “Uh, sorry, Philomena. It’s just that when I first met Bluebu-blood, he mentioned Celestia having a pet fire chicken, which seemed to latch onto my mind more readily than ‘phoenix.’ And, um, that’s probably cause phoenixes don’t exist back where I come from.”

Neither do fire chickens..but she doesn’t need to know that. Wait. She can understand me?

As if to answer my question, the phoenix spread her wings and glided onto my left shoulder. She then nipped gently at my ear.

Guess that means she forgives me.

I raised my right hand slowly and softly pet her head. She gave a coo of approval before taking off and flying out of sight.

“Huh. Well, she’s pretty nice,” I commented. 

“Uh..sir..”

“Daniel.”

“Daniel,” she corrected before continuing, “Philomena seems to have left something behind.”

Oh..please no.

I turned my head toward the now-birdless shoulder and caught sight of the phoenix’s  white and brown present. I exploded. 

“PHILOMENAAA! YOU FREAKIN’ CHICKEN. GET BACK HERE!”

Beam Dancer winced at the volume but began cracking up at my plight. 

I sighed heavily, shaking my head. When she finished, we continued throughout the gardens, ending up in front of a giant hedge maze with statues around it. There were pony statues with scrolls, spears, bows, other ponies, and many more items. 

“Hey Beamy, what’s with this one?” I questioned. In front of me stood some strange dragon looking thing with tons of other animals mixed with it. It looked like it was in pain or shock or both. 

“That is Discord,” answered Beam Dancer before elaborating, “He broke free from his statue -”

“Woah! He’s right here?!” I exclaimed.

“Yes-”

“Why’s he a statue?” I interrupted.

Beam Dancer stared at me.

“Oh. Sorry, continue,” I mumbled.

The maid went on explaining the history behind the draconequus, as she called it, and I soon learned that the guy was escaped not long ago before wreaking chaos all over the land. I found out some more but didn’t pay much attention until she told me how the guy got free.

“A couple fillies argued in front of him. Really? Why would Celestia put the statue here again? Shouldn’t she just lock him somewhere without the potential for any kind of chaos? A dark, empty room in the dungeons would work.”

Beam Dancer opened her mouth and closed it several times before replying, “I’m sure the princesses have their reasons.”

Uh huh.

Desperate to move the conversation past her lame excuse, Beamy looked up and stammered, “Well, would you look at the time!”

The sun was right above us. 

“Princess Celestia is almost finished with Day Court! Let’s go back in the castle for lunch.”

She trotted off and looked back to make sure I followed. With a quick movement of my shoulder, the non-blessed-by-dumb-chicken shoulder, I readjusted the backpack strap to a more comfortable spot and strolled after her. 

Earlier, as soon as I gave up wandering the castle, I asked Beam Dancer to lead me back to Celestia’s room, where I had left my belongings. When we reached there, the guards were hesitant to let me in, but once I told them that they could just grab my stuff from in there, they just allowed me to grab my backpack quickly under their watch. Once I was out of the room, I checked my camera’s status but found out that it had not survived the pond water. After that disappointment, Beam Dancer led me throughout the castle and showed me the main rooms, including the archives, observatory, the area with tons of specialized departments, the kitchens and dining area, the ball room, the throne room, where Celestia was holding Day Court, and a hallway filled with stained glass windows, depicting important events. I noticed Discord from earlier, the princesses, with different mane colors, and six regular ponies that showed up at least twice, who were, as Beam Dancer explained, the Elements of Harmony. The maid then brought me to the gardens, where I had met the crappy chicken. 

Beam Dancer and I were now in the dining hall. Hanging my bag off the back of the chair, I took a seat, and she stood near the entrance, waiting patiently for the princess, who arrived a couple minutes later. Beamy bowed and walked to the side of the room. 

I stood up and greeted, “Long time no see, Celestia.”

The alicorn smiled and waved me back down. 

“Nice to see you, too, Daniel -” she broke off, as her eyes shifted to my tainted shoulder. Chuckling, she continued, “-and it seems you’ve met Philomena.”

Her grin faltered slightly when she noticed my bag and asked, “And are your belongings still in good condition? The bag was soaking wet when Luna found you.” 

Sighing, I replied, “My camera’s a goner, but the SD card should be fine. Whenever I get back, I’ll just have to buy a new one.”

As I spoke, Celestia’s expressions changed from confusion, when I mentioned the SD card, to pained, when I mentioned returning home. The latter lasted only a brief moment before she was smiling again.

Uh..must’ve been imagining things.

“Why don’t we get settled down and eat?” 

That didn’t seem like a question, so I just nodded. After ordering our meals -Cake again? Seriously?- and finishing them with some small talk about my adventures and her Day Court in between, we exited the dining hall. I waved at Beamy, who waved back. 

“So..are we going to talk about how I’m getting back now?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to show you around the city first?” 

“That sounds interesting, but if the same amount of time that has passed here was the same as the amount on Earth, then my friends and boss would be wondering where I was. Uh..so if you’ve figured something out, I’d like to hear it. Please.”
Celestia pursed her lips and released a sigh.

“If that is what you wish, then so be it.”

We were in a random sitting room now. Celestia walked over to a couch and sat down (like a regular horse would). She motioned for me to sit, so I plopped down on another couch across from her and set my bag aside.

A full minute passed before she looked straight into my eyes and, in the most sincere yet serious voice I had heard her use so far, began, “From what you have told me about your experience right before being pulled into Equestria, I discovered several things and came up with a possible conclusion as to how you arrived and how you can get back. First, that your native land does not have or has a miniscule amount of natural magic. Second, that a total lunar eclipse occurred at the exact same time as the one here. Third, this caused a perfect alignment between our dimensions, in which, if our dimensions mixed together, our Moons would have shared the same position, while the other celestial bodies would have mirrored each other completely. Somehow, the perfect alignment formed a brief connection between Earth and Equestria, and because high concentrations of magic tend to flow to areas with lower concentrations, Earth gained large amounts in a short time. Fourth, once that magic rushed into Earth, Equestria had a temporary vacuum of magic -similar to when there is no air. Fifth, the still pond you fell in reflected your Moon faultlessly, which gave the ideal model of the dimensions’ alignment. Since Earth is not meant to carry so much magic, the magic gathered to areas that represented that connection as a way to cope with the unfamiliar environment. Thus, when you fell in, you disrupted the delicate, pseudo-connection, making the magic react in a way that pulled you into the magic-vacuum in Equestria, and because the Moons were the source of the connection, that was where the temporary vacuum existed, making you fall from the skies near our Moon. To summarize, for you to go back to Earth, the perfect alignment or some other way to connect our dimensions would need to happen again. And even if that rare event happened, there would need to be a similar vacuum there that could take you back from Equestria, but since Earth has very little to no magic, Equestria would have to have absolutely none for the vacuum to exist. And if we managed to deplete all of Equestria’s magic, the land would threaten to collapse because of its dependency upon it.”

What….What. What. What... What.

“Wait. Hold up. You’re saying I can’t go back?”

She nodded glumly. 

I stared at her blankly before closing my eyes to collect my thoughts.

Oh. Haha. Very funny. She’s just fooling me. Silly Celestia. Who would doubt for any moment that the millenia-old, magical ruler of all magical ponies couldn’t do something as simple as magicking someone back home -even if that someone came from a different dimension? I mean..she can move the freakin’ Sun! And her sister moves the Moon! Surely something like this would be relatively easy for -

My thoughts ended when I opened my eyes, letting me see those beautiful, light magenta orbs of hers and the look of absolute pity coming from them. 

It tore me apart.

“No...that’s...No, that can’t be. That overgrown puddle transferred me here?! You’re lying! You have to be..” I weakly replied with my voice wavering. 

Celestia stepped off the couch and approached me. She then placed a hoof gently on my bird-blessed shoulder, while maintaining eye contact.

“I’m so sorry, Daniel. There’s nothing I can do for now, but please believe in me. I will keep searching for an alternate way to send you back,” whispered the princess, her ears drooping. 

I was still in shock and stood up, letting the hoof on my shoulder drop down. 

This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. Oh, please, someone wake me up.

She took a step forward probably to comfort me somehow with some pony hug. Her wings then unfurled and stretched towards me as if to blanket around me, but I couldn’t stand it. I stepped away towards the sides, noticing the hurt in her eyes. I froze for a second, as if captured by a spell, before turning my back to her and bolting out. It was dumb, but I couldn’t help it. Those eyes. Their pity. Their sadness. I wanted to be alone.

The guards didn’t stop me, as I ran through the castle. I don’t remember how long my feet pounded the tile floors, but the next thing I knew, I was standing in front of the giant hedge maze that Beam Dancer showed me earlier. There, I heard a voice that seemed to reach into my mind.

 “Well, well, well!” exclaimed the voice, “We meet again!”

Again? What does he mean by again?

“Yes, my good sir,” spoke up the voice.

How- He can hear my thoughts?

“An affirmative to that as well! Also, it’s incredibly rude not to face those speaking to you, so turn around! Please,” answered the voice mockingly.

Despite my hopelessly confused mind, I listened and turned. It's just the weird statue again.

“I’m not weird!” cried the voice indignantly before continuing in a suave tone, “Think of me as chaotic.”

Strange. The statue isn’t moving, but I swear I could hear that guy grinning. 

“You’re right about that!” said Discord jovially, who suddenly switched to a somber voice, “Now, why are you looking so blue? Did the pony princesses do that?”

“I -”

“Really! Just look at yourself!”

What?

I looked down and noticed that my skin color had taken a bluish hue. My head shot back up.

“Dude, what’d you just do!?” I inquired angrily.

I’ve just been told about one of the worst things possible to happen to me, and I don’t need some dumb, villainous statue to aggravate everything!

“Oh my,” jeered Discord, “My apologies! It’s just that your mind’s so jumbled right now, and, well, being the Lord of Chaos, I just had to have a little chat with you!”

My skin went back to normal, and I massaged my temples.

“You know what? I’m just gonna leave now,” I spoke before turning and stepping toward the maze.

 “Wait a moment!” shouted Discord, “Wouldn’t you like to know how to get back, Daniel?”

I froze. 

“How do you know my - Nevermind. I already know how, and it’s impossible,” I replied before continuing forward.

 “My dear Daniel, nothing is impossible for Chaos!” proudly claimed the draconequus.
I paused again, ruminating over the implications.

 “You’re absolutely right. I have the power to possibly send you home, and if you want me to, you will have to help me out a bit.”

If what he’s saying is true..No! He’s probably lying-

“You make me so sad, Danny boy.”

I flinched at the nickname.

The voice continued mockingly, “Why would you think that your best buddy Discord would ever lie to you? I just want to help you out.”

I considered his words and asked, “So, what would I have to do?”

I shivered, as I felt the statue grinning again even though I was still facing the maze.

 “Why, Danny boy, all you’d have to do is cause even more chaos around me, and I’d do the rest. Your mind’s current state is what gave me enough power to speak with you -andturnyoublue.” 

I thought of the consequences and everything Beam Dancer told me earlier.

 “Oh, don’t be like that! Little poor me just wanted to have some fun! I wasn’t going to overrule Equestria with tons of fun disorder! I mean, who would want this land! I would only want a completely chaotic land! That would be much, much better! Then those evil ponies had to change me to stone. It’s torture, you know? I’ve been a bird poop catcher for more than a thousand years!”

“While I sympathize with you about the poop business -” I wrinkled my nose in disgust “- You said that you ‘would only want a completely chaotic land.’ How do I know that you won’t just turn Equestria into your dream home and rule over it? It wouldn’t be the same Equestria then.” 

“You don’t, Danny boy. You’ll just have to take my word for it. I mean, there are plenty of other lands that need more of my homemade chaos!” 

“Yeaaah, no,” I replied curtly.

I continued walking into the maze, ignoring the statue’s pleas. Soon, I came upon an opening with several paths tracing outwards. There was a stone bench off to the side, and I took advantage of it, laying down. A heavy-hearted sigh escaped me, as I watched the few unmoving clouds in a sky of a world in which I did not belong. 

What am I going to do now? My family, friends, everyone I knew, my freakin’ planet -Gone! Those closest to me- what would they be thinking? How much time has passed over there?

Depressing thoughts raced through my mind, and the beaming sun above me made sleep overtake me before I could say -





Celestia’s PoV (an hour or two earlier)

I sadly watched Daniel run out. I saw his despair, shock, and denial screaming within his eyes. I wanted to hold him. Comfort him. And then he turned around. It hurt to see him like that, but I didn’t stop him. Couldn’t. He reminded me of Luna. That moment I had sent her to the Moon. Alone for a thousand years. Alone and away from her beloved world for a thousand years. 

Was it right to tell him that? Maybe I should have lied. Maybe I should have told him it was possible. Given him a small piece of hope. No. That would’ve made things worse. It was better that he discarded any hope left so that he could slowly grow accustomed to Equestria. If he kept hope, he would never let go of Earth.

After what felt like several hours, I teleported his bag back to my room and walked out of the sitting room. 

I suppose that I should see what the departments are up to.

Eventually, I arrived at the Department of Defense. There were many desks spread out within the area, and all the ponies noticed my presence when I walked in. A red unicorn trotted toward me, bowing before speaking, “Ah, Princess Celestia! We have reports for you!”

He looked up at me for permission. I nodded.

“Go on, Steady Fort,” I said.

He continued nervously, “Well, your highness, throughout the Badlands, we’ve noticed a sudden spike in changeling activities, and we have evidence that their queen is going to make some move on Canterlot within several months.”

I smiled and told him, “Worry not, Steady. We’ve foiled all of Chrysalis’s past attempts on our country, and we will continue doing so every time. Just keep gathering more information, so that we shall be more than prepared for the changelings.”

Placated by my words, the stallion replied, “Of course, Princess!”

“Is that all the news?” I inquired.

“Yes, Princess,” he answered.

“Then continue on with your diligence, my good pony.”

“Gladly!” 

He bowed again before trotting back to his work area. I exited that department and checked on the others. 

Chrysalis again, huh? I wonder what she’ll do this time. The Trojan Cheesewheel she rolled in last time failed utterly.

I smirked. 

It was one of the worst disguises for those bugs, and it was delicious -after we removed all the changelings, of course.

By the time I completed my rounds with the departments and vetoed a couple silly laws, my sister had woken up and discovered me laying down on the bed in my chambers. She noticed my appearance and rushed over.

“Dear sister, what ails thee?” asked Luna softly. 

I managed a smile before replying, “Nothing, Lulu. I’m alright. It’s just that Daniel -”

“That human is at fault?!” exclaimed Luna, ignoring my earlier statements, “Where is the knave?! I SHALL -”

I giggled a bit at her predictable, wild accusations and placed a hoof on her mouth before informing her, “Lulu, I told Daniel that he has no chance of going back to his world. Understandably, he was quite upset with the news.”

“Oh..Forgive me for mine outbursts,” apologized Luna.

“No need, Lulu. I’m just worried about Daniel. It will be difficult for him to adjust to his new life.”

“I see,” replied Luna, “But do not forget, Tia. We still have our royal duties and must change day to night once more.”





Daniel’s PoV

I woke up to see the moon overhead. 

Woah. How long did I sleep? Hey! A waning gibbous. Of course. One day after the full moon necessary for the eclipse.

I grimaced, as I regained memories of the day. Shaking my head to knock away the thoughts, I concentrated on the scenery above me, as I felt a small gust of wind pass by. 

So many more stars than I’ve seen. No way. Ursa major! And Draco and Ursa Minor in the right places just like ..back..there.

“So I can’t even look up anymore, huh..” I thought aloud.

A familiar voice answered, “Dost thou not appreciate my night?”

What the- How long has she been there?

I racked my brain for some ‘ye olde Englishe’ speaking skills. 

“Nay,” I looked at Luna and answered, “T’is beautiful, but it remindeth me of home.”

“Explain,” ordered the princess before muttering in a quieter voice, “Please.”

The corners of my mouth twitched upward a bit before I pointed and traced out the first constellation I saw.

“Back on Earth, we named that pattern Ursa Major. O-”

“That is the same name!” interrupted Luna.

“Huh. What a coincidence. Anyway,” I pointed at another constellation, “that is Ursa Minor-” I heard a gasp “-and in between those two bears, is Draco, a dragon, which kinda surrounds Ursa Minor.”

“Those names are shared as well!” exclaimed Luna gleefully. 

Dang, girl, your level’s too high.

I just had to clap at least once, making the alicorn look at me quizzically, tilting her head. I just shrugged -however you do that while laying down. 

“Let me show you stars in all of your dark hours.”

I gotta stop -stop that song again. 

I facepalmed. Luna was staring at me as if I was an alien now. 

Oh wait. I am.

“Art thou well, Daniel?” inquired Luna. 

“Quite well, Luna,” I replied with a slight grin. 

She looked at me doubtfully before returning her gaze to the sky.

“Please continue. Perhaps there shines a constellation that not even I know of.”

I sat up and readied my index finger for its long work ahead. 

“Sure thing. That one is Leo, a lion, and that is Leo Minor between Ursa Major and Leo.”

We continued discussing constellations for a while. While tons were the same, it turned out that there was no Orion, Hercules, Virgo, Perseus -all the human ones. Some of those constellations, though, somehow were traced into kind-of-similar pony versions. I also learned about the alicorn constellation, which was in the same place as Earth’s unicorn and borrowed a couple stars from Canēs Major and Minor for wings. Overall, Luna and I enjoyed sharing our stellar knowledge. 

Though, by the way she’s beaming and clapping her hooves, I’d say she had more fun.

“Well, then, Luna, shall we head back? I bet you have a lot of princess stuff to do.”
“Worry not, my friend!” boasted Luna, “I had already completed my main duties before searching for thee!” 

“You were looking for me?” I asked in surprise. 

“Indeed, Daniel. Thy sudden disappearance made my sister fret, so I came to retrieve thee.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for the trouble I caused.”

“Nay, do not apologize. We are glad enough to find thee well after the explaining of thy situation.”

I flinched at the reminder, and a comforting wing draped itself on my shoulders. I turned my head to find a pair of cyan eyes staring into mine.

“Let it go, Daniel. Thy sadness. Thy pain. Thy worry. Thy fear. And thy past. Thou art too young to bear such a burden just yet,” spoke Luna softly.

“Wait until thou art as old as Tia!” joked the alicorn. 

I can't just yet, Luna.

“Thank you, Luna.”

I gave a warm smile and received a friendly nuzzle in return. 

“By the way, what time is it?” I inquired.

“Six hours past midnight.”

“What!?” I shouted.

Didn’t I sleep at around two or three in the afternoon? Woah..must’ve been exhausted.

“Six hours past midnight,” repeated Luna.

“Oh, uh, yes. Thanks, again. Why don’t we return to the castle? It’s almost time for sunrise, isn’t it?”

“Indeed,” confirmed Luna, standing up, “We have about another half hour.”

I got off the bench and looked around.

“Uh..do you think you could lead the way out?” I asked sheepishly. 

“I have a better idea!” yelled Luna triumphantly before shooting up to the sky.

I did not scream when I floated just as quickly after her.
> Chapter 05: So Malicious Colorful Fluffy Ponies Do Exist
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daniel's PoV

We flew into a room in the castle safely. I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding. 

Guessing this is Luna’s chambers.

The best way to describe it was -peaceful, dark, silent- night. The ceiling and walls held dozens of constellations that we had named not even an hour ago. Unfortunately, I couldn’t gape at anything else in her room before the princess ushered me out to the halls but not before saying, “Thank th- you for keeping my company this wondrous night. I experienced..fun.”

“Oh, no. It should be me thanking you. I’m really grateful that you were there ‘cause, well, ye cheered me up. Who knows how long I would have been moping there otherwise?” I replied with a grin. 

“It is the royal duty of a princess to make certain that her subjects -and friends- are not unwell,” said Luna, who looked pretty pleased with herself. More seriously, she continued, “It is time that my sister and I must change the Sun and Moon. Thou mayest show thyself to the dining hall in the meantime.” With that said, she teleported away.

Hmm..dining hall, huh? Where was it again…Could ask a guard.

The nearest pony guard had a sour face on. Perfect. I strolled over with the biggest grin I could manage.

“Greetings, good sir, it’s a wonderful day we’re about to have, isn’t it?” I began in a somewhat loud voice that ricocheted down the halls. 

The guard didn’t even twitch, so I continued obnoxiously (or so I thought), “By the way, would you happen to know the way to the dining hall?” 

No reaction again? Come on!

“Dude, don’t make me tickle you,” I warned, dropping my approaching-creepy grin. Ten long seconds passed. I raised an eyebrow. “You asked for it!” I shouted, kneeling down and raising my wiggling fingers toward his vulnerable sides. Before I could torment the guard, however, a golden aura surrounded and pulled me backwards before fading away. The guard gave a thankful glance toward his savior. What?...Oh. Magic. Should’ve known. 

“As amusing as it is to watch somepony try to make the guards react, I’m afraid that it’s quite inconsiderate to the ponies who are just doing their jobs,” spoke a familiar voice from behind me. Ah..it’s..her.

“Then..I suppose you wouldn’t mind taking his place, right?” 

I turned around with my fingers still in attack position only for the magic to restrain me again.
“I’m relieved to see you so energetic again, but no pony will be suffering under the wrath of your hands today,” replied Celestia, who was wearing her usual smile. “And before I forget -” she added tactfully, before levitating my backpack and passing it to me, “-it seems like you were in quite the hurry yesterday and left this behind. Now let’s go on to the dining hall. You must be ravenous if you haven’t eaten since then.”

I took my pack gratefully. “Thank you, Celestia,” I muttered bashfully, as I turned and walked toward the direction I was headed before. 

I was down the hall by ten steps before Luna’s voice called out, “Daniel, thou art headed in the wrong direction unless thou wished to take a route most extended.”

Oh, why, me?

I faced them with a slightly twitching grin plastered on and found Luna observing me with slight concern. Beside her giggled her sister. The guard I was teasing earlier now had a smug smile. I’ll return for you later, buddy.

“I knew that,” I lied, “But since you called me out, I might as well join you.”

“Very well then,” approved Luna. 





Food was excellent, as usual. Missing meat though. Somehow, those two sisters nearly landed cake on my face again. I learned first-hand how great pony shields can be. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten, Beam Dancer. Well, after that fiasco, Luna excused herself to bed. Her sister was finished as well. Two pairs of eyes were trained on me. I pretended not to notice the yellow ones trying to murder me at the moment. I’ll think of something to cheer Beamy up later...or escape after trying. 

After washing down the last of my meal with water, I heard Celestia cough lightly and begin to speak.

“So, Daniel, from what Luna has told me, is it safe to presume that you are handling your situation better than before?”

I noticed Beam shift a bit closer through my peripheral vision. Cause, you know, a couple inches lets you hear a lot more of the only conversation in the dining hall. I peered into Celestia’s magenta eyes, and to my relief, there was no longer that dreadful pity I had witnessed before yesterday’s flight. Concern remained. I put on my largest smile, which wasn’t that different from the one I used on the guard, before answering.
“That’s correctamundo!” I exclaimed. Celestia’s head tilted slightly in confusion. Guess it’s a human thing. I amended, “That’s correct! And, uh, I was wondering whether I could go out into the city today to, you know, explore the sights! Meet new ponies. Maybe make friends. All that!”

She was staring at me skeptically now and questioned, “Just like that? One night is all it takes for you to get over the trauma of losing everything you knew in an instant? Daniel, you don’t need to hide anything from me. State any fears, worries, doubts -anything!- you may have. I’m more than willing to help you with them.” Her eyes bored into mine.

I sighed, my smile dropping an inch. Knew that wouldn’t work. 

“It’s alright, Celestia. I’ll get over it someday.” Or at least, it’ll fade a bit. I continued, “But for now, I think getting some fresh air out in the city would help a lot.” Might as well see what pony land has to offer. “Just like traveling in the maze soothed me a bit,” I added. 

She didn’t seem convinced, but nevertheless, she assented, “Very well, if that is what’s best for you at the moment. However, you will not go alone. Beam Dancer shall accompany and guide you.” Oh crap. The maid in question grinned evilly at me. Quick, Daniel! Excuse, excuse, excuse..

“Er...I mean..Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to drag Beamy here around again like I did in the castle. I don’t want to be a burden, so may I either burden someone else or go alone? I promise I’ll be back by dinner!” 

A new, dreaded voice cut in gleefully. Actually, maliciously. “No, no. You wouldn’t be a burden at all! I’m more than happy to guide somepony new around Canterlot!”

“Well, there you go, Daniel! I hope you and Beamy  -Beam Dancer- enjoy your visit to the city, and don’t forget to return by dinner, as you promised,” spoke Celestia with finality. What. That promise was if I got someone else or no one. Oh well, food here is good anyway. Wait. NO. Beamy is still stuck with me?!

“Oh, goody! I can’t wait!,” I replied with my left eye twitching. Let’s see...How do you lose a professional royal maid that is royally pissed off at you?

Celestia’s PoV

It’s quite amusing that Daniel thinks he can hide his mood from me of all ponies. His situation still worries me, but Beam Dancer will definitely keep a close eye on him and make sure he doesn’t do anything foolish in the city. A quiet giggle escaped from me as the memory of breakfast replayed through my mind. 
Anyway….Day Court versus Celestia. Round three hundred sixty-five thousand and two.

“Welcome, everypony!” I boomed, “Court is now in session. Let the first pony in, please.”

A familiar light-brownish pony trotted in with an air of dignity. 

“Good morning, Princess Celestia. I would like to discuss tax deductions for customers of Rich’s Barnyard Bargains,” declared the businesspony. 

Oh. Look who showed up! My favorite pony!

Daniel’s PoV

I shivered as I felt Beamy’s eyes observe my every movement. She’s going to get back at me. I would -if I were her, anyway. Must escape before then..

“So..uh..Beamy,” I began. 

Her eyes narrowed before she replied sourly. “Yes?”

“Er..before we get to the city, can we visit the hedge maze?”

“I don’t see why not, Sir,” affirmed Beamy.

I led the way out of the dining hall. Where are some exit signs when you need them?

With an angry pony tailing me, I gave little thought to the direction I was walking in, but surprisingly, we found ourselves at the maze in a little over five minutes. I slowly took in the sight before me -while skipping over the general direction of Discord’s statue. It really is a beautiful place. 

“Why, hello there, Danny boy!” shouted out a familiar voice in my head.

Great. Just great. What do you want, Discord?

“Wow! I didn’t know you were psychic! Okay then. Besides the usual ‘how are you,’ I just wanted to help you out of your slight predicament. Your antics this morning were hilarious -ten out of five!”

You were watching me? Yay. Just what I needed -more observers.

“Oh, no, Danny. You don’t have to worry about that! I can help you lose that maid in the maze, and then you can go to the city with no one tracking you. My range of observation only goes so far, after all. Just do as I tell you.” 

I’m not going to incite any chaos around you though.

“Like I said, dear friend, you don’t have to worry! I only want to aid you,” insisted Discord.

Well, it can’t hurt, I guess. What’s your plan?

“Just walk through the maze, Danny boy. I’ll tell you how to get out whenever you lose Beamy.”

“Daniel? Why are you just standing there?” inquired the maid. 

“Um..Just enjoying the view. We can continue now!”

I flashed a quick grin at the pony and strolled eagerly into the maze. 





Well, that didn’t take long at all.

After Discord’s distraction and random-new-hedge-wall trick, I began crawling underneath the hedges back towards the maze’s entrance, while Beamy was-

“DANIEL, SIR, WHERE DID YOU GO?” shouted a flying horse.

I don’t understand how that works. Magic screwing with physics again?...Probably.

When I finally reached the exit, Beamy was still circling around in search for the disappearing human. Literally. As soon as I stood up, Discord turned me invisible. I should thank him. With no warning, a cacophony of trumpets and fanfare blared through my ears, making me cringe. Where the heck did that come from?

“Why, welcome back, my favorite human.”

I snorted and answered back, “Gee. What an honor, knowing that I’m the only. human. here.”

 “Wellll,” drawled the statue, “Even if you let me return you home, you’ll still be my favorite human! Hint. Hint!”

Exasperated, I glared at him and replied, “Leave that subject alone. I don’t need false hopes from some super villain right now.” 

I paused and then muttered begrudgingly, “Although..I am grateful for your help in escaping Beamy, so thank you for that.”

“Don’t look at me with that tone of voice! And villain? You’re quite mistaken! Don’t you trust dear old Discord?” he simpered.

I could just imagine his attempt at a puppy face and just shuddered at the image.

He pressed on, “Do think about it, Danny boy. My offer that is, not my beautiful, sexy body-” I groaned. “- All you would have to do is let me free from this terrible prison, and you’d get back home. Just like that!”

I hesitated slightly but felt his wide grin again, knocking me into my senses. 

“No, and that’s final. I won’t let you tempt me.”

 “It’s hard to do that with my body. My hard yet attractive body, mind,” quipped the draconequus.

I stifled a groan but didn’t stop the incoming facepalm. This guy just picked at my nerves effortlessly!

“You’re welcome!” sang Discord.

I turned away and walked down the wide path leading to Canterlot. 

He had a sense of humor. I’ll give him that.

“How can you give something I already have?”

I didn’t bother giving a reply. The instant he spoke that sentence, I had double-facepalmed, groaning and wondering where I had gone so wrong in life. 

After around five hundred feet, I became visible again. At least no one saw that.. Soon enough, I crossed into the city. Even though I had already seen Canterlot from the castle, nothing could have prepared me for the sudden storm of colors that swept through the area. Not one building was left unmarked by some form of decoration. Spires soared from rooftops, and various flags topped those spires. Gems glistened from every wall. Many elite-looking ponies in unique outfits strutted throughout the roads with some of their muzzles pointed upward. I could feel some stares on me, and while most of them did not care about the alien thing that towered above the crowd, there were several that gave me a wide berth before regarding me with fearful eyes. Well, at least there’s no traffic. After about an hour of strolling, I had walked past multiple Wonderbolts posters neat costumes, at least, several art galleries, an opera house, museums, two theaters, and countless places to eat and shop. Ten minutes later, I was standing on a road with fewer ponies around in front of one of the galleries. Maybe this one won’t mind me entering. Before I could wonder more about whether I could go in, a dark auburn-coated stallion approached me. I ignored his presence at first, since it was highly unlikely for a random stranger to talk to an alien, until I heard a loud cough. I looked down. A top hat met my gaze. Unfortunately, the thing was too large for him and left a thin shadow over his dark purple eyes. There was also a stereotypical villain’s ‘stache growing from his muzzle, which held a slightly evil grin. To top it off, he wore a pony tuxedo and a black cape that hid what I assumed was a pair of wings. Since when did horses have mustaches?

“Uh..who-” I began.

Cutting me off with an unidentifiable yet fake-sounding accent, the stallion spoke, “Greetings, ape!” 

Wow. He rolls his R’s pretty well. I raised an eyebrow as he continued.

“Ponies all over Equestria call me,” he paused dramatically, “the Grand and Fantabulous Triston!” 

He dropped to a whisper, “And you, my fine specimen, greatly interest me.”

I was desperately trying not to laugh at this point, but luckily, the pony seemed too focused on his voice to notice my twitching face. At least he isn’t as offensive as he is..silly.

By the time I finally suppressed the giggles, the fantabulous Triston was staring at me as if waiting for an answer. Oops.

“Could you repeat what you said?” I asked sheepishly. 

Triston sighed impatiently before shouting, “Ponies all over Equestria call me - the Grand and Fantabulous -”

“Oh! Not from the beginning, dude! I mean, what’d you ask?” 

Miffed at my interruption, he let out a small, audible “hmph” but began speaking again a lot more slowly. A frown etched itself upon my face with every word that spouted out of the guy’s mouth.

“Ehem. A stray ape like you has no business wandering the streets of Canterlot! The Grand Triston highly recommends that you become his pe- apprentice and travel the world with him!” declared Triston. 

I turned around, not even deigning a reply. 

“How dare you! Come back before I-” 

Tuning him out, I continued on my merry way -until I heard and felt a loud thud on the back of my head.

“Hmph. Seems like somepony needs to teach you some manners. At least Triston can probably sell you for a high price..”

Just before black invaded my vision, the stallion gagged me, and I briefly saw a large bag with a dark orange aura surrounding it swoop over me. Oh. He’s a unicorn.





Somepony’s PoV

“Come on, everypony! We’re going to be late to the rehearsal if we don’t hurry!” 

I flinched at my friend’s voice and replied quietly, “Um..okay.”

She didn’t seem to hear me, but that’s okay, too. 
We had just gotten off the train, and everypony was gathering their things. Soon, our group began galloping to the theater. At a road intersection, I couldn’t help but notice a tall figure walking in our direction. I’ve never seen that animal before! It looks like a...huh? Before we crossed the street, a large cane floated and smacked its head. I halted immediately. 

“Hay! Don’t stop so suddenly! Almost made me run into ya, darlin’!”

“O-oh! I’m so sorry!” I apologized. 

My friends began running again.

“Wait, everypony!” I shouted..quietly.

What should I do? What should I do? I gazed back down the road. The creature was now in the scary unicorn’s bag. My head swiveled back to my friends, who were now farther away. You have to do something now! I left my suitcase and flew as fast as I could to the front of my friends. 

I shut my eyes and shouted again, “Wait!”

I heard several collisions, and when I opened my eyes again, everyone was on the ground -dazed. My ears flopped down. 

“S-sorry again,” I squeaked. 

“What’s the big deal?! That was so not cool!”
“Eep!”

“What’s the matter, Fluttershy? You’ve been actin’ a bit weird,” said Applejack. 

“Um,” I stammered, “I just saw somepony hurt some animal, a-and we need to help it! I-if that’s okay with you, that is..”

My hooves began pawing at the ground, while my head found its usual position by tilting downwards. 

“We’ll have to be quick about it though! Only nineteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds left until we’re tardy! Tardy!” proclaimed Twilight. 

“Don’t worry about time! I can beat whoever this guy is in ten seconds flat! Where is he?”

I pointed down the road now behind us, and without letting a single second pass, Rainbow flew over. 

The rest of us hurried after her and heard her shout, “Hey, you! Stop whatever you’re doing right now! Didn’t you hear-”

We rounded the corner and found our friend struggling furiously while tied up with a gag in her mouth. 

“Well, dang. She got trussed up real tight,” Applejack commented. 

The stallion I saw earlier smirked. 

“Now, now fillies,” he began menacingly, “who dares to chase moi? Though, the Grand and Fantabulous Triston cannot fault you. He is extraordinary after all.”

Rainbow glared at Triston, who sniggered. He kind of reminds me of somepony…

More seriously, he addressed us, “If you don’t stop your little game this instant, Triston shall call for the guards to arrest you for assault.”

All of us gasped. But! He-

“Ooh! What game? I love games! They’re so fun! What are we playing?” giggled Pinkie. She zoomed up to the stallion before he could react and tapped him on the shoulder. 
“Tag! No tag backs! Woah! What’s this?!” 

She was staring at the bag with the animal now.
The unicorn angrily floated the bag away from her and asserted, “That is Triston’s property! Now shoo! Off with you brats!” 

Rarity huffed and countered indignantly, “How callous! That is no way to talk to ladies like us!”

“And what can you do about it?” challenged the stallion. 

He disappeared in a pink flash. 

“Time is ticking, everypony,” said Twilight with a crazy look in her eyes. Her horn glowed pink again as she levitated the bag over to us. Applejack and Rainbow joined us after the latter was untied. 

“What’s in it? A surprise?!” questioned Pinkie, who was now bouncing in circles around the bag. 

I stepped forward.

“Um..everypony, could you please be quiet? The creature might be awake, and we wouldn’t want to frighten it.”

Gently, I untied the strings securing the bag and peered inside. A monkey or ape-like creature was bounded like Rainbow was and knocked out. The poor thing.. It had very little fur and wore clothes. Clothes? Did this animal have an owner? Surely not the mean unicorn from before though..right? I opened the bag further, and my friends crowded around to get a better view.

“What is this thing?” Rainbow inquired.

“Can we throw it a party?” whispered Pinkie excitedly. 

“It has an interesting taste in fashion..whatever it is,” Rarity mumbled. 

I checked the back of its head and breathed a sigh of relief. Seems okay.. I began untying the animal.

“Fluttershy, I know yer good with animals and all, but are ya certain that we should be lettin’ it free?”

“I agree with Applejack. It’s possibly a new species and has the chance to be dangerous! We should probably take it to Princess Celestia first. But then again,” Twilight checked the time, “WEHAVETWELVEMINUTESANDTWENTY-FIVESECONDSLEFT!”

Daniel’s PoV

My ears..ow..

New voices surrounded me. I was still gagged and roped. Holy..what happened to me? My eyes took in a strange view. Six ponies and one purple lizard were staring at me. Also still on the same road. Thank goodness. Did these seven save me? And why is the purple pony spazzing? I sat up, making all of them back away. Am I that scary? I made some noises through the gag. The yellow pony smiled, came up to me, and softly patted me on the head.

“There, there. You’re going to be okay now.”

“Mmrph mm mrrph mmr mmrph!” I replied. 

“Um...I think it wants me to take off the gag and untie it,” the yellow one concluded.

I nodded vigorously.

“Are you sure?” asked the purple one.

I stared at the asker and nodded once more. Slowly. While maintaining eye contact. Of course I don’t want to be released!

A pink aura surrounded my mouth, and the gag came off. Finally.

“Thank you! It’d be nice if you got the ropes, too!”

The yellow one squeaked and scurried to the back of the group. 

“You can speak!” exclaimed the purple pony, who was showing more curiosity than anxiety now.

“An alien!” squealed the pink pony. And then all was blue until I realized those were the pink one’s eyes breaking into my personal bubble. Woah there! I hopped back with my butt as far as a tied person could go. 

“Yes, I’m an alien -kind of- and yes, I can speak. Now please get the ropes.”

The purple one just teleported my bindings away, leaving pale red marks where the ropes binded me the most. 

That works, too.

I rubbed my wrists a bit before standing up, and the group backed away from the alien towering over them. Except that the rainbow-maned one was staring at me intensely for some reason.
Is she challenging me? At what though? My mind shrugged. 

“Um..thank you again for saving me. You have no idea how grateful I am. At this point, I would normally ask for the names of my saviors, but if I recall correctly, you have somewhere to go.” 

Twelve minutes and twenty-five seconds. Still rang in my ears.

I continued, “If you have time after your appointment, however, I’d be more than happy to meet you in or around the castle. I’m sure the princesses wouldn’t mind.” Probably. Hopefully.

That threw them off. I resisted the temptation to chuckle. 

“You know Princess Celestia?!” exclaimed the white unicorn. 

“Well, she and Luna are letting me stay at their castle at the moment, and -”

“And if that was true, then we will visit the castle and meet you later because we only have six minutes and seventeen seconds left!” 

The purple one had that crazy gleam return to her eyes, and when she spoke, her words had persistently increased in pitch and intensity. 

Not sure if I’d rather stay with Triston or...Nah. This one’s better so far.

“Alright, then you ponies and lizard-”

“Dragon!”

Dragon? I stared at the little purple fellow. Okay. Not gonna question it.

“And dragon,” I amended, “should get going. I hope you make it to whatever it is on time. See ye later, perhaps!”

With that said, I waved, and the ponies sprinted -and flew- away. Still not used to that. I stood there watching them ‘til they disappeared and then started my trek back to the castle. It probably wasn’t even close to dinner time yet, but at this point, I didn’t care. If random ponies could abduct people in broad daylight, I’d hate to see how Canterlot is at night. A chilly breeze soared by, carrying with it a couple orange-red leaves from some trees outside of the city, while the sun blazed on, albeit a bit lower. Wish I could tell time.. I looked at my dead watch, a graduation gift. Its hands remained on 4:14. 





The castle was not getting any closer. I had tried many streets and passed familiar locations, but my destination always loomed ahead of a dead end in the road. I knew my sense of direction was terrible, but this was just...pitiful. Maybe some amiable citizens could help me out. I approached the nearest pony.

“Pardon me, sir. I need to get back to the castle, and-”

“I have better things to do with my time than guide some random country folk,” spat the pony before turning around and stomping away. 

That could’ve gone worse. I suppose he was just having a bad day. 

After progressing for a while longer, movement in an alleyway caught my eyes. I paused. A brown unicorn with shifty eyes was sneaking around. To greet or not to greet -that is a dumb question. I’ve had enough trouble for a lifetime, and nothing’s going to make me mess with a pony that’s shadier than Triston. Just as I decided to move on, a green flash briefly swirled around the unicorn. Holy crap. In the pony’s place was a black pony with strange wings and hooves. From my distance, I could not see anymore. Oh well. That’s a pretty neat disguise. Magic, man..I guess all the ponies have access to some of it. With that, I continued meandering to the castle.




Celestia's PoV (Half an hour before dinner)

I knocked on my sister's door.

"Luna, it's time to get up and raise the moon."

I heard the bed shift and the grumblings of my grumpy little sister. 
I knocked again. The guards stationed next to her door couldn't resist a smile, as they knew what was about to happen. It only occurred almost every night.

"Luluuuu."

I chuckled as I heard her scramble around before opening the door a crack. 
She whispered furiously, "Tia! Didst we not tell thee to cease using that name in front of guards?"

I smiled warmly.

"Lul-" her left eye twitched "- Luna, it is time." 

With a short glare, my sister threw her head up and stomped toward the room we usually used for changing the Sun and Moon. I followed, hearing a couple stifled chortles from behind. 

We stood side by side, as our horns glowed. Day began changing to night. My sister faced me.

"Tia, how fares the hu- Daniel?" 

I replied, "He decided to explore the city today but should be back for dinner soon enough."

"Dost thou not think he may lose his way within the city?"

"He's smart enough, Lulu."

I received a skeptical look in return.

"Yes. Smart enough, Tia. Didst thou not observe him earlier this day?" replied Luna wryly.

"It'll be okay. Besides, Beam Dancer is with him, and even if he does get lost, there are plenty of ponies who could give him directions, " I reasoned, and with that said, we began walking to the dining room.





We had been seated at the dining table for half an hour already. I was beginning to worry. Neither of us had eaten yet. Well, a couple bites of cake doesn't count. Some more of the pastry casually floated over to my mouth. 

Beam Dancer's PoV

"Ughhh!" I groaned in frustration.

Just what is wrong with that human?! First, he uses me as a pony shield for cake -the nerve!-, and then he makes me fail at my job by scampering off to Celestia knows where!

I had been looking for him everywhere! All day! And it’s almost dinner- I checked my watch. -Nevermind! It is dinner!

“Oooh! Where could the insolent human be hiding?” I growled to myself. 

At the moment, I was searching the hedge maze, where I lost him, for the third time. If it weren’t for him, I could’ve done so much more today! Like dusting, cleaning, doing my actual job! Okay, okay. Calm down, me. Your employer is an empathetic, passionate, wonderful princess. She won’t punish nor fire yo- I’m going to be fired! Banned to the moon! Oh, Celestia!

I flew above the maze, and circled desperately around the castle’s main entrance. Wait..could it be?

Daniel’s PoV

I hope I’m not late. Breaking promises stink. The sun had dipped almost below the horizon by the time I reached the castle. A familiar sky blue figure was flying in place -a stark contrast to the dark orange of the sky. Beads of sweat began forming, as the pegasus shot towards me. Oh crap. 

I waited until I could see her yellow irises, which clearly held explosive anger, before shouting, “Toro, Toro - OLÉ!” I leapt to the side, rolled, and sprinted to the castle doors as if a thousand Triston clones were after me. 

“You’re not escaping this time, Daniel!”

NOPE. I wrenched one of the heavy doors open and entered. Celestia and Luna should be at the dining room. Dining room… A distant whistling began making itself known, as Beamy cut the distance between us. Left, right, LEFT! I darted to the left, and the smell of food wafted down the hall. Good job, me! Beamy was only five feet away from me now. I scrambled away much more swiftly, and right before the dining room, I used my momentum to slide like a baseball player reaching for home plate. Beamy sped right over me at the point, and I used her momentary confusion to burst through the room before slamming the doors shut. I bet that baffled a lot of guards.

"Ehem."

I turned around slowly and delivered a weak smile.

"Sorry-" I panted, "I'm a bit-" I took more breaths, "late."

Both princesses had reacted quite differently to my spontaneity. Celestia wore an amused expression, while Luna had, I assumed, kicked her chair back, stood up, and went into full attack mode. The latter’s horn slowly stopped glowing as the initial shock faded. Luna shook her head, and the horn glowed again, pulling the chair to its original position. She sat down again. The maid I recognized as Feather Shine still had her jaw near the ground. 

“That is alright -as long as you made it back safely. Now, why don’t you take a seat, and we can enjoy our meals,” replied the sun princess.

I gave a nervous glance at the doors and then quickly sat at my becoming-usual spot across the princesses. The doors slammed open, displaying the furiously huffing nightmare that had pursued me. Her eyes widened as she took notice of the scene, and she blubbered some random nonsense that was probably meant as an apology. The doors slammed shut and reopened slowly. Every creak made itself known, and the pegasus returned calmly, shutting the door once more and taking her place next to Feather Shine.

A minute passed. 

Feather Shine recovered and came over to me.

“What will your meal be, Sir?”

I took a swift look at Celestia’s and Luna’s dinners. Well, breakfast for the latter.

“I suppose whatever Celestia got minus the cake.” What used to be the cake, that is.

Once Feather Shine left to deliver the request, Celestia inquired, “So. How was your visit to Canterlot?”

Oh, God. I could feel the daggers on the back of my neck coming from Beam Dancer’s glare alone. An involuntary shiver shook my body. 

“Canterlot was quite beautiful, and, uh, I..had fun?”

Luna’s ears perked up at the word. Celestia, however, noticed my discomfort. 

“Would you like to continue this conversation later, Daniel?”

“That’s completely fine by me.”

The Princess of the Night disagreed though.

“Is it much too toilsome for thee to expound upon what manner of fun thou hadst?”

“Not really, no,” I murmured.

Luna looked expectantly at me, and just as I was about to crack, a heavy knock echoed through the room. SAVED.

“Enter,” rang Celestia’s voice. 

A guard opened the doors.

“Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and her friends request to meet the human.”

Huh? Who’s Twi- Crap.
> Chapter 06: Aftermath
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Our eyes met. My face attempted to mirror the excited ones, as a sense of doom slowly encroached the rest of my body -except for that one point of certain death on the back of my neck, where Beamy was still glaring. 

All of them bowed towards the princesses before a giant gasp for breath introduced a cacophony’s assault to my face. 

“HI AGAIN, ALIEN-HUMAN! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW EXCITED I AM TO SEE YOU! I’M GOING TO THROW YOU A PARTY WITH LOTS OF CUPCAKES AND BALLOONS AND -” 

My life flashed before my eyes as a pink cannon suddenly appeared and blasted towards my head. I winced.

My! Ears! 

“I see you have met Laughter, Daniel,” spoke Luna.

“You see correctly, Luna,” I replied while spitting out pieces of confetti. Good thing my food isn’t here yet.

At this point, Laughter -funny name- was bouncing around me in circles at a disturbing pace - or as close a circle she could get with me already sitting at the table. 

“Ahem,” coughed the purple unicorn before continuing, “I don’t think we ever introduced ourselves. Greetings, Daniel, was it? My name is Twilight Sparkle, and these ponies are Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and -”

“Rainbow Dash!” shouted the last pony with pride. What a fitting name.

“And I’m Spike!” added the kid I called a lizard earlier. I still can’t believe he’s a dragon of all things.

“Anyway,” said Twilight, “Sorry for not doing this earlier. We were almost late to the rehearsal for the Hearth’s Warming Eve play!”

“No worries, Twilight. I’d say you more than made up for that by saving me fro- oh.”

Both princesses seemed to have perked up at the mention of saving. Beamy’s face transformed from a smoldering glare-scowl duo into a look of pure terror. Celestia noticed. I tried to salvage the situation, but right as I prepared to speak again, Celestia gave me a questioning glance, as if she was daring me to lie. Gosh darn it. She seemed to sense my resignation and gave a faint smile. ..It’s as if the smile’s going, “I win!” I sighed. Here we go!

"Um..I kind of ran off alone to Canterlot. And then" -I took a deep breath- “Igotcapturedbysomecrazyunicornmagicianguywhowantedmetoeitherbecomehispetorgetsoldsomewhereprobablyforsomekindofweirdzooorfreakshow.”
Silence reigned, and everyone gave me a confused stare except for the princesses, Laughter or Pinkie Pie, and Beamy, who had pretty much fainted after the first couple of syllables of the the word I invented. Welp. There goes the current record for longest word. 

While Celestia seemed quite concerned for me, Luna had issues deciding who to glare at - me or Beamy or perhaps even the perpetrator. 

“Daniel,” Luna growled.

“Oh wow, Danny!” squealed Pinkie, cutting Luna off, “I thought I was the only one who couldspeakgibberishlikethis!”

“AS I WAS - ahem - As I was saying, “ began Luna with a brief glare at Pinkie, “thou couldst hath been injured most grievously! And hither I had assumed that humans were of a sensible race. As for thee, servant,” she paused, “how didst a pegasus lose sight of a being slower than it by air and land?” 

Wooow. Thanks. I appreciate being called slow, Luna….even if it is somewhat -just somewhat- true relative to ponies.

“Oh..uh...I got lucky. Distracted her. Kinda,” I blubbered out. 

Celestia raised an eyebrow, while Luna narrowed her eyes. 

“Dost thou take me for a fo-” began Luna.

“That’s enough for now, dear sister,” interrupted Celestia, “Daniel can explain himself later.” 

A resigned yet irritated huff quickly made itself heard.

“Thank you, Celestia. Before we move on to a better topic, though, I’d like to point out that Beamy -I mean- Beam Dancer has no fault in this. It was my own behavior that led me to this outcome,” I asserted. Poor girl’s probably had enough at this point. I did use her as a pastry shield this morning..

“That shall be noted then,” said Celestia, “Anyway, now that all of you are here, why don’t you join us for dinner?” 

“Oh, but we couldn’t, Princess!” objected Twilight. 

“AWW YEAH!” crowed Rainbow before speeding towards the seat. 

After giving the evil eye to the colorful pegasus, Twilight whispered furiously, “Be. Polite. Everypony. We’re eating with the princesses for Celestia’s sake!” 

The faint smile grew on the white alicorn’s face. 
Polite for the princesses? I’ve never heard anything more absurd. Especially for these sisters. 

Not soon enough, everyone settled down, requested their meals, which ranged from hay to flowers, and started savoring them. Blegh... Huh? I looked up to see the purple pony staring at me, but as soon as we made eye contact, she returned to finishing her food. The pattern occurred several more times before I noticed the pinkish aura around her horn. Sure, she was using magic to pick up her utensils, but, even when the utensil was set down, the horn would still be glowing..Wait a minute..is that..? I could just barely make out the tip of a feather that was moving as if..She’s taking notes? Why would she - Oh.

“Um..Twilight, was it?” I initiated. 

The pony in question flinched at the sound of her name. 

“Yes!? I mean -That’s right, Daniel. Did you need anything?”

“Actually, that was the question I wanted to pose for you. I couldn’t help but notice..your observations.”

A sheepish grin appeared on her face in reply. 

“I’m sor-” 

I interrupted, “Don’t worry about it. I know I’m an extra-dimensional being that you’ve never seen before. Feel free to ask questions. But it’s probably best to stop taking notes for now.”

At this point, Rainbow Dash, who was sniggering uncontrollably, added “Yeah, Twilight! Stop being such an egghead! Even the monkey gets it!” 

“Rainbow!” Rarity chastised.

“What?!”

“He’s a human -like the guard said.”

“Oh! Riiight. I mean ‘human.’” she corrected, “Sorry about that! You know what I meant though.” 

I rolled my eyes. I’ll probably have to deal with this a lot more...but at least she and her friends are trying. 

It was at this moment when Pinkie, who had her mouth stuffed with cupcakes, chose to call out, "That’s the spirit, Danny! You'll get used to us sooner than you think, and then we'll become super duper friends!" 

After nearly choking on my food, I turned towards her -probably with shock written on my face.

How did she….I guess she just saw my eye roll? No..she was too busy swallowing those diabetes-causing pastries.

On my other side, Fluttershy patted my back and whispered, "It'll be okay."

I swiveled my head to give a thankful grin towards the quiet pony, who eeped and hid behind her hai -mane. I chuckled out my thanks instead. 

“YOU’RE EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL?!” sputtered Twilight, dropping her quill. 
__________________________________________________________________________

In the end, dinner devolved into a pointless food competition between Rainbow, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie, who decided to jump in without Rainbow’s approval. Applejack didn’t seem to care though, and Pinkie Pie only wanted to justify the size of her cupcake massacre list. The others and I had our own occasional conversations while we ate like civilized people and ponies.

“Oh, man! Now that is what I call an awesome meal!” asserted a clearly satisfied Rainbow Dash while patting her now bulging stomach. “I definitely won that contest!”

Twilight rolled her eyes, and Rarity threw a quick disapproving glance at the multicolored belching mess. 

Celestia decided to speak. 

“It’s getting late. Why don’t you girls stay over for the night? After all, you do have another Hearth’s Warming Eve practice tomorrow morning before the performance in the afternoon.”

A small gasp escaped a hopeful Rarity.

“Oh, but we couldn’t, Princess!” interjected Twilight, “We already booked a place to stay.”

Rarity, at this point, was on the verge of crying. Geez. What a dramatic little pony.

“Is that so? And here I thought it would be nice if you could teach Daniel about Equestria and learn about his culture at the same time. You could even become friends!”

Teach? Where on Earth did Celestia get the idea that anyone would want to tea-

“Of course we’ll do it, Princess!” agreed Twilight. 

Oh right, this isn’t Earth. And I’m not in school anymore. Screw teaching.

“May I object, Celestia?” 

The purple crazy one stared at me as if I was crazy for letting go of a learning opportunity or for objecting against the idea of one of her diarchs. With this pony, I wouldn’t doubt it was the former or both.

“And why would you do that, Daniel?”

“Because you already taught me a lot about Equestria on my first night here.”

Luna, who had remained more reserved than Fluttershy throughout the dinner finally deigned to speak up.

“We- I agree with Daniel. There art matters of greater importance to discuss.”

Crap. She’s still upset, isn’t she.

I amended, “Actually, now that I think about it, I still don’t know that much about the..uh..the harmonical elements? Maybe I can learn about that.” 

“You mean the Elements of Harmony,” corrected Twilight. 

“Yes, yes. That.” 

“Perfect,” stated Celestia, “you can speak to them now.”

“What?” Luna and I replied simultaneously -Luna in shock and bordering on rage, me dumbfoundedly.

“He hath no need to hold discourse over such topics. Upon that subject, he only needeth to understand that the Elements, which include Magic, Kindness, Loyalty, Honesty, Laughter, and Generosity, aid in retaining and cleansing the most chaotic and evil of forces.”

Laughter?...No way.

“Um...what do the Elements look like? Are they rocks? Tools? Electron clouds surrounding a core of protons and neutrons?” I asked before adding a doubtful, “Ponies?”

Rainbow snorted. 

“Can’t you see? We look AWESOME!” 

“Rainbow!” hissed Twilight, “He’s…extra-dimensional, remember? He wouldn’t know that the Elements are us! And before us, the Elements were rocks!” 

“Wait a minute. So you guys are the Elements of Harmony that wipe out all the evil gunk from Equestria,” I concluded.

“Actually, we are called when there are serious dangers. Most of the problems are solved by the Department of Defense and its local branches throughout Equestria,” answered Twilight with her quill still scratching on her seemingly-infinite paper.

Is she taking notes on what questions I ask? What..

“Well, thanks for enlightening me!” I exclaimed enthusiastically. I braved a peek at the moon pony. Yup! Still mad. “I think you’ve taught enough for now, so I’ll just, uh, excuse myself.” I stood up and looked over to Feather Shine and Beam Dancer and called out, “Thanks for the meal!” With that said, I immediately left the tableside and tried to escape the room before a familiar blue glow held me in place. Screw magic...I wonder who this could be! 

“Thou dost not excuse thyself in the presence of royalty, Daniel. We excuse thee,” said Luna from behind me. Well, who’s the pony who asked me to call her “Luna” rather than “Princess Luna”? The blue glow faded, but before I could sprint, Luna joined my side and asserted, “We will converse elsewhere. Excuse us, Sister.” Oh crap.. 

She dragged me away before any reply came from the ponies at the table. After exiting the room, she began walking...somewhere. Following out of fear, I searched desperately for any chances to escape the blue terror next to me. Perhaps sensing this, she sighed before breaking the silence.

“Be at peace, Daniel. We -nay- I may have reacted extremely to your story in the dining hall.. T’is merely our wish to comprehend the events that have occurred today.” 

Without meaning to, I spoke out loud, “Huh. Well, that was unexpected. Thought I was gonna be ki-” As soon as I realized, my eyes widened, and my head snapped towards her. She looked really really offended. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean - I mean-..It’s just that you tend to act before you thi- Sorry.” That could have gone better. Her eyes had narrowed with what I assumed to be a slowly growing anger before a resigned sigh escaped, taking the anger with it. Okay. That could have gone a lot worse! 

Luna turned her head back to the front and continued walking again. The silence was overwhelming, and after several, long minutes, I finally noticed the night guards that dotted the halls and hazily noted their appearances. Definitely batty. I was beginning to think that the princess wouldn’t deign to speak to me until we reached our destination before I heard another sigh. When she spoke, I had to strain to hear what was probably not even classified as a whisper.

“Thou wert not far from the mark.” Huh? I sent a questioning glance before realizing she was still facing forward. She continued slightly less quietly than before, “If anything, my time upon the moon should have taught me patience. However, I fear that since I have left my prison, I have not only become...unpracticed in the art of conversation but also lost much of my tolerance for issues that should not be -nay- what I think should not be problems.” 

Interesting. Welp. Just glad she didn’t shout my face off. Wait..

“Prison?” I questioned. As soon as the word came out, there was a sharp intake of breath before Luna’s ears fell back. Stupid, me! “Nevermind! I can tell that’s a sensitive topic. Er..” I dug for a different subject and spouted, “How has the weather been recently? At night, that is.” I dimly heard a smacking sound behind and looked to find that a guard had actually facepa-hoofed. A quiet chuckle made itself known to me, and I swiveled my head back to the front only to find that Luna had stopped walking and was actually giving a small smile. 

“While I appreciate thy concern over our state of mind, thou needest not worry so. My imprisonment, which I have come to terms with, is a tale thou wouldst have discovered soon enough, as my release was an event most recent. It all began over a thousand years ago..” 
__________________________________________________________________________

By the time the Moon Princess had concluded her story, she had a faraway and pained look. 
Holy crap. No wonder Celestia didn’t tell me anything about this. Granted, I never asked..but dang, if she let me know this on my first night here, I would’ve avoided this pony like the plague! But...Well, no one is perfect. Including magical pony princesses. I looked up only to wince at the sight of Luna still holding that expression. Slowly, my hand drifted to her neck and began petting her. The moment it had touched her, her body tensed, and she snapped out of her depressed state and stared at me a bit before relaxing. Just like that, a minute or so passed before I reached up and gave final pat on her face, which now held the faintest of grins.

Breaking the silence, I spoke, “You’re welcome.” She snorted. I continued, “And thank you for telling m-” Her hoof raised up.

“Nay, t’is I who should thank thee for listening. T’is not often that I have the opportunity to tell my story. Most ponies these days just know the abbreviated form passed down over the years. And fewer even und-”

She was eyeing my raised hand. 

“Like I said, you’re welcome.” 

That got a giggle out her. Looking at her grin now, the sides of my mouth twitched downwards, as I remembered the reason we left the dining room in the first place. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Would I be seen as crazy? I flipped a coin in my head. Heads!

“Darn,” I muttered quietly before speaking up, “You wanted to know more about what happened today, right?” 

She sobered up immediately and replied with a nod. 
__________________________________________________________________________
“WHAT?” 

I grimaced while shielding my ears from her amplified voice. We had only gotten to the statue -AKA, the beginning of the story. 

“Discord,” she hissed, “helped thee distract that pegasus?” I nodded. “And thou didst not think to tell one of us?” I assumed she meant her or Celestia. I shook my head and shut my eyes, anticipating another bout of shouting. Instead, I felt a sadly familiar force grab hold of me and shove me forward. 

I had expected many things -a slap with a hard hoof, a slap with magic, a visit to the dungeon. So why the heck is she hugging me? I wasn’t about to complain about the sudden comfy and warm blanket though. At this point, she had her head over my shoulder, and some time passed before she spoke up rather emphatically. “Daniel, thou shouldst not listen to anything that monster hath to say or offer. He may be playful. He may be funny. He may even be thy most precious of friends...until..he hath no need of thee. Thou wouldst understand his true nature only too late. His chaos.” Another brief period of silence followed. “Promise me. Promise me that thou will stay away from or at least ignore that statue.” 

I returned the hug and assented, “Alright, Luna. I promise.” 

It was at this moment a certain alabaster horse conveniently made her appearance. Though, I had a feeling that she was listening in far earlier than that.
“Oh my! Am I interrupting something?” snickered Celestia. 

Are you serious?....Fine! I turned my head to her and retorted, “Yes. Yes, you were, Ms. Princess. In fact, you interrupted our little friendship bonding activity, and you should be very ashamed of yourself!” I felt Luna trying to contain her giggle, while Celestia’s eyebrow raised. “And no, you’re not invited, so shoo before I ask Luna to call the guards on you.” With that, Luna, who had succumbed to her giggles, released her hold and knocked me playfully on the head. 

Celestia chuckled, “Well, it seems I did miss out on quite a bit. Perhaps I should arrange a ‘little friendship bonding activity’ at some point.”

“I highly recommend them, dear Sister.” 

“Then I will arrange one!” proclaimed Celestia. I rolled my eyes. “What, you don’t want to, Daniel?” 

“Hmm..Nope!”

With feigned hurt in her eyes, she inquired, “Am I not good enough for you?” 

I crossed my arms. “Your Sun hurts my eyes. The Moon’s just right.”

She smirked, “Ohh. So I’m too bright for you.” 

“More like too big.” 

She huffed, and Luna went down right there, barely gasping, “He hath most skillfully won this battle of words, Tia.” 

I got a last harrumph from Celestia before we all calmed down again. “Well, while this was all amusing, it’s actually getting pretty far into the night now. Did you not have an advisor meeting in fifteen minutes, Luna?”

“Oh blast!” muttered the blue mare before teleporting away.

“So..did you make that up?” I inquired.

“Why would you think I did?”

“Hmm. I don’t know. I get the feeling you heard some of our conversation before the hugging part..and that you might want to talk my ear off, too.” 

“Oh? Dear me. This human has more intelligence than we thought!” She only received a dirty glare. “Okay, Daniel. Luna did have that meeting...but it was in twenty-five more minutes.” I raised an eyebrow. “And I know Luna already ‘talked your ear off,’ so I assume you understand the gravity of this matter.” I looked down and nodded glumly. A white wing raised my chin. “Don’t worry, Daniel. The past is in the past.” She pursed her lips. “I just want your permission to search your body for traces of chaos magic -or any tampering for that matter.” What. I hesitated.
“Would that...hurt? And would that change anything?” I asked. 

“No, no! You wouldn’t feel a thing!” She paused. “Well, you might feel some minor tingling, but that would be because of your lack of acclimation to magic.” 

“Alright. Go ahead. I don’t want any crazy thing stuck on me -especially if it’s from that jerk.” 

A golden glow from her horn signaled the beginning of her search. Basically, it was just like some scanner going from toes to the head, where a golden line indicated where she was in the search. If only airports had alicorn scanners...minus the odd feeling from magic. Involuntarily, I twitched when the light reached a spot between my shoulder blades. Almost immediately, her horn stopped glowing.

“Are you okay?” asked Celestia with a look of concern.

“I’m perfectly fine. Just continue-” Her horn glowed at the same spot, and I twitched again and saw the beginnings of a grin on her face. “Can you just skip over that spo-ah! Can you not do tha-ah-at?” A heard a muffled sound come from- Is that giggling? “This is not -AH- amusing.” 

“Aww, is somep-one ticklish?” 

I gave her the deepest frown I could make, which was ruined a second later by another glow of her horn. 

“I -ah!- know where you’re -Stop!- ticklish, too!” I sputtered. What are the guards doing? Aren’t they going to stop their diarch from torturing me? I looked around desperately. Wow. Screw this. Guards can giggle, too. Rather, they were snickering, but I didn’t care at that point. Grimly -or as grimly as possible while being tickled- , I looked up at the cause of my suffering. Ticklemare, you’re mine. With that, I waited for the next pause in glowing before sprinting...and stumbling, faceplanting thankfully not on the tile but on - Soft fur. Target locked! My hands reached for her weak spot on her stomach, and I barely got a laugh from her before there was nothing there. Confused, I looked up. The hall was empty except for a couple of still snickering guards. “Hmm..” I turned around quickly and met a pair of magenta eyes.

“BOO!” “AGH!” 

Needless to say, I won the “Most Graceful Person of the Year” award when my jaw dropped, and I fell on my butt. My face flushed with embarrassment. 

“Point for me,” sang that evil mare. “Anyway, I’ll complete that search now.” Her horn glowed past my abused spot and traveled to my eyes. I’m Cyclops! “Hold still.” Her eyes narrowed. 

“Wh- Ow! You said this wouldn’t hurt!” 
“I meant that the search wouldn’t hurt.” Note to self: Take everything the princesses say -or any pony for that matter- with a grain of salt.

“Then what did hurt?” I grumbled while rubbing my head. 

“Discord.” My gaze shot up to her. “It seems that while interacting with you, Discord tagged you -your mind, specifically- with chaos magic.” What the absolute f- “It’s okay though!” assured Celestia at my shock, “It was such a small amount that it wouldn’t have damaged or skewed your thoughts anyway.” 

“That’s...good, I guess, but it’s still troubling that such things can influence my mind. You did remove it, right?” 

“Of course, Daniel. There’s absolutely no need to worry about it now. Just..as Luna asked of you..please stay away from that statue.” 

“Definitely will, Celestia,” I affirmed. 

“I am glad to hear that,” said Celestia with her usual smile back, “Anyway, it really is getting late. Let me show you to your room.” 

“My room?” 

“Indeed, your own room. You don’t think that we would let you sleep outside again, do you? Now, come along.” A wing gently pushed my back.

My own room...It seems I’m here to stay. 
__________________________________________________________________________

“I get to live in here?!” This place is at least three times the size of my room!

“Not satisfied?” she chuckled.

“No! I mean..Yes, I’m more than satisfied. Thank you, Celestia.” 

“You are most welcome, Daniel. Now..you’ve had quite a long day. Good night, and rest well.” 

“Good night, Celestia. You need more rest than I do, what with ruling an entire country and tickling random aliens.”

She scoffed, and her wing bat my head before the mare left, shutting the door behind her. 

I looked around the room. There was a five-star hotel worthy bathroom, an obviously larger-than-pony sized bed, empty dressers and wardrobes, obviously, and my backpack. Wait..I thought I left that..Oh. Upon closer inspection, I discovered a note.



Dearest Daniel,

Here’s your bag. The bag that you left after you “distracted” me in the maze. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Beam Dancer




Heh. What an amusing little pony.
> Chapter 07: Revenge
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“GOOD MORNING, DANNY!” 

“AHHH!” I shouted, shoving the horrifying mass away from my face. I heard a dull thump in the background of my panic. What was that? Where am I? What the heck is happ-

“Owwie! What’d you do that for, Danny?” 

My eyes widened at the realization, and I looked down at the pink pony, who was currently on the ground-No. She’s back to bouncing on the bed. How? “Sorry, Laught- Pink..ie? You..startled me.” 

She giggled, “D’aww! It’s okay, Danny! That was actually FUN! Also, is that my new nickname? That’s a funny nickname!”

I blinked in confusion. “What?” 

“Silly! You don’t even remember the nickname you gave me - LaughtaPink-EE!”

I groaned. It’s...too early in the morning for this.

“Pshhaww! It’s never too early for jokes! Especially if I get to make my new friend smile!” squealed Pinkie with way too much glee. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she made the scariest gasp I’d ever seen. Pony anatomy does NOT allow this. AT ALL. Wings? Okay. Horn? Fine. Giant balloon that turns the room into a vacuum? Must be a nightmare. That wasn’t the worst part though. She fell apart! After blinking (and nearly having yet another panic attack) though, she was back to normal -as normal as that pink pony could be anyway. Or..did ponies do this regularly? I never saw any of them do anything remotely as horrifying..yet. For the love of God, please let it stay that way.

Luckily, before the pink logic-defying pony could traumatize me more, a knock on the door gave me an excuse to leave my bed. Thank you! I wrenched the door open and saw the purple pony. Twi..light? Wait..what is - Fudge. Behind that mare lay stacks -no- columns of notebooks, too many quills, all rubber-banded neatly together, and a two-gallon, clear container of black liquid. The crap is..oh..ink. 

“Good morning, Daniel! I figured you were awake by now, judging by all the ruckus coming from your room,” greeted the insane notetaker. 

“HI, TWILIGHT!” boomed Pinkie. 

I looked away from all her supplies. “Oh, uh, good morning, Twilight..Sparkle?” I replied uncertainly. 

“Subject..has..good..memory,” she mumbled, while scratching down her thoughts. I briefly noticed the label:


 
HUMAN RESEARCH 
NOTEBOOK: A.1.i
NAME: TWILIGHT SPARKLE
ADDRESS: GOLDEN OAK LIBRARY, PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA




I don’t want to know how far the i’s go..And is she already writing past the half point of that thing? ...How?!

“So..Twilight, you’re not planning on filling all those notebooks, right? That would take such a long time!”

“Of course, not! It’ll take half the time because you’ll be taking notes, too!” 

“....Why?” I flatly asked, while my left eye twitched. 

“Because I need to learn everything about your world, and you need to learn more about Equestria! I can start by asking questions about humans!” exclaimed the crazy mare.

Maybe I should humor this unicorn before she sails past the deep end..like a certain pink pony “Alright, I guess I could take a notebook-” Ten glowing notebooks flew into my chest. I couldn’t catch five of them.

“Don’t underestimate knowledge, Daniel! There’s way too much for you to catch up on for a single notebook! We need to cover history, geography-” Ho-Ly Crap. “-philosophy, pony studies, science, theories of magic, magical beasts, theories of theories of magic, d-” 

“Alright, Twilight,” I interrupted. Time to spout more crap like nobody’s business. “We are not doing cram sessions. Those are pretty much good for the short-term before it all gets dumped out of memory anyway. If you really want to encourage a proper learning environment, we can start by asking each other questions for up to an hour,” I said, emphasizing the last four words in particular. 

“Oooh. Alright,” agreed Twilight reluctantly. In a flash, most of the writing supplies disappeared..somewhere. “I’ll only need three notebooks if we’re going to be talking for an hour! You can keep the ten notebooks here for future note-taking!” I groaned inwardly. 

“How...generous of you! Thanks, Twilight,” I replied half-sarcastically and half-unenthusiastically. I’m forgetting something. “Oh!” I glanced behind me. “Where did Pinkie go?” The room was completely devoid of that pink energy rabbit-pony. 

“Don’t worry about it. Pinkie does that sometimes,” answered Twilight. “Now, let’s get started!” She skipped in, shut the door, and teleported an alarm clock from..somewhere. Where do these things come from? Geez. She set the clock to go nuts at what I figured was an hour from now. “Okay, Daniel, let’s begin with the more rudimentary topics about humans. Please describe…”
__________________________________________________________________________

The alarm went off just as we wrapped up another discussion. Finally! Writing everything that the purple pony expected me to enjoy writing about was a complete pain. Given the choice, I would have skipped the note-taking..but her more-than-occasional glares were disconcerting, and I really did not want a unicorn mad at me. Who knows what those fellas can do..if a normal-looking one can... I didn’t even want to remember.

“That was pretty productive, Daniel! I managed to fill up 2.78 notebooks! I’ll definitely be making more in-depth questions for next time!” exclaimed Twilight. 

“Nice! I got..a tenth of the notebook filled.” 

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “No offense, but maybe you should take more notes.”

“Offense taken. I tend to be concise when writing notes. Back home, I wouldn’t go past two pages per 75 minute lecture.” Unless it was one of those professors who wrote passages from the textbook...Then I wouldn’t even bother! Twilight looked appalled, to say the least. 

“I’m sorry for offending you! I didn’t mean-”


“No, no, no! I’m more or less kidding.” Geez. These ponies..or at least this one takes everything so seriously!

“More or less?” parroted Twilight while observing my face. After a few seconds, she gave up and sighed, “Okay, if you say so.” 

“That’s the spirit!” I quipped, “Now, how about we go for breakfast? We’ve been up for quite a while.” 

“Oh..um..it might not be time yet,” mumbled Twilight. Someone’s acting like that shy pony..what was her name again?

“And why would that be? I’m awake, and it’s been at least an hour. That means it’s actually nearing lunch.”

“It’s actually around 6- Hey! Why are you going back to bed?! Breakfast will be ready in less than an hour!”
I had stopped listening as soon as I heard “six.” Well, except for the part where Twilight upsettedly grumbled out of the room. That was amusing. Now...how the heck did I get up at 5 something?

“..Whatever,” I sighed.
__________________________________________________________________________

At a much normal time later, I finally dragged myself out of bed and was extremely relieved not to see a return of the pink mass. Or a purple one. Now..let’s see what this room has. My tired self last night and my way-to-early-in-the-morning self never gave me the chance to check out the place. 
I circled around the main area. Decent sofa. Awesome bed. Surprised they have one that size..but maybe this room’s for a different species? Castle’s gotta have a place for delegates...if there are any sapient beings besides ponies. Should ask that later. Then, I looked through the bathroom. Again, decent bath and shower. Interesting how the designs are eerily similar...but apparently our dimensions are close. Eh. Toothbrushes are...huge.  The one I held had harder bristles at least more than twice the length of regular ones. Overall, there was also a much larger area than usual. Guess I’ll brush more carefully then. Wouldn’t want to hurt gums. Now..where’s the toothpaste..It better not be grass flavored. As I opened the drawer that hopefully contained the toothpaste, my mind played the sound effects of Link opening a chest. Yes! Mint! I grinned and thanked whatever divine being was listening to me but immediately cursed the being for letting me stay in this dimension. When I noticed the brand, however, the smile dropped. “Colgate?” I muttered bewilderedly, “How can there be Colgate here? What’s wrong with this place?” 

After satiating my curiosity, I prepared for the day and noticed yet another issue while glancing at the present Philomena had left me when I first met her. This is my only set of clothes. I groaned and tried scrubbing off most of the crap. Welp. This is about as good as it’s gonna get. My stomach grumbled, as I grabbed my pack and left the room. 
“Huh?” I uttered involuntarily. Where am I? How have I not seen this hall before? Looking from side to side, I noticed a guard stationed nearby and walked up the dude. “Excuse me, sir, how do I get to the dining hall from here?” 
The guard didn’t even blink. Oh come on! Wait..is this the same guard I tried to tickle before? “Hey, dude, if you happen to be the guard I almost tickled before, I apologize for being bored and lost, but to be fair, you didn’t reply when I asked nicely the first time.” With that said, I continued walking down the hall before a throat cleared.

“You’re going the wrong way, sir. Turn right once you reach the end of the hall. It’ll be at the fifth left.” Finally! I turned around.

“Thanks, man -I mean- sir!” Did he just roll his eyes? Seeing a horse do that was kind of funny, but I was polite enough not to laugh. Not that they would understand why I was laughing.

After turning that right and counting the “lefts”, the telltale sound of horse hooves on tile alerted me to a new presence behind me. Sounds kind of..hurried?

“Oooh, Daniel, dear!” sang a voice. What the heck? Let me get food! I turned around. 

“Good morning..R-..uh-”

“It’s Rarity, darling. And a very good morning to you, too! Though, it is almost noon.”

At this point, it was very obvious that the pony was staring at everything besides my eyes. “Did you need something, ma’am?” 

“Oh, no- I mean, YES! Have you been wearing the same outfit this entire time?!” 

“Yes. These are my only-”

“Oooh! You should let me make you a new set! You need to wear something absolutely dazzling. I’ll just have to send it to you after I return to Ponyville. My supplies are all back there.”

“How much are-”

“Don’t worry about the cost! You are obviously not in a favorable position, and new clothes will help you adjust to your situation much more easily!” What kind of logic is this?

“Just tell me how much-”

“Dearie, I insist that you take the clothes free-” 

“NO!” Rarity’s eyes widened, and she actually jumped. I couldn’t resist a chuckle before continuing, “I mean..No, thank you. I really, really appreciate the thought and am grateful that a po- you have offered to help, but I absolutely do not want to take something for free.” 

“But-”

“But if you can give me a price range, I will do my best to find a job and pay for new clothes. If I’m going to start a new life in pony land, I’m going to do it my way,” I declared. “Also, don’t think about making the prices abnormally cheap. I will ask other ponies about your general prices.”

She looked incredibly dissatisfied. “But dearie-”

“No. I will pay you, and if you don’t let me, I will chuck -,” I paused before questioning, “What was pony currency again?”

“Bits.”

“Bits. Okay. I will chuck bits at your face everytime I see you. I will hide bits in wherever you live whenever I visit. You will find random bits on the floor, and I will stash bits in your room whenever you return to the castle, if I’m still here.”

She sighed. I grinned. 

“You win this time, darling, but only because I need to get to the Hearth’s Warming play rehearsal!”

“Alright, Rarity. Thanks again for the offer. See you whenever!”

The pony waved dismissively before hurrying away. 

I turned around. How many “lefts” did I count again? I saw a pink tail around the far corner. “NOPE.” Sorry, stomach. Wait just a bit longer..You know you’ll lose your appetite if we- I jumped when a hoof lightly touched my back. 

“Eep!” 

1..2...let’s get this over with..10 I turned around for the umpteenth time and braced myself for the scary pink pony. 

“Oh! You’re not her,” I said with relief. 

The yellow pony looked down, pawing the ground, and replied quietly, “I’m sorry I’m not the one you were expecting.” My eyes widened.

“NO!” This time, she jumped. I repeated more softly, “No, don’t be. Between you and me, I’d rather meet you than the one I was thinking of.” She smiled slightly at that. I continued, “But uh..not to sound rude or anything, but did you need something of me?”

Her pawing stopped, and she actually made eye contact this time. “Yes, please. I really wanted to know how you were doing. So..if you could tell me..that’d be really nice..but you don’t have to, if you don’t want..” As she said that, she regressed back to her previous state. I sighed inwardly. Each one of these ponies just have to be....interesting.

“I’m doing quite well, thank you! After sleeping on a bed, I feel more rested than in the last couple of days combined! And how are you?” 

“I-I’m okay, I guess.” 

“That’s..okay, I suppose. Also..don’t you have a practice for some play?”

She let out a small gasp before galloping away. Okay. That better be the last pony.

Fortunately for me, no other crazy pony blocked me from the dining hall. 

And though there were ponies in the dining hall, fortunately again, none of the crazy ones were there, except for Beamy. 

“Daniel, good morning,” greeted Celestia, “Would you like some breakfast, lunch, or brunch?”

“Morning, Celestia! Is there an “all of the above” option?” I took my usual spot. 

She chuckled, “If you can handle it. I remember a certain someone ready to waste a certain cake not too long ago.”

“Well, that was before I knew cake was a freakin’ standard in your breakfasts!” I protested. The maid -Feather Shine? - came in with the Celestia’s order. I only raised an eyebrow at the horse.

“What? You’ve already seen me eat cake at lunch.” I rolled my eyes, which was an action ignored in light of her absolutely luscious, irresistible pastry.  

Another quite familiar pony walked over and flatly spoke, “What would you like for lunch, sir?”

“Good morning to you, too, Beamy. I’d like what Celestia’s having minus - actually, plus a cake.” I saw a white head shoot up in my peripheral vision. I continued more quietly, “Also, thank you for bringing my backpack to my current room. Had you not found it…” A hoof patted my shoulder. I grinned and joked, “I would’ve turned that maze upside down! And then the evil princess over yonder would’ve made me restore that thing leaf by leaf!” 

Beamy scoffed but replied not unkindly, “You’re welcome, Daniel.” She then went to wherever orders were taken. Kitchen. Duh. Still half asleep, I suppose.
“Evil princess, huh?” Celestia commented, not looking up from her half-eaten cake. 

“Yes. Evil princess for not making the sun -her responsibility, mind- bright enough to wake me up for breakfast! I bet it’s a ploy to make me eat only two meals a day!” Celestia looked down and spoke with a wavering voice.

“Oh my, dear Daniel, I’ll...make sure to correct my wrongs and make the sun rise from the west...just to shine on your face.” 

Dear lord she actually sounds apologetic. I sighed, “Okay, okay. Nevermind about that. It was too much to ask of such a busy pers- princess.”

“No, don’t worry! I raise the sun everyday anyway. Using a different direction would just change the world’s time zones for a bit. And who doesn’t like a bit of change?” 

Is she being serious? I studied her face, which looked downright sincere. I suck at this. “Alright. I’m done now. I can’t handle your professional princess-face anymore. To be honest, I was never a morning person anyway.” 

“What face now? Switching from ‘evil’ to ‘professional’..just how fickle are you?” giggled Celestia, who was long finished with her cake. At this point, my food arrived. Feather Shine and Beamy carried it over, and I murmured my thanks. It’s all cause of the cakes..Sorry, you two. Once settled, Celestia spoke up again, “That aside, I really am glad to see you chipper, Daniel. I would’ve asked someone to check on you by ten or so, but I heard my student had ‘researched’ you for an hour..quite early in the morning.”

“Yeah..five in the morning is still night according to my schedule. Thanks for the consideration, Celestia. Also..would you like the second cake? I kinda overestimated my hunger.” 

She sniffed. “Well, knowing you, you would’ve wasted it, so yes, I will savor the cake for you.”

Alright. Got some extra time. Her horn glowed, as the cake floated over. Before she took her first bite though, I inquired, “So..this is kinda random, but are there any employers in Canterlot that don’t mind hiring a freaky alien?”

She looked pleasantly surprised. “What brought this change? Also, don't degrade yourself so.”

“Well, I figured I might as well start on the right foot if I’m stuck -no- living here. I also don’t enjoy being completely dependent on someone.”

“While I’m glad you’re giving Equestria a chance, you know I don’t mind you here.”


I shook my head. “It just feels wrong. I want to do something.” It’s the best way to keep my mind away from home, after all. I unconsciously patted my backpack.

She smiled sadly but perked up almost immediately. “Well, Daniel, I know the perfect employer!” 

“You?”

“Wow, this alien is smart!” joked Celestia. I snorted. “Did you have an occupation in mind? I know our worlds have many similarities; however, do not rely on them too much. Our methods of completing similar tasks will most likely be foreign to you.”

“I..haven’t really thought about it yet. Does..a degree in biomedical engineering count for anything?” I asked hopefully. A blank stare I received. “Er..I’m guessing you guys don’t have computers…” No change. Don’t know how they would type with hooves anyway...well, actually..-no- Back on topic! “Okay. Basic rundown then. I’m a problem solver with quite a bit of experience in math and science. Back in college, I also worked in an imaging-focused cancer research lab. So..guess I could work with researchers, too…?” She was looking at me curiously now. I muttered, “Or I could maintain labs. You know, clean water baths, autoclave crap, keep cell lines going, make media, etcetera. Though, that’s usually sicced on undergrads.”

She chuckled. “You remind me of Twilight.”

“HECK NO,” I exclaimed before flinching. “Oh, I mean..no offense, but I’m not nearly as..uh..meticulous and..persistent as she is.”

She was laughing now. “That’s one way to say it.” After her giggles subsided she said, “Well, Daniel, I will help think of something you could do. In the meantime, finish your cake and take your time exploring the castle. You just may find a job that you’ve never considered but may enjoy.”

“Thank you very much, Celestia. Though..if it’s too much trouble -”

She waved me off and left the dining hall. I turned my head to the cake. Flippin’ monster. Beamy chose this point to walk up.

“So I heard somepony’s going to become a coworker.”  

“Well, that’s news to me. Guess we get to be coworkers together!”

She rolled her eyes but then smiled. “Would you like a tour of the jobs around here? I know them like the back of my hoof!”

“That’d be great, Beamy! I just have to..finish this cake first. Care to help me in this area as well?”

“Definitely,” replied Beamy before she grabbed a chunk of cake, which suddenly flew to my face. “You know what, Daniel? Revenge is sweet.”
> Chapter 08: No Resume Required
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Good afternoon, Beam Dancer!” greeted a dark red pony. As we drew closer, it was obvious that the guy had a face tenser than any guard pony I’d seen so far, and yet, at the same time, there was a calm aura about him. 

“A very good afternoon to you, too, Steady Fort!” replied the pegasus, “Busy as usual?”

“You know it. We’ve been trying to keep an eye on certain ponies recently,” he paused and looked at me warily before lowering his voice, “Between you and me, Dancer, while I trust that the Princess knows what she’s doing, sometimes, I just wonder..That one hasn’t been too bothersome, has he?” 

These ponies just think they’re experts at whispering! Before I could give a snarky response, Beamy gave me a look and giggled, “This one’s been just fine! Only ran away once, but he’s slowly getting used to us. No need to worry, Steady!”

Steady smiled. “It’s my job.”

“Too true,” remarked Beamy. She then faced me and explained, “You see, Daniel, Steady Fort here is part of the Department of Defense. Don’t take too much offense if he’s a tiny bit cautious of an alien from Celestia knows where.”

I sighed but grinned, “Fine, Beamy. I won’t take offense this time.” 

“There’s a good human.” She flew up and patted me on the head, while the red pony chuckled to himself. “Anyway,” she continued, “We traveled all the way through the castle to this random dark corner because I’m giving him a tour of our jobs. Daniel’s finally tired of being a freeloader, you see.”

At that, the guarded look instantly returned on Steady Fort. Great. “May I ask why the sudden change of heart?” I’m Not taking this.

I frowned before speaking vehemently, “If you remember, I got torn away from everything I’ve ever known only a couple days ago. Frankly, I’m already astounded that I’ve tried taking steps to adapt rather than throw myself in a useless pit of despair. It’s all thanks to Celestia, Luna, Beamy, those other supportive and empathetic ponies, and -” Ugh..not Discord. “-Where was I? Oh yeah. It’s thanks to them that I’ve bothered living on, and I do not want to repay them with a human that thinks he can rely on them forever, that he can’t ever provide help in such a strange, different place, that-”

Beamy’s hoof patted me again. “Shh. There, there. Steady, this one’s alright. You can take my word for it!” 

The red pony had widened his eyes just a fraction during my rant. He was just shaking his head slowly at this point. “I am sorry about your situation..Daniel. However -” He looked at me with determination. “Understand that I do not regret keeping my wariness safely by my side. It has kept Canterlot safe on more than one occasion.” He glanced at Beamy before giving the faintest of smiles at me. “If Dancer here thinks you’re fine, then I am willing to accept you a bit more than before.”

Okay. This dude’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe a compliment to make him a bit happier. “That’s good enough for me, I guess. But anyway, got a lot of respect for your job. Must be tough -what with all the magic. I’ve only been to Canterlot once, but I’ve seen what that stuff could do.”

His face wrinkled with distaste, “Yes..I did hear rumors of your...foalnap. To think that such a thing could have happened here..” He stared off somewhere. Aaand we’ve lost him. He spoke up again, “Not that it’s a bad thing..but ever since her sister’s return, the Princess has..made less than her usual, stellar decisions than before. While I am truly glad that the Princess is more lively -happier- now, I do hope she remembers that our number one priority is the protection of our citizens. To think that she let those fillies confront the dragon..It could have ended so poorly for them..” 

He flinched when I pat him on what I guessed was the shoulder. “Sounds like you got it rough, but it just shows that you’re pretty darn skillful if you can still handle it.”

Steady inched away from my hand, and caught it as it slid off. “Thank you for the compliment.” He shook the hand and released it. How do they grab things again?

“Well, now that you two are buddies,” said Beamy, “Let’s see if Daniel can help with the Department!”

“Uh, I doubt I’m even qualified for such an impor-” 

“Remember, we’re just checking out all the jobs first. You never know..you might get one you didn’t expect! But if you don’t even try..well, that’s that. So try to give some advice to old Steady here.”

“Go on, Daniel. We get plenty of useless tips. One more can’t hurt.”

I shot a stare at Steady before I noticed he was smiling. “Alright. Here’s my useless tip! So uh...be careful of foalnapping ponies..and..the weird ponies that can disguise themselves.”

“Oh, wonderful! Thank you for the usele- Wait. ‘Disguise,’ you said?”

“Huh? Yeah. Isn’t that usual though? Ponies that just magically turn into other ponies?”

“It isn’t too usual, actually. Completely disguising oneself requires an incredible amount of time and magic power. Just changing the voice usually takes half a year, and for a specific voice, well, that could take several years! Tell me. What did the pony look like? Before and after?”

“Hmm..” I searched through my memories..to no avail. “Sorry, dude. Don’t really remember what it looked like -only the green flash.” Woah. This guy needs to learn how to relax. Is his fur...bristling? 

“Thank you, again, Daniel. Your tip may not have been so useless after all. Have a nice rest of the day, Beam Dancer, Daniel.” The pony sped-trotted away.

Beamy laughed. “Good job, Danny. He’s probably going to overwork himself again.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think it takes much to do that.”
__________________________________________________________________________

“Ow...Geez, that hurt!” I complained, while gingerly poking my fresh bruises.

“It’ll be alright! Bruises heal eventually,” replied Beamy.

“Yeah, but they still hurt in the process! Why did I even need to spar with the guards?”

The pegasus sighed mockingly, “Gotta know what kind of job you’re getting into before you accept it! But wow! They even offered to hire a minotaur to train you!”

I rolled my eyes. “As a source of entertainment. Did you see how many were laughing?”

“Welll, you did threaten them with tickling before..And the guards really look out for each other.”

“Fine. I deserved some payback..but in the form of tickles! These are bruises!” I waved at my injuries.

“Oh, boohoo. Would you like me to treat you like a foal, Danny?”

I just grumbled. 

“Mhmm. I thought not. Anyway, aren’t you glad I made this the last part of the tour? That way, you don’t have to walk around in pain!”

“Yes, yes. Thank you so much for your consideration. I’m immensely grateful for it.” I ruffled her mane, which she simply shook back in place.

“Anyway, do you have any jobs in mind now?”

“Well..at first, I was thinking I could help the scientists..But..I think I can only help give general knowledge -not research. So that wouldn’t last long..one to two weeks at the most. Maybe a bit more if they want proof. But the research I did back home..probably wouldn’t be approved here -what with all the ani-” I coughed. “SO, the possible jobs I’m considering now. Like..a scout for the Department of Defense. I could travel around Equestria and write reports on anything suspicious. There are things ponies, like Triston, don’t show other ponies. Who knows what else that guy’s done? My..strangeness..is a pro and con. Pro being that I’d probably attract weird ponies and eventually get other ponies used to me. Con being that regular or smart, mean ponies probably wouldn’t reveal anything to me.”

Beamy interjected, “Or you getting hurt. What’s another option?”

“I could be someone who analyzes any incoming data for any Department. I’d just have to learn all about it first -like what leads to what, what’s considered important or trivial, and so on.”

“Sounds better. Got another?”

“I could train to be some sort of guard or soldier. It’s somewhat painful..but interesting. I have little to no background information on that! The only issue would be following orders..”

“That would get you hurt, too. And that’s a pretty big issue.”

“I’m sure they could train me well enough! What’s a lone, bruised human against an army of fun-loving ponies?”

“Any more?”

“Could learn to treat ponies -or any creature..It’s always nice to be able to take care of someone.”

Beamy beamed at me. “Well, here we are, Daniel.”

“Huh? The dining hall?”

“You actually forgot about food for once?”

“No!...Yes,” I admitted shamefully. We opened the doors. My eyes widened.

Two nightmares, four regular ponies, a liz- dragon, and two royal ponies, who were chatting quietly to themselves, were already seated. 

“DANNY!” shouted Nightmare Prime. 

I almost bolted, but my stomach told me to suck it up. “Hello, Pinkie. Good morning, Luna. Welcome back, Elements and dragon. How was the rehearsal?”

Twilight gasped. “Oh no! I just realized you should’ve come!”

“Why would I go to a re-”
“Not that! We finished that by around 2:32 pm. I meant that you should have attended the final play since it’s a wonderful mixture of education and entertainment about the founding of Equestria!”

“Oh. How’d that go? And it’s fine ‘cause I was pretty busy anyway.” To the side, Beamy had started snickering. “Oh, come on, you know that’s true!”

“Sorry, sir. I was just reminiscing about your fun time with the guards.”

Twilight had opened her mouth, but Luna, at the magical f-word, had looked up from her conversation and inquired. “Pray tell, how didst thou discover fun amongst the ponies with faces of stone?”

“Well, Luna, when you poke fun at them too much, their fun meters overload, and they offer you a training exercise.”

She took a moment to comprehend what the heck I was talking about. Once her eyes darkened with realization, she ruptured, “THEY WOULD DARE-”

I shushed her, which she took indignantly, her eyes demanding my answer. Surprisingly, a different set of eyes made me want to shrivel up in terror, so before anything scarier could happen, I provided. “I was kidding.” With eyebrows furrowed, she was most likely about to criticize my explanation before I gave more for her to hear. “Beamy gave me a tour of jobs throughout the castle. When I reached them, they offered a training exercise to test whether I could even handle it.” The pressure from those other eyes ended; however, what I thought was a timid pegasus was now glancing suspiciously at my injuries.

Luna’s mouth shut with a click, but another absolutely majestic, regal, princess-y voice made itself known. “While the details of your tour do pique my curiosity, would you care to tell us your decision?”

“I..I haven’t decided yet,” I muttered sheepishly, “But I have been narrowing the possibilities.”

__________________________________________________________________________

Dinner pretty much continued with that kind of mostly boring talk before the Elements and the dragon took their leave, seeing as how the Hearth’s something play was already finished. Pinkie had insisted that I go back to Ponyville with her just so that she could throw me a welcoming party, but after my fifth time refusing, she mentioned something about a party in the castle some day. Good luck getting permission! Wonder what kind of parties she throws….No, wait. Nevermind. Rarity ended up taking my measurements after Twilight procured a measuring tape from who knows where. Guess who wrote down everything. Rainbow offered the sage advice, “try being cooler,” which I returned with a grateful eye roll. The cowboy hat pony wished me luck, and Fluttershy whispered something that only the wind could hear. I probably should’ve tried paying closer attention, but by the end of everything that day, I could only feel my legs because of the bruises. Twilight then brought up possibly staying here to continue her human research, but thankfully, the dragon reminded her about some experiment back in the library. I don’t understand why anyone would conduct one in the library, but it beats brewing a potion for months in a bathroom with a crazy ghost. Oh, and it saved me from another note-taking session. I should really find out the dragon’s name..again.

At this point, the dining hall was quite empty again, save for the alicorns, Beamy, and Beamy’s buddy. Celestia then questioned, “So what jobs have you been considering?”

I quickly repeated what I told Beamy earlier.

“Oh..I was hoping we could hire a new janitor. The last one disappeared in one of the pipes.”

Luna intervened, “That would be a poor use of his skills, Sister.”

I narrowed my eyes. Can’t tell if she’s kidding or.. “I concur with Luna.”

The white horse sighed, “That’s just too bad.”

“Anyway, before I leave for my duties, may I suggest that you try out a couple options for a moon or so before finalizing your decision? Good night, Sister. Daniel.” Luna teleported away. 

“Oh! What kind of jobs are there during the night?”

Celestia thoughtfully hummed. “Well, there is the night guard and those scientists that stay up all night..We also have healers ready to act as soon as needed, but those are contacted only during nighttime emergencies. Luna has several advisors and secretaries, but I get the feeling that you are not particularly interested in those occupations. While few in number, there are also ponies in each of the Departments that have volunteered to work at night, so that information can be processed and analyzed more expediently.”

I don’t understand why there’s a night princess if ponies are mostly diurnal anyway. But okay. Luna’s alright. Seems to know what she’s doing..unlike some politicians back home.

I crossed my arms but let them flop back to my sides after noticing some reminders left by the guards. “Alright, I’d like to learn more about the Department of Defense. Sounds like they got their work set out for them, but at the same time, it sounds pretty cool -no- interesting to track down dangerous things and search for patterns. I’ve also always wanted to learn combat techniques back home, so training with the guards, while painful, would be rewarding.” 

“Well, Daniel, you do realize that both those jobs would overlap, right?”

“Yup! But as Luna mentioned, I was thinking of testing the waters by alternating between jobs. As in, one day, I’d be looking over data, and the next, I’d be training or on duty. Um..would that be okay?”

“Of course. Although, would you mind expounding upon the scientific knowledge that you could impart upon my ponies?”

“Not at all! There’s lots of things I could talk about -like thermodynamics! I would assume that you guys know about that though since you have trains and all.”

“Actually, those utilize magic to run.”

“Huh. Well, since you guys are doing so well with magic, why bother with the laws of nature?”

“Not all ponies have access to magic, Daniel. It would be better if we could find methods that did not rely upon magic-capable individuals.”

“Wait...are you saying that sometimes unicorns aren’t magical? Or is it that all unicorns can perform magic but no regular ponies can?”

“If by ‘regular ponies’ you mean the earth ponies, then the latter. In addition, for future reference, ‘regular ponies’ should not be used to refer to only earth ponies. All of us are ponies with our own specialties.”

“Oh, sorry. It’s just that the ponies back home don’t have the extra fancy things...They basically resembled earth ponies. Although...I’m pretty sure there are some magical earth ponies out there..”

She cocked her head to the left. “They could have magic conducted upon them, but they themselves cannot conduct magic.”

Guess that pink pony’s just special then. A healthy distance should do. “Okay. Thanks for the clarification.”

She smiled. “You’re most welcome.” 
__________________________________________________________________________

Alright. Here’s Day One in the office. It was just about nine in the morning when I, in my new shiny suit, strutted towards the Department of Defense. Well...that was what I wished could have happened. Rather, a certain pegasus woke me up far earlier than that, dragged me to breakfast, made me greet the royal sisters in my groggy state, which amused them, then dragged me before the doors of the office. I should’ve started with…-What’s the word?-.....physical training. Here..gonna...fall..sleep. So, with drool threatening to leak out, I slowly pulled the door open and lumbered in with the same set of clothes I’d had since my unfortunate arrival. A couple ponies looked up. Most of them didn’t bother. 

“Welcome, Daniel.” Steady walked up to me. “We received a letter from the Princess for your orientation. I assume you’ve been warned that the workload is nothing to be underestimated.” He looked behind him and called, “Clear Cause!” 

Huh? “What cause?”

A white unicorn with a light pink mane suddenly looked up, causing her glasses to shift slightly. “Sir!” Steady just motioned his head towards me. Her gray eyes narrowed before she stood up and teleported to us. “What did you need, sir?”

“Clear, this is Daniel, guest of the Princess. Alien. Wants job. Needs THE orientation.”

“Yes, sir. Daniel, follow.” She walked towards a different room without looking back. I stared at Steady and then back at the unicorn. 

“You should get going. No time to lose in our Department,” said Steady almost proudly. 

“Right. Thanks.” I turned to go, but a light pink aura accelerated me to Clear.

“Department Motto is ‘Keep Equestria Safe.’ Less time talking, more time for productivity. More for nation’s safety.” She didn’t wait for an answer before she pointed a hoof towards several shelves. “Now, study history. Once done, find me.” She disappeared in a flash. What the heck kind of orientation was that? 

The room itself was crammed to the point that I wondered whether it was the shelves that determined the size of the room. I walked to the first shelf full of dusty books. Actually, “documents” was a better term. There were scrolls and freakin’ stone tablets. “Where do I even start? And why should I learn all this history? Actually...that makes sense, but still. I thought I escaped that when Twilight left!”

Apparently, I’d said that out loud since someone started giggling beside me. I looked down. 

“...Clear? So was this some initiation prank?” I asked hopefully.

“Pfft, no. By the way, I’m Crystal Clear. You just met my twin.” My head fell against the shelf with an audible thump, and more giggles followed. I then turned my head to the pony. Now that I look more closely.. Her wavy pink mane wasn’t braided; rather, it flowed down to her shoulders. There was also a light blue streak in her hair that I might have missed in her twin, and her blue glasses were perched above her horn.

“So...if this actually isn’t a prank, your orientation sucks.”

“True. I felt kinda bad for you, so I came to give some pointers. Go for this scroll first. Then skim this one. Make sure to understand the big picture here. Then, on the next section...”
__________________________________________________________________________

“Wow, thank you for all the advice, Crystal.”

“Any time! Let me know if you have any questions. Once you’re done with the first shelf, go ahead and find me -not my sis-, and I’ll guide you through the next. Now...I actually have work to do...so see ya!” A pink flash and she was gone.

“Welp. Wish I wrote that down,” I muttered and picked up the first scroll. A plume of dust instantly assaulted my senses. “Ah--AH-CHOO!” Need a mask. With watery eyes, I set the scroll down as gently as I could and pulled my shirt over my nose. Better this..than.. I peeked outside the room where several ponies were giving me looks that needed a full cycle in a washing machine. Back to this dusty thing. I slowly unrolled the scroll...for at least ten minutes. “How long is this thing?!” I growled. 




12.05.1025

W- are su-rou-ded. Tho-e dre-df-l beas-- took Fli-t. S-pplie- run-ing low. It’s hap-enin- ag-in.




What the heck. Primary sources? Where are the summaries for this crap!? I grinded my teeth. “‘Least it’s somewhat interesting. Wonder what year it is now..if those dates mean what I think it means.”

__________________________________________________________________________



22.06.1028

Th-y le- me ke-p th-s. Why st-ll al-ve, do no- kn-w. I c-n-ot la-t an-th-r moo-.




“This has to be a prank. What time is it anyway?” I had dozed off several times and somehow had reached document number five. 

“Three hours past midday it is.” 

“...Thanks?” My tired eyes skimmed the room. Seeing nothing, I shrugged and trudged onward in my tedious adventure through the shelves. 
__________________________________________________________________________

“GAH!” 
Something hard had prodded me in the side. I looked to the source, a light blue hoof, which I traced up to the grinning face of none other than Beamy. I poked her nose in return. She blinked. Something to exploit for the future.

“Good morning, Beamy.”

“G’night to you, too, Danny.” I opened my mouth to speak. “It’s already dinner time. I checked your room, found no pon- human, and figured you were still somewhere here.”

“You know me too well,” I replied drily and stood, stretching out any stiffness. Looking down at the scroll I was currently on, I asked, “Think they would let me borrow these?”

“No,” answered a different voice. “You read more than anticipated. Documents also need to remain within archives.” 

I turned to see one of the white unicorn twins from earlier. “Clear...Cry- no- Cause?” 

“Yes.”

“Thank you. Then, I will continue reading tomorrow.”

“You mean the day after tomorrow, Daniel,” interjected Beamy. Oh yeah..

“Good plan,” agreed Clear Cause, who then left to do whatever else she usually does at this hour.

Her face returned through the doorway. “Nice progress today, Daniel! See you tomorrow tomorrow!” 

“Thank you..OH. Thanks, Crystal Clear! And see you then!” A grin, and the face disappeared. 

I felt a tug on my shirt. Somehow, Beamy’s hoof was pulling on it. “Let’s go already, Danny. Sooner you finish, sooner I get to go sleep. Plus, you have an early day tomorrow...which means I have an early day, too.”

“Ah...thank you, Beamy.”

She bumped me with her side in reply. 
__________________________________________________________________________

It didn’t take too long to reach the dining room. Only one princess was seated this time. 
“How was your sleep, Luna? And..where did your sister go? She’s usually the fastest one when it comes to food -well, pastries.” I grinned at my own correction. 

“T’was the usual, Dan. As for my sister, I am unsure. Mayhap some tedious duty hath her preoccupied. And, pray tell, how was thy first day of work?”

“Well...since I’m still a newbie, I’m in the middle of the orientation, so it’s still boring.” 

Luna nodded in understanding and stifled a yawn. “The foundations art most important. It would do thee well to..’get the basics down,’ or so Tia would say.” We waited for around ten more minutes before a scroll poofed in front of Luna. She seemed to wake up, as her eyes skimmed its contents. Her verdict: a frown. “She is unable to attend the meal this time. I will be eating quickly to aid her, but do take your time.” Dinner, her breakfast, ended rather silently with the blue mare excusing herself with a brief “good night” and a flash of teleportation. Basically, the only ones left in the dining hall were me, Beamy, and Feather something. Despite Luna’s words, I ate quickly, gave thanks, and excused myself from the table. 

Once in my room, I picked up a clean notebook, courtesy of one crazy unicorn, and wrote down summaries of all I had read earlier. Though I expected many points of forgetfulness, once I started writing, most of everything came back, leaving maybe a couple blank parts. Next time, I’m bringing this. I shut the notebook and staring at it for a bit, I murmured, “Well, whaddya know? Your supplies came in handy, Twilight.” Guess I’ll thank her next time I see her. 
__________________________________________________________________________
-Several hours later-

Loud knocks echoed through my room. “Do you want to build up muscles?” sang a voice. I groaned. The sun hadn’t risen yet. But noooo. These ponies just have to wake up at unearthly hours for training. Needless to say, I fell back into deep slumber. One minute later, a pegasus had dragged me off the bed. Since tile is freakishly cold, I finally stopped sleeping. “You know what? This might be the most amusing part of my job, Danny!”

“Uggh..how are you functioning right now?” I grumbled.

“Magic. Now hurry up! If you’re late….”

“I got it.”
__________________________________________________________________________

So there I was at the training grounds in my brand spanking new suit just waiting to be ruined. Or at least, that would’ve been funny if fashion pony was there, but no. I was still clad in my limited edition alien clothes. Thanks to Beamy, I arrived with 5 minutes to spare. 

The whole area was pretty flat and wide. Besides the couple of blades of grass that somehow existed, everything else was trampled to just dirt. A multitude of various weapons lined the sides of the area. Strangely, most of them I recognized. Interspersed around the area were guards, all suited up in golden armor, who were stretching, chatting, or idly standing by. 

“ATTENTION!” roared a voice. A mass of ponies scrambled to line up and saluted. I raced to the end of the line and raised my arm in salute as well. 

A white unicorn with purple armor marched along the line, giving an appraising look to every pony.  

The unicorn stopped and leaned in towards one. “VALOR, THERE IS DIRT ON YOUR ARMOR. TWENTY EXTRA LAPS.” Aww..poor dude. Kinda looks familiar...Oh well!

He finally reached the end. “NAME?”

“Uh..Da- I MEAN. IT’S DANIEL, SIR.” 
“DANIEL, WHERE IS YOUR ARMOR?”

“SIR, I DON’T HAVE ANY YET. I kinda started to-”

“GET OUT OF LINE. WILL, TEACH HIM.” Is this happening? Yes, yes it is. What is life? I half-stumbled out of line. Some of the guards gave pitying stares. 

“Guess I’m fired?”

A hard slap on my back sent me to the ground. “HAH. IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT TO GET FIRED. DON’T WORRY, DANIEL. WHEN IRON WILL IS THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU WILL BE 100% SATISFIED WITH IRON WILL’S GUARD-TRAINING TECHNIQUES.” 

Did you have to shout that to the entire world? I looked at the annoying dude using caps lock and then raised my head since I was expecting a shorter figure. “Woah! You’re a minotaur!”

“YES. IRON WILL IS,” he shouted while flexing his biceps. “NOW, LET’S STOP WASTING TIME. FOLLOW MY LEAD.” He poked me on the arms. “WE START WITH MUSCLE TRAINING FIRST.”
__________________________________________________________________________

I was laying on the ground wondering whether people got the definitions of heaven and earth confused. Wouldn’t mind sleeping here right no-

His face disrupted my view of earth. “IRON WILL WILL TRAIN YOUR WILL TO ENDURE. IRON WILL EXPECTS THAT YOU TRAIN YOURSELF DAILY EVEN WHEN IRON WILL IS NOT HERE. UNDERSTOOD?”

“Got it.”

“SHOW IRON WILL YOUR WILL.”

Can’t stand..the third person… My vexation coalesced into some form of energy that allowed me to leap up. “UNDERSTOOD, SIR.”

“GOOOOD,” he half-mooed. With that final, constructive comment, the minotaur flexed once more and marched away. 

Well, wasn’t today flippin’ perfect? The bruises I had before were freakin’ dents on a car crash. The minotaur, in addition to teaching me new “mooves,” had forced me to run, march, and walk countless laps -mainly cause I couldn’t finish running the first ten...nor could I march the next five. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the dude knew plenty about core and upper body exercises that I thought would be left back home. Though these workouts were absolutely fantastic, they would be introducing me to a companion named Pain, or maybe its fraternal twin, Fatigue, for the next two to three days. 
As I meandered to my way out, some ponies sidled up to me. 

“Hey, stallion, good effort today, but you’ll have to work a lot harder to catch up to us!” said guard pony one. 

“Gale, I’d say he handled his first day stupendously for somepony with no background in our business!” replied guard pony two. “It was unfair of Captain Armor to treat you like that, but fret not -you will progress.” She leaned in closer, “Between you and me, however, it is not unlikely that the Captain just wanted justification for Will to train you before permitting you to actually practice with us. Conventionally, the ponies that apply for the occupation have endured years of training, albeit you are an extraordinary case yourself.”

A hoof patted me on the back. 

“Ya did good,” said guard pony three, “Ah’d invite ya to the mess hall if ya din’t look like ya would keel over any moment now, but, uh, make sure to eat an’ drink plenty, ya hear? To be honest with ya, a lot o’ us thought ya were jus’ some greenhorn who would run away. There were some of them bets on ya lasting five minutes! But me, ah’m a bit richer thanks to ya!” A few audible grumbles came from other guards within hearing range. 

“Thank you, and understood,” I replied tiredly.

“You really got beat up this time!” 

“Wow,” I drawled, “I wonder where you got that idea, Beamy!”

“Well, if you really must know, according to my calculations, the facts that your clothes now sport mud, tears, and holes and that you stink worse than rotten eggs and skunk combined must mean that…” She waved her hooves dramatically. “You really got beat up this time!” 

I nodded twice and put on a look of sarcastic comprehension or tried to. “That is, indeed, a very valid conclusion!”
> Chapter 09: Better (Best) Foood
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Will it be the usual today, sir?” 

“No-”

“Yes, s- No?”

“No. Today, I’d like to try a more..protein-rich meal.”

It had been nearly a week since I’d started my current “jobs,” and as I got the hang of the schedule, I’d noticed my body felt weaker -not unlike those times back in college whenever I’d skimp out on certain food groups. Namely, the kinds that blatantly stuck their repulsive selves everywhere in this place. Well, I concede that fruit’s delicious and some vegetables, but that wasn’t the point. The intensive guard-training only exacerbated my condition, and even Iron Will noticed my lacking performance. I actually fainted at some point. At first, I wasn’t sure what the heck was wrong, but thanks to the minotaur, we found out the source was probably due to my diet. I will never forget the look on his face when I told him I just got Celestia’s meal everyday but minus all the non-edible herbivore food. Apparently, the minotaurs here are omnivores, and since he eats at the mess hall every day, that meant that the castle had his meals in stock. 

“Protein..” Feather Shine repeated. Guess she never messed with the minotaur.

Celestia had a small smile, as though she knew what was happening. Luna just looked worn out from her night’s work. Actually, upon closer observation, both of them seemed pretty tired. Celestia just hid it better. 

“Yes, I would like the meal that Iron Will usually gets, if you know what that is.” Cause I have no clue.

Feather Shine’s eyes snapped fully-open. “Right away, sir.” So she does know.

“I’m glad you’re taking better care of yourself,” said Celestia. 

“Thank you. If you couldn’t guess already, Iron Will’s the one who discovered that your diet isn’t doing wonders for my health.”

“Well, that is no surprise considering that you’re an omnivore.”

Your meals aren’t exactly healthy for an herbivore either.. “True. I didn’t think you guys had meat though..You know..since you’re ponies.”

Celestia merely chuckled. “What kind of princesses would we be if we treated foreign diplomats to unsatisfying meals?” 

“Good point...By the way, is everything alright?” 

Celestia’s grin faltered for a moment. “Thank you for asking, Daniel, but do not worry about it.” Her right hoof trailed along her chin. “Actually...we’ve been working a lot with the Departments of Defense and Magic lately. Have you learned about changelings yet?” 

“Yes, I have. I understand why Steady Fort went crazy over my “green flash” description now. Those guys have some terrifying abilities.” 

She nodded grimly. “Usually, they are easy to detect and fend off; however, along with your account, we have received tips suggesting a disturbing increase in changeling sightings throughout Canterlot. So far, the Department has begun linking together evidence that points to a possible move on Hearts and Hooves Day. In addition, some of the ponies have gone missing or have stopped going to work, but when guards question those they find, everything seems to be normal. None of those ponies have tested positive in the Clover’s Test for Changeling Identification.” 

“Ooh...That is pretty serious.”

Luna concurred, “Indeed. We have met several of these ponies personally, and even we cannot find traces of those blasted vermin, except for the strange behaviors of those ponies.” Her entire body seemed to droop down. “We even tried threatening a pony into breaking cover, but -” She smiled bitterly. “The pony only ran away crying ‘Nightmare Moon.’” 

Celestia nuzzled her sister. “Be at ease, Luna. On the bright side, you learned that such methods of interrogation are not practiced anymore. Little by little, you will adjust to modern society, and then you, too, will be accepted more readily. The ponies who claim you are still her are uneducated of the actual happenings.” 

Seeing this exchange, I wondered, “Hasn’t it already been a thousand years? Why don’t they know?”

Luna seemed to think of the same thing, as she stared at her sister with a look of lost confusion. That face lasted but a moment, as a look of comprehension dawned on her face. She gave a kinder smile and returned a nuzzle before settling back down. 

After a couple more minutes, Beamy and Feather Shine returned with our meals. Beamy placed mine in front of me with a barely disguised look of disgust. What...is this.. “So...Iron Will...eats this. I mean, thank you, Beamy!” Set in front of me was a slab of mysterious meat that seemed like it was drowning in its own blood. Did they just kill something in there? I sneaked a peek towards the kitchen -or wherever the pegasi came from.

“Oh? Is the meal not to your liking?” asked Celestia. Whether she was grossed out, I could never tell.

“Uh...there aren’t any...tapeworms...right?” I looked apprehensively at the meal. “Um! I mean! No offense to your food source.”

“That is a reasonable concern, but do not fret. Our meat is carefully selected. Though, if you want something else, the chefs can always prepare a different meal.”

I checked the time. 8:30 am. Too late. “It’s alright! I’ve never tried anything so...fresh before, and I’m not really one to be picky. Besides, I’m just grateful to have meat again!” I picked up a knife and fork and began sawing away. Back home, I wouldn’t bother, but this...this was too much. Had I resorted to my usual methods -sticking a fork in and just tearing off bites- blood would have spilled everywhere. I took the first bite. I chewed. Hmm...not ba- Why is everyone staring? I swallowed. “This is actually pretty decent." I cut another piece. "Guess Iron Will’s got good taste.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” 

I looked across from me. Both of the sisters’ meals looked untouched -with the exception of a couple bites of cake. Despite that, Luna seemed absurdly focused on her plates. I looked down at my own. 
“Sorry..I’ll just eat this somewhere else.” Just as I picked up my meal and stood, a golden glow forced me back down, and a blue one pushed my chair in. I looked back up to see them smiling softly. I gave them my own. 





At 9:00 sharp, I was back at the Department of Defense. I had already finished “the [evil] orientation” and was made an assistant to Steady Fort. Probably just to make sure I’m not incompetent.. But at least, my wages finally began coming in - 5 bits an hour. Usually, it was 10 for beginning assistants, but I was still incredibly new to this world and had my needs provided for by the castle anyway. 

“Princess, with all due respect, we have discussed this at length already. Increasing the guards in Canterlot would not help! Not only would the guards’ presence make the citizens wonder what was going on, but also none of the guards so far have been able to find a single changeling!”

“Steady Fort, I understand where you’re coming from; however, do you remember that citizens have been disappearing? More guards would only serve to hinder the changelings’ actions, or even if they weren’t changelings, with more blocks of Canterlot covered, we would have a greater probability of finding the culprit.”

The red pony sighed. “I suppose so, Princess. I’m just worried that we’re spreading our forces beyond their capacity. Will we be enforcing the double guard rule at least?”

“Worry not. Shining Armor has been drilling that rule into the guards’ heads since Day 1 of his captaincy. Hasn’t he, Daniel?”

“Yup! Everyday, he reminds us of all the rules and who we serve. Makes us shout ‘em while we complete all our training exercises.” There was a pause. I took a peek at Steady Fort, who was giving me the eye and subtly flicking an ear at Celestia. Oh! “Princess.”

“Daniel..you know that isn’t necessary.”

“Just professionalism, Princess,” I replied. 

“Alright, alright.” Celestia gave such a dramatic, un-princessy-like sigh that Steady even twitched. “Anyway, thank you for your efforts. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, Princess,” Steady replied, and I echoed. We watched Celestia leave. “Alright, colt, let’s go. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.” 

“Yes, sir.”

Soon enough, the both of us were immersed in our work. 




REPORT FOR: Department of Defense
FROM: Internal Affairs Intelligence Agency
SUBJECT: Disappearance of Peach Tart

Peach Tart
Missing Since: Dec 20, 2027
Missing From: Canterlot, Equestria
DOB: March 23, 1999
Age Now: 28
Sex: Female
Pony: Earth Pony
Mane Description: Long (touches knees), Wavy, Carnation Pink
Eye Color: Yellow Orange
Cutie Mark: A diagonal silver whisk, handle facing back, whisk facing hind hooves
Height: 3’7”
Weight: 118 lb.
Notes: Peach Tart was last seen shopping near Eagle Eye’s Exquisite Emporium at approximately 15:40. Her coltfriend, Mellow Rye, filed the report on Dec 21, at 20:14. Mellow claims that both had gone shopping for ingredients to stock up and celebrate Hearth’s Warming Eve together. When she did not return that night, he did not think anything major had happened but was determined to report after more than 24 hours from her last sighting.
IAIA Summary: 
-Could be linked to other disappearances
-Coltfriend is NS. Has numerous alibis.
-Recommended course of action?




Well. Everything just keeps confirming that Ponyland ain’t all that safe. Hope that pony’s safe. Then again...this was.. I checked a calendar on the desk. Nine days ago.
My hands began automatically filing all the information. I grabbed a small red sticker and placed it on a map of Canterlot -where Eagle Eye’s whatever Emporium was. The sticker then sunk  into the map, morphing into a small glowing spot. I then zoomed the thing back out like a smartphone. Freakin’ cool. Ponies somehow did the same finger movements with their hooves, but whatever. Questioning it would only test my sanity. For a couple hours more, I repeated these actions for the missing, found, and maybe-but-not-sure sighted. Somewhere in the middle, Steady nudged me. “Keep it up, colt,” he whispered while grinning.





With lunch break in play, I left the department to walk towards the dining hall. On the way, though, there were more ponies than usual, and most of them were setting up some form of decoration. That’s one way to increase the employment rate.

Before long, I sat across from the Sun Goddess again. Interestingly enough, both of us had arrived later than usual for lunch. And more interestingly, or just strange, her mane seemed to be moving slower than usual. Maybe she controls it, and “slow” is stylish for now?

“‘Tomorrow’ came by quickly,” I commented. “How have the last four hours been, Priiiincess?” A napkin levitated onto my face. “Celestia.” The golden aura surrounding said napkin disappeared, allowing the poor, flimsy thing flutter back down. 

“Well, Daniel, you already know the first hour. The last three were dedicated to the Day Court.”

“That’s where you just hear a bunch of citizens complaining or asking for help, right?”

“If you wanted to describe the process crudely. It’s a chance for the citizens’ voices to be heard, and it’s an opportunity for me and my advisors to deliver our aid in a more concrete manner.”

“Uh huh,” I said under my breath. The napkin returned. I spoke through it anyway. “Wow, Celestia, you are so kind and thoughtful towards your ponies -to the point that you hired a bunch to renovate the place for probably a heck of a lot of bits since you’re so generous and all.” 

“Aww,” fake-cooed the mare, allowing gravity to work on my face mask again. “Your compliments are greatly appreciated, you little human you.” 

“Little? I’m taller than you!” 

“If you say so,” she sang. 

“If you weren’t a pony, I’d bet a hundred bucks you were a clone of one of my childhood friends,” I muttered absently. “Ah.” Lily... The corners of my mouth struggled not to twitch downwards. I like to believe that I kept a stoic face, but I’m pretty bad at that. Thankfully, Celestia didn’t seem to hear.

“By the way, on the topic of all those ponies I hired, they are decorating the castle for the Grand Galloping Gala in two days.” 

“Hmm..I remember reading a couple documents on past Galas during my orientation. It’s just a big party for citizens -but mostly nobles- to come by and say ‘hi,’ right?”

Celestia pouted. “You think so little of my events.”

“No, no, no! It’s just that my overall impression of the Gala from primary sources give that kind of impression.” It would be interesting to see this thing first hand. “Am I allowed to check it out?”

The mare was giggling for whatever reason before she replied, “Of course, you may. In fact, you received a package this morning from Rarity, and if my millenia of experience counts for anything, she has prepared you with an outfit suitable for the Gala.” 

“Oh! New clothes? I can’t wait!” I exclaimed happily. At this point, the ones I had on were about ready to fall apart. “Thanks for letting me know, Celestia. Also, how do I send bits to Rarity?” 

“You’re very welcome, and I’d be happy to just send the bits for you. Place them in an envelope addressed to Rarity, and Twilight could pass them to her.” 

I don’t get it. “How will you get them to Twilight?”

“Magic.” 

Go figure. “Alright, as long as this spell ain’t too troublesome, then I’ll take your offer. Thanks again!”

The usual friendly banter continued similarly for the remainder of lunch before we went on our separate ways.





The last stack of reports from the IAIA finally disappeared. 
“Good work, colt,” praised Steady. “While processing, any patterns?” 

“Thank you, sir. And yes. The incidents are concentrated more around Canterlot. In other words, the concentration of incidents decrease radially outwards; however, within Canterlot itself, there seem to be a couple hotspots. I pointed at one. We, well, the guards need to keep a closer eye on the far end of this street -especially around 2200 to 400. Or, at least, that’s what pops out.” 

“Good. That is what we’ve been noticing as well, so-”

Frowning, I continued, “It’s just that…” Steady raised an eyebrow. “All these reports depend on “last seen” times and dates. Is it possible that the culprit is using this to their advantage and maybe, just maybe, throwing us a red herring?” 

“Red herring?”

“Bait to lead us in the wrong direction.” 

“Explain.”

“The reports depend on pony witnesses. Or maybe even changeling witnesses. Either way, if, for example, a pony showed up at one of these hotspots at a predicted time and was seen by someone, and then, the pony traveled elsewhere only to be kidnapped-”

“Foalnapped.”

“Yes, that. Then, the last data point would be the false trail. And yes, I know we use this “last seen” info as an estimate for where and when the incident occurred, but that’s just it! It would be incredibly easy to fake it. In that case, the hot spots where we’re putting more guards at..would only be decreasing security at the actual incidents.” 

“Understandable, but theory relies on assumption that there are no other witnesses after hotspot.” 

“Yes. But that’s also easy to overcome with distractions -like a changeling morphing into a friend or loved one and tricking the pony into following through a less-populated and guarded region of Canterlot.” Another thought hit me. “What if we checked sightings of ponies close to the victims? Not just last sightings of those ponies. Sightings from plus or minus a couple hours from last sightings of victims to maybe when a report is filed. There could be a hidden pattern in there..” 

Steady’s eyes widened a fraction. “Why didn’t I notice this earlier?” snarled the fluffy red pony angrily before he shook his head. His face smoothed out again. Holy crap. Note: Never anger the boss. “I will let the Princess know of this. Thank you very much, c- Daniel.” 





By the time I left the office, there was a slight spring to every step. I checked my watch. Oh, yeah. Broken. It was around 5:40 pm when I got out though. Almost dinner time! I headed towards my room. Along the way, I heard voices coming from further down the hall.

“Ooh,” giggled a pony, “My Prince, why must you be so charming?”

Said Prince replied, “Well, it’s only expected of somepony raised by royalty. I’d be worse than a commoner if I can’t at least reach this level!” 

“I couldn’t have put it any better, Prince Blueblood!” agreed another pony. 

As we approached each other, I saw a unicorn at each of Blueblood’s sides. One of his front hooves was trailing down the back of the right unicorn, which I noticed only because a pony looks funny walking on three legs.

“Good evening, Prince Blueblood,” I spoke politely with a small dip of my head. Don’t want this guy annoying Celestia and Luna later. 

“Oh, hello there, human. I’ve heard much of your exploits as of late. Congratulations with your new jobs.” He whispered to his companions, “New guard and some department assistant.” 

“Well,” tittered one of the mares, “That is quite an accomplishment for -” She looked me up and down. “You said human?” The other mare just seemed nervous, pressing herself tightly against the Prince, who looked slightly annoyed at the increased pressure.

“Yes, the human was rescued by Auntie, and by her grace, was given a place to live and work in this castle. Auntie’s generosity knows no bounds, and it would seem that the human is of decent nature.” 

Wow, a compliment! “Why, thank you, Prince Blueblood. I strive to do my best for the one who saved me from certain doom.” Curiosity struck. “By the way, if it’s out of my place to ask, let me know, but, I’ve always wondered what amazing tasks you have as a Prince.”

Blueblood nodded. “It’s no bother if it’s just a little of my time. As the Prince of Equestria, I aid Auntie with diplomatic affairs, and occasionally, I travel to many cities to show how much us Royal ponies care for the common citizens.”

“You are so amazing, my Prince,” gushed the right mare.

“That is quite a responsibility. Thank you for enlightening me, Prince Blueblood.”

“Of course, human. And as polite as you are, I would be satisfied if you were to call me Prince.” 

I heard a set of footsteps behind me. It was almost comical the way Blueblood’s eyes suddenly widened right as his hoof dropped with a noisy clack. He strained to stand taller. Both mares at this point had stepped backwards, trying to hide themselves behind the cowering prince, and if it weren’t for the voice that followed, even I may have worried. Just a smidgen.

“Blueblood! What dost thou think thou art doing?”

“Aunt-”

“T’is Princess Luna to thee. We cannot fathom my sister’s acceptance of thy pet name for her.”

“Please, forgive me!” 

Luna only gave him a reproachful look. “Answer the question, and thou mayest find a pardoning then.”

“I was just showing these beautiful mares around the castle...as a….as a...kindness given by royalty.”

A bored yet displeased look graced Luna’s face. “Blueblood. As another kindness thou shalt bestow upon them, escort them back to their homes. The hours for visiting were concluded several hours ago. Surely you know that as a denizen of this place?”

“O-okay, I’ll show them out, Princess Luna.”

“Art thou deaf?” she asked quietly. Blueblood’s ears pressed against his head. “We said homes.”

“Y-y-y-yes! I m-m-mean no! I will l-lead them b-back home!” He turned to each mare. “Come along, my dears!” He started walking off before pausing. “Where do you live again?” 

Watching him leave, Luna snorted once and then looked at me. “Art -are you alright, Daniel? That wretched pony has a history of insulting those he would not take to his bed.”

Ohhh. Bluebutt got served! “I’m alright, Luna. I was just asking about the things he did as a prince.”

Luna shook her head, her flowing mane gracefully shaking with it. I feel like tugging it. Can I even do that? “I will never consider him a prince. Why Tia gave that title, I do not know. He is lazy, selfish, and - by Mother- He told me to address him as Prince and touched my face! The look on his face when We spread my wings as the dunce finally realized who We were was and will be the only time I will ever appreciate his presence!” 

“Dang.” I pat her shoulder before we continued the trek to the dining hall. “At least, that meeting woke you up a bit. I’ve never seen you this lively at dinner,” I chuckled.

“I woke up two hours ago.”

“Ouch..Was it the changeling business?” 

She grimaced. “Indeed.”

“At least there’s the Great something Gala to look forward to!”

The grimace worsened.

“Nevermind. Is it really that bad?”

“For one with my past, yes.”

My hand found its way to her shoulder again. 





Again, I was seated across from the sisters. “Now that I think about it, why am I allowed to continue eating in the royal dining hall anyway?” I wondered. 

A sudden flash broke my thoughts. Levitating in front of Celestia’s face was an envelope. 

Oooh. That’s what she meant of magic earlier! 

“What lesson has come from your student this time, Sister?” 

“It’s for Daniel.” Both looked over at me, as the envelope floated over. 

“Who would-” Scrawled in crayon read “TO: DANNY!” “This must be from Pinkie. May I open it here?”

“Of course,” replied Celestia.

I gingerly tore the seal - a round sticker with three blue balloons on it. Confetti blasted my face, and I shouted, dropping the letter and falling out of my chair. Silence. I peeked over the table, only to witness two princesses cracking up at my plight. I quickly picked up Pinkie’s evil trap, adjusted my crooked chair, and sat down, leaving the impression that nothing had happened -with the exception of my slowly warming cheeks. Traitors. The volume of giggles increased. I noticed both Beamy and Feather stifling their own. Frowning, I set the envelope aside and picked up the letter, quickly straightening it, and holding it in front of my face. 




“HI, DANNY! It’s been sooo long since I’ve seen you! How are you? I hope you’ve been smiling! GUESS WHAT! You don’t know them, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake have foals now! They’re sooo cute. I get to see them everyday!” 



A picture of Pinkie and the supposed foals was crudely drawn here. The rest of the letter, Pinkie told me about all the interesting and happy things happening around Ponyville, accompanied by even more pictures. Despite my earlier...situation and despite the threat to throw me a giant party at some point, both corners of my lips had been tugged up by her strange Pinkie magic. I set the letter down, lightly laughing at this point. The princesses shared a look before smiling. 

Another flash informed us of another letter. This one, Celestia read out loud. 




Dear Princess Celestia,

I've always had fun playing with little kids, and I thought babysitting meant just more playtime, right? Wrong! Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate. And today, I learned that sometimes our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.




My chuckling grew louder. “Does Pinkie do this a lot? Send random letters about life at Ponyville?”

“No, actually. The letter for you was unusual. The one I received, however, is written as part of a friendship study I’ve assigned to Twilight.”

“Friendship study?” I repeated. 

“Yes, every so often, Twilight will send Friendship Reports on what her or her friends have learned.”

“What the h- uh- what did this lesson have to do with friendship?”

Celestia shrugged and gave a b.s. answer. “Learning about responsibility can go a long way when it comes to friendships.” Alright, so not really a b.s. answer. Luna seemed to disagree though, if her eye roll was any indication.

Dinner rolled by soon enough. This time, I had asked the chefs to cook the whatever meat well done and to try to chop it so that the others couldn’t even tell what it was. Though the visuals were fixed, pony noses seem to be pretty decent, but the chefs’ efforts paid off, and there was much less visible discontentment with my meal. Grateful, I asked Beamy to lead me to the kitchen. 

“You know you don’t have to do this, right?” asked the pegasus.

“I want to.”

“Alright, here it is!” 

There were several chefs in sight all cooking away. Since it was pretty noisy, I took a deep breath and called out, “Thank you for the meal! WOAH!” A griffon had just stepped into view with a giant cake balanced on his talons. I looked at Beamy. “There’s a griffon!” I whispered furiously.

“Yes. That is Gustave le Grand. He got hired not too long ago after showing off all the pastries he could create.”

“...That makes sense.” I bet I know who ate them all, too.

“He’s also the one that cooked your meat.” Beamy wrinkled her nose at the thought. I was already walking over to the griffon.

“Excuse me, sir.” The griffon was still checking the cake. I moved right next to the cake. 

“ZIS IS NOT FOR YOU,” Gustave asserted boisterously, quickly moving the cake away from me.

I raised my hands. “You misunderstand, sir! I just wanted to thank you for the meal you cooked me -the one with meat!”

Gustave dipped his head and narrowed his eyes, flickering them over my face for a couple seconds. He straightened back up. “You must be ze human.” Psh. I’m clearly a pony. “Since you are standing here and showing gratitude, you must have exceptionally exquisite taste! That minotaur, he is always just asking for ze meat uncooked.” His head violently twitched upwards when he released an indignant huff, making his weird stache growing from his beak oscillate. “Comme une bête sauvage! And when you, ze human, asked for ze same! I almost-” His face came within inches of mine. “Almost-,” he hissed before returning his face where it belonged. “Came out, myself, to teach you how to appreciate ze art of cooking!” He gave a sharp nod. How does his face not fall off? “You have redeemed yourself zis night, Monsieur.” 

“Um..thank you?” 

Another satisfied nod with an added chirp. “Bonne nuit!”

“...Yeah! You, too?” I quickly moved back to Beamy, who was grinning.

“Wasn’t that fun?”

“Yeah, sure. Thanks for showing me to the kitchen. Gustave is definitely an interesting character.” So this place has French. Or, at least, it sounds French.

We were walking along towards my room now. “Beamy, I know the way back now.” I stopped for a moment. “No, wait. That came out wrong. I’m really grateful for all the times you’ve taught and accompanied me throughout Canterlot, but now that I know, more or less, my way around here, there’s no need to walk with me. A hard worker like you deserves to go home  earlier and  rest.”

“Princess Celestia told me to take care of you, and besides, it’s just a couple extra minutes. Won’t hurt at all. Oh! Earlier today, a package arrived for you from Miss Rarity.” 

“If you say so...And thanks, Beamy. I’d forgotten about that.” I chuckled. “Can’t wait to see what the fashionista has in store for me.”

“New clothes? For what occasion?”

“According to Celestia, a set is probably for the Great forgot Gala. The rest will most likely be for daily use.” 

“It’s the Grand Galloping Gala, Daniel. At least remember it if you’re going! Also, ponies don’t wear clothes normally. You’d be fine not to here.”

“Oh. Close enough! And wearing clothes is something I’m used to. It’s already ingrained in my mind, and now I’m comfortable in it.” And other reasons.

We entered my room. Beamy shrugged. “Well, that’s your choice.” The door shut.

I looked away from Beamy. “Now where’s this package -” Beamy had noticed, too. By the first second, blank looks had adorned our faces. 

“Princess Celestia?!” squeaked Beamy.
> Chapter 10: New Friends
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the center of the room, there was a white mare standing majestically with a hidden wind breathing life into her gorgeous mane and tail. Several papers, wreathed in an aura of gold, floated around her, as though she had just been reading them prior to our apparent intrusion. She looked up, giving a warm smile.

“Good evening, Beam Dancer, Daniel. I was starting to wonder when you would return.”

Both of us stared for a moment. “Uh...yo, Celestia.” Another pause. “Did you...need something? I mean - Nevermind. That was a dumb question. Why were you waiting?” Here?

The frozen pegasus next to me finally decided to speak up -but not quite as loud as the minor draft in the room. “I-I-I’m going to go home now. Night, Daniel. Good night, Princess Celestia.” She disappeared as soon as the door was open. Wild Beamy fled! Thanks for the support.

As soon as the door shut, a single click sounded. Was that the lock? I nervously remained in my position. The image of Celestia flickered. Actually, everything around Celestia seemed to be waving about like a mirage. Then it all disappeared, leaving an image arguably more disturbing than the last.

Near the center of the room, there was a white mare lazily draped across my bed. Somehow, her mane and tail were persuaded to remain unmoving. Several papers surrounded her, and a sheet was floating in front of her face as though she was reading it during our apparent intrusion. Her golden jewelry was strewn haphazardly across the room.

Was everything else just made by magic? I wanted to ask her, but Celestia had dropped her smile. Or was she even smiling before? She didn’t look upset, but her face held a passiveness that just seemed off -like a mask. My heart rate increased. Did I do something wrong? Or maybe this is her normal face when she isn’t acting all princess-y?

“Steady Fort told me about your theory earlier,” she solemnly stated. “......”

“What..did you think of it?” I asked meekly. Another long pause followed. I swallowed, and my hands began fidgeting behind my back.

“If we implement measures to study it, the method would backlog everything in the Department of Defense.” She sighed before continuing, “However, at the same time, it could potentially find the solution to the issue of missing ponies and changelings. Reports continue flooding in, and checking previous documents from the top would decrease our efficiency by at least 40%, a percentage that is frankly unacceptable.”

My eyes widened at the number. “Geez. Well, why don’t we just, um, ignore that I said anything and carry on? Or maybe, we could start filing the new reports with the additional details.”

“That is one of the solutions of which I have thought, but that means neglecting all the potentially important data within the previous reports. Under no circumstances do I want my ponies to fall in danger because of something their government failed to do.” With that said, she groaned and dropped her head to the mattress.

“Oh..” I replied unhelpfully. It felt like there was an invisible wall between us. Screw it. I crossed over to her and brushed my hand gently over her neck, which tensed at the touch but relaxed soon after. “If it would help, I could postpone my guard training an-”

Celestia lifted her head back up and spoke, “No, no. Do not limit yourself on my account. Thank you for being such a good audience.” She pat my head with a wing and then levitated her accessories Or jewelry. Or clothing? back onto her body. Her usual warm smile had returned as though it had floated back with everything else.

With everything settled, she suddenly asked, “Why don’t we see what Rarity sent you?”

“Oh, right! Where’s the package..” I turned around before a golden flash from behind stole my attention. I looked back to find a decently sized box.

“Right here, Daniel. Did your poor little eyes get too tired after working with those documents?”

I rolled them in response and gave a curt “thank you” before tearing open the packaging. Upon removing the lid, a flurry of colors greeted my eyes. Woah. I picked up a light blue shirt with a pastel pink lining the edges of the neck and arm holes. Not my taste, but at least it’s really soft…Definitely pajamas. I moved on to the next one, a grey turtleneck.

“It has been getting chillier lately,” commented Celestia, “Why don’t you try it on?”

“Oh, alright. But, uh, feel free to leave whenever since it’s getting late and all, and you got a lot going on.” I pulled the turtleneck over my shirt. “This is amazing! Fits really snugly but gives just enough room for comfort. Back home...I wasn’t really a big fan of these, but Rarity might have changed my opinion.”

“I’m pleased to hear that.”

I took it back off and looked through some more things. Most of the clothes were casual but some business attire was interspersed throughout the collection. Finally, the clothes on the bottom were a set that nearly matched the ones I brought to ponyland and the outfit I assumed Rarity envisioned me wearing for the Gala. There was a white button up shirt, a purple vest and a matching bow tie, and black tuxedo -basically the whole set. A piece of paper fluttered down when I picked up the tuxedo.




Dear Daniel,

I hope this letter finds you well and that the clothing suits your taste! Most stallions do not wear pants, so I was unsure whether to make them for you. I consulted Twilight who let me know that wearing clothing is an integral part of human culture, so I made you several pairs in the end. I can hardly wait to see you in the Gala outfit. The lilac will match your complexion and magnificently enhance the ensemble. You are going to look downright dashing!

Sincerely,

Rarity




Holy crap. Another thing to thank Twilight for.




P.S. Because you asked for it, the total amounts to 50 bits. And just in case you do ask other ponies about my prices, I’ll let you know now that I’m having a special winter sale right now.




I chuckled, “She got me.”

“Are you not going to try them on?”

I looked at all the parts of the Gala set. Too much. “I think I can trust Rarity’s ability in creating suitable clothing. On another topic though, how do I access my money?”

“For now, the Department of the Treasury is tracking your cumulative income, but normally, you would obtain your wages biweekly and save them in any of the numerous banks in Canterlot. If you have no interest in a bank’s services, however, it would not be onerous to continue the status quo, in which your only service with the Treasury are withdrawals and deposits.”

Her horn glowed, and one of the drawers under the desk slid out. A pouch floated out and over to where I was. Taking the hint, I grabbed onto the pouch, making clinking sounds.

“I directed the Treasury to send me 100 of your bits earlier and teleported them into your room.”

“Thank you. That’s pretty convenient. I might check out the banks this Sunday after helping out Steady a bit.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Are Sundays not your day off?”

“Yeah, but everyone in the Department’s been piled with tons of work recently. It’s the least I can do for a team that’s welcomed a stranger and taught him how to fish.” Confused, she tilted her head. “Oh, where I came from, we had a saying. Basically, you could give someone fish or teach them how to fish. The latter method benefits the person in the long run. Steady could’ve just refused me or given me grunt work with no explanations, but he’s taken the time to really teach me his job and drilled into me that-” I lowered my voice and spoke gruffly, “-no stupid questions exist, colt.” I chuckled appreciatively at the memory.

Tittering along, Celestia commented, “If anything, you’ve certainly learned how to impersonate old Steady Fort.”

“You flatter me, Princess,” I replied without changing my voice.

Her wing swiftly exacted vengeance upon my head, as she smirked. “In all seriousness, however, please take care of yourself. It is unnecessary for you to work on your day off from a notion of indebtedness.” I opened my mouth to object. “Albeit, if done from gratitude, then by all means, do as you will.” She qualified, “While taking care of yourself.”

“No worries there. I understand my limits, Princess.”

“Splendid. Now, it is getting late. Steady Fort will let you know updates on processing the reports the day after tomorrow. Good night. My. Little. Human.” Ugh.

“Night..Celestia.” How is “Princess” even comparable to that moniker?! Her smile returned before a gold flash finalized her departure. I glanced at the bag of bits I had held onto. There has to be an easier way to carry cash. Oh well. Future Daniel’s problem.




Suddenly, there came a tapping as of someone rapping, rapping on my chamber door. “Beamy,” I groaned drearily. I need to invest in an alarm clock soon. Sucks for her that she has to wake up me of all people. That thought in mind, sleep captured me-

“SMASH.” The previously locked door violently swung inward, displaying the outstretched legs of the pegasus. Somehow, it was undamaged as well as the perpetrator.

“Alright, alright! I’m up!” I exclaimed, clambering towards the bathroom. Why isn’t she a guard? Or do ponies just have physics-defying strength at random times for unknown reasons? ..NOPE.  Since the ponies lacked size human armor, I quickly slid on my worst clothes and adjusted my sleeves while musing out loud, “Who would’ve thought anything made in China would ever become limited edition?”

“What’s a China?”

“A ceramic piece -no- It’s a country in my dimension. In my childhood, they underwent massive amounts of industrialization and quickly became one of the top exporters of lots of crap and pollution.”

Beamy wrinkled her nose distastefully. “Why would anyone import that?”

I briefly gave a wry grin before switching an expressionless face. No one here can correct me anyway. “We recycled crap and pollution as an alternate fuel source - like you use coal. Their population taking a fifth of the world’s only meant that they had plenty of the stuff to send out.”

“So your clothes are made of human feces?”

“Yes.”

In silence, I prepared the rest of my stuff. The night before, I had counted out 50 bits and stuck them in a small backpack pocket and stuck the pouch with the remaining bits in the main compartment. Swinging the bag onto my shoulder, I and the taciturn pony departed from the room. We continued walking like that. In silence. With her maintaining a meter between us. We were almost at the training grounds by the time she broke the silence.

“You weren’t being serious, right?” she hesitantly inquired.

“No,” I replied, finally cracking a grin.

At the entrance, she smacked my back. “Good! Now have a nice day.” She whirled around and sped walked away.

“Pfft. Ha! Hahahaha!”

“What are you laughing at?”

Flinching and turning to the voice, I desperately saluted. “Sh- Captain Armor!”

The fully-armored, unrelenting unicorn glanced over my form. His gaze seemed to soften. “You’re getting there. Now give me fifty!” Nevermind. I imagined that.

“But, Sir, it’s not 5:00 -”

“Hundred.”

“Did I do somethi-”

“Two hundre-”

“What happened to one fifty?” I dropped my salute and covered my lips. I’m screwed.

The pony narrowed his eyes. This would have been hilarious once upon a time. “Add thirty laps around the castle.”

Saluting again, I conceded, “Yes, Captain.” How is this fair? I didn’t do anything wrong! On the way to the corner Iron Will normally trained me at, I noticed some ponies shaking their heads and facehooving. Let them. Standing at my spot with eyes closed, I breathed slowly and counted to ten before dropping into position.

“One.” I grumbled.

“Ah can’t hear ya!” I shot a nasty glare. “Woah there! Daniel, was it? I din’t mean to be no burr in yer coat. Mah bad, buddy.”

“TWO!” The pony jumped. “Heh.”

“Ya darn near startled me to Cloudsdale!”

“Three. Four. Five. What was your name again? Six.” Guard pony three or two from my first training session.

“Jack Knife!” Not bad.

“Seven. I’ll try to -Eight- remember. Nine. Ten.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“Eleven.”

“Ya’ll get it down-"

“Twelve.”

“-soon enough.”

“Thirteen.”

“Ask if ya forget, buddy. An’ if ya don’t mind, why are ya countin’ aloud?”

“Oh. When Iron Will’s training me, he mandates it. Guess I got used to it.” Fourteen.

A new voice chipped in, “Hey, Knife, if you keep talking to him, he’ll never get done! He’s slow as it is. If it was me, I-” Him again. I sped up a bit.

Another voice reasoned, “Gale, he is a human who hails from a distant land. It is categorically lucrative for you to compare him to our Equestrian standards. That being said, you can hardly go any expediently yourself.” You mean “ludicrous”! The error made me look up at the dark blue unicorn. To her left, was a scowling, light gray pegasus. Guessing that’s Gale. Jack Knife was just standing idly in content amusement. Thirty-three.

“And what is your name?” I asked the unicorn.

“Snow Gale, junior,” replied the pegasus.

“Okay, Junior.” I repeated, “What is your name?”

“Dusk F-”

“No! How’d you not get that? I’m Snow Gale! Snow. Gale. Not Junior.”

I felt my left eye twitch. I paused my push ups and wore my most genuine and innocent smile. “But, you just said ‘Snow Gale Junior’. I really thought ‘Junior’ was such a cool and amazing name ‘cause back in my world, ‘Junior’ was used only for the best of the best. But I guess if you want to be named after some weather terms..” I trailed off looking disappointed and added an extra sigh.

“W-well, I guess you could call me Junior then. I mean- Yeah!- Call me Junior!”

“Awesome, Junior,” I quipped.

“As I was articulating, you may refer to me as Dusk Fjord or Fjord as a sobri-ket.” As a what? Guessing that means nickname.

“Will do, Fjord. Anyway, it was nice meeting all of you. I look forward to working with you once I’m trained more.”

“Actually, Daniel, Captain Armor may have neglected to tell you that Iron Will will not be coming today. He intends for you to spar with us after your -” She paused and looked upward as though searching for something. “-preparatory calisthenics.”

“Really?” This pony is trying too hard. Oh wait..I can finally spar with the others?!

“Affirmative. In fact, for both morning training sessions, you will be collaborating with us, and from 0910 to 1145 hours, you will shadow us during guard duty at Clover Hall. Consequently, after we masticate our sustenance in the dining hall -Oh- after your meal with Princess Celestia, you will report back to the training grounds and follow us to the city to patrol with us. Captain Armor has commanded that the four of us remain together during our patrol despite the norm being a group of four per sector with two subgroups of two contacting each other occasionally. Fortunately, we will be located in an area with a history of low transgression rates. Thus, remaining together should not pose a significant issue towards security.”

“Why didn’t Captain Armor tell me this earlier?” Eighty-nine.

Jack Knife remarked, “Maybe it’s ‘cause the Captain just wants to see yer dedication to the job. It ain’t everyday we get a stallion outta nowhere to join us. I’d bet mah best knife yer a good ‘un though.”

Gale disagreed. “It’s cause he’s just picking on you. You’re the newbie, but don’t worry.” The pegasus gave a winning grin while pointing a forehoof on his chest. How do their skeletons work? “Junior, here, will look out for you.” I feel a bit bad now.

Fjord commented, “Perhaps, it is an iota of both rationalities. Gale, Knife, let’s commence practice over there. Daniel, once you have completed your exercises, come join us.”

“Will do.”




Ten.

Veering around the same path, I noted the barely noticeable chink in the brick in the 4th to last row and 13th column from the nearest edge of the castle wall. “Just a bit more than ten laps left,” I hazily noted. A couple hundred steps later, the annoying voice returned.

“Why do you keep ignoring me, Danny boy?” pined the statue. Nope nope nope nope nope nope. “Did dear old Celestia take your ability to think like she did her little ponies?” Nope nope nope nope nope nope. “That’s good to hear, good ol’ boy.” Continuing my string of “nope’s,” I quickened my pace to return out of range of the draconequus. “Danny boy, did I do something wro-”

“That guy never runs out of things to say, does he?” I muttered to myself.

“That’s right, Danny boy!” shouted an ecstatic voice. Ugh. It tricked me. Nope nope nope nope nope nope.

“I’m not an ‘it’!” complained the hybrid in a nasally voice. It cleared its throat and quickly switched its demeanor. “Now that we’re on speaking terms again, why don’t-”

Finally. Only gotta deal with that crap ten more times. On the bright side, there were other interesting sights around the castle. Pegasi were hard at work at prepping the weather for the GGG. Not only were clouds forced to remain immobile, but also they were shaped to resemble their tormentors. There were even mini sun-like and moon-like clouds floating around, and a constant, gentle breeze provided some respite from the exercise. Perfect weather for the incoming event. Wonder how much that costs.

“CRAAW!”

“AHH!” Suddenly, there were several pointy things digging into my shoulder. I smacked whatever it was off, which then squawked indignantly. Breathing deep breaths, I sneaked a glance at my accoster.

“Oh, hey, fire chicken.”

Philomena was flapping a couple feet above me and looked about ready to burst in flames.

“I hope that didn’t hurt too badly. You surprised me.” Haha! KARMA.

Surprisingly, Philomena actually looked slightly abashed at my words and landed back on my shoulder. “Is that comfortable? I’m a pretty bumpy ride right now.”

She cooed a reply.

Fire pigeon? “Alright then. Suit yourself for ten more laps. Watch out for the crazy looking statue -  might try to mess with you. He also doesn’t like having poop on him.” Feigning ignorance, she cocked her head to one side before nonchalantly preening herself, meticulously tucking every vibrant feather in place.

“Let me help you with that one.” Reaching over, I adjusted a stubborn plume on the back of her head.

“Craw.” A wing stretched out and lightly tapped my head.

“Guess I had one, too, huh?” So that’s how a bird giggles? “Either way, thanks for hanging out -no- on me.”

“Craw,” she replied and nuzzled my cheek. Fine..you’re forgiven.




Nevermind, you overgrown pigeon!

Perched on a weapon rack, Philomena was using a wing to cover her beak while failing to conceal her laughter.

“PAY ATTENTION,” roared Jack Knife before bucking me in the chest and sending me sprawling and gasping for air. “You CANNOT be distracted in a fight! If this wasn’t for practice, you’d be dead, son.” He stepped toward me and offered a hoof. I made the mistake of holding onto it, and the next moment I had landed painfully on my back. “Is THIS what Will taught you?”

What happened to his freakin’ accent? His personality? Did a changeling take over? ...He is right though. I can do better than this. Wincing, I stood up again, taking the stance that Iron Will had taught me for hand to hand -hoof, I guess- combat.

“Better, but lower your center of gravity, colt!” Jack charged forward only to swing around with a roundhouse kick.

“Don’t block! MOOVE!” Iron Will’s words echoed in my head. “Your body type’s best asset is your moobility! Against a pony, don’t fight head on. You gotta find the right place to assert your place!”

I ducked under the kick,moved diagonally forward to grab the pony’s hind legs still delivering said kick, and twisted with my hips while pulling in the direction of the kick to use his force against him. I ended up flipping him onto his back. Holy crap. It worked!

In one smooth motion, the pony recovered his ground. He chastised, “FOLLOW THROUGH! You can’t just sit there while the enemy’s on the ground. What are you doing?”

“My bad, Jack. I was just surprised,” I sheepishly replied.

He sighed but then put up a grin. “Ya got a ways to go, but ya are improvin’. An’ not at a bad rate either. Have some confidence in yer practice. In yer mentors. We ain’t professionals fer nothing.”

“Will do. Thanks, Jack. By the way, during our sparring, your accent disappeared.”

“Huh? Ah don’t know what yer goin’ on about. Now, take a small break. Gale, you, an’ me are gonna take on Fjord next. Has Will told ya about fightin’ unicorns?”

“Not in particular. Just that in the case of having no unicorns in your team, it’s best to isolate the enemy unicorn and take it down by collaborating and using anti-unicorn strategies, which he hasn’t elaborated yet.”

“Hmm.” Jack put a hoof on his chin. “We’ll teach ya Plans Uni One an’ Two then and go slowly. The basic gist is to distract, fool, or ambush the unicorn to take their attention off of somepony who can then give a nice one two on the horn. Go take five now.”

“Alright. I’ll look forward to learning them.” I walked over to the water trough. The idea of drinking water where a bunch of sweaty ponies all dipped their snouts still disgusted me, but according to Iron Will, there was some sort of magic filter that purified the water. When the filter needed to be repowered with magic, it turned the water red. After taking my fill, I walked over to where Philomena was still loafing. “So, I take it you enjoy seeing me beat up?”

“Rah!” affirmed the bird.

Is she smirking? Yeah, her beak is somehow letting her smirk. “Well, I’d like to see you do better.” I poked her bird cheek. “What do you even do all day? Just watch people?” She bat my finger away and huffed. “Alright, alright. Feel free to observe me.” My finger returned to its former spot, and she rubbed her head against it. No wonder Celestia lets her get away with anything.

Jack’s voice from behind me informed, “Five’s up, Daniel. Let’s get back to business.”

“Alright. See ya, Philomena.”

“Craw craw.”




Gripping a practice glaive, I was sprinting in a hopefully sporadic manner while delivering brief strikes at Dusk Fjord. Apparently, magic takes a lot of skill to use, and its effects weaken the larger the area a unicorn wants to cover. Something about magic density. Basically, it’s like a hose. There’s a medium level spray that’s pretty easy to control, a wide area spray that can hit more with less water, and a narrower spray that’s stronger but harder to use accurately. The farther an object, the harder to hit. The concept was pretty much common sense, but there was a lot more depth to it than I cared to know at the moment. For now, Gale was set as the primary distractor, Jack, the ambusher, was avoiding aim while trying to remain inconspicuous, and I took the role of secondary distractor. Since knocking a unicorn’s horn momentarily stuns them, the distractors were to look for openings to hit it and either knock out the unicorn themselves or let the ambusher follow up. There were other tools at the guards’ disposal for anti-unicorn attacks, but we were going bare minimum first. Plus, since this was my first time, Fjord was limited to telekinesis, the most common ability among unicorns.

At this point, Gale was doing pretty well on his own, swiftly swerving and breaking Fjord’s focus. While her concentration was still on Gale, I rushed forward to knock her horn, but as I swung the glaive, a sudden aura enveloped me and threw me backward ten feet. She was being nice though since I was still able to land on my feet. Let’s try something else.

“PRINCESS CELESTIA!” I widened my eyes and shouted desperately, while pointing in the distance. In hindsight, that was a bad idea and probably unprofessional. Every single guard in the area flinched, including my teammates. Every single guard then proceeded to glare at me for the disruption.

“Sorry! I was testing a tactic!”

They grumbled and continued with their business. Meanwhile, Gale was cracking up, Jack was determining whether to be amused or - nope, he’s definitely amused, and Fjord was -Huh? Where’d she go?

A flash from behind made me turn around to see a rather red-faced Fjord who spoke at a just-audible volume, “That was quite unnecessary and un..unkempt, you realize?”

My mouth moved for me. “I think you mean ‘uncouth.’”

“Wha- What? I thought it was - Oh, whatever! Why did you do that anyway?”

“Well, I figured that would cause a great distraction for Jack and Gale to get you.”

She wryly replied, “Well, it was so great that you distracted your team.”

“I realize that now,” I muttered.

Jack chimed in, “If training’s like this ev’ryday, ah could get used to it. And Daniel, ah just wanted to make sure, but that one point ya tried to whack Fjord’s horn - ya know what ya did wrong?”

“Yeah, I ran forward in an obvious movement that was easy to focus on.”

Jack nodded in approval. “Good.”

I turned my head to where Gale was. He’s still laughing?

“Shall we continue round two of our combat conditioning?” inquired Fjord.

“Ready when you are,” I replied, stretching my arms a bit.

“This time, use yer ice magic,” said Jack.

“The pleasure is mine,” spoke the unicorn with an ominous grin.

“Ice magic?” I questioned.

Suddenly, the ground within eight feet of Fjord was smothered with a layer of ice. I jumped only to realize that my feet were frozen in said ice. “Um, Fjord? Mind letting me out?”

“Utilize your glaive.”

Jerk. I checked Jack’s condition. He had already used his strength to tug himself free and was breaking off the remnants of the ice still stuck to his hooves. Looking back down, I began smashing the poor glaive into the ice and hoping I didn’t smash my foot in the process.




By the time the break for breakfast arrived, Fjord had thoroughly frozen me, and I had a newly found fear of unicorns with snowflakes on their butts. Perhaps sensing that training was over, Philomena glided over, landing on my shoulder.

“I bet you had a lot of fun watching me this time, huh?”

“Rah.”

I felt a wave of warmth spreading throughout my body. Surprised, I looked at her.

“That you?”

“Rah.”

“Thanks!” I grinned sincerely.
> Chapter 11: The Doldrums of Guard Duty
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The blue skies stretched beyond, while cheerful rays of light shined upon the lowly mortals below. Meanwhile, a disgruntled human back to the training grounds from what felt like a rather truncated lunch break. That disgruntled human was not me. 

Psych! Anyway, lunch was a blessing because the mischievous phoenix had eaten part of my breakfast, and to make things worse, Clover Hall, where I was assigned for castle guard duty, happened to be right next to the flippin’ kitchen. It is the worst thing ever. I do not recommend it. Food is only great when you can eat it. And even worse than worst - Nothing happens. Well, excluding some pointed stares, snide comments, and the occasional urge to jumpscare racist passersby. They’ll accept me one day. And maybe by then, I’ll have accepted this place, too…. Feeling some gloom seep in my mood, I shook my head. Okay, okay, think of cute puppies. At the thought, one of the few entertaining memories of guard duty flickered through my mind, making me laugh a bit. It’s really weird to see a pony walk a Bichon Frise.

During lunch, everything was pretty much routine with the exception of Philomena choosing to stay on my shoulder while Celestia was there. She had very obviously feigned jealousy, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if there was actually a slight twinge of it. Heh. Unfortunately, I couldn’t gloat for too long since the horse cut her lunch short to attend to more pressing matters. And Philomena flew out after her. After the meal, I had quickly returned to my room to grab fifty bits to hopefully send to Rarity after city patrol duty. Apparently, her store is named Carousel Boutique, which was pretty normal compared to some store names back - Dang it. I shook the thought away. 

Nearing the training grounds, I spotted Snow Gale waving me over. He was looking pretty excited about something, so I quickened my pace. 

As soon as I was within hearing range, he spoke, “Hey, Daniel, get over here! You got some new stuff!”

I perked up at that. “What is it, Junior?”

“Just come check it out!” He whipped around and glancing over his shoulder, motioned me to follow with his wing. 




Before me on a cart were some pieces of silver armor and some metal-toed, ebony boots that seemed like they were made out of leather. A stoic, orange Earth pony with her head held high and chest puffed out stood next to the cart. I briefly noted the two crossed hammers on her rear.

“Nice to meet you. I am Forge Striker. Are you the human?” 

“I’m the only-” I sighed. “Yes, my name is Daniel. Nice meeting you, too. Is this stuff mine now?”

“No,” she deadpanned. “These boots are crafted for griffons.”

“Wait- Oh. Very funny,” I chuckled.

“I am glad you think so.” 
Geez, this is the least expressive pony I’ve ever seen. At least she’s got a sense of humor.
“Are you the pony who made all of this?” I waved my hand over the cart.

“Yes. It was very fun,” she replied monotonously, “Try them on.”

“Alright, but I might need some help with the chest piece.” Those boots are freakin’ sick. I pulled off my worn sneakers and slipped on the boots. After tying the laces, I tested them. And immediately began running around and jumping in them with a possessed-like glee. “How did you ever make leather feel so comfortable?” Been too long since I’ve worn a pair of shoes that had the only two holes needed.

“Leather? This is not leather. It is specially prepared fabric. Also, there is an external layer. It provides support, waterproofing, and temperature regulation.”

“Well, it feels amazing! I’ll definitely be wearing these from now on.” 

The pony stood even taller than before, but her face retained its impassivity. “Good. Put on the others.”

How do I put this on? I picked up the chest protector, which had the leather-like material for fasteners. Oh? It’s pretty light. On the front, there was just enough metal to reach the bottom of my ribs, making sure that my heart and lungs were well-protected while maintaining a weight with which I could still move effectively. The back was the same length but used the leathery material. I pulled the piece over my head and tightened the straps after fumbling around with the clasps. 

Gale whistled. “You’re getting cooler by the minute. Of course, it still doesn’t compare to my armor!” He twisted around, showing off his armor that I’d already seen many times on every other guard pegasus here. 

“It is well-maintained,” I admitted inwardly. Out loud, I asked, “The final pieces are arm guards, right?”

Dusk Fjord beat the armor pony to the reply. “They are, indeed, vambraces.” Gale rolled his eyes.

“Oh, wow. These vambraces are indubitably elegant,” I quipped, as I strapped both of them onto my arms. “So, how well does the metal protect me?” I raised my right arm, inspecting the guard.

“Test it,” replied Forge something, who then proceeded to grab the sharpened glaive off the cart and swung it at the arm. Maybe from training or from the sole wish to keep my limbs intact, I reacted quickly and avoided the blade. She stared at me.

“What? There’s safer ways to test it. Stop looking at me like that.”

Without warning, ice blades swung at my chest and arm. I flinched. Barely even saw that. The one responsible said, “It works superbly. I have enough jurisdiction over my ice to slice through boulders.” 

Forge something set down the glaive, and I thought she would be disappointed. However, her face continued being less expressive than a freakin’ wall. Out of curiosity, I asked, “Is there a reason why your fa-” Fjord’s magic clamped my mouth shut. I shot a glare at her until I noticed Forge something’s entire body shivering violently. Still no emotions, but holy cow. Did something happen to her? Fjord released my jaw. “Thanks, Fjord. Anyway, as I was saying, is there a reason why -uh- why I’m getting this armor?” 

Forge’s shudders lessened gradually. When they ceased, she replied as though nothing had happened, “Captain Armor commissioned your equipment last week. He wanted you to have protection for official responsibilities. There is still more in progress. It is full plate armor for important functions. Use your current gear and this glaive.” She lifted the weapon off the cart and pointed it in my direction, waiting patiently for me to receive it. “Captain Armor asked this to be made two days ago.” 

Shin- No- Captain Armor, I was wrong about you. I glanced at the glaive. I had only practiced with one four days ago, and to my inexperienced eye, even I could tell that it was finely crafted. As I reached for it, Forge took a quick step forward and swung at my chest. 

“Wah!?” I jumped back and peered down. There were no marks on the chestplate, and blood wasn’t leaking anywhere. 

“Tested,” remarked Forge, who left the glaive in my outstretched hand. “I will go back now.” She turned around and began pushing the cart back to wherever. 

“Thank you, Forge!” I called out. 

“Forge Striker,” she reminded without looking back. Close enough!

As I shifted the glaive’s pole in my hands, testing the weight, Jack commented, “Well, would ya look at that. Ah haven’t seen her show that much feeling since seven -or was it eight- years ago.”  

What feelings? “I see..” 

Jack just grinned at my very reasonable skepticism. 

“Anyway, I’m supposed to join you for city patrol, right? Would any of you happen to know what I do after that?”

“I can answer that,” answered Captain Armor, walking over and giving my gear a brief lookover. Everyone saluted. “At ease.” Everyone relaxed at once like a single organism. “Show me your stance,” he commanded.

“Yes, sir!”
I spread my feet, dropped my center of mass, and shifted my hands along the pole with the glaive’s blade slightly angled up. His horn glowed pink, and the aura engulfed my glaive. Nothing happened, and then there was a slight tug, making me fasten my grip. “Good. The glaive suits you, so I made an order for one. It is made with magic-resistive alloys, and there is an enchantment that makes it feel lighter. But since it has that resistance, you’ll need to renew the enchantment every two weeks instead of the usual month.”

Cool..No wonder it’s even lighter than the practice glaive despite being much longer. “Thank you, Captain Armor. How much was it, Sir?”

“Don’t worry about it. We issue a specific and suitable weapon for each guard since all skill sets have a place here.” After a short pause, he added, “You still have to practice with other weapons though.”

“Yes, Sir!” He seems nicer right now. Cause of lunch? The guy -Captain- actually chuckled. How good was that lunch?!

Captain Armor waved me down. “Alright, now back to your previous question. From 1300 to 1500 hours, you will be patrolling four blocks with Fjord, Knife, and Gale. They will explain the details, and it will be up to them how you decide to patrol.” I nodded to show I understood. That’s only two hours. As if Captain read my mind, he continued, “Normally, patrols are at least twice as long, but think of this as easing you in the routine.”

“Yes, Sir. What about after?”

“You have free time until 1600, when you will undergo more training until 1800. Then you are done for the day.”

“So six hours of training and around four and a half for actual duty,” I mentally calculated. Wonder what we’ll do for the training. Haven’t done one that late yet. And where the heck is Iron Will? 

Captain was just staring at me. Huh? Right! 

“Understood, Sir. Thank you for explaining. Also -er- I was just wondering where Iron Will is,” I finished lamely. My hands were fidgeting about behind me. 

Captain Armor seemed somewhat reluctant to say anything and began slowly, “Will...has been considering...alternate career choices.”

“What?! Was I that bad?” I blurted. I can’t be that weak, right? I can do way more exercises now! I could probably lift Celestia, too! How much does she wei- No, that’s a dangerous line of thought. 

“You are still below average compared to our guards,” Shining objectively stated, “But I have observed major improvements with your physique and technique. Don’t worry about it. Will gets like this sometimes.” On the periphery, I noticed Gale roll his eyes. Fjord gave him a quick nudge, which he returned with a prod from a wing. “Actually, Will told me the other day that you have been his most successful project yet.” 

“Oh, alright, if you say so -” A project? Okay. Whatever. “- Sir.” 

“One more thing before I leave you to your duty. After your day is over, reflect over what you have learned so far and write a report on that and how you are adjusting.” I tensed up at “report,” and noticing this, Captain added, “It’s informal, Daniel. You came to us completely green. I just want to know how you’re doing. I would offer to just talk but, well, with preparations for the Gala and..other events..I don’t have much time during work hours. And it doesn’t feel right to ask you to meet me outside of hours.”

He’s really really nice today. I could feel that nervousness building in my stomach, but there was something about his tone that felt..sincere. Releasing a quick breath and grinning, I replied, “Yes, Sir. Any other parameters for the report?”

“Just write. No length limits. Be honest. Oh, and, uh, do you mind if a third party read this as well?”

That’s a weird question. But it’s the Captain.. I waved my hands in a placating gesture and  consented, “Not at all! Go ahead.” Maybe for Celestia or Luna to check out? Nah, they’re drowning in work.

“Good.” Captain Armor then shifted to a commanding tone, “Now, go execute your duty for the citizens!”

“Yes, Sir!” This time, my..team -We’re technically a team now, right?- joined in replying.

Alright. Got equipment now. God, this glaive is freakin’ neat. I gave myself a onceover and carried myself to the team. Jack had a lazy smile on, while Gale and Fjord were facing away from each other. Oookay. “Ready when you are,” I spoke cheerfully, trying to dispel whatever was going on with them. 

“Splendid. Daniel, we are covering four blocks. Conventionally, a team of four guards patrol three blocks per pair -” She inquired, “You recall the double guard rule, correct?” I opened my mouth, but apparently, it was a rhetorical question. She continued her monologue, “- for four hours and meet every hour. However, in consideration of recent events to which I am certain you are privy from your other occupation, Captain Armor has increased the patrol density. Ergo, four guards -two blocks a pair.” 

That sounds familiar. 

Gale decided to chip in, “Come on! The Captain already told us everything soo many times during practice. Let’s go already! I’ll pair with Daniel. You can go with Knife.”

Fjord wrinkled her nose but quickly smoothed it out. “Gale, we still need to brief Daniel on the area we are guarding. Furthermore -”

Gale hovered to my left and hooked an arm -foreleg- around my shoulder. “Don’t worry, I can explain.” Gale then flew between Fjord, who backed up to avoid getting whacked by errant wings, and me. “Alright, so basically, Captain put us in the safest place in Canterlot - a residential area with elite, snobby-” Gale glanced at Fjord. “Oh, uh, no offense. But yeah, all those ponies. Which doesn’t make sense because I can handle the worst!” Fjord nearly facehoofed but paused as though realizing such a gesture was unbefitting of a pony of her stature. Or I’m reading too much into it. And..she’s from the upper class? Wonder where the rest of the guards come from.

With a small smile still adorning his face, the most patient pony outside of sparring finally spoke up, “Gale, ya need to work on yer explaining. Daniel, we’re gonna take care o’ the intersection o’ Palace Lane an’ Princess Platinum Path -or just call it ‘P. P. Path.’”

“You’re kidding me.”

“Yup. We jus’ go by ‘Path.’ Anyway, as Gale mentioned, the place is pretty safe, and ah reckon Captain Armor did that to get ya to learn the ropes of things.” 

“Oh, that’s why?” exclaimed Gale, “Daniel’s more than ready for the other places! It’s not like a lot happens there either.” Fjord sniffed, angling her muzzle up slightly. Gale’s ears twitched in Fjord’s direction, and he spun around to face her. “Got something to say?”

“Nothing,” she cooly replied, “Only that Captain Armor’s intentions were more than apparent.”

“Psh, whatever.” 

Jack shot a look at them. Still in the air, Gale crossed his forelegs and turned away. Fjord somehow further straightened her already rigid posture and tilted her head towards Jack and me, signalling him to continue. “Alrighty. Gale.” The pegasus looked over. “Fjord an’ ah discussed beforehoof that she an’ Daniel will pair up, an’ that you an’ ah will go together.” 

“What?!” protested Gale, throwing his hooves up. “Why didn’t you talk to me about it? I want to show Daniel how a real Junior does things!” I held back a chuckle.

“We tried. Ya were busy starin’ at Daniel tryin’ on his armor.” Trying to maintain the peace, Jack added, “Besides, don’t ya think we make a great team? Plus, Daniel still don’t got as much experience with magic. Whether anythin’ happens, Fjord can still show him a thing or two.” Fjord grew taller. Again. The corners of my mouth twitched. How far can ponies stretch?! 

Gale scrunched up his face. After a moment, he acceded, stretching out the word, “Alright.” 
Fjord stated, “With that resolved, let us commence our task.” She paused, peering at my face. “Does something concern you? I must admit - I have yet to be acquainted with human facial expressions.” 

“No -pfft- no! Nothing!” 

She seemed concerned. “It is perfectly acceptable to be nervous on your first city patrol -especially since that happened to you.” She frowned distastefully. 

Right, the amazing Triston. Hearing her refer to that made my urge to giggle subside. “I wasn’t thinking about my kid- er- foalnap. Besides, with you and this new stuff -” I gestured at my new crap. “- I’m sure people will think twice before doing anything to me.”

While Fjord accepted the answer, Jack chided, “Now, Daniel, ah’m glad yer confident, but don’t go underestimating anypony now.”

“Okay, Jack. Now, shall we?” Everypony agreed, and we began walking to the castle exit. “So, I got that we’re covering the blocks around Palace Lane and the Path, but how will we split?”

Fjord answered, “We will guard the east blocks, and they -” she tipped her head at the other two “- will secure the west.” Gale looked at her questioningly before shrugging. “In addition, our hourly rendezvous will be at the intersection.”

I have no idea where anything is. “Okay.” 

Jack said reassuringly, “Jus’ follow Fjord, and ev’rything will be peachy keen.” I nodded. 

“CLANG!” I nearly lost my grip on the glaive as the top collided with the bottom of the portcullis. Everyone jumped. “My bad! Still gotta get used to how long this thing is,” I explained embarrassingly. 

“Understandable,” murmured Fjord, her eyes betraying her surprise.




It was just Fjord and me now. Our group had split in opposite directions from the center. Striding steadily southward, I could already tell this was a lot more involved than guarding the castle. We could still hear the sounds of a party from a mansion further north. 

“Prima Flore, come back!” called a gray regular pony with a black mane. Earth pony. British accent?
With a sharp frown and a rushed yet somehow graceful gait, a white pony nearly passed us, until she stopped to hiss back, “Don’t call me that, Octy. I already told you that I go by Fleur de Lis. Now, if you will excuse me, I shall attend Fancy Pants’s soirée.” 

“Fine,” retorted Octy, “After all, we are already grown mares who can make responsible decisions.”

Ignoring the other pony, Prima Flower or Fleur de Lis -tall, skinny unicorn- seemed to notice us and let out a tiny gasp. “Oh, I have shown you an embarrassing display, dear guards. Please do not commit it to memory.” While saying this, she had struck several strange poses. Although she seemed to base them off of some distorted sense of aesthetics, the similarities to a marionette controlled by an amateur were uncanny. Then again, what do I know about what ponies think is beautiful? With barely a gaze at me, she elegantly strolled away -well, as elegantly as a pony could while suspending a single, parting forehoof. 

“Okay, then. That was freakin’ weird,” I commented.

“She has...a predilection for pretentious postures, demarcated by shallow remarks,” said Fjord rather vehemently. Need some ice for that burn?  Remembering this came from a magic, ice pony, I grinned. What do you do about freezer burns? 

A somewhat displeased yet tired voice spoke up. “I would appreciate it if you refrained from talking about my sister in such a manner -especially you, Dusky.”

They’re sisters?! “Oh, sorry -Octy, right?” I offered a half-hearted apology. Wait..Dusky? They know each other? I shot a look at my partner who had opened her mouth to retort and then, sensing the resignation in Octy’s tone, closed it. 

Some energy returned to the gray mare, as she corrected, “It’s Octavia.” 

I recalled the siblings’ exchange. No wonder. “Alright, Octavia. My bad for assuming,” I sheepishly said, scratching the back of my head. Her cutie mark is a treble clef? “Do you play any instruments by any chance?”

Octavia looked surprised by the sudden question, and with a twinkle in her eyes, she answered, “Why, yes, I play many instruments, but my absolute favorite is my cell-” An indigo aura began tugging me away. “-o?” Octavia gave an unamused stare. “Dusk Fjord.” 

“Apologies, citizen,” said Fjord rather monotonously, “As we are still on duty, we must eschew discoursing with the populace.” Technically true...but come on!

Octavia seemed to share the same sentiment and scoffed, but she gave a sincere smile at me. “I suppose we may talk of instruments another time then-” Her eyes briefly flicked to the upper left before returning. 

“Name’s Daniel,” I said. 

“- Daniel, I believe, ” she finished simultaneously.  
I don’t think I introduced myself.. “How-”

She waved a hoof dismissively. “You’re only mentioned on the front cover of several Canterlot newspapers.” Her smile became forced, and her brows furrowed slightly. “Most of what they’ve said has been neutral to positive, but it may be difficult to dispel a couple things some of the less reputable tabloids have claimed about you.” 

My mouth dropped, and for a moment, I didn’t know how to reply. By the time I spoke again, Fjord had already dragged me a sizeable distance away, but I shouted exasperatedly anyway, “But this is my SECOND time outside the castle!” The heck could those ponies be saying? Or is it those freakin’ nobles that pop in from time to time? The gray pony shrugged. Oh, whatever. I gave a final wave before we rounded the corner. “At least we’re off the P. P. Path,” I giggled immaturely. The aura dispersed, and Fjord marched ahead wordlessly. Ooookay. Be a stick-in-the-mud, why don’t you. “So, Dusky -” Something grazed my left cheek, and hearing a light crunch behind me, I swiveled to see the remains of an icicle. I felt a warm trickle make its way down my face. Turning back, I saw her staring at me with a complicated expression. 

Her eyes glanced at the scratch, and her horn glowed again, mending the tiny cut. That done, she looked downwards. When she spoke, a noticeable quiver weaved in and out of her voice. “That was unprofessional of me. I am so sor-” 

“If you’re going to apologize, look at me when you do it.” She stiffened and met my demands. My waiting hand ambushed her with a flick to the nose, and she flinched, consequently giving an indignant look. Before she could say anything, I asked half seriously, “We even?” 

She gave a calculated look and quipped, “Yes, Danny. Or maybe you would be partial towards ’Nielly’.” 

“Heck no,” I rejected emphatically. 

“‘Nielly’, then.” 

“You keep that up, and I’ll keep calling you ‘Dusky,’ Dusky. Or maybe you would be partial towards ’Fjordy’,” I mocked. “Wait. That sounds dumb. ‘Fjo’? ‘Ordy’?” I frowned and pulled on my non-existent goatee. 

Fjord snorted and quickly covered her muzzle with a hoof. When her hoof left her face, she was smiling in earnest. “Indeed, those are quite the substandard monikers.” She waved a hoof nonchalantly and added, “Of course, apposite for a neophyte.” 

Our banter continued for a bit longer before we found ourselves near a neglected estate. Nevermind on “neglected.” It’s downright abandoned. Dark verdant vines had infiltrated the entire structure of the manor. In stark contrast to the rest of Canterlot, a gloom had settled in the area. I looked up at the clouds I could’ve sworn were not there before. Kinda like a stereotypical cartoon villain hideout. “What happened to this place?” I murmured half in thought.

“The proprietors of this edifice are the Asters. They were of noble lineage, and with as perceptive as you are, I am certain you can comprehend the rest,” she answers dismissively. 

“Yeah. They got screwed over or screwed up themselves.” 

“That is..a crude but admittedly succinct description.” 

We rounded another corner and left that place behind quickly. For whatever reason, it felt easier to breathe, and a sigh escaped me. Fjord raised a brow. “What? That place felt wrong. I don’t know why.” 

Fjord nodded and fielded an unspoken question. “The Captain informed us that your world contained a curious scarcity of magic. Moving on...your perception of this acreage is a result of one of the innate properties of magic.”

“How?” I interrupted. “Like you said, I come from a place with no magic! How can I sense anything?”

Fjord waved a hoof. “Allow me to elaborate. As I was saying, this is your perception, but what is being acted upon is actually anything within the purlieu. Our entire world is brimming with magic, and the amalgamation of countless factors can mold the magic in certain ways. In this case, because of the estate’s..hapless history, the magic initiated a mechanism that would perpetuate its gloomy atmosphere.”

“That’s messed up. So if I was depressed, would magic just leave a rain cloud over me?”

Chuckling slightly at my reasonable question, the unicorn replied, “It’s not as simple as that. While, yes, there may be a slight effect, for this type of ambient magic, the factors must be on a much larger scale to actually do something palpable. That, or a medium to act as a conduit.”

“Alright. Sounds like something I don’t need to worry about then.”

“Ordinarily.”

“Good enough for me.” Then again, nothing is ordinary to me..here 

There was not much of note until we arrived at the northern side of..P. P. Path. Yes, yes, be immature. Fjord would roll her eyes if she could hear my thoughts. The pony in question, however, was avoiding eye contact with anyone on what was easily the largest property on the block. At what looked like a garden or lawn party, ponies whose noses feared the ground were everywhere, and all of them wore clothes. Most of them were brown-nosing around a white unicorn sporting a monocle and a mustache. A Baroque-like piece played by a quintet danced through the air, and a unicorn to the side amplified it. My feet quickly adjusted to the beat. In the background, a marble mansion towered resolutely. “Must be a loaded pony,” I commented.

“Indeed. Fancy Pants.” 

I choked out a laugh. “Sorry, I shouldn’t laugh,” I spluttered -especially since the pony was headed over, dragging his crowd with him. It was a bit intimidating to be honest. Since she was taller than most, it was easy to spot Fleur, Flore, whatever, as well.

“A good day to you, guards.” Everyone around him also rushed to chime in some kind of greeting. 

“Good day, sir,” returned Fjord.

They’re all staring at me. Barely suppressing a shiver, I quickly echoed.

Feigning surprise, Fancy exclaimed, “Oh! Is that Lady Dusk Fjord I hear? I could hardly recognize you in your guard attire! You must forgive me.”

“Please, all is well. Our ensemble, in its purpose of shielding, also obscures everypony’s identity.”

“Most everypony.” With that, the unicorn faced me. “I’m afraid no amount of armor could conceal you, friend.” Maybe sensing my unease, he introduced himself, “I am Fancy Pants. Might you do me the honor of knowing your good name?”

There’s no way this pony doesn’t already know me. Eh..he could be being polite about it. Matching his short greeting, I replied, “I am Daniel.” 

“Daaniel..A wonderful name!” he declared. Some “oohs” and “aahs” emanated from the gathering. “Anywho, I dare not keep the both of you from your responsibilities. Perhaps we could meet in a different setting, by your leave.” A short nod and the pony returned to his party. Or rather, the party moved with him. Then they broke out in song. What. The. Heck.




At 1500 sharp, we were back at the intersection of Palace Lane and - Enough of that. I shook that thought but grinned despite myself.

“Think you could go twice as long next time?” asked Gale. The pegasus who looked bored out of his mind in our first patrol rendezvous had a renewed energy in his steps. 

“Probably. Junior, this is nothing compared to the training!” 

“Ha! Training ain’t for this. Jus’ ya wait, Daniel,” replied Jack. 

“That’s not ominous.” 
“Don’t worry, Daniel. Next time, it’ll be you and me! I can show you how to handle any situation that pops up,” exclaimed Gale.

“Daniel fared well. Now, if there is nothing else to append, I shall finalize our patrol statement. Remember your report for Captain Armor.”

“Gotcha.” 

Jack and Fjord set off first. Fjord surprisingly left with a “good day, Nielly.” Need to think of something..later. Thankfully, Gale led me to the nearest post office, and guided me through mailing before parting. All in all, it was a quick process similar to back home. 50 bits lighter, I began my trek back to the castle. A few minutes later, I blinked several times. “What?” I muttered. The sun seemed a bit lower. The buildings were the same, but I was farther down the street by a couple yards. An ache throughout my skull pulsated. A distant metallic clatter sounded.

“Daniel!”

My vision darkened. 

“Daniel, Daniel! Respond!” 

With eyes shut, I groaned, feeling the ground beneath my body.

The voice filled with relief. “Good, you’re awake.”

I opened my eyes. “Steady,” I murmured before sitting up. “What happened?” I looked around trying to orient myself.

“That’s what I want to know, Daniel,” he replied with concern evident on his face. “I saw you stumbling. Then, your weapon fell. I rushed over to you just as you collapsed.” 

“Ugh..” I grasped my head. “Got a real bad headache. Last I remember, something about the sun. Probs dehydrated. Didn’t drink much water today.” SHOOT. “What time is it!?”

“You’re okay, colt. Only been a few minutes. It’s 3:48 pm.”

I shot up, bent briefly to pick up my glaive, and stood a bit to wait for the tiny stars to clear from my sight.

“Take care of yourself, Daniel. I’m certain Captain Armor will be understanding if you skip the evening training.”

“No, I can do this.” I took a step and stumbled again. 
“Steady, there.” 

“No, you’re Steady,” I quipped with a tired grin. “Don’t worry. I got this.” I took a deep breath to recollect myself. “See you tomorrow!...Sir!” I sprinted as if a thousand angry Beamy’s were chasing me and ignored the pain verberating with each step.





Somehow. Somehow. I made it there with three minutes to spare. There were mostly ponies with batlike features. Bat ponies then. I’ve only seen them at night anyway. Of course, I was in the spotlight again with my dramatic entrance and desperate wheezing. Ignoring the metallic taste in my mouth, I went for the water trough and gulped enough for a kiddie pool. Besides the consequences of being less focused and exhausted, training went well. Most of the session aimed to practice stealthy maneuvers and ambushes with a mix of the usual. It was fortunate that I arrived on time since we ended up moving to train at the hedge maze. And even more fortunate was that our section of the maze was far enough from the crazy statue. Poor doofus must be lonely.

After training, Captain Stomach guided me to the dining hall. Both princesses, Beamy, and Feather were already there, as usual. Gently, I laid my glaive next to the wall. As I walked to my seat, I injected some enthusiasm into my greeting. “Hi, Beamy! Feather. Busy day, Celestia? And good evening, Luna.” Beamy waved but didn’t say anything to maintain professional decorum. Still half-asleep Luna grunted. 

Celestia giggled. “Yes, it was quite busy, but you lit up my day when you befriended Philomena. She favors you quite a bit now.”

“You’re the one who lights days with the sun,” I replied. 

“Yes,” affirmed Celestia.

Oh. That was the point. “Sorry, I’m more tired than usual,” I sheepishly said, rubbing the back of my head. 

“So I’ve heard. But first, let’s order and enjoy the meal. I’m sure my stomach is not the only one rumbling.” She glanced at Luna, who at this point had her head planted on the table. Her starry mane ceased to function, and she could barely keep her drooping eyelids at bay. Is..she okay? A flash followed by click brought Luna back to attention with her wings in disarray. She narrowed her eyes at her sister, who gave a cheeky grin before teleporting the Polaroid away. 

The miffed alicorn huffed, “Thou best watch thy backside ere the morn.”

“Thank you for the warning,” evenly replied Celestia, which made Luna snort. With food coming in and shortly teleported to the table by both sisters, Luna levitated a banana, divested it of its peel, ate said peel, and permitted gravity to wrest the edible part to the tabletop.

“Uh..” How many f’s will Equestria take before I got no more to give? “You gonna eat that, Luna?” I inquired. Sure, I’m not about to ignore my dinner, but seeing a perfectly delicious banana go to waste wrenched at my stomachstrings. 

“Why would you eat this?” Luna levitated the banana insides back up in front of her face. She looked at it cross-eyed, and uttered, “Oh.” After which, she tossed it in her mouth, chewed twice, and swallowed. Setting her face on a hoof, Luna smirked victoriously. “Didst thou covet the crop?”

I facepalmed, and Celestia snickered. 

Later into the dinner, the sun princess casually brought up, “Steady Fort informed me of your collapse.” Luna looked at her sister then to me and back to her sister.

I rolled my shoulders and parroted what I told Steady. “I’m alright. Just dehydration. Drank a bunch of water, and I’m feeling better now.”

“Better?” 

“Yes, I’m fine,” I emphasized. “Just a bit of a headache left, but that’s normal with dehydration. It’ll go away with some time...Thanks for checking in though.”

It seems Celestia was satisfied with my answer because she nodded and broached a new subject. “As everyone in this room well knows, the Grand Galloping Gala is tomorrow evening.”

Sipping her night coffee, Luna chipped in excitedly, “Indeed! It shall be Our -my- first since…” Her cheerfulness took a slight hit before she stared into the distance and declared emphatically, “Since my return!” Celestia was warmly looking on at her sister’s display. Settling down, the night princess then faced me, “It shall be…your first as well.” She met her sister’s gaze briefly before turning back. “And it is by my will that the two of us be formally introduced at the venue.” My eyes widened. No one told me anything about this! Grossly misunderstanding my expression, she quickly continued, “Do not misconstrue Our purpose! While, veritably, thou hailest from a different dimension, We are not parading thee as some exotic plaything. By my troth, We- I wish for our citizens to know you-truly know you.” Her eyes flickered down and back up. “I have read some..scandalmongering publications of th- you.” 

I opened my mouth to ask about them, but her eyes flashed white. She growled, “T’is a grave injustice upon thy good name!” 

“Luna,” stated Celestia.

I started, “While I agree, I-”

Her volume steadily increased. “Thou art undeserving of such vile libel! Thou hast committed no wrong, and YET-” 

“Luna,” repeated Celestia. 

“Uh...Luna?” I tried. 

Her voice was echoing wildly throughout the dining hall now. “FORSOOTH, SISTER, IF IT WERE UP TO MY BIDDING, I WOULD-” 

I stood straight up, kicking over my chair in the process, and shouted, “MY LIBELISTS ARE LIARS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED!” 

Only our breaths were audible. Feather was clinging to Beamy, whose ears had folded straight down. Both of their eyes were squeezed shut.

With mouth still agape, Luna looked surprisedly at me, and then clamped it shut. Celestia took the opportunity to placate her, “Luna, dear Sister, breathe. Just as we practiced.” 

Luna sat stonyfaced with the barest hint of a frown, inhaling and exhaling deeply. I could hear small huffs of counting. I quietly righted my chair and sat back down. When she reached “ten constellations” -I kid you not- with a tinge of red on her cheeks, Luna asserted, “That was highly unnecessary, Daniel, but I admit my voice may have provoked concern. It’s just..the things they’ve said of you!...Disgusting.” She wrinkled her snout. 

I raised an eyebrow. “Well. Now, I’m kind of curious,” I remarked.

“For..your sanity, I beseech you not to sate your curiosity.”

“Hmm..” I rubbed my chin and pretended to deliberate. Luna gave a mildly challenging stare. I shrugged. “Okay. So, are there any details I need to know for the formal introduction? Etiquette? Rules? Since I’m on guard duty for the first hour, Captain Armor already mentioned guards remaining mostly quiet and watching out for overly boisterous ponies or, obviously, criminal or suspicious behavior. For the former, just a warning. The latter, some investigation and notification to other guards.”

Celestia tittered, “Oh? Is that why the Galas are so dull every year? Perhaps I should invite a crazy pony or two.” Can’t tell if serious or.. Apparently, the maids thought she was, as both were looking at their diarch in shock. Luna was grinning though.

“Celie!” Luna admonished playfully before turning to me with a regal expression. “But to answer your question, I have since learned that the etiquette between rulers and peasants-” Celestia coughed lightly. “-between rulers and citizens have changed. Rather than gathering and then waiting for the rulers, the subjects -” Luna swiveled an ear at her sister. Hearing nothing, she proceeded, “now line up to greet us at the entrance and partake in festivities before us. I shall accompany Celestia during this process. As for you, we were informed that you are to be stationed as a guard from half past six for two hours. Thus, you have some time to change into your formal attire before arriving for the climax of the Gala - 9:00 pm- when we plan for the formal introductions.” She smiled. “With regards to etiquette, I believe your common sense shall suffice.”

Common sense says this world shouldn’t exist. “Sounds good. And if I make a tiny mistake somewhere, they can chalk it up to interdimensional differences. Thank you for explaining, Luna.” 

“Of course!” she proudly replied.

I scraped up the last bit of dinner and gulped it down. Vegetables. “Welp, tomorrow’s gonna be an extreeemely long day for me, and I still have to write the report for the captain. That said, if there’s anything I can help you with -like changeling stuff- please let me know. I want to lessen your burdens if possible.” I folded my napkin and stood. “Good night, Celestia, Luna. And thanks again..for everything.” 

“Goodness, Daniel. You know you don’t need to keep thanking us like this.” Celestia was smiling. But why does it look so sad?

I shook my head. “Bad habit. Then un-thanks for everything, your exuberant, majestic, brilliant highness.” There. That’s better.

For my remark, she hovered a napkin over my face. Not this again! “Sleep well, Daniel.” The napkin glided back. 

“Dream well,” added Luna. 




A while later, I was working on the report utilizing the supplies Twilight had given me. Here’s to hoping she doesn’t mind a couple torn out pages. A knock broke my concentration. Stretching my arms up, I got up and opened the door. 

“Sup, Beamy.” 

“Hey, Daniel. Earlier, Captain Armor realized he never told you when or where to bring the report, so I’ve been asked to drop it off at his office.”

“Don’t worry about it. I can do that before heading to the Department tomorrow morning.”

“Sir, you cannot convince me from my duties. No matter what.”

“Daniel,” I corrected.

“Danny.” 

I crossed my arms with extreme discontent. “Ugh. Fine.” She beamed. “I’m still writing it though, and it’s getting pretty late. I wouldn’t want to keep you from your house. Plus, we have the -” Great. No. Grand. Horse run. Apples. “-Grand Galloping Gala tomorrow.” 

Beamy stepped past me and walked to my desk. Placing her forehooves on the surface, she peeked at the papers. “Looks like you’re almost done. I think I can wait.” She had “smug” written all over her face. 

“Tch. You win this time.” I shut the door and sauntered back to my desk. Then, I gestured at the sofa. “Feel free to sit there, unless you prefer the floor.” With that, I continued scribbling stuff down at a quicker pace. Behind me, I heard her shuffle over and hop onto the sofa with a “poof.” Celestia only used the softest of anything after all.  

The soft glow of magic light cast the room in a warm, yellow tint. Only the scratching of the quill was audible. A couple sentences in, she broke the silence. “So..how are you doing?”

“Fine, thank you,” I mumbled automatically. “You?”

“Same.” 



...I think I can, with certainty, say that I am adapting to Equestria’s ways well enough. Besides minor instances of discrimination, which I assume is from stupidity the lack of common courtesy that relatively few people from any race would have, the vast majority treat me as anyone would treat an alien stranger. Then, there are those who went out of their way to welcome me, and words cannot express how grateful I am for that. Overall, with time, people will learn who I am and get used to me.

TL;DR: Learning a lot from training and the Dept. of Def. Still gotta catch up, but progress is being made. Doing well, and ponies will get used to me.

Daniel
133-780-0813
steakisbae101@fmail.com




I laid down the quill and fanned a journal over the paper. “I’m done.” 

Beamy’s hooves clacked onto the tile. She saw my poor attempt at drying the ink and rolled her eyes. Swiftly, she grabbed the report and flicked her wings over with practiced ease. “There.” 

“Thanks,” I uttered, setting the journal back down. “For waiting. Now, guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I noticed her eyes scanning over the papers. “Uh, Beamy?”

“Just reviewing the report to ensure it’s up to standards, Danny.” 

“Huh. I don’t think you have to.” That’s weird.

“You’re ‘adapting to Equestria well’, I see.”

“What about it?” I asked flatly. She looked at me skeptically. “It’s true!”

“Uh huh.”

“Beamy, if you’re just checking that my report’s fine, cool. Heck, I remember Captain Armor saying it was informal! Now, it’s getting pretty late, and we all have a long day tomorrow. It’s better if we all get to sleep earlier, and you still have to get to wherever you live in Canterlot!”

“Daniel, informal or not, the Captain wants an honest reflection from you.”

I gritted my teeth and shifted to an “at ease” position and gripped my left wrist tightly. “Are you..calling me a liar?” Stay calm.

She peered at my face. “....Yes.” 

Calm, me, calm! In a low voice, as steadily as I could manage, I retaliated, “I. Fell. In a f***ing pond. And it -” I took a deep breath. “It wrenched me from everyone and everything I knew. And now? Look where I am. I’ve made headway and learned from two jobs. I haven’t been sulking around like an idiot. Everyone can stop asking how I feel because I’m f***ing fine. Everything is fine.”

Her expression didn’t even change as though that was about what she’d expected from me. This time, I dug my nails into my wrist. She’s just trying to help even though it’s annoying as f***. Something about that thought cut me.

A very pregnant pause followed.

Then the water broke.

“Daniel,” Beam Dancer began and then paused to formulate her thoughts. Her tail twitched. “What I say next may be something you don’t want to hear. They are things I’ve observed that may or may not be from me overthinking. But, I want you to consider it.” She inhaled.

I exhaled and released my wrist. “Go ahead, but how about this. After you say your part, you’ll leave and do what you need to do. I’ll think on your words, and we don’t talk about it until the day after the Gala.”

She pondered over my deal. Then she gave her usual Beamy snark. “Wellll, I don’t know about you, but we’re gonna have to interact tomorrow. I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy feeling the awkwardness after an unfinished, very serious conversation.” She furrowed her brows in mock seriousness. “So...we should meet earlier tomorrow and conclude it.”

I couldn’t resist cracking a small grin. Gosh darn it, Beamy. Dragging a hand over my face, I groaned, “You drive a very hard bargain, but yeah, I’m not a fan of that feeling either. Does torturing me at 700 sound good?”

She scratched her chin and pretended to mull over my offer. Then she nodded. “Okay! I’ll see you bright and early! And, Daniel?”

“Yeah?”

“Good night, in advance.”

“..You, too.”

She walked over to the sofa and plopped down on it before patting the spot next to her. I obliged and sat down. Some more time flew. Then softly, she spoke, “The day the Princess assigned me to assist you, that first time we spoke and our next moments together, I thought you were really weird but cheerful and a bit overdramatic at times -but in a funny way! That same day, I saw you run. Just run.” She sighed. “I can’t even describe how you looked. I wanted to follow! But the Princess stopped me -said you needed time. And the next time I saw you, you looked so cheerful again. I thought humans were just crazy. Andyouusedmeasashield.”  

I smirked. “Good times.”

“Shh, I’m not done yet!” I pulled a zipper across my lips.

She wore a complicated smile. “Like you said, you’ve got two jobs. You’re not moping. And that’s probably a good sign for most, but that’s the thing.” I raised an eyebrow. “You’re not giving any time for yourself,” she accused. 

I straightened my back. She put a hoof over my mouth. I moved my head back. Her hoof followed. I reached up to move her hoof. Her other whacked my hand away. I crossed my arms. She removed her hoof. 

Beamy continued, “You’re constantly keeping yourself busy. Hay, last weekend, you decided to keep training and then work through more of the stuff old Steady wanted you to look at!” I frowned. What’s wrong with that? “I see somep-one lost. Someone running. Still running. Too much dwelling on…what’s happened...is unhealthy, but so is avoiding everything about it.” 

I don’t like where this is going. “I’m not avoiding anything! It’s just the jobs. They do make me busy, but I’m not running!” Beamy raised an eyebrow. I shifted uncomfortably. “Continue.”

“Throughout the week, I noticed that sometimes, you’d just pause in the middle of a sentence. At times, you’d leave it hanging. Other times, you’d finish it with words that just, didn’t, fit. The pattern? Those unspoken words made the most sense if they were related to Earth.” I flinched and moved my gaze away. I felt her hoof on my shoulder. “For your sake, I want you to consider leaving at least the weekends for yourself, and maybe, we could talk or I could show you around Canterlot, if you wanted. You could do so many more things for you.”

I was still looking away. It’s not true. She’s just assuming my thoughts. God, I wonder how late it is. Why did she bring this up right before one of the busiest days? She’s just spewing nonsense. Yeah, fine, “consider.” Sure, I’ll consider. I sat there, brooding. Eventually, I looked up. Looked around. She was gone. I stood up and padded over to the door and locked it. Turning around, my back slid down the door, and my head made a dull thump against it. Long I sat there wondering, fearing, doubting, thinking things I never dared to think before. Eventually, I got up.





A quick shower later, I was laying on the bed and facing the ceiling. The lights were off, and just enough of the moon’s faint glow filtered through the window, allowing my eyes to barely trace the patterns above. A floral fragrance drifted past the door. Merely this and nothing more.