“Good afternoon, Beam Dancer!” greeted a dark red pony. As we drew closer, it was obvious that the guy had a face tenser than any guard pony I’d seen so far, and yet, at the same time, there was a calm aura about him.
“A very good afternoon to you, too, Steady Fort!” replied the pegasus, “Busy as usual?”
“You know it. We’ve been trying to keep an eye on certain ponies recently,” he paused and looked at me warily before lowering his voice, “Between you and me, Dancer, while I trust that the Princess knows what she’s doing, sometimes, I just wonder..That one hasn’t been too bothersome, has he?”
These ponies just think they’re experts at whispering! Before I could give a snarky response, Beamy gave me a look and giggled, “This one’s been just fine! Only ran away once, but he’s slowly getting used to us. No need to worry, Steady!”
Steady smiled. “It’s my job.”
“Too true,” remarked Beamy. She then faced me and explained, “You see, Daniel, Steady Fort here is part of the Department of Defense. Don’t take too much offense if he’s a tiny bit cautious of an alien from Celestia knows where.”
I sighed but grinned, “Fine, Beamy. I won’t take offense this time.”
“There’s a good human.” She flew up and patted me on the head, while the red pony chuckled to himself. “Anyway,” she continued, “We traveled all the way through the castle to this random dark corner because I’m giving him a tour of our jobs. Daniel’s finally tired of being a freeloader, you see.”
At that, the guarded look instantly returned on Steady Fort. Great. “May I ask why the sudden change of heart?” I’m Not taking this.
I frowned before speaking vehemently, “If you remember, I got torn away from everything I’ve ever known only a couple days ago. Frankly, I’m already astounded that I’ve tried taking steps to adapt rather than throw myself in a useless pit of despair. It’s all thanks to Celestia, Luna, Beamy, those other supportive and empathetic ponies, and -” Ugh..not Discord. “-Where was I? Oh yeah. It’s thanks to them that I’ve bothered living on, and I do not want to repay them with a human that thinks he can rely on them forever, that he can’t ever provide help in such a strange, different place, that-”
Beamy’s hoof patted me again. “Shh. There, there. Steady, this one’s alright. You can take my word for it!”
The red pony had widened his eyes just a fraction during my rant. He was just shaking his head slowly at this point. “I am sorry about your situation..Daniel. However -” He looked at me with determination. “Understand that I do not regret keeping my wariness safely by my side. It has kept Canterlot safe on more than one occasion.” He glanced at Beamy before giving the faintest of smiles at me. “If Dancer here thinks you’re fine, then I am willing to accept you a bit more than before.”
Okay. This dude’s not as bad as I thought. Maybe a compliment to make him a bit happier. “That’s good enough for me, I guess. But anyway, got a lot of respect for your job. Must be tough -what with all the magic. I’ve only been to Canterlot once, but I’ve seen what that stuff could do.”
His face wrinkled with distaste, “Yes..I did hear rumors of your...foalnap. To think that such a thing could have happened here..” He stared off somewhere. Aaand we’ve lost him. He spoke up again, “Not that it’s a bad thing..but ever since her sister’s return, the Princess has..made less than her usual, stellar decisions than before. While I am truly glad that the Princess is more lively -happier- now, I do hope she remembers that our number one priority is the protection of our citizens. To think that she let those fillies confront the dragon..It could have ended so poorly for them..”
He flinched when I pat him on what I guessed was the shoulder. “Sounds like you got it rough, but it just shows that you’re pretty darn skillful if you can still handle it.”
Steady inched away from my hand, and caught it as it slid off. “Thank you for the compliment.” He shook the hand and released it. How do they grab things again?
“Well, now that you two are buddies,” said Beamy, “Let’s see if Daniel can help with the Department!”
“Uh, I doubt I’m even qualified for such an impor-”
“Remember, we’re just checking out all the jobs first. You never know..you might get one you didn’t expect! But if you don’t even try..well, that’s that. So try to give some advice to old Steady here.”
“Go on, Daniel. We get plenty of useless tips. One more can’t hurt.”
I shot a stare at Steady before I noticed he was smiling. “Alright. Here’s my useless tip! So uh...be careful of foalnapping ponies..and..the weird ponies that can disguise themselves.”
“Oh, wonderful! Thank you for the usele- Wait. ‘Disguise,’ you said?”
“Huh? Yeah. Isn’t that usual though? Ponies that just magically turn into other ponies?”
“It isn’t too usual, actually. Completely disguising oneself requires an incredible amount of time and magic power. Just changing the voice usually takes half a year, and for a specific voice, well, that could take several years! Tell me. What did the pony look like? Before and after?”
“Hmm..” I searched through my memories..to no avail. “Sorry, dude. Don’t really remember what it looked like -only the green flash.” Woah. This guy needs to learn how to relax. Is his fur...bristling?
“Thank you, again, Daniel. Your tip may not have been so useless after all. Have a nice rest of the day, Beam Dancer, Daniel.” The pony sped-trotted away.
Beamy laughed. “Good job, Danny. He’s probably going to overwork himself again.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think it takes much to do that.”
__________________________________________________________________________
“Ow...Geez, that hurt!” I complained, while gingerly poking my fresh bruises.
“It’ll be alright! Bruises heal eventually,” replied Beamy.
“Yeah, but they still hurt in the process! Why did I even need to spar with the guards?”
The pegasus sighed mockingly, “Gotta know what kind of job you’re getting into before you accept it! But wow! They even offered to hire a minotaur to train you!”
I rolled my eyes. “As a source of entertainment. Did you see how many were laughing?”
“Welll, you did threaten them with tickling before..And the guards really look out for each other.”
“Fine. I deserved some payback..but in the form of tickles! These are bruises!” I waved at my injuries.
“Oh, boohoo. Would you like me to treat you like a foal, Danny?”
I just grumbled.
“Mhmm. I thought not. Anyway, aren’t you glad I made this the last part of the tour? That way, you don’t have to walk around in pain!”
“Yes, yes. Thank you so much for your consideration. I’m immensely grateful for it.” I ruffled her mane, which she simply shook back in place.
“Anyway, do you have any jobs in mind now?”
“Well..at first, I was thinking I could help the scientists..But..I think I can only help give general knowledge -not research. So that wouldn’t last long..one to two weeks at the most. Maybe a bit more if they want proof. But the research I did back home..probably wouldn’t be approved here -what with all the ani-” I coughed. “SO, the possible jobs I’m considering now. Like..a scout for the Department of Defense. I could travel around Equestria and write reports on anything suspicious. There are things ponies, like Triston, don’t show other ponies. Who knows what else that guy’s done? My..strangeness..is a pro and con. Pro being that I’d probably attract weird ponies and eventually get other ponies used to me. Con being that regular or smart, mean ponies probably wouldn’t reveal anything to me.”
Beamy interjected, “Or you getting hurt. What’s another option?”
“I could be someone who analyzes any incoming data for any Department. I’d just have to learn all about it first -like what leads to what, what’s considered important or trivial, and so on.”
“Sounds better. Got another?”
“I could train to be some sort of guard or soldier. It’s somewhat painful..but interesting. I have little to no background information on that! The only issue would be following orders..”
“That would get you hurt, too. And that’s a pretty big issue.”
“I’m sure they could train me well enough! What’s a lone, bruised human against an army of fun-loving ponies?”
“Any more?”
“Could learn to treat ponies -or any creature..It’s always nice to be able to take care of someone.”
Beamy beamed at me. “Well, here we are, Daniel.”
“Huh? The dining hall?”
“You actually forgot about food for once?”
“No!...Yes,” I admitted shamefully. We opened the doors. My eyes widened.
Two nightmares, four regular ponies, a liz- dragon, and two royal ponies, who were chatting quietly to themselves, were already seated.
“DANNY!” shouted Nightmare Prime.
I almost bolted, but my stomach told me to suck it up. “Hello, Pinkie. Good morning, Luna. Welcome back, Elements and dragon. How was the rehearsal?”
Twilight gasped. “Oh no! I just realized you should’ve come!”
“Why would I go to a re-”
“Not that! We finished that by around 2:32 pm. I meant that you should have attended the final play since it’s a wonderful mixture of education and entertainment about the founding of Equestria!”
“Oh. How’d that go? And it’s fine ‘cause I was pretty busy anyway.” To the side, Beamy had started snickering. “Oh, come on, you know that’s true!”
“Sorry, sir. I was just reminiscing about your fun time with the guards.”
Twilight had opened her mouth, but Luna, at the magical f-word, had looked up from her conversation and inquired. “Pray tell, how didst thou discover fun amongst the ponies with faces of stone?”
“Well, Luna, when you poke fun at them too much, their fun meters overload, and they offer you a training exercise.”
She took a moment to comprehend what the heck I was talking about. Once her eyes darkened with realization, she ruptured, “THEY WOULD DARE-”
I shushed her, which she took indignantly, her eyes demanding my answer. Surprisingly, a different set of eyes made me want to shrivel up in terror, so before anything scarier could happen, I provided. “I was kidding.” With eyebrows furrowed, she was most likely about to criticize my explanation before I gave more for her to hear. “Beamy gave me a tour of jobs throughout the castle. When I reached them, they offered a training exercise to test whether I could even handle it.” The pressure from those other eyes ended; however, what I thought was a timid pegasus was now glancing suspiciously at my injuries.
Luna’s mouth shut with a click, but another absolutely majestic, regal, princess-y voice made itself known. “While the details of your tour do pique my curiosity, would you care to tell us your decision?”
“I..I haven’t decided yet,” I muttered sheepishly, “But I have been narrowing the possibilities.”
__________________________________________________________________________
Dinner pretty much continued with that kind of mostly boring talk before the Elements and the dragon took their leave, seeing as how the Hearth’s something play was already finished. Pinkie had insisted that I go back to Ponyville with her just so that she could throw me a welcoming party, but after my fifth time refusing, she mentioned something about a party in the castle some day. Good luck getting permission! Wonder what kind of parties she throws….No, wait. Nevermind. Rarity ended up taking my measurements after Twilight procured a measuring tape from who knows where. Guess who wrote down everything. Rainbow offered the sage advice, “try being cooler,” which I returned with a grateful eye roll. The cowboy hat pony wished me luck, and Fluttershy whispered something that only the wind could hear. I probably should’ve tried paying closer attention, but by the end of everything that day, I could only feel my legs because of the bruises. Twilight then brought up possibly staying here to continue her human research, but thankfully, the dragon reminded her about some experiment back in the library. I don’t understand why anyone would conduct one in the library, but it beats brewing a potion for months in a bathroom with a crazy ghost. Oh, and it saved me from another note-taking session. I should really find out the dragon’s name..again.
At this point, the dining hall was quite empty again, save for the alicorns, Beamy, and Beamy’s buddy. Celestia then questioned, “So what jobs have you been considering?”
I quickly repeated what I told Beamy earlier.
“Oh..I was hoping we could hire a new janitor. The last one disappeared in one of the pipes.”
Luna intervened, “That would be a poor use of his skills, Sister.”
I narrowed my eyes. Can’t tell if she’s kidding or.. “I concur with Luna.”
The white horse sighed, “That’s just too bad.”
“Anyway, before I leave for my duties, may I suggest that you try out a couple options for a moon or so before finalizing your decision? Good night, Sister. Daniel.” Luna teleported away.
“Oh! What kind of jobs are there during the night?”
Celestia thoughtfully hummed. “Well, there is the night guard and those scientists that stay up all night..We also have healers ready to act as soon as needed, but those are contacted only during nighttime emergencies. Luna has several advisors and secretaries, but I get the feeling that you are not particularly interested in those occupations. While few in number, there are also ponies in each of the Departments that have volunteered to work at night, so that information can be processed and analyzed more expediently.”
I don’t understand why there’s a night princess if ponies are mostly diurnal anyway. But okay. Luna’s alright. Seems to know what she’s doing..unlike some politicians back home.
I crossed my arms but let them flop back to my sides after noticing some reminders left by the guards. “Alright, I’d like to learn more about the Department of Defense. Sounds like they got their work set out for them, but at the same time, it sounds pretty cool -no- interesting to track down dangerous things and search for patterns. I’ve also always wanted to learn combat techniques back home, so training with the guards, while painful, would be rewarding.”
“Well, Daniel, you do realize that both those jobs would overlap, right?”
“Yup! But as Luna mentioned, I was thinking of testing the waters by alternating between jobs. As in, one day, I’d be looking over data, and the next, I’d be training or on duty. Um..would that be okay?”
“Of course. Although, would you mind expounding upon the scientific knowledge that you could impart upon my ponies?”
“Not at all! There’s lots of things I could talk about -like thermodynamics! I would assume that you guys know about that though since you have trains and all.”
“Actually, those utilize magic to run.”
“Huh. Well, since you guys are doing so well with magic, why bother with the laws of nature?”
“Not all ponies have access to magic, Daniel. It would be better if we could find methods that did not rely upon magic-capable individuals.”
“Wait...are you saying that sometimes unicorns aren’t magical? Or is it that all unicorns can perform magic but no regular ponies can?”
“If by ‘regular ponies’ you mean the earth ponies, then the latter. In addition, for future reference, ‘regular ponies’ should not be used to refer to only earth ponies. All of us are ponies with our own specialties.”
“Oh, sorry. It’s just that the ponies back home don’t have the extra fancy things...They basically resembled earth ponies. Although...I’m pretty sure there are some magical earth ponies out there..”
She cocked her head to the left. “They could have magic conducted upon them, but they themselves cannot conduct magic.”
Guess that pink pony’s just special then. A healthy distance should do. “Okay. Thanks for the clarification.”
She smiled. “You’re most welcome.”
__________________________________________________________________________
Alright. Here’s Day One in the office. It was just about nine in the morning when I, in my new shiny suit, strutted towards the Department of Defense. Well...that was what I wished could have happened. Rather, a certain pegasus woke me up far earlier than that, dragged me to breakfast, made me greet the royal sisters in my groggy state, which amused them, then dragged me before the doors of the office. I should’ve started with…-What’s the word?-.....physical training. Here..gonna...fall..sleep. So, with drool threatening to leak out, I slowly pulled the door open and lumbered in with the same set of clothes I’d had since my unfortunate arrival. A couple ponies looked up. Most of them didn’t bother.
“Welcome, Daniel.” Steady walked up to me. “We received a letter from the Princess for your orientation. I assume you’ve been warned that the workload is nothing to be underestimated.” He looked behind him and called, “Clear Cause!”
Huh? “What cause?”
A white unicorn with a light pink mane suddenly looked up, causing her glasses to shift slightly. “Sir!” Steady just motioned his head towards me. Her gray eyes narrowed before she stood up and teleported to us. “What did you need, sir?”
“Clear, this is Daniel, guest of the Princess. Alien. Wants job. Needs THE orientation.”
“Yes, sir. Daniel, follow.” She walked towards a different room without looking back. I stared at Steady and then back at the unicorn.
“You should get going. No time to lose in our Department,” said Steady almost proudly.
“Right. Thanks.” I turned to go, but a light pink aura accelerated me to Clear.
“Department Motto is ‘Keep Equestria Safe.’ Less time talking, more time for productivity. More for nation’s safety.” She didn’t wait for an answer before she pointed a hoof towards several shelves. “Now, study history. Once done, find me.” She disappeared in a flash. What the heck kind of orientation was that?
The room itself was crammed to the point that I wondered whether it was the shelves that determined the size of the room. I walked to the first shelf full of dusty books. Actually, “documents” was a better term. There were scrolls and freakin’ stone tablets. “Where do I even start? And why should I learn all this history? Actually...that makes sense, but still. I thought I escaped that when Twilight left!”
Apparently, I’d said that out loud since someone started giggling beside me. I looked down.
“...Clear? So was this some initiation prank?” I asked hopefully.
“Pfft, no. By the way, I’m Crystal Clear. You just met my twin.” My head fell against the shelf with an audible thump, and more giggles followed. I then turned my head to the pony. Now that I look more closely.. Her wavy pink mane wasn’t braided; rather, it flowed down to her shoulders. There was also a light blue streak in her hair that I might have missed in her twin, and her blue glasses were perched above her horn.
“So...if this actually isn’t a prank, your orientation sucks.”
“True. I felt kinda bad for you, so I came to give some pointers. Go for this scroll first. Then skim this one. Make sure to understand the big picture here. Then, on the next section...”
__________________________________________________________________________
“Wow, thank you for all the advice, Crystal.”
“Any time! Let me know if you have any questions. Once you’re done with the first shelf, go ahead and find me -not my sis-, and I’ll guide you through the next. Now...I actually have work to do...so see ya!” A pink flash and she was gone.
“Welp. Wish I wrote that down,” I muttered and picked up the first scroll. A plume of dust instantly assaulted my senses. “Ah--AH-CHOO!” Need a mask. With watery eyes, I set the scroll down as gently as I could and pulled my shirt over my nose. Better this..than.. I peeked outside the room where several ponies were giving me looks that needed a full cycle in a washing machine. Back to this dusty thing. I slowly unrolled the scroll...for at least ten minutes. “How long is this thing?!” I growled.
12.05.1025
W- are su-rou-ded. Tho-e dre-df-l beas-- took Fli-t. S-pplie- run-ing low. It’s hap-enin- ag-in.
What the heck. Primary sources? Where are the summaries for this crap!? I grinded my teeth. “‘Least it’s somewhat interesting. Wonder what year it is now..if those dates mean what I think it means.”
__________________________________________________________________________
22.06.1028
Th-y le- me ke-p th-s. Why st-ll al-ve, do no- kn-w. I c-n-ot la-t an-th-r moo-.
“This has to be a prank. What time is it anyway?” I had dozed off several times and somehow had reached document number five.
“Three hours past midday it is.”
“...Thanks?” My tired eyes skimmed the room. Seeing nothing, I shrugged and trudged onward in my tedious adventure through the shelves.
__________________________________________________________________________
“GAH!”
Something hard had prodded me in the side. I looked to the source, a light blue hoof, which I traced up to the grinning face of none other than Beamy. I poked her nose in return. She blinked. Something to exploit for the future.
“Good morning, Beamy.”
“G’night to you, too, Danny.” I opened my mouth to speak. “It’s already dinner time. I checked your room, found no pon- human, and figured you were still somewhere here.”
“You know me too well,” I replied drily and stood, stretching out any stiffness. Looking down at the scroll I was currently on, I asked, “Think they would let me borrow these?”
“No,” answered a different voice. “You read more than anticipated. Documents also need to remain within archives.”
I turned to see one of the white unicorn twins from earlier. “Clear...Cry- no- Cause?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. Then, I will continue reading tomorrow.”
“You mean the day after tomorrow, Daniel,” interjected Beamy. Oh yeah..
“Good plan,” agreed Clear Cause, who then left to do whatever else she usually does at this hour.
Her face returned through the doorway. “Nice progress today, Daniel! See you tomorrow tomorrow!”
“Thank you..OH. Thanks, Crystal Clear! And see you then!” A grin, and the face disappeared.
I felt a tug on my shirt. Somehow, Beamy’s hoof was pulling on it. “Let’s go already, Danny. Sooner you finish, sooner I get to go sleep. Plus, you have an early day tomorrow...which means I have an early day, too.”
“Ah...thank you, Beamy.”
She bumped me with her side in reply.
__________________________________________________________________________
It didn’t take too long to reach the dining room. Only one princess was seated this time.
“How was your sleep, Luna? And..where did your sister go? She’s usually the fastest one when it comes to food -well, pastries.” I grinned at my own correction.
“T’was the usual, Dan. As for my sister, I am unsure. Mayhap some tedious duty hath her preoccupied. And, pray tell, how was thy first day of work?”
“Well...since I’m still a newbie, I’m in the middle of the orientation, so it’s still boring.”
Luna nodded in understanding and stifled a yawn. “The foundations art most important. It would do thee well to..’get the basics down,’ or so Tia would say.” We waited for around ten more minutes before a scroll poofed in front of Luna. She seemed to wake up, as her eyes skimmed its contents. Her verdict: a frown. “She is unable to attend the meal this time. I will be eating quickly to aid her, but do take your time.” Dinner, her breakfast, ended rather silently with the blue mare excusing herself with a brief “good night” and a flash of teleportation. Basically, the only ones left in the dining hall were me, Beamy, and Feather something. Despite Luna’s words, I ate quickly, gave thanks, and excused myself from the table.
Once in my room, I picked up a clean notebook, courtesy of one crazy unicorn, and wrote down summaries of all I had read earlier. Though I expected many points of forgetfulness, once I started writing, most of everything came back, leaving maybe a couple blank parts. Next time, I’m bringing this. I shut the notebook and staring at it for a bit, I murmured, “Well, whaddya know? Your supplies came in handy, Twilight.” Guess I’ll thank her next time I see her.
__________________________________________________________________________
-Several hours later-
Loud knocks echoed through my room. “Do you want to build up muscles?” sang a voice. I groaned. The sun hadn’t risen yet. But noooo. These ponies just have to wake up at unearthly hours for training. Needless to say, I fell back into deep slumber. One minute later, a pegasus had dragged me off the bed. Since tile is freakishly cold, I finally stopped sleeping. “You know what? This might be the most amusing part of my job, Danny!”
“Uggh..how are you functioning right now?” I grumbled.
“Magic. Now hurry up! If you’re late….”
“I got it.”
__________________________________________________________________________
So there I was at the training grounds in my brand spanking new suit just waiting to be ruined. Or at least, that would’ve been funny if fashion pony was there, but no. I was still clad in my limited edition alien clothes. Thanks to Beamy, I arrived with 5 minutes to spare.
The whole area was pretty flat and wide. Besides the couple of blades of grass that somehow existed, everything else was trampled to just dirt. A multitude of various weapons lined the sides of the area. Strangely, most of them I recognized. Interspersed around the area were guards, all suited up in golden armor, who were stretching, chatting, or idly standing by.
“ATTENTION!” roared a voice. A mass of ponies scrambled to line up and saluted. I raced to the end of the line and raised my arm in salute as well.
A white unicorn with purple armor marched along the line, giving an appraising look to every pony.
The unicorn stopped and leaned in towards one. “VALOR, THERE IS DIRT ON YOUR ARMOR. TWENTY EXTRA LAPS.” Aww..poor dude. Kinda looks familiar...Oh well!
He finally reached the end. “NAME?”
“Uh..Da- I MEAN. IT’S DANIEL, SIR.”
“DANIEL, WHERE IS YOUR ARMOR?”
“SIR, I DON’T HAVE ANY YET. I kinda started to-”
“GET OUT OF LINE. WILL, TEACH HIM.” Is this happening? Yes, yes it is. What is life? I half-stumbled out of line. Some of the guards gave pitying stares.
“Guess I’m fired?”
A hard slap on my back sent me to the ground. “HAH. IT TAKES MORE THAN THAT TO GET FIRED. DON’T WORRY, DANIEL. WHEN IRON WILL IS THROUGH WITH YOU, YOU WILL BE 100% SATISFIED WITH IRON WILL’S GUARD-TRAINING TECHNIQUES.”
Did you have to shout that to the entire world? I looked at the annoying dude using caps lock and then raised my head since I was expecting a shorter figure. “Woah! You’re a minotaur!”
“YES. IRON WILL IS,” he shouted while flexing his biceps. “NOW, LET’S STOP WASTING TIME. FOLLOW MY LEAD.” He poked me on the arms. “WE START WITH MUSCLE TRAINING FIRST.”
__________________________________________________________________________
I was laying on the ground wondering whether people got the definitions of heaven and earth confused. Wouldn’t mind sleeping here right no-
His face disrupted my view of earth. “IRON WILL WILL TRAIN YOUR WILL TO ENDURE. IRON WILL EXPECTS THAT YOU TRAIN YOURSELF DAILY EVEN WHEN IRON WILL IS NOT HERE. UNDERSTOOD?”
“Got it.”
“SHOW IRON WILL YOUR WILL.”
Can’t stand..the third person… My vexation coalesced into some form of energy that allowed me to leap up. “UNDERSTOOD, SIR.”
“GOOOOD,” he half-mooed. With that final, constructive comment, the minotaur flexed once more and marched away.
Well, wasn’t today flippin’ perfect? The bruises I had before were freakin’ dents on a car crash. The minotaur, in addition to teaching me new “mooves,” had forced me to run, march, and walk countless laps -mainly cause I couldn’t finish running the first ten...nor could I march the next five. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the dude knew plenty about core and upper body exercises that I thought would be left back home. Though these workouts were absolutely fantastic, they would be introducing me to a companion named Pain, or maybe its fraternal twin, Fatigue, for the next two to three days.
As I meandered to my way out, some ponies sidled up to me.
“Hey, stallion, good effort today, but you’ll have to work a lot harder to catch up to us!” said guard pony one.
“Gale, I’d say he handled his first day stupendously for somepony with no background in our business!” replied guard pony two. “It was unfair of Captain Armor to treat you like that, but fret not -you will progress.” She leaned in closer, “Between you and me, however, it is not unlikely that the Captain just wanted justification for Will to train you before permitting you to actually practice with us. Conventionally, the ponies that apply for the occupation have endured years of training, albeit you are an extraordinary case yourself.”
A hoof patted me on the back.
“Ya did good,” said guard pony three, “Ah’d invite ya to the mess hall if ya din’t look like ya would keel over any moment now, but, uh, make sure to eat an’ drink plenty, ya hear? To be honest with ya, a lot o’ us thought ya were jus’ some greenhorn who would run away. There were some of them bets on ya lasting five minutes! But me, ah’m a bit richer thanks to ya!” A few audible grumbles came from other guards within hearing range.
“Thank you, and understood,” I replied tiredly.
“You really got beat up this time!”
“Wow,” I drawled, “I wonder where you got that idea, Beamy!”
“Well, if you really must know, according to my calculations, the facts that your clothes now sport mud, tears, and holes and that you stink worse than rotten eggs and skunk combined must mean that…” She waved her hooves dramatically. “You really got beat up this time!”
I nodded twice and put on a look of sarcastic comprehension or tried to. “That is, indeed, a very valid conclusion!”