Couches
“So... uh...” Applejack lies on my chest with her legs folded. She squints aside at the projection. “Is that fella supposed to be handsome or somethin'?”
“Hmmm?” I pause in petting her mane. I'm lying lengthwise on the couch with my head propped up against the armrest “Who, Val Venis?”
“Yeah. The big oily guy.”
I giggle. “You'll need to be a little more specific.”
“The one who struts into the ring with the towel and has the yucky, gravelly voice.”
“Oh. That's Val Venis, alright.”
“Well, is he?”
“Is he what?”
“Handsome, ya silly nitwit!”
“You asking me personally or in general?”
“Both, I reckon.”
I shrug and resume stroking the back of her head. “Well, if he had dropped his porn star gimmick, then maybe I'd give a darn.”
“Dropped his what star gimmick?”
“Uhhhh...” I grimace, then clear my throat.. “Long story short, the idea was that he threw more than just his weight around at people.”
“But it was all fake, right?”
I smirk slyly. “I like to say it was all planned, but the athleticism and high risk was just as real as it gets.”
“So like gymnastics mixed with stage plays... only with more people wallopin' other people with chairs.”
“Yup. Pretty much.”
“Did people really act like that, back then?”
“I dunno. Maybe. If so, it must have been a really awesome time to have been around.”
“Even them tiny little fellas who kept hoppin' all over the place and tryin' to pin Mr. Val Venis down?”
“Oh, you mean Kai En Tai? Pffft. I'm pretty sure they're just stereotypes.”
“Stereotypes?” She turns from the projection to blink at me. “You mean when ponies—erm—people are made out to be somethin' they ain't?”
“Yup. Pretty much. I imagine the portrayal was pretty degrading, too.”
“What, ya mean y'all don't know?”
“Well, I've never met a Japanese person face to face.”
“Really? Why is that?”
“Well, there aren't very many left.” I shrug as I stroke her mane. “The Japanese Archipelago was obliterated off of the face of the Earth over two hundred years ago.”
“Awwwww... that's a darn shame. Was it all that World War Three nonsense?”
“Nah, it was much later. The year... 2120? 2130? Whatever. The same year that Minke Whales gained sentience and pyrokinesis.”
“Y'all don't say...”
“Yeah. Took about a quarter of a century to sign treaties and build the whales an ark so they could piss off to Rigel Kentaurus. As for the impact of the Pacific First Contact, well, right now, there's a cryolab in orbit of Neptune with an emergency stockpile of both Japanese and Norwegian stem cells. Human civilization is saving them for the rainy day when we need to clone people who can reboot the economy... or make a wicked sick bobsled team.”
Applejack giggles and lays her chin against me.
“What?” I smirk. “It's just history!”
“Yes, but it's the way ya say it...”
“Storytelling was never one of my strong suits. Believe me.”
“What makes you say that?”
I sigh out my nostrils and stare at the moving images of sweaty men making sweaty faces. “Because if it was, then I'd be making a much bigger salary than I am now. That's for darn sure.”
“I dun get it. Don't ya love yer job?”
“Well... it suits me fine, but—”
“But what, darlin'?”
I shrug again, staring up at the ceiling as I play with one fuzzy ear after another. She feels so tiny—yet so soft and warm against my sternum. It's hard to believe that something that small and precious could ever bother with... stuff that bothers me.
“You ever get so used to doing something that the motions of it become more important than the reward? Like, you exist to be part of a routine, and then that routine becomes you, and soon you realize that all you're doing is living in the present and your future really doesn't exist?”
“I... uh... I-I can't say that I've ever had to deal with somethin' like that, sugarcube.”
“Well, a lot of it's in my head, but it doesn't make it any less enjoyable.”
“Is this somethin' that most humans run into a lot?”
I snicker, chuckle, and snicker some more.
She squints at me. Her voice vibrates against my chest. “What?”
“Humans are about as predictable as ponies, AJ,” I say. “Ponies are always so happy and kind and pleasant. Humans, however, are always—”
“Plum miserable, I take it.”
I blink. I tilt my head up to look at her. “No.” I shake my head with a smile. “More like 'bored.' Misery? Pffft. That's just part of life. But we've done pretty well for ourselves these last few centuries. You want misery? Read one of my history files the next time you visit. Look up horrible stuff like the Black Plague, the Crusades, the Sudanese Genocides, the First Centauri Invasion, and New Jersey.”
“Already sounds to me like y'all humans have come a long way.”
“But we also have a long way to go. And we know that. You see... believe it or not, we're all about progress. It's just that—well—progress for some is slower than it is for others. Guess it all depends on when you were born. Me for instance?”
“Yeah?”
“What I wouldn't give to be born around the time of the Internet's invention.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. To see Net Neutrality when it was still around? Much less in its hayday? Girl, I'm telling you, things were pretty radical back then, and constantly and dynamically changing! After all, this was long before they had to invent crystalline bloodspace and use genetically altered fetuses to act as central telekinetic brain hubs for bypassing the corporate-owned system.”
“Uhhhhh...”
“And you could input information anonymously and create all sorts of riveting debate for the heck of it?” I sigh, feeling Applejack's body coasting down with my deflating ribcage. “Yes... I bet it was all really... r-really exciting.”
She pivots her head to the side, nuzzles my sternum, and stares peacefully at me. “Are ya bored, darlin'?”
I look at her. I lay silent for a while. Then, with a smile, I scratch under her warm chin and say, “Not anymore.”
She smiles. Her eyelids fall shut while she spreads her front forelimbs and drapes herself against me. “Hmmmmmmm...” A contented sigh. “You've got a comfy chest.”
I snicker and glance once more at the projection. “So I've been told.” A clearing of the throat. “Many times.”
“Y'all ever get this comfy with other humans from time to time?”
I feel my blood go cold. I start gnawing on my bottom lip.
She trembles a bit—a wince that runs straight through her body from spine to tail. “Oh, darlin', I'm sorry. That was a might personal question, wasn't it?”
“No. It's okay.” I rub the back of her neck through the hoodie. “I've... uh... I've had significant others from time to time. Just—y'know—not in a long while.”
“Uhm... didja... er...?”
I smirk. “It's okay, Applejack. You can ask.”
“Did y'all cuddle like this?”
“With a few of them,” I say. “Some of the later ones. It was...” I shrug. “...nice.”
“Just nice?”
“Nice enough. But I soon realized that there were things in my life that I had to get in order before I could commit to a legitimate relationship... be it long-term or whatever.”
“Well, reckon it helps to have all yer ducks in a row.”
“Right.”
“And what of the friends you've got now?”
“Hmmm? What about them?”
“Do they like to cuddle?”
I giggle. “No... noooo.”
“Not even that wacky neighbor of yers? The Andy Rice fella?”
“Sometimes I think Aynrandy wants to cuddle... probably do even more... but... heh... that's not happening.”
“Well, I'm sorry I even brought it up.”
“Pfft. Don't be. I'm not sorry you asked.” I tilted my head towards her again. “What about you?”
“Hmmm?”
“Ever been the Applejack of another pony's eye?” I say with a wink.
“Heh... can't say that's ever come about.”
“You're kidding me...”
“Now why would I lie to you?”
“I mean—well—I certainly don't have a mental scale for pony attractiveness, but I must say—Applejack—you're one hell of a catch.”
She giggles, then rolls her eyes. “Yer just sassin' me now.”
“No! I mean it! You're honest, intelligent, hard-working, got thighs for days...”
“Pfffft-ha ha ha ha!” She guffaws, incidentally smacking a leg against my ribcage. As soon as I wheeze, she gasps and grimaces. “Whoops! Beg yer pardon!”
I wheeze and nod shakily. “S'all good...”
“Seriously, yer purdy funny.” She clears her throat. “Still, even if that all was true, I really ain't interested.”
“In what?”
“In... that... any of that...”
I giggle. “Any of wh-what?”
“My only passion is—okay... lemme start over.” She blows her bangs back and says in a firm tone. “I have two passions in life. One, for the farm. Two, for my friends and family. S'long as I got all of that in order, than everythang's gravy, y'hear?”
“I hear you. I'm not entirely sure I believe you.”
“Darlin', not every soul's gotta be betrothed to another!”
I nod. “I understand completely.”
“Yes. I figured you might.”
I raise an eyebrow at that.
She gulps, avoiding my gaze. After a few seconds, she says, “I find stallions plenty attractive from time to time. Since I was a little filly, I've fancied myself getting' married someday, settlin' down, poppin' out a few young'n's to share the bounties of the farm. Yer typical ideal country fantasy...”
“Heh... sure...”
“But, as the years go by, especially lately—I find that I just don't... feel the need to get hitched anytime soon. I certainly don't need a stallion in my life, much less a coltfriend.”
“Or a fillyfriend?”
“Buh?” She blinks at me.
I snicker and wave my hand from side to side. “I-I just kinda figured... if not a 'coltfriend' then a—”
“Darlin', just because my barn door swings in and not out don't mean I want another door to match!”
“Heeheehee...” I gently pat Applejack's head. “Read you loud and clear.”
She rolls her eyes and sighs through a tired smirk. “I'm just... happy to be where I am in life. I'm sorry you ain't.”
I shrug. “Who says I wasn't?”
“Oh. Uhm.” She fidgets on my chest—her hooves like kneading paws, pensive and squirmy. “I-I thought... you done just said—”
“Bored doesn't mean 'depressed.'”
“Right... uhm... reckon not...”
“What changed?”
“Hmm?” She glances at me.
“You say that you've felt this way in your life 'especially lately.'”
“Well, I made a bunch of wonderful friends,” she says, her tail instantly flicking at the thought. “I meet with them everyday. We have lunch together. We go out on adventures. They make me feel so useful and dependable and—well—I just feel so content—yes, I reckon that's the word for it. Content.”
“Well, I'm glad to hear that, AJ.”
“And also... there's... that is... lately, I've...” Her words trail off.
I squint curiously at her.
“Well...” She sighs and leans her fuzzy cheek against my chest, breathing softly. “You knowww...”
I smile. I stroke her mane before draping an arm over her spine, holding her close.
All is silent—save for the random whacks of violent Monday Night chair shots.
“I... uh... I reckon I need to get back to Sweet Apple Acres soon...”
“Yeah...” I nod quietly, gazing at the projection. “The hoodie's likely out of juice too.”
“Right.”
“Mmmhmmm.”
Quiet.
“Maybe... after the next Goofdust match?”
I chuckle. “Sure thing, AJ.” I scratch her ears. “And it's Goldust.”
“Feh. I liked mine a lot better.”
“You know? So do I.”
“Heeheehee...”
Stats
Page generated in 0.044 seconds
Total duration
787 users online
633,307 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like AJ's interpretation of wrestling.
I also like how AJ and the human have grown so close. It also sounds like AJ volunteered to be the pony linked to this hoodie, which makes the entire thing make a lot more sense.
"Goofdust!"
...We must prepare ourselves for the whale incursion. ..
Got nothing to say except gratz on 5 straight days of featured stardom. And I hope to keep seeing more.
Gosh darn it, the cute actually brought a tear to my eye. Right on, man.
4400428
Just imagine a hoodie popping up, hovering in front of you asking if you were interested in 'joining', green lantern style.
Haven't read this.... But I gotta say it anyways...
Applejack is WAY too adorable! I might have to get that picture becuz Applejack in a hoodie.
mighty? mite? or is this a different Southern expression?
In unrelated news, scientists on the colony of New New New Jersey have uncovered ancient ruins indicating past habitation. Apparently the previous residents called the planet 'Raxus Prime.'
Yet another adorable chapter
I almost expected Aynrandy to be in this chapter and be all over Applejack, but this is much better
Applejack!
"Couches" or "Human Society as Interpreted by Applejack"
This is really nice. I've always seen AJ as the one high-and-mighty and a bit uptight, it really warms my heart to see her a bit lovesick and more open than usual.
Way to go bro, I actually kind of like Applejack now, when she isn't portrayed in the same old light she is, on the show.
Oh and...
I like to think that we are predictably unpredictable. Humans feel a desire for peace, monotony, and take comfort in routine. But at the same time, it bores us to all hell. So much so that we get antsy, tense, and unfortunately, violent. Peace isn't really a state that Humans really take well to, it never really was, no matter how far you are in the future, nor how far back you look. To be at peace was to stall, to rest, to stagnate. And we just can't fucking stand that, as a collective. I mean, prime example, in the past 3400 years of recorded history, you will only find 250 years of world wide peace, meaning that for the other 3150 years, someone, somewhere, has been at war, and actively trying to kill someone else.
It gets predictable though, as what you will see is that after an extended period of rest, and peace, Nations will practically invent reasons to go to war, see fucking the American Vietnam and Korea wars. Why did we go there? To stop communism. Is that a legitimate reason? No, that's an excuse, like
"Billy, why did you punch Bob?"
"Cause Bob is a bitch ass sucka who I thought was hanging with Gary, and Gary is a motha fucka if I ever saw him, so I punched him, cause I thought he was with Gary."
Human nature is just fucking weird. We will obliterate you off the face of the earth, whilst screaming obscenities, and how we fucked your mother; And the next we will be building you houses, schools, and hospitals, while inviting you to the bar, and saying that your mother makes some really fucking good cookies. And we will do this over, and over, and fucking over, because we are a bunch of war mongering hippy tree huggers with a Doctorate in purposely and accidentally inventing and building shit that will blow your fucking mind away.
But yeah, poni poni poni poni poni...
The world's back story got a little preachy in this chapter.
Why use the Japanese and Norwegians to reboot the economy?
I nearly died.
4394619 No, soy Chileno.
4400450 That happens to me all the time! You're everywhere!
x2.fjcdn.com/comments/Is+it+just+me+or+is+that+.gif+going+faster+_1e905205e8b68f2d8bfd62da141031bf.jpg
Anyways, a cute, oddly thought-provoking chapter.
No more Net Neutrality? What the flying Poni frick happened there?
4402760 My terminology may have been incorrect. I suppose it's less of a play on words, and more of a not-so-subtle allusion.
4401033 holy shit your comment is golden, made me laugh so hard. mostly because its true. thank you for that, that made my week.
4401421 Japanese stereotypes is that they are good at math and the Norwegians have one of the best bobsled teams in the world.
*facehooves* Oh, Val Venis... "Hellllooooo LADIES!" ... makes me wonder what AJ thinks of Chris Jericho.
Or Jeff Hardy.
That being said, the Minke Whales thing killed me laughing too. I love these little tidbits of "things have definitely changed, but I'm going to leave it for the reader to wonder wtf went down."
4400449 Then we must prepare all of the vehicles in Japan to be able to combine into giant robots a la Super Sentai. Trainbow, anybody?
4402215
LOVE your avatar!
Oh, now you're just teasing us with all of the historical tidbits. And I'm loving every one of them. (Though New Jersey isn't nearly as bad as the legends say. It's like Iceland; all of the stories are meant to keep people away from the nice bits.)
Looking forward to more.
4400428
Agreed. It is perhaps the best description of pro wrestling I've ever read.
4402829 No that's a general Asian stereotype Japanese stereotypes include tentacle porn, schoolgirl porn and Hentia. Plus being good at math won't help you reboot an economy. Plus I've never heard of the stereotype about norwegians being especially good at bobsled. It's laughably untrue, it's one of the only events which norway isn't good at!
This is the kind of story that I'd spend days reading. This is just fantastifablousarific! Can't wait to read moer!
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRtJD-iyHqmFgItQjBOGr2eonzhNgkMGBD-IBqTMGu_YETynTGiWg
You mean Tumblr?
i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--gak-j92v--/194trtw9lwx2hjpg.jpg
4406500 I blame America. And I'm American!
I think that word is supposed to be sapience and not sentience. I know this is nitpicking and a common mistake but it still irks me to see these words mixed up.
Also I love this story. It is soooooo cute.
God its true. Wrestling was pretty cool back then. Now, I can't even watch it. I miss seeing Booker T. and Goldust, hanging out in funny random places.
4401033 "war mongering hippie tree huggers"
I'm stealing that.
4408018 Huh... need to look out for them when I have time. Thanks.
Yup, seems about right.
4404375
hold on fact checking...
...
...
...
well don't i feel stupid
4400885
Applejack? High and mighty? Are you sure you're not thinking of Rarity?
She's a down-to-earth country girl. Hard-working and honest, loves her family and friends and a good day's sweat. How does anything in her personality seem high and mighty or uptight?
Hell, she was the only one who apologized to Twilight after the whole Wedding fiasco. Even Little Miss Loyalty didn't do that.
4400449 Nah, the whales just attacked whaling nations; 95% of the world is perfectly safe.
4406181 Might be talking about flame wars?
4408344 Haha don't worry about it's not like you're the author.
4407980
That's even worse, though. It's basically people finding humor in others basically telling people that a character they worked hard on developing sucks.
Relevant to the story.
Not sure if this pic was posted earlier in comments.
http://cosmichat.deviantart.com/art/hoodie-sparkle-445813738
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/097/d/9/hoodie_sparkle_by_cosmichat-d7dfc2y.png
4400449 4403094 4409345
I'm reminded of a sci-fi novel series (it might be David Brin's Uplift series) in which humanity learns to communicate with cetaceans (whales and dolphins) sometime around the mid- to late-21st century. About 5 years after establishing communications, the cetaceans sue humanity for thousands of years of crimes against their kind. They win.
Forget the giant robots; they're bringing their lawyers.
4413263 LAWYERS?!?
Dear sweet mother of Celestia, we're doomed!
4416210
Exactly.
4400632
"Meh. *shrugs* Why the heck not? I've got nothing to do this weekend anyway."
I want one of these hoodies. God dammit, why'd it have to be a work of fiction.
4416867 we have people who make cool fan made things, you never know when interdimension teleportation would be made specifically for bronies