• Member Since 26th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 17th, 2016

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I left, but now I'm back. Now tell me, who the heck is this Sombra guy, and why does he look like he crawled out of the OC pits of DeviantArt?

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When the blizzard struck, it was fierce.nearly half of Ponyville lay in ruins, and even mountains had crumbled under the wild winds. When Twilight and her friends are tasked with cleaning up the mess, they find something much more than they bargined for...

When I stepped out into the cold that morning, i didn't expect it to turn out like this. Sure, my coat shielded my body from the wind, but the ghastly cold peirced through it like an arrow. I was only going to the store to get some food, but the snow was too deep. I had managed to get myself lost, but that's probably becaues I had a history of having no sense of direction. But something was off. There were too many trees. I counted two of them. Far to many for a city. I heard something up above. But that was all I heard.

Disclaimer: This is my first multi-chaptered fan fic. Please be civil and (hopefully) posotive in the comments. I could use good advice for future fics!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 28 )

ohhhh nice.
Favorite and thumb up.

perhaps you can add that your OC isn't the greatest when it comes to common sense? :twilightsheepish:

Its Buddha, not Bhudda. Unless the difference is on purpose

I am expecting great things.

This is definitely interesting so far. I got a kick and a giggle out of the parts with Death and Bhudda. I'm looking forward to more.

I tried to find something to cover myself, but there was nothing in the closet that could fit him
Perspective switch.

She had double checked every book Twilight found that might contain any reference to humans, but to no avail.
When did they establish that he was human? I thought they didn't know.

images.wikia.com/lego/images/8/8d/WALL_OF_TEXT.jpg
C'mon man this is writing 101; SPACE YOUR SHIT.

384030 Oh dear, plot holes! Sorry, but i have a nasty habbit of not proofreading. Sorry! Plot holes make Applebloom sad... :applecry:
384043 Sorry. I have to write this on Microsoft Word first so i can save it because i'm still in school, and Internet is only acsessible in classrooms. I don't know how it turns out on Fim Fiction. I should probably pay attention to the Histroy teacher now...

384071

Two things...

1) Make sure you keep the 1st person POV at all times when you are "you". There were a few times (most notably during the hospital escape scene) where you went from "I" to "he". Very confusing.

2) A good idea that most authors on this site (myself included) do to combat the "wall of text" is to put an extra space between paragraphs. Sure, not grammatically correct in a pure technical sense, but it helps the eyes soooo much more.

Hope that helps! :pinkiehappy:

384071
Plot holes make Applebloom sad...
But make Me exited! :rainbowwild:

383779 Maybe, but in reality, i just really wanted to do a scene where he jumps out of a big window. :pinkiehappy:

The new name for the title sounds pretty good, over all i cant wait for the next couple of chapters!

Good work so far, tracking/faved (Stupid new FiMFiction system)

Lol, I dunno where the hell i'm going with this.:trollestia: Enjoy the ride!

no bad, not bad,
Obama is too busy right now so he could come to say it himself
but not bad.

Great start my friend, I must agree with the Elk though, work a bit on the spacing.
Can't wait to see how it goes:pinkiehappy:.

Still looking good my friend.

Two things i'd mention though.
Be careful of spelling, you did resserect and resurrect within a few lines of each other.
Be careful about how quick you go, you risk making things to generic compared to other H.I.E. stories.

Looking forward to more though, keep up the good work:pinkiehappy:.

Aaaaaaaaanddddddd...un-tracked,i just hate the way your going with this.Sorry.It was well written but at this point,even MENTIONING the New Equestrion Federation was a IMMEDIETE Fuck no to me.

492139I dispise anykind of revolutions/uprisings/ect in equestria.

492117 I must concur. Make your story seem less rushed as well. Edit for grammar and conventions. I will continue to track. I look forward to a more thought out, proper next chapter.

your pic nice hat
this story hmmm not bad

Those cookies were stale. But... I will post some of the grammatical mistakes anyways:pinkiecrazy:

1. Everybody ... No, it is everypony.:pinkiegasp:
2. Heck need I even bother with some I's not being capitalised?
3. Your forgot to put your e in some in your first sentence:pinkiecrazy:

811933 You see, i was in a rush to finish it, and to be honest, i really didin't care about the story or how it was going to turn out at that point.

812048 It's cool. Heck, I have no creative talent whatsoever so I probably shouldn't write a story:pinkiecrazy:

Way to troll Discord and smash the 4th wall in one Swell Foop.:trollestia:
The story was pretty interesting
Do not mess with Pinkie or Fluttershy. Especially don't mess with the other friends and family

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