After Major Ryan Laney is chosen to pilot a new military helicopter prototype, he is hit by an unknown force and have to make a hard landing.
-I honestly have no idea where I am going with this.
-I will add main characters and categories as they fit.
Written by: The Sanguinor, Exemplar of the Host
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Hm... I've heard this storyline before.. OH RIGHT "The Stranded Pilot" I knew I heard of this before. Anyway, I'm going to keep reading in hopes that this isn't the same. My hopes are up though so "Yay"
~Parajack
:O Not bad, and that is sad, and also FUCKING CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yea, you got me hooked.
Tracked
~Parajack
360242 well, i know the story line has been used before. the best form of flattery is copying right? this is just my own take on the situation after reading so many others.
When is the next chapter?
361548 depends on when I get an idea. If you read the description, it says that I'm writing this as I go. I really have no game plan for this.
When it comes down to writing, these are my steps
1. get idea from myself or a fan
2. start writing what comes to mind
3. edit myself
4. send to my beta reader
5. post and wait.
If you have an idea on what should happen next, tell me because for all you know, I might use it.
Celestia comes and fucks everything up.
362264 Refer to my blog for story ideas. I just started work on chapter 4 and am about 700 words in.
ugh
final chapters annoy me
362523 what do you mean by that?
Huh. Maybe you should work a bit on your grammar. A few periods and commas could make this much smoother to read. Nice plot so far.
362552 sorry, my beta reader is busy at the moment and people want the story out quickly.
"The Emperor provides"
Neat so far. You've been tracked, son.
Still good so far.. I'll stick by this for a while longer, see if it goes in the direction its pointing..
~Parajack
Well, the question is simple; what do you think should happen after chapter 4? Should Ryan be nice, keep running, attack, or something else? Post your ideas here and remember that I can't work until you all have voted since I am writing this for the fans.
You could have Celestia attempt a smoother first contact, with some explanation of Equestria and vice versa, an examination of the aircraft by the ponies, some reflection in the character of Ryan, perhaps some denial, an attempt at logical explanation of the situation, or a hesitant acceptance of the ponies' consolence. I can see many directions, just persue what you feel is best. Don't wait for reader feedback; you're writing, they're listening.
Bravo, keep it up.
389063 <<< That
Additionally, minor minor grammatical errors
Nice. Like last time, just some grammatical errors to complain about.
Hmmm, a HiE where the person is on the harsh side. Please continue.
400593 glad you like it. i'm here to tell a story, not to publish a friggin book.
400613 it's a nice change isn't it? i'm trying to make him harsh but not totally unlikable.
oh
not talking the coward's way out eh
....
dailurgiozihkgurzilmnit
first!!! also, nice use of Neil DeGreass Tyson.
Nice chapter
405379 not to sound like an idiot but what do you mean?
405533 that meme started from a video of the scientist, Neil DeGreass Tyson. the official term (i think) is "Neil DeGreass Tyson reaction" and if you are wondering where, when RD is threatening the pilot.
406651 sorry, i knew the meme but not its origins. not sure if i still want to throw some more memes in the story though.
406862 no need to 'pologise. also, i think he should run for president.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy3PgFhIpyM
There are a few things I saw with this that really screwed up the immersion in the fic.
The first thing that felt wrong was the two guys being late to the piloting. Anyone on-duty would never, ever be late to anything, especially something as important as a test flight.
Next, there was the picture. Having to adjust to absorbing information from the picture, then back to words is very jarring. If you can't describe the helicopter without a picture, the description is not clear enough. In this case the description was clear enough and I already knew what it looked like from the main picture for the story.
Third, there were no engineers on board looking at data. If it were a test flight (which it says it was) there would be as many engineers in that helicopter as possible looking at diagnostics in order to improve the main design features: the solar cells.
Fourth, there was no mention of any electricity-storing capabilities, only electric-generating abilities. What happens if they fly under a cloud? It would be really inopportune if they got into the shadow of something and stopped producing electricity and therefore couldn't fly.
Fifth, I don't know how that guy got into a position of holding the control stick in the experimental craft, but he is pretty mental if he willingly flew the plane into the storm.
Sixth, lightning comes before thunder or at least at the exact same time. The pilot would have seen and heard the lightning and thunder at the same time in a lightning strike, not thunder then lighting, and especially not at the delay described in the story.
Seventh, when an emergency happens, it's pretty surreal, leaving people unusually scared and calm. "FUCKING MAYDAY" goes against that.
Eighth, the pilot is able to control the plane while it is descending. I thought he lost power?
Anyway, these are some of the things I found were bothersome while reading the story. I'm sure I would enjoy it a lot better if these things were addressed.
442868
static.fjcdn.com/comments/Geez+dude+Calm+yourself+_ba410081b5639df38ded0fbd9d1a18e7.jpg
It's just a story. Here to entertain, not publish a book. My writing will get better in time.
P.S. I'm still out of state but everyone can expect more story by Monday.
>story clearly states in description that it involves an original character
>author decides not to add O.C. tag to character tag list
>MFW
446469 and... corrected.
446672
Bro...this story is glorious!
Cancelled? Cancelled? Color me sad, friend. Maybe you can pick it up again in the future. Good luck, anyway!
489038
This should explain
495973
Hey I'm as disappointed as you are.
>>pinkiespetgator
Hey I'm as disappointed as you are.
496955
You sort of misunderstood my message.
498837
Anyway the icons on my first comment were meant to reflect my disappointment.That is in case that they were what made you misunderstand.
why won't you make more of this story?
901463
Cause it is ass? I killed this and made Devil's Due because the idea is just better. Plus this breaks my rule of no pilots.
Kinda makes me happy that people like this piece of shit.
902424 Wh... I WAS JUST STARTING TO LIKE IT!
Cancelled... why? Its a good story, better then most.
this is a great story !!! I wish there was more. you should read ARTICLE 2. NOW THERES A BADASS!!! your story has a lot of merit. you should continue it. even if you marked it as complete, it would have ended on a good hopefull note. PLEASE MORE !!!!!!!