I left, but now I'm back. Now tell me, who the heck is this Sombra guy, and why does he look like he crawled out of the OC pits of DeviantArt?
The so-called 'World Famous' Flim Flam Brothers, after being defeated by Applejack and her friends, decide that they just weren't cut out for the cider making business. So, in the small town of Horseton, they discover a mysterious new mineral that could revolutionise all of Equestria! Trouble is, there are also a lot of people in the town who will do whatever it takes to make sure they get it first.
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Thank you for this. This is just perfect. The Flim Flam brothers are amazing, so I'm glad someone's written a story wear they get a happy ending.
294160 Thank you very much for writing my first comment! And thanks as well for the praise. The Flim Flam bros. are interesting carachters, and it was a shame that they were only one-shot carachters. Doh well. Thanks for the comment, and please read my other stories! As soon as i post them...
Faved! Awesome!
Nods Meaningfully.
do want.
The ending was a little rushed, but I did like how everypony got a happy ending!
I shall favorite this!
Necro-comment! This is a great one-shot. It's really nice to see the only canon bronies (aside from Shining Armor and Big Macintosh) to get a happy ending for once. Here, have a Derp.
I'm really surprised no one has found the League of Legends refference yet...
i don't think i have seen this much sunshine and rainbows at any one time in my life ever
still, it was fucking good read
It's clear you put a certain amount of editing work into this. No failures to capitalize, no obvious typos, and no mis-spellings that I noticed. On the other hand, it could use a little more. Several times you erroneously capitalized following some dialog, and you mixed up Flim and Flam a couple of times. I wouldn't fault you for that, they're pretty indistinguishable... except that they were talking to each other at the time (probably the only reason I noticed it), and they should have swapped but didn't.
You also fail to separate your paragraphs. Common practice on this site is to put an extra 'enter' between paragraphs. Indenting new paragraphs with 'tab' is acceptable as well. I'd even be fine with both, although I'm probably in the minority on that one. Not only do you do neither, you sometimes seem to use extra enters as a scene break and sometimes not. Case in point, if you're using them as scene breaks the segment where Flim and Flam are deciding what to name the Fixium should be part of the scene above it, where they discover what it can do.
Maybe I've just gotten in the habit of 'excellent' editing being the default, and this is just 'decent'
. I think 'decent' is too low to treat as a minimum standard, though. At least for anything trying to convey a point (such as a story or blog post).
The Bros. were pretty in character for the majority of it. (Well, based on what I remember of them. These are recollections of one viewing.) I think they were a bit off dealing with Fancypants. They suddenly decide to get responsible. I see them as ruthless buisnessponies first and foremost, and they're going to be exactly as responsible as they can get away with and not a whit more.
Similarly, the ending felt kind of off. It seems a little too pat. The Horseton was over-enthusiastic and rushed, and based on their irresponsible behavior on the show and getting themselves permabanned from five towns, I have a hard time believing the bros. were able to turn their image around that much.
On that note, I've been trying to re-write this sentence:
...but I can't think of any other good way to put it. Which I feel really bad about, it gets your meaning across quite well (I only noticed because I went back to check the town count), but that wording is insanely awkward.
Anyways. I commend you for writing the Flim-Flam bros, you came up with a good plot for them and it's nice to see them get a decent shot at a happy ending. People seem to prefer using them as strict antagonists, or at least, y'know, not positive. Also for using Photo Finish -- that was brilliant, frankly, and the main reason I found this fic. Buuut I'm trying to be more liberal with my downvotes, and... you get one. Sorry, mate.
2585595
At least it wasn't as bad as my first fanfic.
It's fine. Thanks for the constructive criticism though. It'll help me to improve int the future. And looking back at the ending, I have to agree that it was rushed as hell like most of my earlier fanfics.
As for the plot holes you could sail an aircraft carrier through, I was thirteen and very impatient. Now I'm slightly older, more mature and a much better writer. At least, I like to think that.
Oh, and as a trailing note I've figured out how to write the sentence better.
"We're never allowed into five towns already!"
Thanks for the critique, and hope you enjoy my future works! If I have the time to write them that is...
-The Snazzy Hat