......okay that twist is several levels of bullshit and the explanation nonsensical. i should have nkown when you went and killed one of the mane six.
i see a pattern. whenver someone thinks they need to kill the mane six, the story is doomed to be bad in some way.

it had hope, but unfortunately the ending was several degrees of bullshit........... not to mention applejack would have survived that damn tackle............

Hah! I knew Trixie was a red herring!

Well, I was partly right. Trixie wasn't the liar. I called Twi's lie there. I was wrong about the killer, although Twilight was my second guess. All in all, I liked this story. Cute, gore filled, the kind of stuff I like. I do find what Fluttershy did at the end to be... not what I would have expected of her. Her actions were understandable, I expected her to do that, but the execution, no pun intended, was not how I would have done it.
My two biggest complaints are the cover art and AJ's death, to be honest. The cover art shows a dead Rainbow, yet she is not one of the murdered. I also do not think that Rainbow could have gotten enough momentum to kill Applejack as quickly as she does. Regardless, I did like the ending as it currently is.
The only other comment I have until the epilogue is that there were a few grammar issues that I would be more than happy to point out if you would like.
In short, I liked it and you have at least one person waiting of the epilogue.

I really DO like your writing, but I could just use a bit of explanation. Maybe after the epilogue post a final explanation? Thanks! ^_^

3863109
Great guess my friend!

3907857
Well, i guess you just cant please 'em all

3907865
IKR! I wanted so badly to pat you on the back, but didn't wanna ruin it lol

3907919
Thanks so much for your comments. As a person who is trying to expand on his skills, posts like yours are very appreciated. Also, if you wanted to spend time helping me spot my grammatical errors, I would be very grateful! Glad you liked it .

3908020
Certainly, there is a lot of devices I used / attempted to use in the story. I would be more than happy to have a dialogue with you about how I pieced the story together. If i have interest from more people, Ill probably throw it up in a blog.

3908050
Don't worry, this story takes place a year from now! you have plenty of time to enjoy with Pinkie! lol

3908051
Spotted and fixed! thanks for the help sir, glad your enjoying so far!

3863109 even though that was what happened, it does not make it any more of a badly done twist.

largely because the changelings do not do anything like that. if they did, shining armor would ahve raped tiwlight or something.

3908140 No problem. I like to help. I won't be able to help you out much more right now as I ahve homework to do (ugggg), but I will give this a reread just to catch whatever I can. I noticed that most of your issues had to do with the its/it's and your/you're. Easy enough fix and I can even give you a short lesson if you want.

I also just noticed that this is marked complete. Are you still planning to add an epilogue?

3908188
That sounds great, whenever is convenient for you, I'm not going anywhere .

And yes, I am still going to add an epilogue , but I marked the it as complete because I consider the story to have concluded. My epilogue will just be an interest piece on how the world sorts itself out after the events of the story. I probably wont get it done for a while though as irl I will be working long hours for the next couple of months and wont have as much time to write.

Okay, two words: holy shit...

3901731
Well don't keep me in suspense! Did you guess correctly?

3908597
Wow, thanks for taking the time to give me a hand! Ill check those out as soon as I get off work.

3909994
Reading your comments as you finished each chapter made me lol irl haha. But your right, I put a lot of herrings in this story so the fact that you picked up on some of them does indeed mean you were making good predictions. I hope you enjoyed the ending!

3910609
Yeah

Holey shiet.

After the death of spike i was completly shocked!
I NEED TO KILL SOMETHING SO THE PAIN CAN GO AWAY!

3908597

Thanks for helping me spot those! All fixed now. The only two things I left was the "scared the life out of me" as I felt it fit the mood better than any alternative.

And I left 'deferred' in the letter. Deferred can also mean 'to submit humbly' fyi.

Thanks for the help!

3910886

Hahaha give it a try! apparently it works wonders!

lol seriously tho, glad you liked!

so twilight killed pinkie and rarity, rainbow dash killed AJ, and fluttershy killed spike. right?

3913487

Bingo! Twi also got caramel and the other eleven before the story started.

Knox's 7th: It is forbidden for the detective to be the culprit.

Tsk tsk. And I was hoping this was fair play.

Enjoyed it anyway though. Mystery is definitely a fun and engaging genre to work with. (Doing one of my own.) They say that a good mystery is like a game between the author and the reader.

3943276

Glad you enjoyed!

Good old Knox, if your going to be technical I also broke rule one in a way. But concidering number 5, ive always played a little fast and loose with the old boy's rules

Good luck with your mystery story, ill make sure to keep an eye for it.!

This... I don't know what to say about this...

It was well written and I did not see that ending comeing at all.

Great story.

4097981

Silver Moon, you are the man!
Appreciate the help, I will make the edits as soon as I can.
After your done I would love to give you a shout out for proofreading in the description, unless you would prefer me not to.

Let me know

BULLSHIT!
This was the worst ending ever! Twilight just murdered a whole bunch of ponies and Rainbow and Fluttershy are okay with this.
THIS IS BULLSHIT!

4259422
She's just the suspect number one. Forever

You bastard... this fanfic was amazing...

4292840
Haha, Its the bastards among us who make life interesting my friend. Glad you enjoyed!!!

4262452
Fooooooreveeerrrrrrrrrr!!!

4259422
Hey, thanks for the read! I very much enjoyed reading your comments as you worked through the story . I'm curious to know how you liked the last couple chapters?

4236188
Wow, I have to say I would not have expected such a venomous response from a writer who is as prolific on this site as yourself. I don't personally mind any negative feedback to my work (although constructive is always preferable), but I do hope that such responses don't discourage or scare away any budding writers who happen upon them. I have always been of the opinion that this fandom was better than such things.

Okay then.. kind of saw that coming, kind of didn't. Ending was a little rushed and, to be perfectly honest, disappointing, but that's made up for by the rest of the story. Good job, BloodBunny!

Right, let's do this before I get too tired to.

once again calling her friends name.

"Friend's." Possessive.

Twilight’s tried to slow her panicked mind and think clearly.

Should just be Twilight.

OK OK.

I'm being nit-picky here, I admit, but I still feel like I should point out that there are a fair few people who say it should always be spelled out fully as "okay." Feel free to ignore this one.

getting her hands on it,

WOAH, Trixie has hands! She really is Great and Powerful, although I thought that was more Lyra's thing. Aw, well. I'm just teasing, although it really should be either "hooves" or "magic."

There’s no way your powerful enough to counter alicorn magic!

Should be "you're," as in the contraction of "you" and "are."

“Oh, I’m not playing any games Twilight. And why do you keep calling me Trixie?”
The other unicorn accompanied her confusing question with a bright flash from her horn.

You shouldn't have a new paragraph here as both are referencing primarily to the "other-Twilight."

Twilight roared at her doppelganger, “drop the illusion

"Drop" should be capitalized.

“ I’m nothing like you!

Misplaced space.

“What do you mean?” She asked, voice wavering

Mentioned this in the last chapter, "she" should not be capitalized.

Pain doesn't necessarily make you kill people.

Also saw this last chapter (not that I expect you to have fixed this chapter, seeing as I posted my edit of chapter four a few minutes ago) and again, feel free to ignore my picky-ness when I point out that ponies are not people.

No!” She yelled

See two above.

The Captain rounded us up sayen Trixie was loose

Should be "sayin," assuming you mean to have AJ dropping the g in saying due to her accent.

RD, Go get the Captain.

Well, What do ya say Twi?

Unneeded capitals.

But all she could say to the Element of Honesty was , “No. I wasn’t”

Extra space after "was."

Lets go inside.

There are actually two different ways of spelling "lets/let's," each with a different meaning. "Lets," with no apostrophe, is present tense of "let" and would be used like so: "Bob lets out his dog."
"Let's," with the apostrophe, is a contraction of "let" and "us," to mean "let us" do something. I don't know why, but I really love giving this particular grammar lesson.

a heavy tomb held in her front hooves

This is a mistake I have made many times myself. A "tomb," as defined by the great God, Google, is "a large vault, typically an underground one, for burying the dead."
The word you are looking for is "tome," defined as "a book, especially a large, heavy, scholarly one." Many people mix these two words up, myself among them as mentioned, most likely due to the pronunciation of them.

Anyway, that's it. End of the last chapter. If you would like, I would be happy to edit the epilogue for you. Just either reply to this, or any of my other comments, or send me a PM.
Again, sorry this took so long and thanks for letting me edit. I enjoy feeling useful.

4366009
Silver Moon, you are the best! Thanks a ton for your help proofreading this story.

I know it must have been trying as grammar is something I'm still working on and these last two chapters were completed in a single sitting, no doubt causing a higher than average number of stupid mistakes by yours truly

Thanks again!

4295217

Thanks for your thoughts . Ending a story on time without coming short or overstaying its welcome is an art form in itself, and is definitely one I'm still working on .

Glad you enjoyed most of it though!
Cheers!

4400464 Yeah, endings are always the hardest. I struggle with writing them too. But since you managed to fool me on who it was, have a like! *Likes*

4400251 It's no trouble at all! I rather enjoyed it. I haven't had much writing mojo lately, so it's nice to still be able to contribute.

Are you still planning to make an epilogue? I'm eager to see where you plan to take this.

4417031

An epilogue is most defiantly on its way. My queue currently stands at:

1. Finish Top Speed (Post Production)
2. Eleven and Counting epilogue (Filming)
3. Write 'Ask Big Mac' one-shot (Pre-Production)

i.imgur.com/pbViF1H.png
Linkedy Link

"Eleven and Counting"

Yeah, there's 11 dislikes as of currently. Who would do such a thing? Perhaps... Twilight?

Well, that went in a direction I wasn't quite expecting.

7303648

There are definitely a few false leads before the twist. I hope you enjoyed it

7304358
The way you tied the ending back to the part in the beginning that mentions Twilight's captivity with the changelings was clever and well-done. On the whole, it was a neat little murder mystery, if a bit short for what it set out to do. It's difficult to set up a real mystery or any sense of tension in something that's over so quickly. The ending also felt a bit fast and rushed. I think an epilogue set during or after Twilight's obviously resulting confrontation with Celestia wouldn't have hurt. Some kind of real denouement to the story, you know?

All in all pretty solid, though. Definitely not badly written.

7304377
Thank you very much!

Ya, as far as the pacing, I think I overy rush through the last act in an effort to have a fast paced climax. Thank you for your feedback, Its somthing im trying to work on, with some difficulty.

But im glad you enjoyed the rest! Especially comming from a fellow Lovecraft fan (ya I creeped your user page ) I can't say that 'Whisperer in the darkness' wasn't in the back of my mind when writing the letter sections.

/rant.

Thanks again!

Nice ending, liked the whole 2-personality situation.

well I was wrong about Spike being the killer but I feel so bad for him having his own fire blow off half his face and throat that's just sad then being beat to death

It was a good story, in my opinion, up until the ending. It felt... *thinks for a minute* It felt like an M. Night Shyamalan-style twist. One of the bad ones.

Sorry. The ending bothered me, but it was good up until that point.

The fact the survivors all had wings, coincidence? I THINK NOT!

8954004
I think he died later, but I don't remember, I wrote that comment 4 years ago.

Well, turns out 1 of my suspects was 100% it!

So Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash couldn't handle the trauma? Therefore making an alternate version of themselves that takes control of there bodies? Well.... This is depressing.