Linkedy Link: Eleven and Counting

DARK-MATURE FICS FOR THE DARK-MATURE GOD!...
...Sorry, this is the second one in a row. We'll do something else later, promise.

Synopsis:

Dear Princess Celestia,

My investigation continues.

There has been another murder...

So, it's a murder mystery. That's what first drew me to this fic: maybe I've been playing too much Pheonix Wright, maybe I just like it, I dunno. Stop questioning me!

Let's go through tags. Mature, Gore, Tragedy, Dark. They're all applicable here. That was easy, huh?

To be frank, the grammar is not always 'spot on', but there are only very minor issues here and there. Enough to stand out, sure, but not enough to interrupt the plot.
What does stand out, unfortunately, is one rather major problem with formatting. That'd be... paragraph size. These monster paragraphs swamped the story at seven lines and more quite frequently, and... well, maybe I'm being a bit too mean with 'monster' paragraphs. They're big though, and if I didn't already like the premise, I certainly would've given this fic a pass.

That said though, I enjoyed the very start, the letter. I also enjoyed the plot from the beginning to the second last chapter. All good stuff, very atmospheric, very dark, and it does make you want to know who the murderer is. I was a bit confused when Twilight said the murderer was a 'he' at one point in the third chapter, but it doesn't appear to be the case regardless.
As the fic progresses you can tell it's a somewhat basic murder mystery, having Twi find the culprit relatively quickly, but it was fun regardless.

Now, if the story continued as such, maybe having Twi find the culprit, there being some twist, and maybe some uncertainty at the end, I'd most certainly recommend it.

Unfortunately... the ending was quite hit and miss for me.

~~

First of all, there is a twist. Turns out, after a long amount of exposition... none of the suspects are murderers, but it's the detective herself!
Now, there is some explanation, and there's admittedly some foreshadowing at the beginning too, but it's rather confusing all the same, and at rather short notice. I didn't really detect much reason for it being her, and it would've been great if there was some more foreshadowing throughout the fic.
A bit of suspension of disbelief is required here, but it's not the main reason I'm not a fan of the ending.

At the very end, after attacking Spike, she admits to her friends that she did it all. K.
Then, AJ attacks her.
Then, Rainbow somehow kills AJ by throwing her against a tree.
While that's happening, Fluttershy finds the maimed Spike, and kills him to ease his pain.

Then... they all meet back, call each other 'family', and hug it off with a described 'warm smile'.
I mean... what!? They're all murderers, and apparently that's our 'happy tied together ending'?

It appeared to me that the ending was either extremely rushed, or the author simply didn't know what to do with it. They had the rest of the story in the bag, all building suspense too... a bit of a strange event, and then... boom. Out of the blue, a quote-on-quote 'happy ending'.

It's just not the sort of thing that I'd have expected. I wanted that mist of confusion, of questions and uncertainty, but instead the author hog-tied the end up with an unsatisfactory conclusion. I'd recommend not doing that in the future, or, if the idea is to make it end with all questions answered, try to make sure the criminal is discovered for what they did, and they are found + caught for their crimes. I can't exactly explain it... so think 'Scooby-Doo', and try to make stories with conclusions similar to that. Sure, it's made for kids, but it seems to make it end well enough.

I mean, it's not like Scooby and the gang find out they're the murderers, and start hugging and calling each other family. That'd make a real strange episode.

So, yeah. My final recommendation? While I can't exactly say 'Don't read the last chapter', since the previous chapter ends on a cliffhanger... well, look. I like everything but the ending. The rest of it is pretty solid aside from long paragraphs, in my opinion.

If you want to read good stuff up to a point where it's spoiled, go ahead. If you don't, it's not for you.