A deep bond between Mom and Son

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Comments ( 18 )

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Little_Draco

Little_Draco #1 · Jan 15th, 2014 · · ·

Its needs a lot of work... and maybe more words to the story.

Forgotten Legends

Forgotten Legends #2 · Jan 15th, 2014 · · ·

3791532 the story still has three more chapters

Grevin5

Grevin5 #3 · Jan 15th, 2014 · · ·

Ruuuushed

Drinking Rage

Drinking Rage #4 · Jan 15th, 2014 · · ·

It.........REALLY need some editing.......feels really rushed and a pain in the ass to read.......-1/10

someficreader

someficreader #5 · Jan 15th, 2014 · · ·

it needs a little more, right now it feels rather rushed and like a puppet show

NecromancerX69

NecromancerX69 #6 · Jan 16th, 2014 · · ·

Less rushed story and I WILL LOVE YOU. nuff said fav and like (for now) with hopes of a better version of it.

Forgotten Legends

Forgotten Legends #7 · Jan 16th, 2014 · · ·

3796937 one it is not finished. two I am taken
Sorry

musicman722

musicman722 #8 · Jan 17th, 2014 · 2 · ·

so rushed and unexplained as fuck. it could be good, but this needs AT LEAST 3k more words to explain the story, build characters and have sex

Stunt Monkey

Stunt Monkey #9 · Jan 17th, 2014 · · ·

Really short and feels rushed, but I like where this is heading. I hope to see more soon.

NecromancerX69

NecromancerX69 #10 · Jan 17th, 2014 · · ·

3797000
What I meant to say it's that it needs more pacing to the story. I do love the idea of more chapters, but you can still make it sound a bit better, without the need to say: and they fuck the end.

Make it more vivid, give it more sauce to the smex scenes.

[check this fimfic ===>] Twilight midnight violations. by Aribandetyral
Here is a good fimfic you can take a look for ideas on how to pace your story (I don't meant to say copy/paste ideas, Just look at the writhing pace of it).

Bronystories

Bronystories #11 · Jan 19th, 2014 · 4 · ·

Good porn is like a rollercoaster; with loops dips and little flourishes throughout. This was like a bullet train. Zipping at breakneck speed to arrive quickly at its destination. Take time to enjoy the journey.

xRise24