The Apples have a secret to their hard cider. It isn't cider it is Moonshine Whiskey. The apples keep that a secret from the authories of Equestria. The only royal pony who know keeps that a secret, Princess Twilight Sparkle. She is determined to make moonshine legal in equestria. Can she do it?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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My one issue with the story is you're vague description and boring character development.
Instead of having Twilight gasped, you should say something like this; "Twilight put her forehoof over her mouth(muzzle) and stared widely at everypony around the room, unsure of what to say, they all blinked in unison until Applejack finally severed the silence, jumping down she hastily walked up to her friend and begged her not to run to the authorities, 'Twilight please don't tell anyone about this!' her eyes pleaded for a response, she pulled her hat over her chest and waited as her friend scanned her movements."
Something like that, maybe a little to descriptive but a lesson I've learned is that some scenes (particularity big ones like this obviously) require this type of descriptive so we can feel the emotions that you are trying to explain without sounding to dull and boring, which shows in that scene, honestly a lot of it goes up in flames with that certain problem.
I'm just going to have to wait and see until this improves. Don't worry I might come back, and I will only make a review or refer someone to review this when the story is complete. What caught my attention was the description and subject of the story, please make it worthwhile for yourself and everyone around you that reads this piece of literature.
The only thing I didn't really like was the way Twilight referred to Princess Celestia as simply Celestia. To my knowledge, she has only ever called her Princess or Princess Celestia, even when she becomes an alicorn herself.
3771272 in the canon series every time twilight and celestia talk they see that say priness before the others name to be demeaning
3771290
True, but she does it anyway, and if not, she is really shy about it. Although, in this story she seems to be more familiar with the Princess, so I guess that would explain it.
3771301 now people are starting to get my point of view. you see her stop callig celestia in the first episode of season 4