- Member Since 30th Sep, 2013
- offline last seen May 22nd, 2017
Emerald Knight
Just your everyday teenager who likes metal music and ponies and works for a living and has high hopes for going no where in life
Emerald Knight
Joined 30th Sep, 2013 ·
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First of all I want to congratulate you on getting this thing out, there are many who never post stories due to the fear of criticism.
That being said, this fic oozes potential, but the wall of text at the beginning slows the pace of your story before it begins ("are you worthy" can occupy it's own individual line while the proceeding paragraph, given the proper care and revising, can be broken up into multiple, easy to read small paragraphs.) couple that with a few too many grammatical errors (for example, using there instead of their in paragraph two) and we have a really good piece of work that sadly will not shine until it's polished.
Don't give up though, just clean this fic up a bit (possibly with the help of a proof-reader) and you will be golden, I know you have what it takes to to do this, otherwise I would not be posting this comment or giving you a like out of good faith.
I'll be watching, please don't disappoint me.
-Maromar
3825114 None of the people I normally get to proof read were able do to things going on but I did read it five or six times but my grammar sucks balls man and I did pretty good for by myself normally it looks like crap till I get some one to look at it and help me clean it up so sorry about that and thank you for the feed back not many people give me feed back
Emerald Knight
Luv this, cool user name, I hoe 4 more soon! :3
I was gonna suggest a proof-reader or editor or something but it looks like someone beat me to it. I liked the story I guess, I can't judge to well off the first chapter unlike some people, also I guess the 'not-too-good grammar and other problems with it'. But it seems like a good story so far so I wish you luck.
Keep up the good work. I would like to see more as well.
I like this my bro and I suck with english grammer so I won't yell about it but I hope that there are one or two more chapters coming up. -tankbuster
3913242 I might get to posting it in the next week or to once I'm done editing it
What happend to cellestia and discord? -tank
3946216
Forgot about them Darn it I'll unpublished then fix it then publish
3946347 yea me and tank can't get fics done cause we forget a lot of stuff -buster
how old is james?
3946918 around 16 , every one else is aged up, the cmc are around his age and the mane six are about mid twenty's, I think around 25 or 26 and ever one is aged up
3950661 how is it amazing its just one update, the first in weeks but give me some feed back please
-Emerald Knight
3956133 it is amazing because of the way you wrote it, also, nice touch shipping him w\ applebloom I know that most might ship him with fluttershy. But, the main reason that it's amazing is because in my opinion it is and I can not wait for you to add the next chapter! :3
3956752how do you know it her I think I might just have her with a crush on James and James have a crush on somepony else but spoilers
3957063 YIPPY!!! Leaked info~
3960014 maybe but you don't know who it is
3961987 so, in the end to make the story complete, either he has to get together with AB or AB ends up with somepony else to compensate for her sad and jealous feelings, but then he gets jealous breaks it off with the other pony and go for applebloom, but no matter what, unless you change all of the story so far they're going to end up together. To answer your first Q, but no matter what you still leaked info!
so thanks!!
3967838 well I guess you might have hit that one or it might have been a complete miss but I guess I did leak info so its good for the people
3967924
3967939 why the derp face, well I can see now that I pulled a major derp
3968010 I don't think so, I hav 2 type these signs all in manually and I 4got the code 4 the derpy smile. - :3
3968010 I have a quistion is there going to be herding in this fic if so then I see an scoots and switie james wow would that be weird. -buster
I think that there is but with difrent ponies also is the fact he does not have fur effect how the feel of touching him? - tank
4013848 Nope no herding here, yes that would be weird, and I don't under stand the last question
4016744 ok so pony diamond dog minators have fur dragons have scails and griffins have fur feathers and I think bone feal so only humains have that 'soft' skin feel to them that help? -tank
4017182 Still a little confused but I think the answers to that question is yes his skin should help him, cause nothing else has just flesh and no fur, etc., so he should be a little more light than a normal pony, but he will get a lot colder than a pony but I have a special thing in mind for James (Evil Smile) something very special for him
4020622 yea that sums up what I was saing and that is very off putting *poker face* -tank
I don't even want to know. -buster
4020690 Tank confusing
4020792 ah thank you -buster
4020819 he is very confusing, and your welcome RANDOM SMILE FACE
4020973 he's confusing...HE'S CONFUSING? Actually your right -buster
Ugh is there rock music in this? -tank
4021025 He is, Now time to get back to ok on chapter 3
4021037 yay new chapter!!!!! Also is there going to be rise-against music in this -tank
4021039 What is rise against music
(Edit #1) I found out just now sorry had to youtube them
(Edit #2) I might use some of their stuff
4021090 yea not a lot of people know them my uncle took us to one of there concerts back in russia I love there music and thot that the loud music was rise against
-tank
4021260 the first song I heard by them was a couple months back when I broke my leg and had nothing to do, it was call hero of war its a cool song
4021270 yes yes yes mine is september children (can find on youtube) -tank
Mine is swing life away -buster
4021334 I just got done watching Septembers children I'll look up the other one now and will more than likely use some of their music, James is that kinda kid
4021376 thank you now I'm ten dollars richer -tank
4021385 Yep swing life away reminds me of my life work for shit money all day get home do shitty chores, train for army, shower, sleep, and do it all over again. Man I need a break from life
4021425 and that is the reason for bronies right? -buster
4021432 Right
4021432 Hey man want a sneak peek of the next chapter
4024890 u mm which buster or me? -tank and yes
4024890 hey did you get in celestia and discord into the second chapter? -buster
4024955 both I guess and no I made them leave for canterlot leaving only a letter telling them where they went
"Do you all want to know how I got these scars?" they all gave a fearful expression, but nodded for him to tell his tale of memories, he turned around and looked at the fire that was lit, he just stared at it, as if waiting for it to strike, he then turned and said
"From Batman!"
4556065 I Didn't even realize I had done something from batman here