James your normal everyday highschooler or is he. He hides a large secret, but what is that secret and will it all change after he meets a strange couple, and is thrown into a new world, a place to start over.
First of all I want to congratulate you on getting this thing out, there are many who never post stories due to the fear of criticism.
That being said, this fic oozes potential, but the wall of text at the beginning slows the pace of your story before it begins ("are you worthy" can occupy it's own individual line while the proceeding paragraph, given the proper care and revising, can be broken up into multiple, easy to read small paragraphs.) couple that with a few too many grammatical errors (for example, using there instead of their in paragraph two) and we have a really good piece of work that sadly will not shine until it's polished.
Don't give up though, just clean this fic up a bit (possibly with the help of a proof-reader) and you will be golden, I know you have what it takes to to do this, otherwise I would not be posting this comment or giving you a like out of good faith.
3825114 None of the people I normally get to proof read were able do to things going on but I did read it five or six times but my grammar sucks balls man and I did pretty good for by myself normally it looks like crap till I get some one to look at it and help me clean it up so sorry about that and thank you for the feed back not many people give me feed back
I was gonna suggest a proof-reader or editor or something but it looks like someone beat me to it. I liked the story I guess, I can't judge to well off the first chapter unlike some people, also I guess the 'not-too-good grammar and other problems with it'. But it seems like a good story so far so I wish you luck.
First of all I want to congratulate you on getting this thing out, there are many who never post stories due to the fear of criticism.
That being said, this fic oozes potential, but the wall of text at the beginning slows the pace of your story before it begins ("are you worthy" can occupy it's own individual line while the proceeding paragraph, given the proper care and revising, can be broken up into multiple, easy to read small paragraphs.) couple that with a few too many grammatical errors (for example, using there instead of their in paragraph two) and we have a really good piece of work that sadly will not shine until it's polished.
Don't give up though, just clean this fic up a bit (possibly with the help of a proof-reader) and you will be golden, I know you have what it takes to to do this, otherwise I would not be posting this comment or giving you a like out of good faith.
I'll be watching, please don't disappoint me.
-Maromar
3825114 None of the people I normally get to proof read were able do to things going on but I did read it five or six times but my grammar sucks balls man and I did pretty good for by myself normally it looks like crap till I get some one to look at it and help me clean it up so sorry about that and thank you for the feed back not many people give me feed back
Emerald Knight
Luv this, cool user name, I hoe 4 more soon! :3
I was gonna suggest a proof-reader or editor or something but it looks like someone beat me to it. I liked the story I guess, I can't judge to well off the first chapter unlike some people, also I guess the 'not-too-good grammar and other problems with it'. But it seems like a good story so far so I wish you luck.
Keep up the good work. I would like to see more as well.
I like this my bro and I suck with english grammer so I won't yell about it but I hope that there are one or two more chapters coming up. -tankbuster
3913242 I might get to posting it in the next week or to once I'm done editing it