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Gregory (or Greg) gets sent to equestria after being bullied for 8 years. After he came to equestria he relied that he got sent back to discord's second return and that he was half black dragon and half white unicorn with no cutiemark. And he also relised he woke up in a d dog mine. After meeting the main 6 he goes back to the dragon badlands and gets named king. Where he will make a new nation. Whut will happen next...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That description...
i.imgur.com/TAt1M6N.gif
>"Alfas"
Da comrade, show those dirty capitalists where they can shove their dirty western spelling!
This all hurt my face to read.
It was like sprinting through at least a five thousand word intro, in just a few minutes and almost as few words.
...*sigh*
Either English its not your first language..
Or you really need to re-read your stuff.
First off, a bad concept can be done good if executed properly. This was a bad concept and a bad execution.
You feel into all the traps of a bad fimfiction:
Meeting main six
Bullied before going
Being a weird hybrid
Being human.
Ect...
You have details that don't need to be there, Like the kendo.
You have potholes, like who the f is the cafe guy.
You have author commentary during the story.
Your characters have no depth.
Your protagonist is pretensions by wanting to be a dragon pony hybrid.
The only likeable character was the cafe guy.
You have contradictions with not wanting to hurt the dogs, yet one dies by his hands.
The protagonist knocks out 8 with a broken leg and crutches.
You have paragraph structure errors.
Tense errors
Grammar errors
Spelling errors
Your splitting words that don't need to be split : bar tender instead of bartender.
And finally..
You messed up both of your descriptions.
For everyone's sake, read this:
http://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
Read it, read it again, memorize it, treasure it, whatever.
Ampathy-Engine said it all.
Score: 1 out of 10.
3785221
To be fair, having a human does not a bad fic make. However having almost every cliche in the book (Dear God, the hybrids!) is not. There are good HIE fics out there and to be honest this fic is not a shining example of a decent one. Spelling is probably the biggest thing for me, finding an editor is not difficult on this site, there are many good people willing to help. Also the writing guide provided under the 'FAQ' section of the site is a great referance.
PS: I totally don't write HIE fics so I have no bais at all. None.
3785277
I have also read good HIE.
I probably should have said writing humans without experience.
3785296
Eh, it seems like all you have to do is make them insane and have them fling out puns as they kill things. Having character helps though, when your MC has about as much appeal and development as a cardboard cut out then you have a problem.
This fic is a perfect example of this, I feel no connection to the characters and that loses readers.
3785324
Duke Nukem in Equestria would be a good story. Duke has character.
The only character I can honesty remember it's the clerk of the cafe. Only cause a kid comes in covered in tomatoes and he's like: "Wanna go to Equestria?"
3785336
Duke Nukem got ruined, I'm sorry but I can't look at him without remembering... that abomination.
3785345
global3.memecdn.com/dukenukem-forever_o_494535.jpg
3785368
Yeah... the local game shop was happy to let me return my pre-ordered special edition. The PC verson which they could not re-sell. The game was that bad that when the manager played it (he was a cool guy, great LAN party thrower) he actually called everyone he knew up andoffered to refund the copies he sold to them. That is how bad that game was. luckily i have all of the old (Read: good) games saved to my hard-drive. They helped take away the bitter taste.
3785380
Lol, wash away the burn.
3785221
some of the things that I wrote are important
AND I'M DISLEXIC
*spoiler alert*
he uses duel blades made out of his own scales as his main sores of weaponry!
3786938
Ok, you're dyslexic that covers the spelling and grammar errors, not the paragraph structure errors.
Get an editor if possible.
This also does not solve that your characters are lacking.
Your protagonist shows no interest in dragons, not even a background nod to him liking dragons, but wants to be a pony dragon hybrid.
Something as simple as a dragon poster in his room would be good.
The diamond dog thing is actually interesting, some are used as slaves and protag is gonna free them in a riot.
The thing is, you killed one with one swipe when you got there, I would assume they would try to run our kill the protag after that, not continue to drag him.
I can't even bring myself to.
Seeing that this is your only story, I will assume it is your first. And that saves you from my COMPLETE wrath.
This isn't very good. Sorry, but it's true! 
HOWEVER! Seriously, dude.
Mainly, under developed cliches. I won't say overused because that would be redundant. Basically, you are REALLY playing this by the book in a bad way. Meet Main Six, be bullied, show up as a hybrid (WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!?), kick ass when he could have with the bullies, kill something with little consequence. Recommendation, PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE! Develop your characters more, flaws and all that good shit. Get an editor who will make sure that your grammar doesn't look like someone wiped shitty underwear on a rhino's ass!
Also, make hard choices for the story. Do you NEED the hybrid thing? Or do you WANT it? Do you NEED the main six in this? Or do you WANT it? Cut the fat. Simmer it on a medium heat for about half an hour. Add bacon. And you have about the greatest
lunchstory of all time.I stumbled into this thing and I can't just even....
BAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAAHAH
4784535
Agreed I hate this thing
4788649 actually, I think this could work, a man (somehow) turns into a Dragon-Pony hybrid.
The writing is terrible, yes, and there are several clichés that needs work on.
However, that dose not mean that the idea must die, it just needs a rewrite pretty badly.
Some well placed words here and there, some sort of expiation for whatever you have in mind (even magic), character development is a must, anything else only is limited by your grammar and your imagination.
Just so you know, no author is perfect; why, my favorite author, Erin Hunter of the Warrior series, has so many mistakes in her writing, I would be rich if I got a dollar for every time I saw one.
if you really don't want to remake this book then that is fine, I just hope that you will learn form you mistakes and move on.