DFatman
Joined 23rd Feb, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Uncle Smiles · 176k words · 204 37 · 6.5k views
- Writer of Fantasies · 188k words · 435 29 · 9.1k views
- Productive faffer · 506k words · 202 22 · 3.9k views
- Frosty the Batty · 248k words · 135 50 · 3.3k views
- TheEquestrianWing · 877k words · 109 32 · 4.6k views
- Primus · 888k words · 98 47 · 3.8k views
- Hope24 · 419k words · 125 22 · 4.1k views
- MoonLily · 172k words · 44 6 · 1k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.15 seconds
Total duration
945 users online
206,780 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Everything about this screams "generic HiE". What sets your fic apart? What makes it interesting?
Oh, and you have way too many tags. You want to tag the two or three main genres, not everything remotely applicable.
3563192
The name was the only thing that sounded nice when I started as for the description it's about the same for when I post it. I fixed the genres so there's less of them but I will go back and improve the description later in the day. As for you question well I can't. If I say anything it would be a spoiler. So you would have to read it and find out.
3563418
Well okay, but it sure looks like you misspelled "Equestrian".
Great! You might also be able to drop the AU tag. If the ponies are acting in character, then it's not AU.
3563738
Listen
i know his fic seems like the generic HiE, but in my opinion, it really is amazing. a story needs time to develop, just like any other work in progress.
Hey, great story. I like that you stuck to the characters pretty faithfully. That being said, I've noticed a bit of grammar issues. But I know that writing a story in first person is a bit of a challenge. Keep at it and you'll improve, and good luck with the rest of it.
you should totally update.
Like
soon................how about now?
nah, maybe soon.
yea, soon sounds good.
3641873
I am working on the editing for it. Chapter 2 will be coming soon.
5700134 Because your hatred is more generic than the type of story itself...meh...why do i even care why you dislike it?
I see some common mistakes in using words like: there, they're, you're, your, there, their, quiet and quite...etc...
Personally, I'm perfectly fine with Alicorn OCs. I honestly think the stigma against Alicorn OCs is unfounded; there are quite a few stories I like that have them. No, what I didn't like about this story was the OC's personality. It was one of the most infuriating personalities that I've ever read. This self-deprecating, self-sacrificing, self-loathing individual is such a complete and total loser; a pushover!
"I don't want to be a burden." "I'm so useless and dangerous." "Your safety is more important than mine. I would die to keep my friends safe." Give me a break! He's known them for two days! He freely admits that he's been trying to distance and avoid becoming close to them so it'll be less painful when he goes home, then he's willing to sacrifice his life because they're his 'friends'! What! 'Oh man, I have multiple broken ribs and heavy bleeding, but Twilight has some splinters, better take her to the hospital first!' Are you kidding me? This guy is a joke!
He states multiple times how useless he is because he can barely walk, let alone do any magic or flying, yet keeps stating how 'dangerous' he is. 'I don't want you to become close to me, I'm dangerous and might hurt you.' AHHH, I'm cringing! And then Celestia decides to put him under lock and key because he can use fire magic? WHAT? That's really the case here, too! She freely let an Alicorn stay in Ponyville, but upon discovering that he can use fire magic and breathe fire, OH HEAVENS NO, HE'S TOO DANGEROUS. Because it's not like anyone else can use fire magic, or breathe fire(COUGH, SPIKE, COUGH)! On top of that, he just fucking saved her nation by helping defeat a powerful villain and gets this punishment anyways, what the fuck!
Look, I really gave this fic a chance. I truly thought I would like this fic because I usually do like Alicorn OC fics if they're written well, but this character is just SO awful.
5700989 I can. If you read more than the first three pages of chapter one, and make assumptions from the tags, then you may see that the story is actually written very well. Not every line is gold, but it's compelling more often than not. He actually does dark very well, his characters are spot on, and the way he paints the world is very interesting, despite some elements being deemed 'generic'. Everything's a remix these days.
5702320 While I somewhat disagree with your opinion on it, I can sort of see your point. When I first started this, it was a way for me to clear my head and not internalize everything that was going on in my life. The early chapters were something that I mainly did for myself. And after I while I mentioned it to a friend and felt comfortable enough to show him. He gave me a lot of confidence to do something more with it, and to show it to another friend, and another, and they gave me enough to post it for more people to see. I'm sorry you don't enjoy it, but I hope you give it another chance later on, when the story is a little more developed.
The dancing part I suppose?
5735801 Let me just go with... yes.
"You're" Not "your".
Why does almost everyone got those two mixed up?
5748420 most likely because the spell and grammar check doesn't catch it most times.
5749658 Spelling check....damn it, of course not....*sigh* spelling is not grammar....hehehehehehe *cackle for 10 hours*
ok im normal now....or am i?
I'm really sorry but I'll stop reading this. I have to admit, the story is great, you even managed a good Alicorn OC.
But that chapter length... It is really a grind, and I normally only have small slots of reading in the morning and the evening, so I'm just not getting the time to read it. I just can't read a story, no matter how good, if I don't enjoy the reading.
I'll leave a like and might pick it up again, once it's finished or has reasonably short chapters.
Edit: SORRY!
MORE!?!?!?!?!?!?...... PWEASE?
5826802 don't worry. The next chapter will be up as soon as my editor/proofreaders finishes it.
He keep getting beat up and he doesn't think of combat training yet?
5873962
He's not a smart pony.
5875829 Indeed...
Our protagonist is god damn unstable...
mOAR PLEASE?
5933521 My editor is currently working his way through the next chapter. So it will be a little bit before the next chapter is up. But in the mean time, why don't you tell me what you thought about this chapter?
5933426 Let me ask you this. If you were placed in his position in all this and have to go through all of that. Would you be stable at all?
5933593 >.> I'm kinda dull and don't care much about most things happening in my life...
I guess i will look at it and say meh and continue doing what i was doing...
5933567 I like it a lot but there are a few grammar mistakes... also happy he's telling twilight how he feels...
Day 2 of reading: good dang, I'm making progress in the word count
Will continue to read
6061308 what do you think of it so far?
5933593 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQCKObiVzuk
5933593 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQCKObiVzuk
is the main character an alicorn? the pic suggests so, but im not sure, im tundra
6230733 to answer your question. Sort of, you'll need to read it to find out what I mean by that.
6230819 thanks. for the poka dotted weasals!!!
This was the best chapter so far. I really enjoyed reading your story, it's a different take on it and I like it. Keep up the good work.
6279053 thank you for your kind comment. If I may ask what was your favorite bit from this chapter?
My favorite parts of the chapter is with Twilight Velvet messing with Storm.
More?
6351146 You've got to wait for my editor to finish the chapter first before I can post it.
Twilight came there.
To pick up the crusaders....
Edit: MOARS!!!!
Please?
6388526 More will come. Just waiting on my editor is all. So any part of this chapter that you really liked?
You had to cliff me bro
6388570 Hmmm.....
them plotting without storm knowing bad plotting ponies.
6388810 to quote Big Mac "Eeyup."
I did have to end the chapter somewhere and I hope you are enjoying the story so far.
6388862 to quote you quoting big mac "Eeyup"
6388933 I'm curious, what are some of the parts you liked in this chapter?
6388942 to be completely honest whilst i dislike Twilight response, Celestia means to 'fix' the problem and their friends means of 'helping' i do like and understand his means of going through it aa well as his interaction with the CMC. (I love adorable things so sue me) Also i am completely sure you have your reasons for her reacting the way she did it came off as bitchy. On a second positive note blueblood deserves everything he gets coming to him within the future (what will come to him however is only an educated guess and your creativity)
6388952 thank you for the feed back. Honest I'm rather worried on what everyone will think when they find out the reason with Twilight. As for Blueblood I full heartedly agree. Let's just say he will have a bigger role in events down the line. Bare in mind I'm currently writing chapter 29 so... There is time to see what he does.