• Member Since 5th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 15th, 2017

TheEquestrianWing


I am a Brony studyng Actuarial Science at the University of Texas at Dallas.

Sequels1

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After centuries of remaining childless, Princess Celestia has an heir. Her son, Bronze Star, joins the Mane 6 and helps them keep Equestria safe from certain dangers. Along the way, he develops a strong romantic connection with one of the six mares.
Overtime, Bronze Star uncovers two plots. One of them involves his Aunt, Princess Luna. He learns that her spite and envy were not the only reasons why she became Nightmare Moon. Something far more diabolical and dangerous was responsible for her madness. Worst of all, she is still not safe from this evil.
The other plot concerns Princess Celestia. Bronze Star discovers that a group of political dissidents are conspiring to assassinate his mother. Motivated by his love for her and her reign, he vows to hunt the insurgents down and purge the threat they pose at any cost. Even if that means wiping out every last one of them in the process.

Chapters (60)
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Comments ( 137 )

Not to break your spirit but Most Alicorn stories will get eaten alive. trust me I've learned and I will change mine. by the looks your story won't end up that ok.

Wow, this was a really captivating opening! I liked the mysterious tone it had all throughout the chapter, and I really liked the dialogue between Celestia and the male Alicorn. I hope we'll get to learn more of him in the future, and that it'll be explained why he was so against staying. Good job so far!

In the first chapter of this story, Princess Celestia gives birth to a son, an Alicorn whom she names Bronze Star.

Well, you should let me FUCKING READ IT before you PULL THAT SHIT! DON'T FUCK ME WITH THE DESCRIPTION, YOU'RE RUINING THE STORY!

4189884
Thanks for the information. I guess. I've modified the first sentence of the description to be less "overly informative."

Damn, that was a really surprising twist! I'm really liking these characters so far. I was especially interested in the "debrief" at the end. Update soon, plz!

Hmmmm... I'm not really sure what to make of this first chapter. I'll admit it was very well-written, but some of the details are a bit vague and mysterious at times. I did like the part at the end where Celestia decided on her son's name. This looks like it could lead to something good.

Comment posted by Flabbergast deleted Apr 12th, 2014

Sorry, I accidentally posted a comment before I even typed anything. But that aside... Jesus, the first part of this chapter was tense. That scene with the knife was really dark and alarming, almost like :pinkiecrazy:. I honestly did not see the part after it coming. This chapter was quite a bit better than the last one, probably because it wasn't as "mysterous." You've got my attention now. i want to see where this will go.

Glad we finally got to Twilight. She and Bronze Star are already friends? That's good. For both of them.

Bronze Star may have grown up without a father, but at least he has two devoted stallions who work for his mother to give him guidance and comfort. Bellerophon and SIG Sauer both seem like respectable stallions. I'd like to learn more about them.

Having Bronze Star travel "incognito" was actually an interesting idea. Of course, there's no guarantee that his cover will last very long, what with what is about to happen in Ponyville.

Looks nice so far. Keep it up.

Just a minor suggestion, maybe make cut the chapters up a bit to make them into a more readable format. I always have trouble with reading big chapters (attention span and all that), but this might just be me.

4301050
Thanks for the advice. I'll try to shorten my chapters to between 2,000 and 4,000 words from now on.

Well, not a lot happened in this chapter, but it was still just as interesting as the ones before it. I feel for Twilight at the end :fluttershysad: I know what she's going through; I went through the same thing when I went off to college.

I'm hoping the rest of the mane cast is introduced in the next chapter; I really want to know which one of them will end up with Bronze Star :raritystarry:

This opening was really long, but I loved the way it was written! I hope the following chapters have this much description. If they do, I won't even complain about their length anymore. :twilightsmile:

I'm liking this so far. Keep it up and I just might add it to my favorites!

Celestia saw numerous advantages in the fact that she was immortal, but they were all hindered by the devastating knowledge that her subjects were not.

I applaud you for taking the direct route in approaching this matter. Its one many ignore.

Alright, as far as things you do well, your grammar and spelling are excellemt. So is the dialogue. It feels very natural. I can believe Celestia is talking. Also, I like your OC's. They're believable and they don't annoy me. This is an excellent fic!

Now, as far as things that could use some improvement, I honestly didn't notice much wrong. I mean, I'm not much into serious stories, but this is very well-written so far.

Neat, I'm already captivated by the story! You're a great writer- while most alicorn stories are generally disliked, I feel like this one gives them a break from that, if the upvotes are any indication. I look forward to possibly finding out who Bronze Star's father is, as well as his relation to the Mane Six. :pinkiehappy:

So this story will clearly be s test of endurance on just trying to keep track of all the information at one time but that said let's talk about it, I do rarely see or read stories about Celestia or raising a foal so that alone is a good hook going over the actual birth reminds me a lot of fallout 3 (then again lots of things remind me of fallout) however there was one instance where I cringed but it's not your fault once the male alicorn appears my mind (thanks to most male alicorn stories) made him instantly connected to Celestia as a brother or or father only made worse with the talk that at the start of their conversation hints at the idea (once again thanks toother stories) that the child was the product of incest thankfully you didint take that road and open up the chance for s bigger arc later I'll read and review more of this as the week gose on but this was a great opening to what I can speculate might happen based on the time in the note

I was confused at first, then I understood when it was a training session :pinkiehappy: Liked this one, can't wait to read the next- I like your writing style, as well as the flow the story has so far :twilightsmile:

Ok so a time skip throws my idea completely out the window on how I expected this story to go so for this chapter the idea of a stealth mission training session got me off guard some parts near the end felt like they dragged on to long for what they needed and once again trying to keep track of all the ponies names in my head is not the best right after waking up, overall I feel the story now has it's plot starter and I can speculate more from here

Okay, here I am to review as requested.
First off, this story has an interesting premise. I find the male alicorn a surprisingly well done OC, as well as an interesting love interest for Celestia. The beggining is well done and the idea of pony births is clever. Your prose is well done and it flows smoothly.
There is one thing I recommend. You shouldn't list the plot in the first chapter. That is solely the purpose of the short and long descriptions. Anyway, look forward to reading the rest.

This chapter felt to full while most of this chapter is needed to help the plot advance now be aware for this next part my wording may not be the best so I'll put it in brackets so if you have a question you can ask it
(the characters interaction towards Bs was that of a appeal that I've seen I'm many Mary sue stories it may have to do with him being royalty or just a feeling of golden bliss before something really hits the fan)
Now I feel the length of this chapter is astounding for such s simple seen as it was drawing it out with so much detail is a pro and a con

In other comments still wish this was a Celestia rasing a foal story

This chapter felt weird a large percentage was devoted to the Bird while understandable is quite overkill considering you have basically skiped his loss of wings and horn in comparison but for what it's worth a shorter length really helps out a fair bit

Now this is how to do a chapter with diaolog and for once my brain didintcrash trying to keep up with the information it felt tightly woven and not to goddess damn long either

But still Celestia rasing a foal story look into it

I love this story!!! are you going to try to make it up to season 4 I know that's ALOT but I can't help but wonder what bronzes reaction would be to "simple ways"

4564047 Thank you for the comment; I'm pleased to see you're enjoying this so far.
In answer to your question, yes, I plan to take this all the way to Season 4 (and beyond). Simple Ways is a long way away, but I do look forward to it with especial interest. You can expect that Bronze Star will be less than thrilled when he discovers who in Ponyville Trenderhoof is infatuated with. Heh heh heh...

So Bs will take on the form of a shield while the others use the elements quite an interesting idea and use of lore and expanding on it

I have finally narrowed down why diaolog in your story feels off at times and it's because the characters explain a majority of information for example the marsala law joke where they explaine the roya guard is not involved with it

4566149 lol that's sooo cool!! taking it all the way to season 4 wow this story might be going to for a while then :twilightoops: unless you cancel it but its a really good story and I love it so far! :pinkiehappy:

This one really fluxed on how the diaolog went at times but overall this was a great way into the plot of the story I would have liked Bs to be behind twilight and seeing the actions of what happened but I guess we can see how it gose from here

Well the opening and ending of this chapter felt fresh I do enjoy how we got to see Sig in action even if it was for a short time one of the things that I have to say was done well was not focusing on the elements with in the mane six but saying it from a more natural point

Woah... What a plot twist! MOAR!

For some reason, I feel that the chief of staff is Celestia's husband...great chapter, a little lengthy, which I don't object to.

Chapter one review time!
*ahem*
Yet again, you manage to avoid clich├ęs with simple yet effective methods. SIG Sauer is a like able character, as is Bronze Star. Normally, when one writes about OC alicorn who's a battle expert, down votes come down in storms. However, you gave logical explanations as to why he's an expert. The idea of actually getting knocked out for practice is a bit odd for our beloved Equestria, but works for this area. The story narrative seems a bit redundant at times, but nothing critical.
One quick question: what does SIG Sauer's name mean?

4605255 I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. I understand what you mean when you say it seems a bit redundant at times. Some writers have a problem with putting too little detail in their stories. As for me, I sometimes tend to put too damn MUCH.

In answer to your question, SIG Sauer is actually the name of a type of handgun originally produced in Germany. In real life, SIG stands for Schweizerische Industrie Gesellschaft. Even though I've already written the first fifteen chapters of this story, I still haven't decided what "SIG" in my OC's name stands for. Still working on that.

It may seem strange that I decided to name one of my OCs after an armament, but I have two good reasons for doing so:

One, I heavily based SIG Sauer off of Jack Bauer from "24." Both are veterans with military experience, both answer directly to the highest authority in the land, and both are willing to die for the people they love. I wanted to go so far as to give my OC a similar name, so I picked SIG Sauer.

Two, I figured that since there are no firearms in Equestria (at least not canonically), there wouldn't be any harm in naming certain ponies after them. There are actually quite a few characters in my story that are named after firearms. More will show up as the story progresses.

that was so awesome! :pinkiehappy: I don't usually care for the stories that follow through with the series like this but I love how you add your own touch in between some parts it makes it one of the best stories ever!

ok.. so I have a question....Since the story revolves around Bronze Star taking a liking to Applejack does that mean in each episode that you do there will be a little more Applejack than there is in the actual episode? (sorry if this is confusing..)

4634687 Don't worry; I understand completely what you're asking. In answer to your question, as of right now, I do intend to have Applejack appear in most of the "episode chapters", including the ones where she didn't actually appear on-screen. However, I'm not going to try to force her presence just for the hell of having her there. Otherwise it would probably seem a little foolish and misplaced, kind of like what Hasbro did with Twilight Sparkle in certain episodes of Season 1, when Twilight occasionally showed up without contributing any major part to the storyline.
Still, Applejack will appear quite frequently in this story. She'll be the second most prominent character, behind Bronze Star.

Closing in on Nightmare Moon's return...should be interesting to read :pinkiehappy: I have a feeling Bronze is going to develop a crush on Twilight at some point in the fic.

Good chapter :pinkiesmile: I think it had a good flow- one thing though

"Probably because of how loud and dusky it is in here," Twilight Sparkle sarcastically commented.

Is that supposed to say 'dusty'?

Goosebumps, man, goosebumps...I can't wait to see what happens next :pinkiehappy: I'll have to read on, but I hope this isn't one of those fics where there's a seventh Element of Harmony, if it is I'll keep reading, though. :pinkiesmile:

wow that was so awesome! :pinkiehappy: that's cool how you put a whole episode into 1 chapter and love how you fit the 2 deprecate stores together! it this rate you'll get to the end of the season in no time!
:pinkiegasp: :pinkiesmile: :pinkiehappy:

iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/462654__safe_solo_animated_discord_season%2B4_spoiler-colon-s04_drama%2Bin%2Bthe%2Bcomments_3d%2Bglasses.gif

Alright, got that out of the way.

This chapter felt nice, it was interesting to see you focused on what was happening in Ponyville, as well as what Bronze and the others were up to in the forest. :pinkiehappy:
I'll have to read the next chapter soon, I'm curious as to what's going to happen, and where the ogre came from, (if that's important).
Again, I'm sorry I can't be thorough like you are with mine, I feel like I'm not very good at reviewing things...

cool! hehe that's funny "scar chums" hehe lol

Can't wait for ten next chapter!!'

yay I really like this chapter!!! this is one of the best stories EVER!!!

cool!!! boat busters DONE! what's next look before you sleep? can't wait! :pinkiehappy: also are you going to do equestria girls?

4758544 The next chapter will actually cover Walther's activities in Hoofington. The two succeeding chapters will take place during Dragonshy and Look Before You Sleep. And yes, I intend to incorporate some part of every episode into this fanfic. That includes Equestria Girls. However, I haven't decided whether or not I'll have Bronze Star accompany Twilight Sparkle and Spike into the alternate world. Most likely I will.

4762677 ok cool! oh ad u forgot about dragonshy lol also yea you should make bronze star go with spike and twilight :pinkiehappy:

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