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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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While the setting seems interesting, I was put off by the few grammatical errors I spotted. I suggest getting a pre-reader before you publish any new chapters.
3406043
If you would be so kind could you point out some of the errors, I'd really like to know exactly where I'm going wrong.
Cool start to the story, a few mistakes I can easily live with. I'm Tracking but I question if the mature tag is needed for this. I mean if it's going to get more cloppy later on then fair enough, but the explicit scene here could easily be removed and would have no effect on the storyline.
3408983
The next chapter has two clop scenes so far (in 10,000 words), so I think it will be needed.
3409862 fair enough. Heres hoping the next chapters is as good as the first.
Soo.. complete opposite of Twilight's problem. Oh joy.
Sounds like they met Trixie's grandmother, eh?
3554723
The old mare wasn't really supposed to be related to anyone in particular, more of a way at hinting of things to come.
Well it is something to see it was Shining who's being talked about.
Now I wonder when they will get to Changeling territory and Chrysalis falling for Shining Armor, or something of the sort for her to find out about the wedding and Canterlot in general.
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I've got plans for that, but it's not going to happen for quite some time.
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Understandable, I mean, that is one major canon plot and they are just going to one major species land.
Very hot, though short, it is nice to see SOME progress. Ang I do hope Shining does not turn into a mare... He'll be one anyway when the wedding comes around.
Good question! How could Celestia's magic, which is apparently capable of reaching out 150 million kilometers to pull a mid-sized star into geocentric orbit, possibly be able to protect you from a week's walk away?
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I know that response was most likely sarcastic, but it is good for me to explain the thought behind my own writing, and just in case you do want my thought process behind that moment explained, incoming head canon:
I'm not a geologist, but I'm pretty sure a "Lava Sea" is physically impossible: The upper layer of lava would quickly lose heat to the atmosphere and solidify into a thin upper crust that would insulate the magma underneath, much like the underground lava flows in Hawaii. And this is assuming a hotspot large enough to form a lava sea could form in the first place. But again, not a geologist. Besides, magic.
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The perfect excuse for me not knowing how lava actually works in real life.
I love this story
Okay, so... The king was basically too busy and it caused negative traits to grow within the first born...
Yeah, typical problem given a fire-breathing body. I feel your pain there king, but damn is he stressed.
So where is all this molten rock coming from? You know, for a race without magic, these Dragons sure do know a profound amount of magic.
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My thinking on the matter is that dragons can channel their breath to such a temperature that it melts rock, allowing them to have small flows of lava in certain areas of the castle. It is obviously a luxury, and something used to show extreme wealth so it is only included in certain areas of the palace.
Just imagine there are dragons slaving away to create those streams of molten rock, it adds to the oppressive feel. I probably could include an explanation for this somewhere in the story, but it is such a small detail I feel it would detract from the story.
You could also consider that there are volcanoes that Flo has no knowledge of, an idea I was thinking about for the coming chapters.
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Ok. Im sure the geologists are pulling their hair out, but most of us are not geologists so I figure suspension of disbelief will cover it.
A great chapter, however I feel the need to remind you that in the MLP universe Cows are talking, sapient members of society. (Source: A friend in Deed)
Just thought I'd mention that. Seemed kind of important.
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I have also mention that dragons fought and killed ponies. The only things that stops them from eating ponies is the respect for their power. Cows on the other hand can do little but run.
Should have been, "You Ponies are weird." in all technicality at the least.
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I don't quite know what you mean, could you explain a little more as to why you think it should be changed?
And the Drama returns in full circle!
I have no idea how I have not left a comment on this story so far.
Disaster. 
I've been following and enjoying it for a while now and you deserve far more comments and views than this rather epic story seems to be getting. After being away for a long time, its nice to see there have been quite a few more chapters, Gives me more reading for when I have the time
Anyways... onto the mane part... hopefully this review will be big enuf to make up for my lack of comments so far.
Where to begin... such a nice, long story with good length chapters (although their length may put the odd person off as they are quite big). Having my second fave pairing in this, Shining/Cadence is what drew me to it despite the sex tag. The adventure so far has been both entertaining, exciting as well has holding plenty of surprises. I like the OC's in this story, Cloud and Skylight in piticular are very nicely written and I like them far more than a lot of the OC's Ive met in the many stories I've read here. The town they were found in was quite the surprise. I never considered that such a place would exist in Equestria...
Btw...something I've been wondering for a little while, is Cadence going to get pregnant out of any of their little sessions or have I missed something? Because they sure have done it enough times for something to happen. Skylight at least is infertile, although it also sounds like she carries the damage to explain why she is like that
The clop scenes I can't really make a comment on as I more or less skipped/skimmed them all. Such scenes just aren't my cup of tea anymore, even though I like seeing Shining Armour and Cadence together. However, your story has been good enough that despite the odd clop scene, I just kept reading. I didn't mind the kinky town too much, I just regarded it as an evil place and I like how Shining Armour and Cadence kept 100% faithful there. Seeing them get hit on and always pass such 'wonderful' offers up made me smile each time. I really like how Cloud and Skylight got together. All the scenes so far that have all four main ponies in them have been great. The trials of getting across the lava lake, although a rather implausible sort of lake, had a great payoff when they read the instructions from Celestia
Poor Shining 
Your story drew me and got me hooked and unless something truly terrible happens (unlikely), i'll gladly stick around to see where this exciting adventure goes. If it weren't for me fighting to stay awake, I would continue to read this excellent, underrated story right now as there are still more chapters for me to catch up on
The conflict in the dragon kingdom is exciting to read and
has been a wonderful guardian from afar, although seeing Shining defend his missus, was a nice touch. Its good to see that Cele isn't too over powered and always aware. The dragons family problems, coupled with running the realm and hosting the party of ponies has had more great moments than I can cover when half aslesps. Just no that it has been a great read and has left me wanting to know what happens next. I'm guessing that Cadence will move on once they have helped them out and solved some/most of the issues there.
As much as Ive been keen to know what happens next, the thing that keeps me reading is the enjoyment that comes with the journey. The characters come across as well written and believable and actions everypony has chosen have had a mix of great and (the odd) disastrous consequences that give this a nice impact. Although at times, I feel like your coverage of action and emotions wears thin, you make up for that occasional lack by having such strong ideas and such an awesome plot, that I remain engaged and you keep me caring about what is happening, how everypony is doing and what they are feeling.
The only two things this story is missing is a hint of Flutterdash and maybe a little Dislestia
although thats just me and for a Shining Armour/Cadence centered story with this much away from home action, I totally don't mind the exclusions of my other two fave ships. You have done a brilliant job on this story so far and I can't wait to read more and then witness the adventure continuing to unfold for many more chapters to come. 
4798688
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad to see someone is enjoying this story as much as I enjoy writing it. I've been wondering for a while how much someone other than me likes the OCs in this story, and I'm glad that someone thinks they're not terrible.
The length has been worrying me however. When I was dreaming up this story I planned for it to be one hundred thousand words start to finish, but I've been writing it a little slower than expected.
Also, regarding the issue of Cadence getting pregnant, you most likely missed it if you're skipping the clop scenes, but in chapter two there is a brief explanation about how regular ponies are not able to impregnate alicorns.
Once again, thank you for the comment, I'm smiling so much it hurts.
To be honest, I was a bit surprised that Moretur's behavior was all an act. After all Cadence has done, it made me easily believe that she could change anyone with a bit of kindness. Loving this story btw, it doesn't get enough credit for how great it is IMO.
4898361
It is explained further in the next chapter. I don't want to go too in far into it, but I'll say her kindness was enough to change Moretur. Also I'm glad you're enjoying the story, as I said above, it's great to know even a few are enjoying it as much as I am.
...Wow. Just wow. This story continues to be totally epic.
I didn't realise that I still had so many chapters to catch up on, but the last couple have been a real roller coaster ride of drama and awesomeness. I'm really liking where Ember is going. His father seems to have much more ground needed to cover before he is ready to be much of a father again.
It seems like most of this story is set in the dragon lands. I hope you will continue the tale when they move on, even if only a little bit
The twists and turns have been crazy and sometimes brutal, but I really like stories like that have impact.
And, that tent....
:rainbow laugh: Poor Cadence, needing to spend a night in there...
I'll save the next chapter for a little later as it looks like what comes next will be crazy and full on.
5005807
I'm planning on taking the story many other places but with the speed that I progress through the story it could be a long while before it gets there.
Anyway thanks for telling me what you like about the story, it makes me want to write that much more, not just for myself but for others who are enjoying it.
The way you ended that chapter makes me think something bad is sure to happen.
I found this to be another excellent, gripping chapter. Its sad that the two pegasi had to stay behind. But I like that Ember and his father seem to have made up. Their city is bound to benefit a lot from that.
Griffins... if they are anything like the ones in my main story, this will be a tough place for the pegasi pair.
Well I really like where this is going. Griffins in flying cities... rather different to their appearance in my own works. Its a really cool idea, especially how you've set them up. I look forward to more.
Also, the previous segment with the hill dwelling dragons had some rather interesting twists that really added to showing just how good Cadence is. Poor shining, he is stuck with being moral support. I thought he was supposed to be the best with defensive magics..? Oh well, he might pick that up more later.
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Shining's supposed to be good at magic? Well there's a part of the show I wasn't listening for. He isn't terrible at magic in this however, he's simply seems so compared to Cadence, which I thought would make sense, her being a princess and all.
Aaah the candy store...
I'm liking shining in this chapter more too, which is always good. The Griffins are coming along nicely, although I suspect that the mila is a bit more than she is currently appears to be. I think your doing a good job at developing the griffin ocs are cool too. So much intrigue, I wanna c what happens next
And in the show shining comes across as being good with defensive magic (the big dome he protected canterlot with being the prime example... well, i thought so at least...), but I can agree with him looking not to good compared to his misuses.
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Ah yes, I had forgotten about that bit, it would make sense to put him learning that into the story. I really don't know where though, so I might leave it out. Also good to know the griffons I made up aren't too bad, although I still don't like them as much as Skylight.
5440686 If you don't know where to put in him learning it, I guess leaving it out would be ok. Although it could be something that is just slowly and discreetly learned when they encounter trouble.
And Skylight is hard to beat. Her and Cloud are my fave two OC's in the story so far. It would be great for them to come back into the story near the end or something as the pair are cool
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I could drastically change it if I wanted to, but the rest of the story seems to have planned itself out already, so as much as I love Cloud and Skylight, they can't come back without it feeling forced. Even without them, I like how the remainder of the story plays out, only the ending feels weak, but I'm working to make it more believable.
I think this is a great story. As for the lava sea, natural radioactivity melts rock, perhaps equestria simply has a lot of uranium and thorium close to the surface near the dragon lands. There were natural nuclear reactors on earth. The dragons mnow a lot about rocks and minerals - eating them for instance. So knowing how to pile blue uranic rock and surround it with some neutron reflective beryllium to create a lava pool is not much of a stretch assuming the giant fire breathing extremophiles are also radiation proof. Radioactivity isn't going to do the ponies any favors though. But for that - yea magic. Maybe all equestrian creaturea are pretty much immune.
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I'll keep that in mind when I give the story a second pass, but I feel like hey magic is enough explanation for a constant sea of lava in this universe. When I start exploring scientific details with too much depth I feel like it detracts from the story.
There are some things even magic can't solved.
5520339
Mmm, sometimes we simply have to put up with the ailments we are born with, be happy with what we do have.
Just when I was about to accept that you were dead, you come back :)
5799030
Yeah I had a bunch of stuff going on, the start of a new year of university among other things. I kinda just forgot about posting here, sorry. Hopefully I can post the other stuff I have written up soon.
Yea. More!
6885571
Oh no! I didn’t know that. Thats terrible.