This Nightmare Night, Ponyville is in for quite a nasty trick as through her manipulative magic; Queen Chrysalis plans to exploit Celestia’s greatest strength as her greatest weakness…her love for her subjects, the spoils of which will surely leave Chrysalis and her Changelings quite a lovely treat.
WARNING; INCLUDES CHARACTER DEATHS
Image by Celebi-Yoshi at deviant ART
(Used with Permission)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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*Tilts head in confusion*
Hmm... seems interesting enough... I suppose we'll see.
I do love Irony, after all...
3289571
DON'T READ IT.
It's crap (if the rating is any indication.)
It's something I wrote earlier when I was EXTREMELY depressed and suicidal.
3289699
WHAT!?!?
By deceiving me, you have made me your enemy.
Prepare for one hell of a trolling, worm.
3289905
I THOUGHT it was good (or at least decent), but the massive influx of downvotes I received shortly after posting it seemed to have proven me wrong.
So it wasn't intentional.
Shouldn't it be "Who art thou?"
I liked it, sure there were some spelling mistakes, but other than that it was amazing. Id love it if you would continue.
3291257
I was hoping someone would ask.
I'll post a link here as soon as it's up and finished.
3291111
Fixed.
Sorry about that.
I was under a bit of a time-crunch and it's been a while since I've written in the form of 'Ye Olde English'.
I felt that there was not enough build-up to the major moments in this. Their was very little emotion in the actual death of Luna, for instance. You need to use the same depth of description at a minimum that you used for Twilight's final sense of hopelessness in how she feels as Luna is being grabbed and killed. No matter how OP'd you've made Chrysalis, you cannot just let the moment happen without any build-up, because gore not not =emotional response, and at the very least it seems odd that Chrysalis wouldn't bother savouring her act.
3290088 It's not just bad or good, it's an idea that has not been refined, and passes by in a blur that is slightly confusing and doesn't emotionally effect me despite subject matter. If people don't bother to tell you what they don't like about it then don't assume that it is without hope. You just really need to slow down your storytelling and draw out the suspense and emotions of what happens. You also need to more carefully define your premise. Where did she get the spell from? What sensations accompany her casting it? Why does she want to control Equestria? Add some depth, and make interactions more detailed and intense. (not the gore, just the character interaction)
3299180 Uh, no, people get unfollowed because they don't improve the work they've done to make something more readable. If you worked to improve what you've put out people will unfollow you because the stories don't look set to get better. No-one's perfect, and it takes a lot of writing and rewriting to find the right voice and style in writing to make people want to read. Rather than wasting the story and the whole chapter of work you've got, there is always worth in saving it and regularly going back to add to improving it, if only that it refines your own skills as a writer more even than the story itself. They say that for every page of published book there are about five pages unpublished, and every sentence that you write, then re-write, then read back over and write again, is teaching you that much about your own strengths as a writer and how you can do even better in future.
Shoot me... A PM, anytime of course!
(you are not alone in depression either, mkay?)
If you are very concerned about how your stories are received, I highly recommend getting a pre-reader and editor. If finding how to improve your work on your own is too much and yet you can't bear to see it disliked, finding someone else's mind to borrow and work through what you write will both improve the things you work on presently to avoid poor reception in the community, and improve your skills as a writer in the future because often in life it takes someone else's eyes to see where you've gone wrong, and someone else's experience to fix it. I'm happy to offer pre-reading services and editing if you like.
Much better!
It was really good to include Luna's sad little wishes that she could prove herself to her sister, it did make her death much more sad and upsetting, so really well done.
3289905
Again, I'm sorry-at the time I didn't realize how bad the story was.
*warning this is a post before i read any of it* if u hurt lyra in this story in any way i will do 1000000 times worse to u any other mlp chars meh lyra u no hurt!EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT IT !!!!!! * end of warning of the before read*
6221304
s2.quickmeme.com/img/06/06d729ce67a290970eed89be537ccde6af2c169a4f97d75a0d203d71313420e1.jpg
did you make this oneshot by flankenstien a bunch of 'POV' from random fantasy webnovel together? it felt really familiar and generic somehow.