• Member Since 30th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 7th, 2018

Ianpiersonjdavis


T

The Dazzlings now with no magic and no singing ability, lament their most recent failure while Aria berates Adagio before revealing her plan for revenge and finally returning home.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 48 )

Is it wrong that I think Aria's hot? :pinkiesmile:

5139282 Nope. Nothin wrong with that. I've found several MLP characters hot, both from the show and the movies.

Your story is good but you leave yourself open for much more. Why make it a one shot?

Ooh, good start. Noticed some issues with the grammar and spelling, but nothing too bad. Story's pretty good, too - and it's always nice to see Aria getting some attention for a change. Looking forward to seeing where this goes! :twilightsmile:

I'm glad we've got a story with Aria as the lead!

Why is this a one-shot? It's a great start for a story, but it's....not a full story.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please more?

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It was originally written for One-Shotober 2014 and as my first human/Equestria Girls story I had zero faith in it, figuring it would fail horribly.

Adding to it would no longer designate it as a one-shot, which would defeat the purpose it was originally written for and I'm worried about getting in trouble with the group for trying to 'cheat the system' or something if I did that...

I apologize for any misunderstanding, however at the end of this month-I may add to the story and remove it from the group, since I am genuinely surprised that anyone took an interest in a Dazzlings story that didn't focus on Sonata.

5142109 I think Aria interesting character she's like the Starscream of the group It would be interesting to see her trying to knock Adagio out of the leader spot.

Although I know you would have to remove your story from the one shot group I think it would be totally wort it you got potential here.

But, the Dazzlings weren't in Sugarcube Corner when they saw the magic. :rainbowhuh:

Other than that technical error, I enjoyed this!

Found some typos,

They had all underestimated all underestimated Sunset Shimmer.

There's one "all underestimated" too many.

“Without magic we can’t do anything! And if memory serves, oh glorious leader-you’re last to plans got us banished here and made us powerless. So forgive me, if your track record doesn’t inspire much confidence.”

I think it's supposed to be, "your last two plans".

“I have to admit, this plan of yours actually sound pretty good.” Adagio continued

It's "sounds".

“If we go back, we could go make to making everyone do everything we want and get more powerful from it again!”

I'm not sure what you originally intended to do with Sonata's dialogue, but this doesn't look right.

Hope that helps and nice job on the one-shot! :twilightsmile:

5142109 Well, I'm willing to wait until after the month is over, but I certainly would be interested in a continuation once you're no longer violating the group's rules. :twilightsmile: And I can certainly see how the lack of focus on Sonata would be worrisome, but it's also honestly kind of refreshing. :pinkiesmile:

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Yeah, I wasn't really sure what the precise establishment they were feeding was.

So, I assumed it was Sugar Cube Corner or Donut Joe's place-but, chose the former since that was where everyone else met up in the first film.


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Okay, thanks for pointing these out for me-I'll get to work on fixing them.

This story has amazing potential. It shouldn't stay as a one-shot.

I like this, I look forward to seeing more. Given that it focuses more on Aria, this will be great. I like Aria far more than the others. A like, a fave and a follow

:rainbowhuh: Why is this marked as complete? There's no resolution.

Well, I will be continuing this (strongly against my better judgment), but beyond that I can't really promise anything, since I doubt it will be able to meet the expectations all of you seem to have for it.

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Originally, it was supposed to be a short story written for One-Shotober 2014 and Aria Blaze is the least popular of the Dazzlings, so I thought this would just fade into obscurity-I had no intention of continuing at the time for those reasons and because I just thought it would be a cool idea to try out if I wasn't over-ambitious like another story in progress that I've been writing for over a year-which, I've now come to despise.


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Wish granted, but I don't have any faith that continuing this story will increase its entertainment value-or even retain its current value and am anticipating a strong backlash for that-so don't get you hopes too high.

I'll confess, I'm a little confused. I thought the story was going to be Aria-centric, or at least Dazzling-centric. However, we have a chapter focused primarily on our classic heroines. In fact, the Dazzlings don't appear until the very end of the chapter.

It's not an awful chapter, by the grammar and writing. I'm just confused where it fits into the story.

It was a good chapter, really good. But I agree with MetaSkipper, this chapter focusing on the Mane 5+Sunset came out of nowhere. Not that it is a flaw, necessarily, I just struggle to see how it connects. I guess that is what the incomplete tag is for, though. Anyway, the chapter itself is good and I hope you don't get discouraged.

Aw, cancelled? Oh well. Nice chapter.

Wow, I'm curious to see where this go-CANCELLED!?!?

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Yeah, I wasn't sure if it would be better to start of with the Dazzlings approaching Fluttershy-which would have been a little short or have them return like this, since the group is important for Aria's plan.

It'll be interesting to see how successful Aria is at being the leader here, since this is her plan and all.

kax

“Uh, that’s because you are stupid.” Aria replied. “As stupid as Adagio is flat-chested.”

Damn. That's gone straight past 'shots fired' and right into 'BOMBS AWAY!'

And don't forget girl!
DON'T STAY AT NIGHT

Well, this was a fun chapter. I hope to see more of this soon. Although I think that the Dazzlings are severely underestimating the Rainbooms' intelligence. Sunset Shimmer especially should know the difference between acting nice and actually being nice. Although with Fluttershy there, the one whose pony counterpart reformed Discord, maybe this will take an unexpected (for the Dazzlings) turn.

I don't think you have an editor, yes?

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I don't trust other people, so no.

5466979 Aw, not even someone with a fellow Sunset Shimmer avatar? :fluttershysad:

The place they went to sounds a lot like chuck e cheese. Where was the guy in the mouse suit that brought in an AK-47 and killed everyone inside?

“I was wondering why you’re car wasn’t here this morning

*your

I understand principal Celestia´s arguments, but that not change the fact she did nothing to prevent or help in both situations (even if you accept the brainwashing excuse in the second one).

As they walked, she gauged the reactions of the other students, so of whom had their mouths agape and others simply glared at the girls, while more than a few eyed Sunset herself, suspiciously.

*some

As Bill began his lecture.

Unless you add another s to the first word, this is not a grammatically correct sentence.

“Yeah, he’s pretty laid back-he knows how to explain scientific theories and methods while connecting with students and he doesn’t the formality aspect of teaching.”

You're missing a word here methinks.

Celestia doesn´t seem really surprised learning about her and Luna´s Princesses counterpart. :applejackunsure:

I really hope you are planning on continuing this.

''Aria leaned back against the base of the statue.''
Nice way how you've managed to put their objective right beneath their noses in such a fluid way. It's nice to see this small details done good! Great story sir!

5661282 You deserve a prize! Here! Have a book that's always ringing!

It's a good story. Please tell me you didn't gave up on it!

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I hit a bit of writer's block and there is another story that I've been working on for a while, so I'm trying to wrap that one up before continuing this one.

6133968 Take all the time you need. It's not worth rushing quality. Still, I'm really hyped up for the continuation.

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