• Member Since 30th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 7th, 2018

Ianpiersonjdavis


T

Nightmare Night is not something Rarity has participated in since she was a filly-which comes as a surprise after she spontaneously decides to not only dress up this year, but play pranks as well.

Her choice in costume and disturbing enjoyment of her ever-escalating pranks begin to make Rainbow Dash-who doesn’t want to risk losing her or have her harming their friends VERY concerned.

Image by Skyline19 at deviantART

(Used with Permission)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 14 )

This is great. It doesn't go overboard with the darkness, but there's just enough menace to be interesting. It's concise, but it gets to the point.

Was that really 2,000-odd words? It went by so fast.

Cool story. Feel sorry for Aj and Apple Fritter though. Good work.

3269032

Don't worry, they're getting the best medical treatment Nurse Luna can provide.

:raritywink:

Good morning every bronie.
Time for your daily prereading.

her new costume Rarity had designed

" her" used twice, replace with "the"?

would be expect that,

expecting

outfit just like Daring Do’s

Rainbow as Daring? no one will ever suspect her :facehoof:

quite different that Rainbow

then

slightly taller and having her horn slightly longer with her mane slightly lighter

"Slightly" used thrice. can you think of another word?

Dash supposed she didn’t want to scare off any colts or filly’s who were new to the whole ‘Nightmare Night’ thing and were still anxious about it.

Aw, so thoughtfull. Good idea.

Why would that amulet try to crush her? If it can do that, couldn't it just float to a new owner?

Honestly. It started great.
Rarity looking beautiful and to go pranking might make Rainbow notice her.
Or they could have a gay old time. (pun intended, but I meant pranking, not making out)

Both would make for a lovely story.
This third option, meh.

Perhaps let the jewelry resist a bit more? Or add foreshadowing? Epic showdown drawing parallels to Daring vs. dastardly evil-doers?

Not bad, although I thought Rarity should have panicked a little at the end there. You know being worried that she could have killed Applejac and Apple Fritter (Okay probably not killed, but certainly seriously injured). Apart from that, very good I thought, although maybe a few more pranks before Rainbow stopped her might have been nice.

3270085

I thought "Then" is for time related comparisons?
Otherwise you use "Than", right?

3270154
thank you for your advice.
I did not know that.

3269694 3269059

Yeah...I'm sorry.

Reading through it again it doesn't look very good and I would like to apologize for writing it.

:pinkiesick:

3785423 Hey, there's no need to apologize, it was an okay story, you should read the crap I've written.

Not bad for a short. :raritywink:
I kinda feel sorry for AJ & Apple Fritter.

Login or register to comment