Pinkie Turns Invisible
“Pinkie!”
The pink mare’s attention snapped back into reality as Twilight Sparkle glared at her, eyes narrowed. They both stood in the foyer of the library.
“Oh, sorry, Twilight, I was just thinking about how they get those tiny M’s on those chocolate candies. What’s up?”
Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. “Do you even remember what you’re supposed to be doing? I’m casting a very difficult spell, and you’re supposed to be making sure that nothing goes wrong!”
“Oh, yeah!” Pinkie smiled. “Uh, what spell was it again?”
“Invisibility, Pinkie.”
“Ooh!” Pinkie’s eyes lit up. “So nobody will ever be able to hurt you again!”
“No, that’s invincibility.”
“Oh, so you’ll be able to walk through walls!” Pinkie bounced up and down, thinking she got the right answer.
“No, that’s intangiblity.” Twilight groaned.
“Ooh, so it’ll make you get angry easily?”
“No, that’s IRASCIBLITY!” Twilight huffed, scowling.
“You sure? ‘Cause you kinda look angry right—”
“Look, it’s supposed to make it so that you can’t see me, alright?. Now can you please just stand there watching and make sure that nothing goes terribly wrong?”
“But if I can’t see you, how will I know—”
“Just. Stand. There. Pinkie.”
“Alright, alright. Jeeze. Somepony needs a party.”
Twilight’s horn powered on as she grunted and heaved, exerting power. The purple aura around her horn grew in size until it shone bright as a nova, yet Twilight still stood, as visible as ever.
Suddenly, Pinkie’s tail began to twitch. Puzzled, she looked up and saw Spike walking down the stairs carrying a stack of twenty books. In front of him on the steps stood a banana peel.
“Twilight, look out!” cried Pinkie, dashing over to Twilight and tackling her to the ground just as Spike tripped over the peel and the books landed right where Twilight and Pinkie once stood.
“Aah!” Twilight cried, and a burst of magical energy fired from her horn right as Pinkie tackled her.
Twilight got up, dazed.
“Oh, sorry about that, Twilight,” said Spike, “I was just moving those books like you asked.”
He muttered under his breath, adding, “Even though you could have easily just used your magic instead of making me do it.”
Twilight got up, a flock of tweety birds floating around her head, as she gazed around. Books were scattered all over the floor. But where was Pinkie?
“Tee hee!” From nowhere in particular, Twilight heard giggling.
“Uh, Twilight, who was that…” asked Spike.
“I think it was… Pinkie?” guessed Twilight.
Pinkie held her hoof up in front of her face, and found that she couldn’t see it at all.
“Wow, cool!” Twilight and Spike heard Pinkie say.
“At least we know the spell worked,” said Twilight. “Thanks for saving me from those books, Pinkie. Now, if you’ll kindly come over here and I can make you visible again...”
“No way, Jose! Do you have any idea how many shenanigans I could pull if ponies can’t see me? I can’t pass up a pranking opportunity like this!”
Twilight gulped and the color drained from her face as she heard Pinkie scamper towards the closed door of the library, and then slam into it.
“Oh, right. Invisibility,” Pinkie giggled, and the door opened as she walked through.
“Come on, Spike,” said Twilight, “We gotta go find her.”
Spike got on Twilight’s back and they both raced out the door, looking for Pinkie. But, she was nowhere in sight. They ran off towards Sweet Apple Acres. If anypony could catch Pinkie, it would be Applejack.
“Alright, Wynona, let’s rassle up these cattle!”
The dog barked in agreement.
“Yoooooou know, you could just ask us to moooooove and we will; there’s really no need for the rodeo,” said one of the cows.
Applejack ignored her.
“Alright, time to get mah trusty lasso out.” Applejack reached into her saddlebag and pulled out the lasso. However, she felt it being ripped from her teeth.
“What the hay—” she started, before seeing the lasso float in the air. She glanced around and looked, but didn’t see a unicorn anywhere, so figured it wasn’t magic. Also, there wasn’t a glow on it.
“It’s a ghost!” Applejack exclaimed. The lasso twirled around and wrapped around Applejack, tying her up.
“Look, whoever’s doin’ this, it ain’t funny!” Applejack exclaimed.
Pinkie, however, thought it was hysterical, and had to keep from laughing and blowing her cover. She walked along merrily just as Twilight and Spike arrived.
“Applejack!” Twilight cried. She went over to Applejack and untied the rope with her magic.
“What’s goin’ on?” asked Applejack.
“Pinkie Pie has turned invisible, and we need you to help us find her!” said Spike.
“That was her? Well she just tied me up! I won’t let her get away from me again!” said Applejack, grabbing her lasso.
The three ran off towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
“Angel, look, you need to eat your salad,” said Fluttershy, pushing the gourmet chef salad towards the picky rabbit. It was covered with chives, cucumbers, carrots, and celery, but still the choosy rabbit wouldn’t eat it.
He gestured at it with his little rabbit paw.
“Oh, you want more dressing? Let me go get that for you.”
Fluttershy turned around to go into the kitchen, but then heard a loud crashing. She turned around to see a table knocked over.
She blinked a few times and then frowned. “Bad angel! Very bad!”
Angel’s mouth hung agape, and he gestured towards where the invisible Pinkie stood.
“Yeah, right,” said Fluttershy, “Sure it knocked itself over. You’re just being picky. Now you don’t get any salad at all!”
Frowning, Angel kicked the salad bowl towards Fluttershy, and it landed on her face, sticking to her head.
“I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen,” said Fluttershy.
While her eyes were hidden under the bowl, Pinkie knocked over a chair. Angel’s eyes widened as he squeaked and tried to get Fluttershy’s attention. Fluttershy removed the salad bowl from her head and saw the chair knocked over.
“Angel Bunny, you’re grounded!”
Angel buried his face in his paws as Pinkie jumped out the window.
Fluttershy heard a knocking on the door a few seconds later. She walked over to see Applejack, Spike, and Twilight standing there.
“Pinkie’s turned invisible, and she’s out pullin’ pranks on everypony!” Applejack said.
“Oh,” said Fluttershy. She turned around, glanced at Angel, and blushed, as Angel had a smirk on his face.
“You’re still grounded.”
“And, just another stitch here… and a bit of embroidery here… and, done! My masterpiece is complete!” Rarity exclaimed, floating a gorgeous dress in front of her.
Suddenly, she heard a knock at the door.
“Come in!” she shouted.
The door opened, and a giant boulder slid through the door.
“Tom?” Rarity asked.
“Yes, Rarity, it’s me,” said Pinkie, disguising her voice to sound deep and gravelly.
“Oh, Tom! You’re alive!” cried Rarity, running over to the boulder. Pinkie slid the rock forward some more as Rarity embraced it.
“All the others said I was crazy, but I knew that you were real, Tom,” she said. “Care to see my new dress?”
“Sure,” Pinkie answered in her rough voice.
Rarity floated the dress over to Tom.
“Isn’t it lovely?”
“Meh, I’ve seen better.”
“Y-you… you don’t like it? But I spent hours and hours… why?” Rarity asked, tears streaming down her face.
“Why?”
“Rarity!”
Fluttershy, Applejack, Twilight, and Spike raced through the open door of Carousel Boutique. Pinkie slipped past them and continued into the town.
“Pinkie’s turned invisible,” said Fluttershy, “Did she prank you, too?”
“Um…” said Rarity, sniffling and hiding her tears, “No, no, of course not, darling!” Rarity chuckled. “You must have beat her here.”
“Is that Tom?” asked Applejack, looking at the boulder. “Y’know, we kept tellin’ you that he ain’t real, Rarity.”
“Of course,” said Rarity, blushing.
“Time to clear the skies!” said Rainbow Dash, zipping up into the air above Ponyville. She bucked the clouds, clearing them. From far below, the invisible Pinkie jumped on a trampoline.
Rainbow continued to clear the clouds until she saw one fall out of the sky, down towards earth.
Rainbow Dash blinked. Then, she said, “Hey, get back here, cloud!” Dash zipped towards the ground, as Pinkie ran off, carrying the cloud.
“You can’t get away from me!” Dash cried, catching up to the cloud. Pinkie ran with the cloud in front of Twilight’s library, and left it right in front of her doorway.
“Raaaargh!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she zipped down towards the cloud. She hit it full speed just as Pinkie got out of the way, and the cloud burst as Dash flew straight through the door to Twilight’s library, breaking it into splinters and then crashing into a bookcase.
“Glad you could join us, Rainbow Dash,” said Rarity, who stood with the others. “We were wondering where you were. Pinkie Pie has turned invisible and is pulling pranks.”
“Oh,” said Rainbow Dash, glancing at the pile of books on the floor. “Sorry.”
Twilight groaned. “Great,” she said, “now I’ll have get Spike to clean up all these books again.”
“You poor thing,” Spike quipped at her.
“So how are we gonna catch her?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“We’ll split up. There’s six of us, so we’ll just patrol the town until we find her,” said Twilight.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stood inside their clubhouse. They all sat on the floor, deep in thought as they tried to think of things that they had never done to earn their cutie marks before.
“Think we should try being accountants next?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Boooring!” said Scootaloo. “We should try doing cool stuff! Like flying!”
“Scootaloo, you know you can’t—”
Suddenly, Scootaloo found herself raised up off the ground. She flapped her wings and discovered that she was hovering.
“Scootaloo, are you…” Apple Bloom started.
Scootaloo zipped out the front door of the clubhouse and into the air. Pinkie jumped into the air and onto the ground below, lifting Scootaloo as high as she could.
“I’m flying!” yelled Scootaloo.
“Cool! I wonder if I can do magic?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“I dunno. Try moving this,” said Apple Bloom, giving Sweetie Belle an apple.
Scootaloo fell as Pinkie dropped her and rushed over. She picked up the apple, and it appeared to be floating.
“Neat!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Ain’t there supposed to be a magic glow around it?” asked Apple Bloom, glaring at the floating apple.
“Hmm, yeah… and how come I couldn’t fly more than a few feet off the ground?” asked Scootaloo.
Suddenly, a lasso flew from out behind the bushes and around Pinkie.
“Hey!” she cried out.
“Gotcha!” said Applejack, running over to Pinkie. “I was about to warn you girls that Pinkie turned invisible and was playin’ some pranks.”
“Aww,” said Scootaloo, “Does this mean I can’t fly?”
“And I can’t use magic?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“I’m afraid not, sugarcubes.”
A flash of light erupted as Twilight arrived on the scene, teleporting over.
“So, Pinkie,” she said, “Done having your fun?”
“No!” said Pinkie, “I was going to trick Mayor Mare into thinking that her office was bugged!”
“Well, too bad,” said Twilight Sparkle, “Time to end this charade.”
Her horn lit up as Pinkie became visible once more.
“Sorry, Twilight.” Pinkie blanched.
“Now, don’t you have something that you’ve learned about friendship from this?” asked Twilight. Spike ran over with a quill and parchment in his claws.
“Uh…” Pinkie started, “That it’s really fun to play pranks on friends!”
Twilight groaned, and Spike, Applejack, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders all laughed.
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Man, I had something super similar planned. Haha! Guess I'll save it for later.
All my yes.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Not bad but outside of what she did to Rainbow Dash and the CMC Pinkie Pie was OOC with her pranks. What she did wasn't funny and she would never intentionally do something like that.
Well, that was amusing.
Aj...ok
Angel...bad
Rari... so close it hurt
Rd... gold that just got melted
Cmc... just no.
That wasn't even...
I was planing on smiles. Never made it there
3288142 Sorry you didn't like it.
Oh my gosh. This is the perfect Pinkie Pie scenario.
I'm actually wondering how the show writers never thought of this..hahaha
LOL.
I don't know why Angel still got grounded though, even if he deserved it in several episodes. Most misleading name for a pet ever.
How... did you take a premise like "Invisible Pinkie Pie" and make it... boring?
It was just like... here's a thing that happens! And another thing! And...
I mean, that video you put up was funny. You seem to know comic timing. I really don't want to sound like an asshole but I'm confused as to why none of that seems to be showing in prose form.
3289247 Um... well, in the video, a lot of my humor was based on sarcasm or irony. Also, it was based on mockery.
This story didn't have too much of that. Instead, it was mostly situational and slapstick humor. Most of my other comedy stories are dripping with sarcasm, such as Westboro in Equestria or Trixie on Trial. Hell, even Mary Poppins Pony Parody.
If you want to read a really good comedy by me, I'd recommend those stories over this one any day. This one, in my own opinion, isn't as funny. I still think this story is funny, but if you really like my sarcasm and parody rather than slapstick and situational humor, I'd read those other ones.
Thanks for giving this one a chance, though, and I'm sorry I let you down
The pacing of the story was off, it was all event and no space for reaction or wind up to establish context. The funny part of a prank is the reaction to the event, not the event itself. I know that there was supposed to be a footrace sort of thing, but Twilight (and others) had no way of knowing where she would be going or how to identify her if she wasn't actively doing something at the time. At that point, why not prank the pursuit? It'd be easier and probably more humorous. She could have defeated pursuit by doing nothing waiting until her pursuers decided she wasn't there after all and went off to the "next" location. Pinkie Pie, perhaps uniquely among the main characters, would exploit these advantages.
More importantly, I suspect that many of these pranks would be better suited to Rainbow Dash than Pinkie Pie. PInkie Pie was always most afraid of losing her friends, and so kept her pranks more lighthearted. Rainbow Dash oftentimes does things just to see if she can do them and get away with it. So that broke my suspension of disbelief.
I think that your background with sarcasm or irony could have helped a great deal here. Those kinds of humor is all about reacting to the situation, but reacting to the moment as it happens. This story needed a beat between the event and the punch line. Remember during the pranking episode the disappearing ink prank has Twilight write (event), turn around (pause), then turn back to discover the lack of notes and react while other ponies show the disappearing ink bottle and laugh (punch line). In the Nightmare Night episode Rainbow Dash sneaks up on ponies as she did previous (set up), be surprised by lightning herself (event), fly away in fear (pause), then camera pans to reveal Luna on her cloud (punch line).
I think that a little bit of reworking could make this story a great deal better.
3290739 Thank you for your in-depth feedback. I'll rework the story and keep your feedback in mind.
Seven? I counted the other five elements plus Spike. Is Angel helping them?
3307337 Uh, I can't do math.
we should send pinkie......TO THE MOON!
Can you do one about Spike and the magazines?
Nice work.
I have reviewed this HERE.