Starbloom Chronicles II

by L_Wolf

Chapter 31

~*{Chapter Thirty One}*~

It had been three days since Starbloom started investigating the theft of Scootaloo's scooter. But with few leads the case had gone cold. Despite the fact all the evidence she had pointed towards Silver Spoon, or her sister Silver Blade she couldn't make any firm connection to them other than the fur she found. However with out fur from them to compare with what she found she couldn't prove anything.

Scootaloo had told her not to worry about it, she had her scooter back and she was happy. Nevertheless, Starbloom had a hard time letting the case go. Regardless she filed the case file away in filing cabinet Twilight got her, she marked the folder as unsolved. “I guess that is that,” Starbloom muttered to herself.

She moved to her hooves heading down the stairs to the main hall of the library before heading to the kitchen. Twilight and Spike had gone out for the day, she made herself a cup of tea. She was still bothered by the fact she couldn't figure out who stole the Scootaloo's scooter. She got some toast and chews on it quietly before hearing a knock on the door.

She went to answer the door seeing Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle standing at the entrance of the library. “Hello girls,” Starbloom greeted smiling at the small group in front of her, “What are you three up to?”

“Hey Starbloom, Scootaloo wants to show us a something.” Apple Bloom answered with a grin. “It's suppose to be really amazing wanna come watch?”

“Sure, I could use a break.” Starbloom answered the question stepping out the library closing the door behind her finishing her toast quickly as she followed her friends. “What kind of trick does Scootaloo wanna show us?”

Scootaloo smiles at Starbloom, “Oh it'll be amazing you'll see.” Scootaloo grinned at her as they walked of town to a large open stretch of road that was close to a mile long, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight and Pinkie Pie was also waiting.

Sweetie and Apple Bloom went over to their sisters sitting with them. Starbloom went over to Twilight and took a seat next to her and Spike. “So mama, what's going on?” She asked looking up at her.

“I'm not sure, Rainbow Dash asked me to come here.” Twilight said looking at down at Starbloom smiling at her. “Regardless, it should be fun to watch right?”

Starbloom nodded at Twilight smiling at her watching quietly, Scootaloo brought her scooter to the road as Rainbow Dash floated over floated over and hovered next to Scootaloo, “Ready to do it this?” Rainbow Dash asked Scootaloo.

Scootaloo nodded Rainbow Dash smiling putting on her helmet and put on a pair of goggles extending her wings as Rainbow Dash landed next to her extending her wings. “One! Two! Three!” Pinkie counted down through a megaphone before yelling, “Go!”

Scootaloo took off like a bullet with Rainbow Dash right beside her skimming over the ground, both of them keeping an even pace down the road. Starbloom coughed from the dust kicked up from the two heading down the road.

Once the dust had cleared Starbloom could see a trail of rainbows and a trail of orange and purple fading down the path that Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash just took off down. She watched as the two take a turn heading around a small lake. The two were making amazing progress, she could tell by the fading trail that Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash were keeping pace but to Starbloom's surprise Scootaloo was starting to pull ahead of Rainbow Dash.

As the two approached the finish line Scootaloo pulled out a small lead beat Rainbow Dash, but she had a hard time stopping, the wheels locked up and the rear wheel burst into flames. Scootaloo was knocked to the ground. The group ran over to see if she was okay but Scootaloo sat up laughing happily. Twilight checked her over and she seemed unhurt, that's when they spotted it.

“S... Scootaloo! Look!” Sweetie Belle squeaked pointing, “Your cutie mark!”

Scootaloo looked over at the flaming wheel on her flank her eyes going wide. “Alright! Finally a cutie mark!” She shouted jumping to her hooves.

“That's awesome squirt, I'm proud of you.” Rainbow Dash smiled nuzzling her cheek causing Scootaloo to blush, but smile happily. “We totally need to get you a new scooter though.”

Scootaloo and the rest of the group looked over at Scootaloo's old scooter, now a wreck, the rear wheels gone, the deck cracked in half and the handle bars bent out of shape. Scootaloo's ears folded back before looking at Rainbow Dash, “Do you think, we can try to fix this one instead?” She asked looking at Rainbow Dash then to the rest of the group.

“I don't know, it's in pretty bad shape... but I tell you what we'll definitely give it a try.” Rainbow Dash smiled though unsure. “If we can't, I'll get you any scooter you want alright?”

Scootaloo smiled, nodding at Rainbow Dash. “Alright Rainbow Dash, thank you.” She agreed gathering up the broken scooter parts.

Rainbow Dash flew off to get a wagon to carry the parts in and Apple Bloom walked over to Scootaloo, “Ah'll help ya fix it up alright?” Apple Bloom smiled.

“Thanks Apple Bloom,” Scootaloo nodded at her friend, “Hey Apple Bloom? You're not upset being the only Crusader left without a cutie mark are you?”

“Nah, ah'll get my cutie mark soon I'm sure of it.” Apple Bloom smiled, though she was feeling a little jealous of her friends for getting their cutie marks before she did. She mentally scolded herself for that.

Once Rainbow Dash returned with the wagon Scootaloo put the pieces into it then she and Apple Bloom headed to Sweet Apple Acres to get to work trying to fix the broken scooter.

Starbloom watched Scootaloo and Apple Bloom go before turning to Twilight and was getting ready to say something before Pinkie jumped up, “That was amazing! I totally need to throw Scootaloo a 'I beat Rainbow Dash in a race and got my cutie mark' party!”

Starbloom sighed shaking her head but smiled, she was proud of Scootaloo for coming so far after what she found out about her home life. Rainbow Dash was proving to be a great mother after her initial apprehension about her being able to handle that level of responsibility.

Comments

[Professor Donger]

Starbloom should meet Twilight Velvet and Night LIght

[L_Wolf]

4432500 Mmm never planned on introducing Twilight's parents. That would be interesting though.

[L_Wolf]

4432884 Hmm I think my southern came through on that one. I'll fix it, soon as I find it.

[L_Wolf]

4441768 I'll look into that issue, I do have an editor, but he takes his time. So it might be a while before he gets to this story. But I will ask him about the "they was\he was" issue. Maybe it's how I was raised, but I don't understand the problem with it.

[Ravenpuff]

All right, got through this one too now and just want to give my impression so far. I must say, where you in your past stories knew how to build up the drama but failed at the execution, you here got something going you didn't build up the same way yet executed much better. Where in the past stories the characters solved the issues rather easily (one where it all happened and got solved in one and same chapter to my disappointment) this time you let some of it become deeper themes dealt with much better.

I like the take on grief in this. Especially when the fillies got together to discuss the subject through own experiences, giving us different kinds of grieves and ways to deal with it. Sudden death, loss of somepony you can't even remember, not being able or allowed to say goodbye. And it was being dealt with throughout the story instead of just letting it pass which I feared it would. Definitely an improvement in your story telling. Although, it's an awful lot of young foals that have had to deal with the loss of parent/s at some point. Sounds like the death rate among ponies are a bit high when looking at those statistics. But that's just nitpicking from my side!

There's still the rushed writing of repeated words and typoes where a word is left out or put into wrong tense. It simply needs to be grammar checked a bit as part of the process. Get into habit of rechecking what you wrote to try catch it yourself.

This story didn't had me raise my brow as much as in the past ones, you are working well with the story and the places to take it. Keep on the good job.

[L_Wolf]

5227789
Thank you, glad you like this one better.

Yea, I started using my shorter chapter formula in this one more. I got into the habit of it with the Return Of Mare Do Well story and it stuck. I am a little mean though killing off family members like that. And I do feel bad for doing that... not sure why I decided to go that route for Pearl and Magnum though...

Yea I have an editor but he's busy a lot so he never got around to working with this story yet... so it's still in a rather raw format. APoaticHeart was doing it but he didn't really have a lot of time to do it since he has his own works he does. Which if you like sad\dramatic HiE stories he's pretty good them.

This one actually came out after The Return of Mare Do Well story so if you do go to that one next it might be less in quality. Plus there is a bunch of one shots. Like First Birthday and such.

[L_Wolf]

5537974
Hmm, that does sound better.

[Jim Hoxworth]

Excellent story. Love the concept of Starbloom, and the story is cohesive as well. Only issues I see are technical, the main one being the lack of distinction between lose/loose/loss. But that is quite literally my only complaint about your writing.

[L_Wolf]

5574947
Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story.

Yea, I do have some issues with word distinction. I am trying to get better at that though.

[ponylover2]

5575154 next chapter please or 2

[L_Wolf]

6002888 I know, I have gotten behind. I need to get back into writing.

[ponylover2]

6012056 ok jus try to update the story a little bit quicker friend

[L_Wolf]

6794751
Yea, one of these days I need to finish it as well.

[Pony Wayne]

plese finsh it time to update i like the story

[Fresnor]

4434139 Yeah, two years and she hasn't met them yet? Or Shining and Cadance? Also you might want to check your 'your's and 'you're's. You used the wrong one quite often.

[Sudrian Engineer]

Uhm, will this story ever be completed?

[Thyrrnatf]

Rally good story.
Well written.
Hope it is not dead

[L_Wolf]

10619569
Thank you, as much as I would love to finish it. I'm not sure where to take it.

[Thyrrnatf]

10622005
Understandable, could feel it in the story.
Not that you didn't know what to do with it, but that it would be a triggy story write, it does have a lot of potential :)

I think next step would just be to get appleblooms cutie mark :)
Don't mind Conan but make sure that they way she get her cutie mark feels right :)