You were living in Manehattan when you were just a little colt and has very few fond memories of living there,

First sentence in the description has mistakes. I tend to be wary of stories when I see that. I heartily recommend you fix up your first impression areas! They can determine what the new readers think when they wander on by occasionally.

3714987 Yeah the first chapter was rough, really rough but I think I have improved on the second one. And I'll get right to that thanks for telling me.

I highly suggest to work on your discussions, there okay, but some of them don't make much sense. With twilight, she talk about way to many things at once, its okay at times, but it gets ruined if you add "also" mutiple times. Overall you just need to improve some aspects of your work. I have a blog on my profile that contains videos on exposition and character creating to really help with writing (it is based on game developement, but the concepts should work with writing aswell).

Please no... Sparity... Spike succckkkkksssss. Go Rarilane instead.

HOORAY UPDATE !!!!!

This looks familliar.....

Okay, it's finally done and I know I took a long time get it out

That's an understatement, it look half a year for it to come out!
And its only just over a thousand words!
Anywho good chapter hopefully the next wont take so long

It lives!!!!!!.

IT'S ALIVE! Thank goodness. I missed this.

I just got around to readin this...I love it. Need more chapters! Tel this story please

MOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

4024081 Don't worry I am already working on it.

Update?

You dead?

This story is just getting good just can't wait for the next chapters to start coming out whenever the author is ready. Take your time man I can wait