Jason Tyrell, an aspiring professional duelist, is a young man in school, who plays with old bits of machinery in his spare time. When he starts having repeating nightmares regarding the destruction of our world at the hands of terrifying forces, he starts to suspect that something is not quite as it seems. It isn't long before he finds out he is right, and him and his friends are pulled into a battle for the very Earth, with the power of the ancient gods at their fingertips.
Meanwhile, in Equestria, Twilight Sparkle is extremely agitated. After some routine research into divination under the orders of Celestia, she forsees the destruction of Equestria at the hands of otherworldly forces, and a game of dark and terrible power. How will she be able to stop the end of the world, and how do these "shadow games" relate to it?
These two worlds will be linked during a seemingly innocent duel between Jason, and his rival, Chris, and the lives of the inhabitants of the two planets will never be the same again.
Hmm... I like where its going
. I think I'll keep an eye on this
2901828 Thank you very much for the interest! Any and all contructive criticism is appreciated if you have any as well. Next chapter I plan on showing Twilight's side of the story...
2901854 Not a problem. The only thing I would suggest is that for the dueling parts of the is instead of having the turns mapped out, just tell reader what they're doing. For example:
I would cut part out, and use it for you're own reference when you're writing the duel. Think of telling story like the reader is watching an actual episode of yugioh (if that helps
). If you want a reference I'm also writing a yugioh crossover. This story has a lot of potential and I can't wait to see where it can go
2902689 I understand what you mean by describing it like in the show, but Id still think it would be good to keep the phase markers and life point calculations. I see it as a little quirk to separate my story from all the other YuGiOh fanfics, but otherwise, combining all of the action in each duel with the interrupting story points is something I guess I can do. Would you want to exchange story tips and proof read each others work?
2903272 Sure
. Just let me run it by my editor.
2903291 I should really get me one of those XD
2903317
I didn't realize that, we editors, were mere inanimate objects to be tossed around from one to the next for fun. Lol, just kidding.
Seems very interesting, I'll peek at it later.
2908803 You editors are a curious breed; you come and go as you please, never staying for long but always leaving an indelible mark on the places you have been. Many have tried to document your kind, yet all efforts to contain you have failed. You move like the wind and leave naught but benevolent chaos in your wake. In that way you are Time Lords, the winds of change a harbinger of your coming. Godspeed my good man. Godspeed.
2909014 FINALLY! Someone understands at least a shred of our culture!
Well once a story is finished, we don't really have much reason to stick around and our job is a rough one. I have to edit and review dozens of fics just earn enough bits to afford the rent on the box I call home.
It's really rough and no one likes critics so we aren't very popular either.
You writers got it FAR easier than we do.
2909195 I am one of the few enlightened indeed. And its even harder knowing that your job is often one that goes without thanks.
2909254 OMG,...*turns to the crowd of reviewers, critics, and editors* WE HAVE FOUND THE CHOSEN ONE!
2909273 Thou art welcome. Now I must take my leave, there are other editors out there who need my help. Vale.
2909315 Hasta luego!
Well, I think everything can be summed up with a few words: Shit just got real.
I am a Yugioh fanatic, even if I refuse to watch Zexal. So naturally I had to read this. This thing was awesome, however, I have a few complaints.
1. The duel structure. The way you listed each move in a turn, it just didn't feel natural, and made the duel seem clunky when reading it. However, I won't tell you to stop doing that, because it also let's the readers have a chance to follow those links to the cards you put without interrupting the flow of the story.
2. Too many customs. When I read Yugioh stories, I like to see actual duels because it lets me see how people can get creative with actual cards. Seeing someone win a duel against an Archfiend deck using Thousand-Eyes Idol, or something similar, is amazing. You can't get that kind of effect when more than half of a given character's deck is made of custom cards. I would suggest adding more real cards to future duelists' decks.
3. The gods. This is a minor complaint, but you made them Divine-Beasts. Now, that is a MAJOR offput for me. There are only three cards that deserve to be Divine-Beast in my eyes, and their names are Slifer the Sky Dragon, Obelisk the Tormentor, and The Winged Dragon of Ra. Seeing people coming up with custom Divine-Beasts just feels like it's defiling the name, like if someone were to take a dump on holy ground. And from a practical standpoint, the Divine-Beast type has literally no support, so these things are naturally gonna be OP as fuck. I would suggest either making them like Warriors, Spellcasters, and etc. or at least make them a custom type like "Olympic God" or something.
2910088 Thank you very much for the input and I understand what you mean in all your points. The way I did the duelling was experimental and I think ill make it more narrative in future. I also understand what you mean with the deck thing, and I have only included custom decks for three more characters (creativity overload) and all the rest will use legit decks. The last point about olympian monsters is genius and I'll implement it right away.
i wonder if somebody will try to create these cards or make this deck because heck this is gonna be cool and very very awesome now please continue
2921969 Thanks for the feedback dude! I knew writing duels was gonna take a while so I made the decks to be so powerful that a lot of epic stuff can happen in very few turns. I felt genuinely proud of my protagonist while proofreading this XD
2929990
Now I see why the duels in the shows don't have one turn KO its boring and not as fun to watch but this hurry up iwant to see who are the owners of those other Greek God Cards
2930017 I'll give you a hint. Not all benevolent gods have heroic owners and not all malicious gods have evil owners. And not all owners are human...
2943945 Woot woot!
2943973 Fukkin sweet... +22 internetz to you!
2944059 Oh btw, there may be Card Games on Motorcycles
Um, I got a message in my inbox saying you posted a new chapter. So where is it?
Intriguing
But I would like to know what exactly each cards effect is.
That's your one and only flaw here.
Formats good.
I see no problem with the grammar and punctuation.
But the cards NEED TO BE where each cards effect is told to the public otherwise it doesn't work out to well and the execution is messed up.
2946985 I posted links to each card after I mention them to try to fix that problem. But otherwise thank you :)
2946959 Sorry I'm having a little trouble with my local internet connection, it'll be up as soon as bossible. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Is Twilight's God Card Hecate?
2950614 Hecate is one of the possible options...
for some reason i think aphrodite im probably wrong but hay it could have been gaea or athena for all its worth i just cant get the whole eyes thing
Reread chapter 1. Still pretty good, but I've come up with a way to improve the flow. You can add images to stuff like chapters and comments to make it show up in a little 'folder'. Clicking the folder will show the image, clicking again will hide it. Do that and it would REALLY improve the story.
Anyway, on to chapter 2!
I'm assuming Twilight's God is Athena, but the whole "three faces in one thing" is making me think Eve, but I know that can't be right because Eve is from the Bible and is decidedly NOT Greek.
This is getting interesting. Don't know why I never Favorited this, even though I was interested in it. Oh well.
Tomorrow, I continue this. When I get home.
3178662>>3178573 Yeah, you'll have to show me how to do that XD And if you read on I'm sure you'll find out who it is... And see you then!
Hmm. Is Turner going to obtain Kronos?
3186832 Its a possibility. I was hoping for a really epic arc with him where he has lots of adventures and finds himself along the way. Then I realised I wouldnt have time so I cut out the adventure.
4587716 Fear does crazy things to a pony, even ones as powerful and wise as Celestia and Luna. And I was thinking of doing a side story for him eventually, and it would probably cover the events he experiences off screen while the main group does their thing. It could be something very interesting, thats for sure.
Three very random things to smell alltogether if you ask me.
Far too many new cards, far too confusing, i feel like asking for a summary of what happened. It's somewhat tiring to watch the field you built.
5236701 They may be three seemingly random things, but thats the smell; very tangy :P
As for the new cards, Im sorry you didnt like them, buts thats one of the styles I've been using. Real life cards and decks are used in later chapters though. As for the summary, in chapter one I laid out the turn progression as simply as I could. Im sorry that you found the layout awkward as well :/
I'm pretty sure that the lady with three faces was a form of the three Fates. It makes sense because the Fates were the ones who controlled everyone's fate, even the god's.
5239824 Read on to find out ;)
so I never watched yugioh (im to lazy for hyphens) but did it actually have all that greek mythology in it?
if I end up watching it, ill come back and read this fic. but that will be like a year from now
5248175 No it never did unfortunately. Not really anyway. There was a series of cards based off the planets, but they werent really main things. The Greek Gods was mostly a thematic choice of my own.
5248330
thats interesting
ima check out yugioh (even though I probably wont like it) and then when i drop it or finish it ill come back here
that'll be like forever in the future though. *added to read later*
5248373 Godspeed and good luck!
5248655 hey dude. I want to know the names of the remaining god cards. Is it the whole pantheon or just the major and minor gods?
6571679 and for final showdown's effect, do you mean win the duel?
6571679
When I get around to doing more of this story, yeah, its pretty much the whole pantheon. And yes, it should be win the duel.