EVERYBODY LOVES SCIENCE!

In the white laboratory that Twilight stood in, there were so many scientific objects. There was a...a sucky thing and this weird glass pipe that you put sciency liquids in like distilled water. There were even these weird cup things. Bescherells? Conical flasks? I don't know! I'm just the narrator.

*crack*

"We apologize for the narrator. He has just been sacked."

But really. These things should be taken care of by the writers. We're not responsible for--

*crack*

"We apologize once again for the narration. Those responsible for the sacking have been sacked."

Twilight stood against the counter placing Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen, and Oxygen components together. She wore an unbuttoned lab-coat and a crazed smile on her face as she distilled, mixed, and messed around with the components.

"Let's see. C3H5N3O9...That should be good..." the lavender unicorn looked up and quickly hid the components under the counter with a nervous smile etched on her face.

"Hello colts and fillies. Today, we'll be learning how many things work, with SCIENCE!"

She continued to walk right towards the door.

"Today, I have a special guest with me today." Twilight said as she opened the door."Princess Cadence!"

Cadence looked nervously from side to side.

"Twilight, who are you talking to?"

"I'm working on something."

"Okaaaayyyyy..."

"I'm going to teach you how things work, with science!"

"Twilight, I really think you should--"

"WITHSCIENCE!" the mare yelled in Cadence's face.

Twilight teleported Spike onto the table and taped him in place.

"What the? Twilight! What are you doing?" Spike shouted as he struggled to get free.

The unicorn simply laughed diabolically.

"Everypony knows that dragons can breathe fire, yes? Well, how do they? It's actually pretty simple. spike, here, has a pouch near the back of his throat that creates a flammable, natural substance that ignites when he wants to breathe fire."

"Twilight, that doesn't explain--"Spike tried to say but was cut off.

"WHEN HE TRIES TO BREATHE FIRE!"

"Uhhhh...Well...then how is it that when he burns something, it goes to Celestia and sometimes it doesn't?" Cadence asked.

"Uhhh...It does it...WITH SCIENCE!" Twilight threw a hoof into the air.

"But how speci--"

"I SAID SCIENCE! How DARE you defy science!"

Spike was promptly thrown out the window while Cadence was tied onto a chair.

"Now, for alicorns. They are known for their elongated lifespan and to have both horns and wings. They're also known to have bizarre things for their cutie marks. As shown...by certain...fic writers..."

Twilight crushed a vial in her hoof. The contents slithered onto the ground and ate through it, digging their way further and further into who knows where.

"Now, notice the elongated horn of the alicorn." Twilight rubbed Cadence's horn as she said.

"Twilight, you need help!"

"Nein! Iz great vork zat I do here! I vill show ze vorld how zis all vorks! The horn is also, coincidentally, made up of a substance called alicorn."

"What? But we were told it was made of--"

"SCIENCE! Science called it that way. Don't question the almighty science!"

Twilight then checked Cadence's wings and folded them open.

"Notice that, despite not being a pegasi, the alicorn is still capable of flight. This is thanks to the magic that they possess which allows for a very light body. So no matter HOW FAT they become, they'll always be light as a FEATHER!"

"Twilight! That's not something you...Wait, that's not how--"

"YOU QUESTION SCIENCE ONCE MORE?! How DARE you!"

The unicorn galloped over to a wall and pulled down a lever which ejected the table Cadence was on through the roof into who-knows where.

"Nopony has the power to question science!"

"Science asks that you show how reproduction works."

"Yes. Master." the mare answered to whomever as she slowly walked back to the table as a zombie.

"As you all know, reproduction works in mysterious ways through every species. There are some who are only female and go into a heat stroke phase where they act like a male and produce those tiny little white tadpoles to fertilize the other females. Some shoot each other with darts to inhibit the other mate's production of said SPERM. However, it's been shown several times that interspecies relationships don't work. Should we test that theory out?"

Twilight looked pensive for a moment as she rubbed the bottom of her chin. Her eyes were filled with crazed envies of testing and wanting and needing. Every morsel of her brain was working, and by working we mean "was trying to figure out what to cross together". Seriously. That was some crazy stuff going on up in that clubhouse. It's like sanity and reason weren't on the list to come in.

"Maybe Rarity and Spike would love to help with this little task."

Doing what she told herself, the unicorn mare concentrated and made both Spike, who was covered with moss and dirt land on the white tiled floor with a thud. She then brought Rarity forward and tossed her into Spike, making the confused mare scream in horror as she was covered with moss.

"Tw-TWILIGHT?! What's wrong with you?!" the unicorn scolded as she pulled Spike off her head.

The moss was pretty sticky. To resolve this problem, the lavender pony grabbed a flask and spun on a hind leg like a ballerina, only to stop and pour the yellow contents onto the two glue birds. The goop promptly melted away.

"Now let's see what happens when a pony and a dragon do it together."

"WHAT?! TWILIGHT! HOW DARE YOU--"Rarity screamed.

"Into the basement!"

"TWILIGHT DON'T!"Spike yelled in horror.

The mare simply stomped on the floor SCIENTIFICALLY and made Rarity and Spike fall into the basement WITH SCIENCE! SCIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENCE!

"Well then. We should have the results in eleven months, provided that their dna is compatible. DNA are the building blocks of all living creatures and defines what your genetics will make you look like. IT'S ALL ABOOT SCIENCE! Now, we'll see the effectiveness that different materials have in producing fire."

The mare grabbed the vial from earlier and promptly stormed out of the door and into Ponyville.

"Hey Twilight. What're you holding and why are you--"

*boom*

"TWILIGHT?! What are you doing?! Have you go--"

*boom*

"EVERYPONY RUN! TWILIGHT'S GONE MAD WITH SCIENCE!"

"Leave no witnesses to the wonders of science. Kill her with some sciency stuff."

"Yes, master." Twilight blandly answered.

*Man. We're going all out with these booms*

HOW MANY PEOPLE DO WE HAVE TO SACK TODAY?!

Twilight stood atop the flaming ruins of Ponyville as science has its way with the town.

"Muahahahaah! Muhuhuhahahahaha! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! YOU ALL DOUBTED IT! YOU ALL DEFIED THE ALL MIGHTY SCIENCE! 'SPECIALLY YOU Pinkie. Tune in next week for a new episode of 'Twilight the science pony'."

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Planetarian

Planetarian #1 · Jul 13th, 2013 · · ·

Please, dear sir.
Do subscripts for chemical formulae where appropriate.
Having emphasis FOR SCIENCE would be appreciated.
Accent your audio cues such as a boom shall be approved.

jmlop0

jmlop0 #2 · Jul 13th, 2013 · · ·

The show was canceled just after one hour of shooting this episode. Twilight Sparkle was then sent to a mental hospital where after two hours of being left alone, hanged herself with rubber ducks.

Twilight the science pony! - The Psychopath

EVERYBODY LOVES SCIENCE!

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