She raised me.
She taught me.
She loved me.
She helped me exist.
...Time to repay the favor.
A challenge I put on myself at The Writer's Group to write a story out of a single passage.
Thanks to Pearple Prose for the passage!
She raised me.
She taught me.
She loved me.
She helped me exist.
...Time to repay the favor.
A challenge I put on myself at The Writer's Group to write a story out of a single passage.
Thanks to Pearple Prose for the passage!
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...
...
...
Huh.
2919402
You like?
2919414
Yeah, it was good.
Just... dat ending
Can't find the right words to describe this story...
uh I- this... what
I believe it, too.
I think he's making fun of what twilight was willing to do in "The Equestrian Games" for the person they thought was the coordinator.
Uhh... What?
That was... unexpected...
Loved it! The ending really surprised me.
All of my wat.
i1163.photobucket.com/albums/q551/Archrose/one_wat__by_haute_claire-d4sj4f1.png
Da fuck?
I'll give you a like... I guess...
Yea sure.
Well that was unexpected.
What compelled you to write this garbage?
Trash
Another horrible story!! Why the hell man?!?! You have a shit ton of explaing to do!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Constructive Criticism Corner:
I did notice some grammatical mistakes, but everyone has those. What got me was that some of your paragraphs just sounded... odd.
This paragraph in particular seemed awkward. 'Drainage' is an acceptable word, but it just has a very mundane connotation. 'Draining' or 'parasite' would work. As for '...alicorn's body color lost its luster...' You could abbreviate 'body color' to 'coat' or 'fur.' I think you get the picture.
As for the ending, it is a major anticlimax. It's kind of hard for someone to accept this as a tragedy. It seems kind of trollsy and bland, but this is certainly a new one for me.
I hope you find my criticism helpful. If you wish to discuss more, feel free to ask via the Ask Applejack forum.
3292095
Thanks for the criticism!
Plus, I just wanted the ending to be absurd as possible. Had I added a comedy tag, it would've been less of a surprise.
3292130 I understand. It certainly worked.
... that was glorious.
No clue who peach is, but I rather enjoyed Twilight destroying everyone
3342662
Ms. Peachbottom is the pony the mane six mistook for Ms. Harshwinny.
3342667
Envy: Me after reading "Her" and looking at the long description bar. "She wasn't taking about Celestia holy Sh!t"
images.thezooom.com/uploads/2012/05/Nuclear-Mind-Blown.jpg
...Wow. What.